She sniffs loudly. Twice. And a light trickle of blood creeps down her right nostril.
La Cocaína.
Oh. Shit.
-3-
Pops anticipated the trigger-pull.
I didn’t.
He dove.
And when blood splattered from his head onto Trev’s face, I thought they’d both died.
Alas, only one of them did. “Before he hit the ground, son,” they would tell me later.
In an eternally lasting moment, I stare at my father’s half-head on the ground. Commotion follows. More gunshots. Smoke. Some shouting—Trev’s voice. I recognize that. Yes, it’s Trev’s voice.
Pops?
A woman screaming. Foul and wild and—
Boom.
Another shot. I don’t know how many I count.
Then a click. No more bullets.
Eventually, the gore on the ground is undeniable. The brains on the wall, unmistakable. Spatters of blood on my sweater leaving no doubt.
None whatsoever. Finality. No going back.
As I stare at it. As I look at it. At him. A sadness so large, so heavy, so colossal in its weight, and yet so brittle, hits me. I don’t fall to my knees so much as the world climbs up to reach them. And then it topples over, causing my head to hit my father’s bloody chest.
I don’t scream. I do something else. I cry to god himself. Up there, somewhere. Or nowhere. “WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, YOU MOTHERFUCKER! WHY! WHY!!!! WHY BOTH OF THEM! WHY BOTH MY PARENTS!”
I call him back. I call pops. I urge him to wake up. I tell him I’m sorry. I tell him I didn’t mean it. In the distance—another country as far as I’m concerned—the bitch screams. Wailing tears of realization for what she’s done. I shake him, watch his bloody head ooze out the same liquid which pumps through my own veins. An eye missing. A hole where there should be flesh. My hand trembles over what’s left of him.
Soon, there’s nothing left to do, but shake.
And cry.
And think of death.
And hope my head doesn’t explode with rage and sadness and fear and everything bad and horrible a person can think of, all concentrated and magnified an eternal number of times.
Afterwards, there’s not even that.
There’s just nothing. An emptiness. A hole. A chasm. A not there.
And a deafening silence in my head.
-4-
Gloved hands reach out to move me. Like a belligerent child, I fight them off. I must be here with him. Then there are Trev’s hands, gentle and firm.
And I leave my pops.
Forever.
It ain’t no throwing-the-ball-in-the-park kinda relationship. Never was. Never will be.
-5-
In the car, the silence continues. A silence composed of loudness. So many clashing thoughts in my mind that I can’t hear a thing. But I can feel something. A buzz. On my leg. Like an incessant wasp digging into my skin. My phone’s ringing.
I pull out the phone, and look at the screen.
I don’t answer it. Blaze.
But I ask Trev to drop me off at her place.
It’s Karma, son. That’s prob’ly the only thing I believe in now. ’Cause it makes sense.
-6-
I say nothing when she answers her door.
Trev stands behind me.
“B—Blaze, Deck—Deck’s father was...murdered...about an hour ago. While saving my life.”
Her hand flies to her open mouth. Tears well up in her eyes. As they do in mine.
I’ll share this with her, I think. Because I won’t survive it alone. I can’t survive this alone.
She opens her arms to me.
And I crumble into them.
-7-
I make Trev stay awhile, because I don’t want him to be alone either. He calls Skate. Then he explains to Blaze, in hushed tones, what happened, that the woman shot my father, that there was a brief moment of incredulity in her after it happened. That that’s when Trev went for her, and got her—or else she would’ve shot me after as well.
I sit by the window, staring at the setting sun. Darkness engulfs Brooklyn like a widow’s veil.
Skate arrives, and he and Trev go out “to get drunk. In the old man’s memory.”
I nod my head at them, but say nothing. I’m out of words. I’m out of tears.
I’m out of everything.
When they leave, Blaze kneels beside me. Grabs my hand. Kisses it softly. Then again.
It makes another tear break loose. A tear for a man I stopped loving a long time ago, but never really hated either. I learned that today.
My hand tightens around hers, so much that I’m sure I’m hurting her. But if I let it go, I’ll fall off the Brooklyn Bridge.
The glands by my jaw feel just about ready to explode.
She rises. And her lips meet mine. Slowly. Dryly.
The swirl of the earth slows down, microscopically, but discernibly. The noise in my head softens by a miserly decibel.
She kisses me again. Runs a hand across my cheek. I clutch it. Press my lips into her palm. I’m grateful for it. For her. For this anchor in a spinning world. I bring her closer to me. Drown my lips in hers.
“We don’t have to do this now,” she says.
“No. We do. We really, really do.”
SIXTEEN IS SWEET
SNAP
-1-
Blaze Ryleigh
Tremulous blue eyes struggle to connect with mine. I press my palms to his cheeks, feel the heat of his breath in my mouth. It’s a quivering breath. Afraid. Alone.
Left with nothing.
“I know you,” I say.
His chin trembles, but he fights the sorrow back.
It’s OK, I think. But I don’t say it with words. I say it with actions.
I turn, move over to my sofa and pull out the bed. I lie on it. Rest the back of my head on my arm.
And I wait for him.
He stands from his seat, takes off his blood-marred sweater in one motion. Throws it on the ground. I ease off my pants. “I need to clean up,” he says.
“Yes, you do.” I smile at him, and try and fill it with all the warmth I can find.
While he’s gone, I look out my windows. I look at Savannah’s apartment. And I think about her. And I think about Xavier.
And Gavin.
Mad-Ass-Hat.
Forget ’em all, I think.
When Deck returns, I’m on my stomach, hugging my pillow. He’s behind me now, talking in my ear. “You OK?” he asks.
Croaky voice, I say, “Yeah. All’s good.” I reach out my hand to his behind me. “All’s good when I’m with you.”
He releases his fingers from my grip, takes off my top, slides his hand under my belly. Twirls my naval. Kisses my ear, runs an unsteady tongue down my neck.
Shivers run down the side of my body. Like a Speed Rush. Only...real.
I feel the wetness of his eyes down my shoulder.
His left hand eases over my butt, and my need for him triples. Quadruples. Tightness grabs me, engorges me. Fills me with moisture as I wait for his manhood to caress my mound, and then enter me.
I hear myself whimper with every slow motion of his. Every calculated kiss, now on the nape of my neck. My spine. His hand simultaneously caressing my butt-cheek, above my underwear. Then, inside it. He grips that cheek, then eases the hand around, over my hips, and under...
Above, his lips make it to my ear, to the stars on my neck. His breath warms my skin.
Below, gentle fingers press up on my swollen lips. And my legs instantly widen. Just one tip of his finger enters me. A squeak escapes me. My skin burns. My breathing goes hot and my hand stretches out to his ass behind me. I push him toward me, feel his hardness against my ass, my lower back.
He rubs himself against me. “Take them off. Your pants. Take them off.” I say. “I want to feel you on me.” I tug at his belt behind me. He undoes his buckle, undresses.
I turn to see him, l
arge, erect. His tip moist and calling.
My mouth can’t reach his soon enough. I swallow his tongue, clutch his hair.
I haven’t told him I will. Haven’t told him I won’t. But when his fingers loop into the seam of my underwear and push it down, I just let him do it.
When the tip of his shaft touches my clit—skin on skin—I almost snap.
-2-
Instinct takes over me. I put my hands on his shoulders and push down, lift my right leg, then my left, widen, and I wait for him to dip inside me...
This is how it should be. This is what I always thought it should feel like to wait for it. The feeling that it can’t happen soon enough.
But he stops.
He gets off me, goes to the edge of the bed, picks up his jeans and pulls out a wallet. My eyes scan the mad riot of colors on his heavy-duty arm. It sends an ache of need into my stomach. I throb. Wetness seeps onto the insides of my thighs.
I put my feet on the bed, knees to the ceiling, still wide open. And happy to be, comfortable to be...
He rubbers up, and I don’t tell him I’m on the pill, because exchanging words now is the last thing I want to do. When he’s done, I use all my strength to push him down onto his back. And I straddle him.
He stares at me with red and blue eyes.
On my knees, over him, I bend down and give him one final kiss before we finally become one.
With my tongue inside him, and his inside me, I stretch down below, grab the hardness of his shaft. And I put that inside me as well.
-3-
The certainty of an approaching orgasm hits me instantly, a chugging train in the distance. Unstoppable now. Inevitable. My head slumps. My mouth widens and exhales hot air. I gasp. My shoulders drop. And now, my hands on his own shoulders are not to keep him down, but to brace myself up.
I lose touch with my senses, except down below—there I feel everything, every movement, every tug and tightness, every rub. Inside me. I feel him pulsing, pushing, thrusting right up to the top of me. Scraping the sides of my walls like a bow to a screeching violin, tightening me up with every motion.
I’m a balloon with a flame on its side, just too far to not instantly burst it. Just close enough to know it’s gonna happen definitely. So soon.
Declan takes over. Soon, all I know is that my head’s bouncing, my breasts are bouncing, my body’s being slammed up and down. His cock feels larger and larger as it impales into me. My ass loses contact with his legs on the upward thrust, then lands again on them on the downward motion.
It’s mad. It’s wild. It’s out of control.
It’s fucking incredible.
I lose control of my voice. I start moaning. I bit my lips, pant. My eyes are open, then they’re closed.
Slam. Slam. Slam. SLAM!
His hands push down on my shoulders. Barometric pressure builds. All the muscles in my face scrunch up. Oh god just go over the fucking edge now! “FUCK. Oh, god. Deck, baby. Oh, this is so good. Oh, my goodness, sweetie. I— I—”
It’s not happening yet. So close. So close! Fire rages inside me. Flames lick at my skin and my pussy, cutting me deep inside and pummeling my nerves—
“Blaze! Blaze, look at me!”
I open my eyes. Declan’s own eyes stare at me with such intensity that all I can think of is a song. “Declan. Declan. Deck...you light me up, baby. You light me the fuck up!”
He thrusts. Up. And holds himself there, ass not touching the bed.
I dangle in the goddamned air, his cock spearing so deep into me, my hamstrings not touching my calves, my hands on his chest and...and...and... “Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh GOD—”
My eyes shoot open.
I stop breathing.
...
Snap.
SEVENTEEN
REAL BEAUTY
-1-
Declan Cox
In a world where everything turns black, where wounds fester and loss reigns. Sometimes there is beauty.
Real beauty.
The kind you expect in a Heaven or in any of the Paradises you hear about when growing up. The kind that shines its light across a cold and barren desert. The kind that sings like an angel across a cacophony of screeching wails of pain and sadness rising from the murkiest depths of a filthy hell.
Blaze is that beauty.
-2-
Her body detonates. Her repetitive cries of orgasmic release are intermingled calls of both pain and joy. She wraps an elbow around my neck, presses her temple against mine as the tidal wave rips into her.
We’re falling down a waterfall, and all we have is each other to hold onto before we hit the rocks below.
Her pussy clutches my cock again and again, and soon, I fire. Torrents of pleasure flood out of me, bam, bam, bam. I almost snap her I’m holding her so tight. So tight that I feel two of her vertebrae press hard into my left wrist.
I roar.
Her screams are ecstasy.
Our mutual calls are cello and violin.
She pulls my hair, meets my lips with hers so forcefully that it cuts the inside of mine.
It feels like it will never end.
Our moistened chests slide against each other. I try reach down to lick her nipple, bite it, but she won’t let go of me. Grips me on the neck too closely.
In the end, it’s just a light shiver from her, and the occasional pulse inwards, tightening my shaft once again.
And then it’s over.
She rocks on me, eases back.
I look at her: My riot grrrl princess. My fire.
I lie back. Our mouths meet and her tongue can’t reach deep enough inside me. I flip her over, not taking myself out of her.
Because it feels like I’ve wanted her forever.
And I’m not done having her.
THE BEGINNING...
EPILOGUE ONE
TRUTHFUL LIES
Blaze Ryleigh
The sensation is one of falling, being with Declan. Falling off a cliff, a waterfall, a building? Falling in love?
If we fall, we fall together, he said to me.
Do I hold on? Do I let go? Will I hit the ground? Will I bounce off a trampoline? Take a dive into a refreshing pool?
You know how you never see yourself hit the ground in bad dreams?
The beginning and the middle are always good. It’s the end we worry about.
But what’s happening with us now is no lie, it’s the truth. Will it last? I sense it will, even if it ends. Because I’ll never forget Declan, no matter what happens to us, no matter where he goes. He’ll always be with me, in my heart, in my soul.
So, is it a lie? That we will be together forever?
I guess it is, and it also isn’t. No matter which way you look at it. Because nothing lasts forever.
It’s most truthful damn lie I’ve ever heard.
EPILOGUE TWO
AND NOW, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR
Sometimes life hits a stasis where everything is fine for a moment, a minute, an hour.
A day?
But people don’t disappear, enemies don’t go away, the past doesn’t climb under a hole and bury itself. Quite the contrary.
You’ve met some people in this tale, a lot of people—Titty-Toting Tatiana. Tolek Two-Face. Gina the Girlfriend. Mad-Ass. Dino “Big Brother” Moretti...
They all come back. Each one of them.
And each causes trouble.
A lot of it. I can promise you that. I tell no lies. Because the past cannot lie, it’s only the future that does. And the past always catches up. Sometimes slowly, sometimes faster. But it always catches up...
We’re in a stasis now. Things are fine. Things are OK.
Now.
But stases never last long... It’s just the nature of the beast.
The Bastid
BOOK TWO
THE STORY CONTINUES...
The story of Declan and Blaze continues in Books Two and Three. Book Two will be out in early March. Please subscribe to my blog f
or news of its release: http://racheldunningauthor.blogspot.com
I’d love to hear from you. Send me an email if you’d like to chat or just say hi: [email protected]
You can also send me a message on Twitter here: @RachelDAuthor
If you enjoyed this book, please consider reviewing it at the site where you purchased it.
Thanks!
FROM THE AUTHOR
Notes on research and other comments about this story will appear at the end of Book Three.
Also by Rachel Dunning:
Finding North, #1 Naïve Mistakes Trilogy
East Rising, #2 Naïve Mistakes Trilogy
West-End Boys, #3 Naïve Mistakes Trilogy
Like You, #1 Perfectly Flawed Series
Christmas Comfort, #1 Hot Holidays Series
Girl-Nerds Like it Harder, #1 Girl-Nerd Series
Girl Nerds Like it Faster, #2 Girl-Nerd Series
Girl-Nerds Like it Deeper, #3 Girl-Nerd Series
Girl-Nerds Like it Longer, #4 Girl-Nerd Series
Know Me (Truthful Lies Trilogy - Book One) Page 23