Joan stepped forward, ignoring his question. “My brother, how’s he doing?” Her voice quivered and I placed my hands on her shoulders to steady her.
The doctor, still eyeing me suspiciously, seemed too exhausted to question my presence. “He’s out of surgery now.”
Joan’s shoulders tensed under my hands. “And how did it go? How serious is it?” A gurgling sound came from her mouth and her whole body shook. “Is he going to make it?”
“Yes.” Never had such a tiny word made me so happy and relieved. “He’s not out of the woods yet though. He suffered a traumatic brain injury. We’re hoping the surgery fixed it, but as is often the case with these kinds of injuries, only time will tell if there are any lingering problems.”
Caleb’s little sister leaned against me, slumping from relief or worry, not sure which. “When can I see him?” I’d never had the chance to comfort someone like that. Not while still alive. It felt good.
“He’ll most likely be unconscious for a long while,” the doctor said. “You may want to go home and rest.”
“No!” She was so emphatic the doctor seemed genuinely surprised. “I want to be with him when he wakes up. Can I be in his room? Please?”
I stepped in. “Surely you can let her curl up on a chair in his room. He’s the only family she has.”
In the end, the doctor arranged for a recliner to be moved to Caleb’s ICU room so she could sleep there. I wasn’t allowed to see him since I wasn’t family so, as hard as it was for me to leave Joan alone in the hospital, I had to get back to Arcadia before my boss figured out what I was up to. Before I left, Joan wrapped her arms around my middle so tight I was afraid she wouldn’t let me go.
I was already on my way up, hidden by the dark of the night, when I felt a tug. Not in the physical sense, but as if someone were reaching out to my thoughts, which was ridiculous. Angels didn’t have the power of telepathy—at least not us poor schmucks on the bottom of the seraphic hierarchy. But there it was, clear as day and just as strongly as real fingers reaching into my thoughts. I stopped midair and, without much hesitation, I turned back. Silently I hovered over the hospital, considering the pros and cons of what I was about to do. Decision made, I did the only true magical thing I knew: made myself invisible so I could enter the hospital unseen. I wasn’t really invisible, but I could manipulate people’s perceptions so they would see nothing other than wavering air. I entered the hospital and, with a sense of urgency growing in my heart, flew to the only room I cared about.
Joan was already curled up on the chair, fast asleep under the white hospital blanket. When I turned my attention to the bed, my heart came suddenly alive, thumping so loud and hard I was afraid someone would hear it. Caleb looked peaceful in spite of all the wires going to and from him. His head was wrapped in bandages, and his beautiful face was scratched and bloody. His left arm was also heavily bandaged and propped on a cushion. I stepped closer to the bed and sat on the edge, my eyes incapable of moving away from the sleeping figure of the man I loved. My heart was so full I thought it would burst. My unfurled wings came around me to create a feathery shelter over my love, and I finally allowed the tears that burned in my eyes to run free.
I didn’t know love could be this painful.
Waking Up
____________
LONELY HEARTS
Angels don’t have siblings. Not sure why that is, considering we do have parents. I must say that having Joan in my life felt good in spite of the circumstances. As independent and capable as she obviously was, she needed a shoulder to lean on in her hour of need. And my shoulder was very willing. Not just because she was Caleb’s sister, but because it felt good to have someone who actually needed me and trusted me to do the right thing.
Unfortunately, I had Gabriel to deal with, and he wasn’t an easy one to fool. My daily escapades to be by Caleb’s side were getting harder and harder to accomplish and, since stealth had never been my strong angelic feature, also very hard to hide from others. Sooner or later I was bound to get caught. Will I be the first angel ever to go to prison? Since there are no real prisons in Arcadia, they’ll have to build one just for me…. My thoughts wandered into the usual weird places my imagination always seemed to carry me.
It was late, nearly time for the end of my shift. I looked around and was happy to see everyone had left. Even Cranky Amy, who always lingered until everyone else had gone home. Gabriel was probably still lurking around as he always did—did he not have a life outside these walls? It was my chance to leave unnoticed.
The fact that Caleb was still unconscious worried me at first, but the doctors explained it was an induced sleep to give his brain time to restore and heal. In the back of my mind, I had this crazy dream that Caleb would wake up and remember our first encounter weeks before. Even angels can dream!
I tiptoed my way to the door, opening it slowly and quietly.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Gabriel’s booming voice startled me.
The door handle slid from my hand and the heavy door slammed shut, the resulting bang echoing throughout the room. So much for a quiet exit.
“I’m going home.” The only plausible lie I could come up with at the time. He knew I had no friends, and there wasn’t much for a lonely angel like me to do in town.
“There are still ten minutes left in your shift.” He was right. Petty but right. “I need you to make a phone call for me because I have to leave a little earlier today.” He was all dressed up and was carrying a small bunch of flowers. Does he have a date? Who in their right mind would date him? “Go to my office and find the number for Archangel Michael in my Rolodex.”
I rolled my eyes; I couldn’t help it. A Rolodex? Was he still living in the dark ages?
He frowned but continued. “Call him and tell him I’ll be a few minutes late for our meeting tomorrow because I must interview new angels for the squad.”
Waiting for further instructions, I stared at him. I was still wondering who he could possibly be dating.
He gave me “the look.” The one that could melt rocks. I snapped to it. “Sure, Gabriel, right away.”
With him gone, I ran up the stairs to his office and entered the gauzy-walled room. It was easy to see that Gabriel was a soldier by training. Everything in his space had a purpose, and nothing was out of place; I knew to leave it all the same way I found it. His Rolodex was massive, containing more numbers and addresses than I had ever seen, but finding Michael’s was easy—he had bookmarked it with a paperclip. I sat on his extremely comfortable chair and unwisely propped my feet on top of his desk while I dialed the number and waited for someone to pick up.
“Archangel Michael’s office. How may I help you?” The squeaky voice of Michael’s secretary, Ariel, had always grated on my nerves. Ariel was a big guy with strong, wide shoulders and a lot of muscle, but somehow none of that strength had reached his vocal cords. He sounded like Donald Duck on helium.
Quickly I gave him the message and hung up before he had the chance to scratch my eardrums with his voice again. I allowed myself a few more seconds in Gabriel’s chair as I scanned the top of the desk.
A notepad caught my eye. The top page was scribbled on in big fancy letters, but what really made me look twice was the language of the note. It was in Seraphic. I had heard Gabriel speak in Seraphic a lot lately, and to find a written note in that language raised my alarms. I had been to Gabriel’s office more times than I cared to admit, and never once had I seen a Seraphic note. He was trying to hide something.
Swinging my legs off the desk, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and took a picture of the note. I had to find out what it said. Maybe I was being paranoid, but it seemed strange that Gabriel’s sudden fondness for a dead language surfaced at the same time as Caleb’s fiasco. I slid the phone back into my pocket and left headquarters, crossing paths with Cranky Amy on my way out. I waved at her and pressed on, afraid she would find something else for me to do.
Never o
ne to be too concerned about the way I dressed, oddly enough I took great pains to look halfway attractive—or what I thought was attractive in the realm of the mortals—every time I went to visit Caleb. It wasn’t as if he could see me anyway, but I felt the need to look good in his eyes, even if those mesmerizing eyes were closed. I put on a fresh pair of jeans and a plain black T-shirt that hugged my chest. Another perk of being an angel was having a well-toned body without having to lift as much as a bag of potatoes.
Recently, while I was at the hospital watching TV shows and eating chips with Joan, I had been informed by the elfin girl that hard pecs and abs were in great demand in the human world. “You would kill in a bathing suit,” she’d said. I wasn’t certain “killing” anything was a good thing, but she seemed to think it was. I was beginning to have a great deal of respect for her opinion, so the muscle-hugging T-shirt was probably a good choice for the occasion.
Since Gabriel seemed to have gone on a date, I was a little more at ease leaving again. Still, I decided to err on the side of caution and made sure no one was watching when I unfurled my white wings, silvery under the moonlight, and jumped off the Edge, plummeting to my beloved Earth below. The air rushing against my skin made my eyes water and my heart leap in excitement. When will I be able to do this all day? If it were up to my incredibly unfair boss, most likely never again.
They couldn’t land an angel forever, could they?
Joan ran to me as soon as she saw me. “You’re late.” Her words were more of a statement than an accusation. She hugged me so tight I whimpered a little, unused as I was to shows of affection. A few seconds later, she grabbed my hand and forcibly pulled me in the direction of Caleb’s ward. “Come quick. The doctors are going to take him off the sedative.”
I stopped abruptly, and she bounced back like a rubber band and slammed into me. Caleb was going to wake up. Would he remember me? Would he remember anything at all? The doctors warned that it was possible he would suffer from temporary amnesia due to his brain injury. I was scared all of a sudden. What if he couldn’t even remember me from my visit to his house?
“What?” Joan seemed perplexed by my hesitation. “We want to be there when he wakes up.” Not sure I do. “What are you afraid of?” She pulled on my hand again. “Let’s go.”
In spite of my doubts, I did want to see those eyes again. I followed her into the ICU and his room. Nothing seemed to have changed since my visit the night before. He was still heavily bandaged and attached to all kinds of wires that snaked into many different beeping machines. But even from underneath all that surgical paraphernalia, Caleb was gorgeous. The dark stubble that normally covered his face and chin had grown thicker. I longed to touch it and stuffed my hands in my pockets to keep from doing so, moving my eyes from his face to my feet.
“You are so screwed.” Her voice was hushed, but I could still hear the amusement.
My eyebrow shot up in question. “What are you talking about, girl?”
“You’re in love with my brother, aren’t you?” My cheeks went from cool to tropical hot in a wink. How did she know that? “Get off it already! It’s so obvious. The way you look at him makes me feel like a peeping tom.”
I thought of denying it, but to what end? Might as well admit it and move on. “Yes, I’m very much in love with Caleb. But you can’t tell him that, and this is not the right time to discuss it.”
She squinted. “Why not? He’s single, and God knows he could use a little loving in his life.” Joan smiled, throwing a loving glance at her sleeping brother. “He’s done nothing but take care of me since our parents died. He has no life of his own, and it’s about time he gets one.”
We sat on the chairs by the bed, Joan half turned to me, her right leg curled under her. “He had just turned eighteen when it happened, and he took it upon himself to be the mom and dad I lost. I was a little kid, not even eight yet.” I stole a glance toward the unmoving figure on the bed. “But now I’m all grown up and I feel guilty that he’s so lonely. He barely has any friends, never dates, never goes out unless it’s with me. He needs a life.”
My thoughts exactly. Why couldn’t Gabriel see it that way?
“What makes you think he would even be interested in me?” I had to ask. Even as an angel I had noticed that humans were a little peculiar when it came to same-sex relationships. As if hearts could choose whom they loved.
“My brother may not date much at all, but he’s never kept his homosexuality from me—or from anyone else, for that matter.” She bit her index fingernail, tears dancing in her eyes. “I just want him to be happy. He deserves it.”
I pulled her hand from her mouth and held it in mine. “I do too.” I did. Even though I wanted him to remember me and love me like my lonely heart loved him, I wanted him to be happy. Even if that didn’t include me.
The hours ticked away and Joan’s eyes began to close. I pulled our chairs closer together and cradled her head against me so she could rest for a while. I didn’t need a lot of sleep—another perk of angelic life—and I selfishly wanted to be the first face Caleb saw when he woke up. So I stubbornly kept my eyes open and trained on Caleb as his sister snored gently against my shirt. I stroked her hair, my heart feeling both content and scared.
In the wee hours of the morning, my relentless eyes noticed a tiny twitch in Caleb’s lips, shortly followed by an almost imperceptible movement of his eyes. My heart leaped, and I had to fight the urge to jump up from the chair and throw myself across the small space between me and the bed. Caleb was waking up! And just like joy had jump-started my heart a few seconds before, now fear grasped me solidly in its cruel fist.
____________
COMING TO
One thing no one could accuse me of was being a scaredy-cat. On the contrary, I had often been called reckless and impulsive. Not because I was particularly brave or daredevilish, but because my brain—and more often than not, my heart—didn’t ever allow me much time to think before I acted. When Caleb began moving, I was paralyzed by fear, a very unfamiliar feeling for me. All these questions and scenarios ran through my hyperactive brain.
What if he doesn’t recognize me? Stupid! He already doesn’t know who you are. What if he can’t stand the sight of you? What if he has brain damage and can’t remember anything at all? Shut up, brain!
I was at least well acquainted with my crazy internal monologues. When you lead the life of a lonely angel, branded as the weird one by all the other angels, you start going a little mad. Loneliness does that to you. One day you realize you’re having whole conversations with yourself. Who else would you talk to after all?
The fear tightened my throat like a vise and wouldn’t let me go. My heart was beating so fast it was a good thing I was an angel and couldn’t suffer coronaries.
Joan stirred against my chest and pulled me out of my fear-induced stupor.
“He’s waking up.” She jumped off the chair, leaving my arms feeling empty. Perched on the edge of the bed, close to her brother’s head, Joan laughed softly. “Caleb, can you hear me?”
Not sure my legs would hold me, much less carry me, I stood up, divided between unfurling my wings and fleeing and staying for the big reveal. I was better at dealing with the dead than the living. Nevertheless, I slowly approached the bed and stood behind Joan, where I could watch Caleb stir back to the land of the living.
“Caleb, can you hear me?” Joan had intertwined her fingers with her brother’s and was cooing like a turtle dove. “Come on, bro, say something. I miss you.”
I miss you too.
As if on cue, Caleb’s eyes opened and the sight of that lavender-green combination almost blasted me off my feet. He blinked a few times before directing his focus at his sister’s face leaning over him, desperate for a sign of recognition. His lips slowly stretched into a smile. “Joan.” His voice was barely audible. “Sis.”
Incapable of controlling it anymore, Joan practically threw herself across his body. “Oh my God, you fool. You
scared me half to death.” I heard her crying and laughing at the same time, her face buried in her brother’s neck. “What the hell were you thinking driving that stupid bike?”
Celeb’s muffled voice uttered something unintelligible.
“What did he say?” I asked, straining to see Caleb from behind Joan.
She straightened herself and looked up at me, her eyes a little haunted. “He said he wasn’t on a bike.”
I was floored. The rat smell was getting stronger. The EMTs and hospital personnel all said his injuries were consistent with those caused by a motorcycle accident. I agreed, for I had harvested many souls from the metal wreckage of bikes.
Forgetting my fear that he wouldn’t remember me, I leaned over the bed beside Joan. “What happened, Caleb? What happened to you?” A terrible suspicion invaded my thoughts and I couldn’t shake it. “Can you tell me?”
His eyes wandered to mine and rested there. A wave of warmth washed over me and my anxiety melted away. “Sky?” His hoarse voice sounded like a melody to my ears. He remembered me! “What are you doing here?”
Joan didn’t let me answer. “He’s been taking care of me while you were sleeping.” She cupped his bruised cheek with one hand. “Because you got on that bike and nearly killed yourself. Again!”
I sat on the edge of the bed, my hand itching to hold Caleb’s. “You said you weren’t on the bike. What did you mean by that?”
Caleb licked his cracked lips and blinked a few times. “It’s all very confusing.” His eyes bounced from me to his sister. “I was on my way to pick up the bike.” He had to stop and catch his breath. “One minute I was getting off the bus, the next I was on a bike speeding down the avenue and heading into incoming traffic. I don’t understand….”
“Have you ever had blackouts before?” I asked, a funny feeling in my gut. There it was, the stench of a dead rat again.
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