Jack watched as Kristin went through the motions of tasting the wine.
“Yes, thank you, that will do nicely,” she said with a smile.
They were silent as the waiter poured their glasses and left them. Kristin took another sip, then set her glass on the crisp white tablecloth.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” she asked, coming straight to the point.
“I realize you didn’t want to discuss this in your office, but we need to clear the air about our past,” he said firmly.
“There’s nothing to clear. The past is over,” she said.
“Maybe for you, but I feel I have unfinished business.”
“You do? Why now?”
Okay, so she wasn’t going to make this easy. He could accept that. She’d been the wounded party, after all.
“I owe you an explanation—” he started, but she interrupted.
“You owe me nothing.”
There was something in the way she’d said that last word that implied he both owed her nothing and meant nothing to her. At least not anymore. Even though they’d both moved on, it still sent a shaft of pain through him to know he’d hurt her. Not for the first time, he wished he could turn back the clock and do everything differently. But he knew that was impossible.
“Humor me, okay?”
“Fine.” She lifted her glass and took another sip of wine, this time holding on to the glass as she patiently waited for him to continue.
He’d rehearsed this a dozen times already and yet, when it came to saying the words, it was a whole lot harder than he’d expected. He took a deep breath and began.
“You remember how I would never talk about my family?”
“I accepted it wasn’t a subject that you were happy to discuss. I figured you’d tell me when you were ready. Except you were never ready, were you?”
He sighed again. “No, I wasn’t. I’m not sure I am even now. It’s not a subject I’m comfortable discussing, but this needs to be brought into the open. My family wasn’t like yours.”
“What, based on lies and deceit?” she said sarcastically.
She put her glass down again and fiddled with her napkin instead, alerting him to how nervous she was.
“Well, perhaps like you believed your family to be back then. My upbringing was very different from yours. Sure, we had plenty of money—that was never the problem.”
“What was the problem?” she asked, swiftly catching on.
“My dad was our city mayor, and he thrived on the attention and responsibility that came with his position. Mom, too. You’d have thought she was First Lady, to be honest. But despite the public facade, my parents’ marriage was dysfunctional. They were passionate about each other almost to the exclusion of everyone around, and they’d quarrel as passionately as they loved. Violently, too. Oh, I’d be paraded out at the appropriate times, and they’d say how proud they were of how well I did at school. But that was the family picture they presented when they had to. Behind closed doors it was a different story, especially if I didn’t bring home excellent grades. My father wasn’t averse to beating his expectations into me, or my mother.”
“Oh, Jackson. I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”
“Nothing for you to be sorry for. It was what it was. I still struggle knowing my mother never saw her role as a nurturing one or that my father thought he had the right to ignore me at will. As I got older, their focus on each other became even more intense. Their fights, also. Heading to college set me free of all that.
“I got the call that they’d both been killed in a car wreck on the morning of our graduation. You’d already gone to meet your parents. I didn’t know what to do. I just grabbed my things and left. I had to get home. I had to see them. I had to talk to the police. They were saying Mom was driving, and they suspected she deliberately took the car over the edge of the road into a ravine. There were no skid marks on the road. Mom had left a note at the house for me. She said she’d had enough but because she couldn’t bear a future without him, she’d decided to take both their lives.
“The investigation concluded murder-suicide. The local press had a field day.”
Kristin looked at him across the table, raw compassion in her eyes. “Jackson, you must have felt so alone. I wish you had reached out to me. I would have been there for you.”
“I know, but I didn’t want you involved in the mess that was my family. Or the attention my parents’ deaths garnered in the media. I remember you saying how much your family guarded its privacy, and how publicity-shy they were. Everyone I knew was being dragged into the mire my mother left behind. I couldn’t tangle you up in that. It was simpler to excise myself from your life.”
She shook her head. “I know I don’t need to say it, but I am truly sorry for what you went through. And more so that you didn’t feel like you could reach out to me. Even when the dust settled.”
“But it never really settles, does it? The taint lies over your life.” Jackson took a sip of his wine. “I’ve talked to counselors about this and learned to process how my mom’s choice that day affected me. But the fact remains I walked out on you, on us, on our dreams for a future, and I never addressed that. I’m sorry, Kristin. I should have at least spoken to you, told you I was leaving.”
“Yes, you should have, but you must have been in shock. It hurt when I realized you were gone. I felt as if my heart had been cut out, as if everything we’d had together was a lie. I went from loving you to hating you and back again so many times. I struggled with trust after that—I still do. Your choice to leave me so abruptly changed me.”
He took every word she said and absorbed it like a bullet. He knew he’d hurt her, but he hadn’t expected her hurt to have been so absolute or to have changed the open, happy and sunny woman he’d fallen in love with back in college, to one who was harder and less trusting. The sense of responsibility he bore for that was monumental. Somehow, he had to make it up to her.
“Sorry is such a pathetic word. I don’t know what to say to you, Kristin. I can’t undo time or rewrite the past, but I can promise you that I won’t let you or your family down now. I understand you don’t trust me, and you have good reason for that, but I will do my best as your family’s attorney.”
The waiter arrived with their orders, making further conversation awkward for the next minute or so. Once the waiter had gone, though, he leaned forward and took Kristin’s hand from where it sat on the table surface.
“Can you believe me now, Kristin? Can you learn to trust that I won’t abandon my duty to your family?”
She tugged her hand loose and looked at him across the table. “I don’t know. I need some time to think about what you’ve told me. And I also need to see that you really do mean what you say. After all, you made promises to me before. While the circumstances of you leaving were anyone’s worst nightmare, you never made a single attempt to contact me in the intervening time. Not even a text to acknowledge you were still alive. Can you imagine the different scenarios I went through in my mind when I couldn’t get ahold of you?”
Regret was a fiercely painful thing to acknowledge. He’d been young and grief-stricken, more for what his family should have been than what it actually was, and he’d made choices that had created a bad and far-reaching result for Kristin. It didn’t matter how much he’d grown or changed in the interim, he couldn’t undo the harm he’d done her.
“I will do my utmost to prove to you that you can rely on me. I know it’s little compensation but if you have any doubts about my ability as an attorney, talk to Hector. He will assure you that I’m more than competent. Of course, only time will tell if you can allow yourself to trust me. I don’t expect that you will ever forgive me for what I did, and I’m fine with that. No matter the circumstances, we were a couple, and I owed you an explanation. I was wrong to do what I did, and I’m deeply sorry for hav
ing hurt you so badly.”
She looked at him for a while, her cool gray eyes piercing as she sat silently. Did she believe him? Would she give him a chance to prove himself as an attorney, if not as a man, to be depended on?
“Fine,” she said abruptly. “I accept your apology. Now, can we eat?”
Just like that? He doubted she was satisfied, but at least she didn’t get up and walk away.
“Thank you, Kristin.”
“For what?”
“For listening. For accepting what I said.”
“Jackson, your truth is your truth. You have to live with that. We all make our own choices. If I’ve become more cautious about people, including you, then that’s my choice, and it’s not entirely a bad thing.”
He held her gaze for a moment longer than he should and felt a shift deep inside. One that felt familiar and yet new and exciting at the same time. She’d always been a beautiful girl, but now Kristin was a very beautiful woman and he was no less affected by her now than the first time he’d seen her. He blinked, and the moment was lost. She lifted her spoon and tasted her gumbo, and he did the same, almost relieved to be released from the brief spell that had bound them.
Flavor exploded on his tongue, but there was something missing. Not in the food, which was sublime, but deep in his core. Knowing how his choices had irrevocably changed the woman in front of him gouged a gaping hole in him that he knew only time and dogged determination to always do the right thing by her would heal. Could he do the hard yards to get there? To help her to rediscover the woman she used to be before he changed her perspective on life so drastically?
He had to.
Seven
“So, have you had any further correspondence from the new claimant yet?” Kristin asked as they lingered over coffee after their meal.
She watched as Jackson dabbed at his mouth with his napkin and sat back in his chair. He still had that effortless grace about him in everything he did. It drove her crazy that he hadn’t grown clumsy or lost his finesse, anything to make him less physically appealing. But then she only had to remind herself that looks were just skin-deep. The measure of a man came in how he treated others, no matter the circumstances.
“Nothing aside from a read receipt on the reply I sent to them. I expect I’ll get more in the way of a reply tomorrow or possibly the day after. I doubt they’ll provide me with the original documents I requested, but we do need to see copies and DNA info. I have pointed out that they are advised to appoint a legal representative. If they are prepared to do that, then we will take the next steps to prove the veracity of the claim. In the meantime, our IT people have researched the IP address of the sender. From what we can tell they’re hosted somewhere in Tacoma, which ties into the mailing office address for their original contact. The police would be able to find out more but at this point we will continue our investigation per Nancy’s request.”
She pondered the situation for a moment before speaking. “You know, given what we’ve learned my father was capable of, it’s entirely possible that their claim is correct. If that’s true, what will that mean for our family?”
“You’re the first person to ask me that. Everyone else has basically circled the wagons and metaphorically hunkered down. Okay, let’s see, if the claim is genuine, it may mean potentially reducing your shareholdings in Richmond Developments and possibly, for your other siblings, in Richmond Construction, to release funds. Hector’s notes show that each family has opted not to take shares in the West or East Coast equivalent that your father established, but if this person is indeed a potential beneficiary, they would likely want a piece of all the pies, so to speak.”
“And what if there are more claims?” she asked, dreading the answer.
“Then your father’s estate could continue to be tied up for years. His business succession plan was clear, though and his legal acknowledgement of Logan as his missing son preempted any potential issues there. While other as yet unknown children may be able to make a claim on his assets, the actual running of the companies remains in the named children’s hands.”
She groaned. “It’s all such a darn mess, isn’t it?”
“Don’t worry for now. Worry achieves nothing. We have to work through the situation methodically and ensure that the claim is valid before it becomes an issue.”
“You make it all sound so logical when for us it’s very emotional.”
“I can understand that, but honestly, my gut feeling is that this person is trying to capitalize on your family’s aversion to risk and public exposure. I doubt there is any veracity to their assertions, and I would hazard a guess to say that’s why they’ve requested a monetary sum versus shares in the companies.”
She fought a smile. On legal matters he managed to sound so pompous. Quite a different man to the one she’d enjoyed debating with on social issues while they were in college. Sometimes she’d take the opposite side of an argument just so they could have a heated discussion, which would always end with them ripping off each other’s clothes and making their point with their bodies rather than words. Just thinking about those times sent an uncomfortable rush of heat through her body and she shifted in her chair.
“Well,” she said forcing her lips into a smile. “Let’s hope you’re right. Now, thank you for inviting me tonight. Perhaps we can split the bill and I’ll be on my way.”
“No, this is on me. Do you have your car here?”
“No.”
“Then please, let me see you home.”
“So you can report to my mother that I’m safe and sound?” she said archly.
He laughed, and she was caught for a moment by the expression on his face and the way his laughter lightened everything about his features. It reminded her so much of the man she’d fallen in love with so long ago. Sure, the crinkles at the corners of his eyes were deeper and his forehead a little more careworn, but essentially he was still the same person. Again, she felt that physical surge of interest swell through her body. Again, she tamped it down. Physical attraction was all well and good, but it only led to heartbreak, no matter how many apologies were issued later.
“Something like that,” he concurred.
Jackson gestured for the check and dealt with it promptly, then rose from his seat and helped Kristin from her chair. She was usually not a fan of this kind of old-fashioned courtesy, but for some reason that she didn’t want to go into any deeper, it felt right with him.
“Did you bring a coat?” he asked as they approached the door together.
She gestured to the fine black woolen coat hanging near the door to the restaurant and he helped her put it on. His fingers brushed her neck for the briefest second as he straightened her collar. She caught her gasp behind firmly closed lips before it could alert him to her reaction. Even so, the sensation of his touch left its brand on her skin. Left her craving more. This was stupid, she told herself. She shouldn’t be feeling like this over a man she hadn’t seen in eleven years. A man who’d stomped all over her heart along with their plans for their future. A man whom she now couldn’t seem to get out of her thoughts.
“Are you parked far away?” she asked, taking a step away from him.
“Just around the corner.”
They walked outside in the cool, damp evening air. Thankfully, there was no rain tonight, and they walked side by side to the car. When they neared the vehicle, the lights flashed discreetly as the car unlocked, and Jackson held the passenger door open for her. She settled herself and put on her seat belt, and as he sat next to her she couldn’t help but breathe in his scent. He wore a crisp cologne, but beneath it was a layer that was essentially him. A scent she knew on the most primal level that a woman could know a man.
She was glad her apartment was nearby, because being alone with him like this was a lot harder than she’d ever imagined. Now that the fierce anger of seeing him again had bu
rned off and he’d told her about his past, she couldn’t quite summon the barriers that her fury had provided. She resolved that from now on, she’d avoid seeing him on her own. After all, they had no reason to be together now that they’d cleared the air. In future, all dealings would be done by video, phone or in a group with her family to bolster her defenses. The last thing Kristin needed was to fall for him all over again.
At her apartment building, she was quick to let herself out of the car. She leaned down to say good-night and thank-you, before closing the door and walking smartly toward the main doors of the complex. Behind her she heard the car idling as Jackson waited for her to go inside. She fought the urge to turn and wave. That was the action of someone who gave a damn, and, she told herself, she didn’t.
Knowing why he’d left the way he did didn’t absolve him entirely. Oh, yes, she was compassionate enough to understand his reaction to the horrific news he’d received. But to cease all contact? She didn’t know if she’d ever accept that or trust him fully again. And as for his reliability as their attorney, while he appeared to be doing all the right things, it remained to be proven that he was the best man for the job.
Kristin entered her building and with a nod to the night guard stationed at the desk, went to the elevators. Upstairs in her apartment, she walked to the window that overlooked the street. His car was gone and she felt an odd pang of loss seeing he was no longer there.
“Don’t be stupid,” she warned herself out loud. “You’ve been down that road. You’re not going there again.”
* * *
It was later that week that she agreed to meet her mom for lunch near Pike Place Market. Nancy had asked for her help with some of the wedding planning, and Kristin couldn’t say no, no matter how heavy her workload. Nancy was already seated at a window table overlooking the water, when Kristin arrived.
“I ordered for you. I know you’re pressed for time and you’re just going to get clam chowder and sourdough bread anyway,” Nancy said on a laugh.
What Happens at Christmas… Page 6