by Amy Sumida
“You are the Fire and the Light, Elaria,” Lucifer whispered in my ear, that soft sound penetrating deeper than a shout. “You fuel them both. You decide when to burn and when to shine. Now, remember what I taught you; choose the Light.”
“Choose the Light,” I whispered back.
My eyes were shut tightly, my cheek pressed against the skin over his heart but, through my eyelids, I could still see the Light intensify as I felt it rise inside me. The Fire's glow drowned in the cool Light; pushed down until it was banked. I gasped as my body went limp with relief and exhaustion. Lucifer accepted my weight and cradled me in his arms as he got to his feet. My head lolled, and I saw the blackened, bloody edges of his wings, feathers falling from them even as I watched.
“Lucifer,” I murmured, my hand lifting limply to hover over his charred feathers. “Oh, fuck. I'm so sorry.”
“It's nothing; a minor pain in comparison to what losing you would cost me.” He kissed my forehead. “Don't concern yourself with it.”
“Thank you.” I shifted my stare to his and brushed my fingers over his cheek with the last of my strength.
“Rest now, my dearest,” Lucifer's voice followed me into unconsciousness. “I have you. I won't let go.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
I woke in Heaven, still in Lucifer's arms.
I blinked up at him, staring transfixed at the sparkling striations in his eyes. His hand slid over my cheek, warm and reassuring, and a swath of his starlight hair shifted forward to brush my forehead. I became very aware of his body; arms wrapped around me and thighs supporting my weight, pulsing with power and blood. It was as if every piece of him were trying to connect with every piece of me. This was so not good.
“There you are,” Lucifer whispered with a soft smile. “How are you feeling?”
“Better. Thank you.” I sat up and awkwardly shifted off his lap and onto the couch beside him.
Lucifer's hands skimmed over my arms as he grudgingly released me. I looked away, around the room, anywhere but at him. He was just so damn sparkly; men shouldn't sparkle and yet, Lucifer managed to make it sexy. A sexy, sparkling man who wasn't mine but wanted to be. Not what I needed right now. I felt vulnerable enough without him sprinkling his angel dust over me.
My gaze glided around the room as I tried to ignore the press of Lucifer's palm on my back. I was faced away from him, hunched a little, and I knew that wasn't fair or even polite. The man had just saved me from becoming a volatile version of myself or possibly even burning to death. Wouldn't that have been ironic? Me burning up like a phoenix while trying to save their ashes. My point is; he at least deserved some eye contact. But I couldn't look at him. I stared at the masculine, Old World décor instead. The hardwoods, leather, and polished brass. Heavy furniture, including the bronze leather couch I sat on, crouched around the room as if daring someone to move them. A fire crackled happily in a stone hearth and sunset streaked rose-gold light through the open window. Everything was peaceful; warm in the right ways.
Except now that the danger had passed and I was thinking clearly, I realized what a treacherous thing I'd done; both to Lucifer and my lovers.
You had an instant to switch your intent, Kyanite comforted me, you couldn't have switched songs too. And you would have needed another song entirely to call any of the others to you. Frankly, my love, I don't think there are songs that could have opened a path directly to one of your lovers; none that I could come up with in an instant. And even if you had managed to bring them to you, they couldn't have helped. Only Lucifer and Shava are capable of saving you from your Fire, and Shava was beyond our reach.
Thanks, Ky. Let's hope that they see it that way.
I slid my feet to the floor and faced Lucifer. “Thank you. You saved my life; at least, this version of it.”
“I will always help you if I can,” Lucifer promised as he moved his touch from my back, down my arm, and to my hand, where he wove his fingers with mine. “I am honored that you called me. Me, not your lovers.” He lifted my hand to kiss it. “I hadn't expected you to return my feelings so quickly, my dearest.”
Iceberg ahead, Captain! RS shouted. I knew he was going to take this the wrong way and try to sink our ship! Quick; slap him or punch him or kiss him. Ugh! I'm so confused.
Will you please calm down, Kyanite sighed.
“Lucifer,” I said softly as I withdrew my hand. “I was singing a song about Heaven when everything went wrong; I had to switch my intent suddenly, and I needed someone who could help me rein in the Fire. I couldn't summon Shava so I called you. But my feelings haven't changed. I'm sorry; this wasn't about love, it was about survival.”
Lucifer looked down at his empty hand. “I see. I suppose I should have known better.”
“I shouldn't have summoned you. That was wrong of me. It's cruel to keep you in my life when you're hoping for more than I'll ever be able to give. In my defense, you convinced me that you were fine with this. But don't worry; I won't contact you again.”
His hand tightened on mine. “Don't say that. Don't ever say that. I am fine with this. I'm content to feel this love alone but that doesn't mean I wouldn't rejoice in the reciprocation of my feelings. I may be a god, but I'm also a man, Elaria. I have desires, and you have become the strongest of them. I want you, and I'll take you any way that I can have you; be it as a friend or a lover. There; I've said it. There is no misunderstanding anymore.”
“What happened to knowing that we aren't meant to be? That you are too much of a god to ever share me?”
“I still feel that way,” he said stiffly. “When I say that I'd take you as a lover, I meant if things were to change.”
“Change? How? I suddenly lose the Rooster Spell and all of my men?” I gave him a grim look. “If that ever happened, I'd be in the ground; dead and buried. There would be no way that I could survive losing all of them.”
“I understand. I just...” Lucifer shook his head. “I don't know. Perhaps if I had other lovers too—”
“Just stop.” I cut him off and laid my hand over his. “You're going to get past this; I promise. The first one is always the hardest to get over, but you will get over me. And then the next time you feel love, it will be even sweeter. You'll be grateful that you didn't turn your world upside-down to try to fit me into it.”
Lucifer looked unconvinced.
“Believe me.” I squeezed his hand. “I've lived several lifetimes as both goddess and mortal, and I've gone through this in all of them. Right now, you think that it's impossible for anything to replace this; for anyone to replace me. But that's not true. There's someone better for you; someone who will suit you perfectly. You know that; you told me that it's what you hope for. But that conviction is wavering because I keep coming around. It's hard to focus on the future when your past keeps showing up. So, either you have to be stronger and more focused or I have to keep my distance from you. I'll leave it up to you.”
“I survived the Lake of Fire and found my way free; I think I've proved how strong and focused I can be.” Lucifer let go of my hand and moved down the couch a few inches. “If you are certain that there is nothing for us but friendship, then I accept that, and I'll work through it in my own way. But, as my friend, you must also accept that my way will be different from yours. I may say and do things that you think aren't healthy or wise. I might worry you or your consorts, but I'm not the Devil anymore, my dearest. You changed me, even before you took that piece of me away. I would never hurt you or pressure you into being with me. And I'm an ancient god; I can handle heartache. Give me a little trust along with your friendship and please don't shut me out.”
“Wow,” I whispered. “Okay; I trust you. I'll let you handle this on your own. Just one more thing, Luci.”
“Yes?”
“Please stop calling me your dearest.” I smirked to ease the sting.
Lucifer chuckled as he declared dramatically, “So cruel is my love. So vicious. May I call you that, at least?�
�
“Sure,” I said in a teasing tone. “Cruel and vicious I can deal with.”
“Very well, my vicious. We have an understanding. I will not assume anything or impose myself on you, and you will not distance yourself from me. My pain is not your concern, not unless you choose to ease it.”
“Agreed.”
A commotion filtered into the room from the corridor, drawing my attention.
“Your lovers, no doubt,” Lucifer said to my curious look. “I sent Raphael to fetch them.”
I swiveled my stare back to him in surprise.
“I assumed they'd be worried.”
“That was damn considerate of you, Luci. Thank you.” I leaned forward to kiss his cheek.
What utterly abominable timing. My men walked in with Odin, Cerberus, and Glinda just as I moved back from the kiss, and the chill that swept the space was arctic. I flinched and eased further away from Lucifer.
“Don't look at me like that,” I chided them. “I heard you coming. Do you think I'd steal a romantic kiss from him when I knew you were just down the hall?”
“Fuck,” Slate growled as he surged forward and swept me into a hug. “What happened? Are you all right? I was ready to storm BioSci and start taking hostages.”
“I'm fine. I had some trouble getting free; my Fire almost took over, and I had to summon Lucifer for help.”
“Why didn't you summon Shava?” Darcraxis asked in a deadly tone.
“Two reasons; I happened to be singing a song about Heaven, which made it easy to switch my intent and open a portal and also, I don't know where Shava is or know of a song that could have brought her to me. My magic can do practically anything, but it needs the right lyrics to feed it. I wasn't even sure the Heaven song would work but since I've opened portals to Hell before, I thought it was worth a try.”
“And Satan swept in to save you,” Torin said scornfully.
“Okay.” I stood. “I understand that you're all upset. I told you not to worry about me, and then I asked Lucifer for help. I get it.”
“Do you?” Banning asked as he dragged me into an embrace. “Do you know how worried we were when RS told us you'd been taken by an insane, human scientist?”
“I can imagine,” I said gently. I swung my gaze out to include the others. “I'm so sorry. I tried to save myself but my magic had other plans.” Then I blinked and turned to Lucifer. “Did you get Daniels? Or did I kill him?”
“Who is Daniels?” Lucifer asked.
“Dr. Craig Daniels; that's the guy who's behind the Phoenix murders. He's a scientist and, evidently, a wealthy one. He owns BioSci.”
“I sent a group of angels to search the area you drew us to,” Lucifer reported. “There were several dead bodies, most badly burned. There would be no way to confirm that the scientist was among them, even did I know what he looked like. Do you wish to return and search for him?”
“Did the angels see if anyone escaped?” I asked instead of answering.
“It's possible that several people escaped,” Raphael stepped into the room. “Hey, Ellie. You okay?”
“Yeah. Thanks, Raph. You were there? I don't remember seeing you.”
“I went in after you passed out. The body count came to twelve; that's not a lot for a place of that size. I'm assuming most of the employees fled.”
That was a relief; I hadn't killed as many as I'd thought. Not that I'd beat myself up about it if I had; they were working for a man who kept prisoners. They had to know he was a criminal. Speaking of which...
“Did you find any prisoners?” I asked. “Daniels said he was keeping Shava and Vivian in other facilities, but he could have been lying. I was searching for them when I had my issue with Fire.”
“No one in cells.” Raphael shook his head. “You did a number on that place, El. It's burned bad and what isn't burned it soaked from the sprinklers you didn't melt. I thought you only had an ember of magic left?”
“An ember of goddess magic,” I reminded him. “Burning out a building is nothing. When I was Faenestra, I melted an entire castle.”
Raphael's eyes widened. “Remind me never to piss you off.”
“You have no idea, dude.” Cerberus chortled.
“Shut up.” I hit Cer's shoulder before giving him a hug.
Then I turned to Darc. “You still mad at me?”
Darc made a growling sound and pulled me in against his chest. “You were in trouble and you didn't call on me. That hurts, Elaria.”
“I would have called you if I could have.” I looked up at him, and he laid his forehead against mine.
No, it wasn't exactly the truth but telling Darc that he didn't have the power to help me felt like kicking him when he was down.
“Enough hogging of the Elaria,” Gage complained and pulled me away from Darc to hug me before passing me to Declan.
“You had us all very scared, sweetheart,” Declan whispered. “Please don't run off without us again.”
“I'll try not to,” I promised what I could.
“So, where are Shava and Vivian?” Odin asked.
“As I said; I don't know where they are, but I bet we can find something to help us in that facility I blasted.” I looked over at Raph. “I don't know where it is, though. Can you take us there?”
“Of course,” Raphael agreed instantly.
“I can carry a passenger too,” Lucifer offered as he stood.
Angels have the coolest way of traveling through the Veil; the most dramatic. They simply flew. A few flaps of their magic wings and they ascended to whatever realm they wished. Must be nice.
“I'll grab a few of my men, and we can head over,” Raphael said into the tense silence that followed Lucifer's offer. Then he ran away.
“He saved me,” I said to my men. “I know you're upset with me for turning to him, but it's not his fault.”
“No; it's just his fault for inserting himself into your life,” Slate sneered.
“If you don't want my help, I'll stay here.” Lucifer held his hands up placatingly.
Torin sighed and gave the other men a heavy look before he stepped forward. “I'll go with you. I'd like to talk to you privately anyway.”
Lucifer's eyebrows lifted, but he nodded and held out an arm to Torin.
Torin looked back at me. “We'll meet you there.”
Then Torin slung an arm over Lucifer's shoulder while Luci grabbed Torin's waist. It was the sideways-lift male angels employed when they carried other men; something about private parts not rubbing against each other. I grinned to see it but my amusement vanished as Lucifer opened his magnificent, star-strewn wings and lifted my husband into the air with him in a halo of light that intensified as they rose. Lucifer winked at me just before they disappeared.
Great.
“You ready?” Raphael asked as he stepped into the room with several angels, including a couple of females.
“Sure.” I headed toward him, but Slate twisted me around and pushed me in the direction of one of the ladies.
“I think we'd all feel better if you went with a woman,” Slate said before heading toward one of the male angels.
The other woman chose Declan. I wasn't sure if it was his size or his handsome face that inspired her choice and, honestly, I didn't care. I wasn't worried about my men holding other women. I'd leave that kind of anxiety to them.
“Whatever.” I shrugged and put my arms over the female angel's shoulders. “Hi, I'm Elaria.”
“I'm Clara; nice to meet you,” she said with a smile. “Hold on, Elaria.”
Then Clara spread her wings and flew us through the Veil.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Raphael was right; Dr. Daniels' facility looked like a psychopath had waltzed through the hallways with a flamethrower and a bucket of grenades. Despite this destruction, several rooms had survived mostly intact, though thoroughly wet. These were the ones on the outskirts, furthest away from where I had walked, and happened to have their doors shut. The laborat
ory wasn't one of the survivors. Its combustible materials had made short work out of everything within a hundred-foot radius, including the room across the hall. But that was fine with me. I wasn't after Daniels' research. In fact, its destruction saved me the effort. Although, I suppose it was my effort that had destroyed it, to begin with. Regardless, it wasn't what we were after.