Chapter 43
Searing heat.
An angry flaming sword.
Screams of pain and despair.
Blood.
Fury.
Too fast. It all happened too fast. Naughty Lainie. Haven’t you learnt anything from last time? Of course not, you chose to forget so of course you didn’t learn. You should have slowed things down. Now you were dead. Again. Careless girl. Bane and Noah will be furious with you. Aunt Lily will be very cross too. Dallmin will … no, maybe not. He was never cross. Maybe you should just stay with Dallmin.
‘Stay with me,’ a sad voice whispered.
It wasn’t Dallmin. It was someone else.
‘Please, Lainie, don’t leave me again!’
Whoever it was clearly had no idea what this scorching heat felt like or he wouldn’t be begging me to remain here. My shoulder was burning and screaming and the fire was spreading like acid.
‘You told me you wanted to stay with me, don’t you remember? It’s what you want!’
Get out of town. As if I would ever want to feel this much pain. Yet even as I thought it, I realised that the sting was dissolving away like sherbet on my tongue. Blistering heat remained, causing me to cry out in dismay, and then that dissolved too. The sudden absence of feeling shocked me into lucidity.
But with it came the memories. All of them.
Chapter 44
‘Stay with us, Mr Evans. You have sins to atone for. If I had to choose whether to face her here or face her in the next life, I’d pick here, so if I were you I would hold on until the ambulance arrives. It shouldn’t be long. The Angel of Death will want to have words with you whatever you decide, just ask Alex Beckinsale. He knows.’
Sergeant Loxwood kept up a steady stream of calm-sounding drivel as he had been trained to do with victims of trauma. Perhaps not the most reassuring drivel but it was far more professional than what he felt like saying. He bent over to peer more closely at the wound.
‘If you remove the knife it will bleed very quickly and without a method of healing he will not remain awake for long,’ Dallmin stated dryly, peering over his shoulder. The gruesome sight of Jake pinned to the corrugated iron wall with Bane’s jagged knife didn’t seem to faze Dallmin in the least, but it certainly fazed him. Jake’s injury was one of the most hideous he had seen, and he had been present at the aftermath of over twenty years’ worth of country road accidents and farm mishaps.
Sweat poured down the wounded man’s chin but so far he remained conscious.
‘I want to watch! Move. I need to see him do it again.’ Jake’s words were slurred and his eyes so glazed it was unlikely he could see anything at all. Still, both he and Dallmin shifted to block his view of Lainie and Bane, who were sprawled across the floor, side by side.
Tim had been checking them over but now he was staring slack-mouthed at Dallmin, who looked back at him, unashamed. ‘You speak? Since when? What was with all the sign language?’
Dallmin shrugged.
‘Holy crap, what have I said in front of you that I shouldn’t have? Why didn’t anyone tell me?’
‘You didn’t ask. You just assumed,’ the strange young man replied. ‘It confused me until Lainie explained that some people here have lost the ability to hear sounds. I do not like this place.’ Dallmin ignored Tim’s look of utter confusion and turned to Noah, who was desperately trying to tear off the tape holding Tessa’s hands together. He nudged Noah aside and sliced it open with a pocket knife.
The sergeant watched as they picked her up and moved her over to one of the pens, away from Jake’s view. Noah sat her in his lap, pressed a wad of cotton dressing against the cut on her arm and held it in place while he started feeding her sips of water from a sports bottle. Dallmin wrapped them both in a large woollen blanket and then began to massage and warm Tessa’s swollen feet.
The sergeant cleared his throat at Tim, who nodded and turned his focus back to his examination.
‘Bane’s out cold and yet I can’t see any injuries,’ Tim informed him a moment later. ‘Lainie has fresh blood on her shirt, but no wounds anywhere either. Could it be Tessa’s blood? She’s awake and in shock, I think. She’s not even blinking. Jake’s shot can’t have missed her by much, I think I’d be in shock too,’ he muttered as he peeled the last of the tape from Lainie’s wrists.
Sergeant Loxwood glanced at Noah, who was watching Tim warily. Jake hadn’t missed. Thankfully Tim had obeyed the sharp command to stay back when the gun had fired, and then Dallmin had kept enough presence of mind to direct him to the car for the first-aid kit instead of letting him rush straight into the shed. Tim had missed the miraculous sight of Bane grasping Lainie’s broken wrist with one hand and laying the other on her torn shoulder, immediately stemming the flow of blood from the wound. The Guardian had spoken softly to her then, pressing his hands against her and sealing up her ragged flesh—leaving nothing but a small tear in her bloodied shirt before collapsing.
The sergeant had no way of explaining Bane’s condition to Tim so he took a leaf out of Lainie’s book and said nothing. Immediately, his analytical mind moved to the question of evidence. He had called for backup just as they had turned off the main road, deciding it would be better for his team to arrive too late than not at all. There would have been nothing worse than an inexplicable end to Tessa’s abduction, especially if fatalities were involved—which could well still happen, he thought, looking at the amount of blood flowing down Jake’s arm and dripping onto the floor. Even so, the man was still grinning like a maniac, probably in response to Tim’s assumption that he had missed. The small knife the sergeant was holding to Jake’s throat, along with a low growl, managed to convince him to stay silent though.
There would be a thorough investigation but there was no doubt that Bane had been fully justified in what he had done. If anything he should be commended for incapacitating and disarming the criminal so effectively. It really had been a pretty amazing bit of knife work. Still, there would be other questions, such as why the bullet was lying clutched in Bane’s fist if Jake’s shot had missed. And where was the expected bullet hole in the shed wall behind Lainie? Tim was already peering into the gloom trying to spot it, apparently curious as to how close it had come to hitting her.
Noah caught the policeman’s eye and gave a subtle nod. Fascinated, he watched as Noah closed his eyes and mumbled something. The hairs on the back on his neck stood on end and he shivered. Looking back at Bane, he saw that his fist was open and limp and there was no sign of the bullet. A new hole was barely visible at the far end of the shed, more or less in line with where Lainie had been standing. Smiling grimly, he knew the angles would be perfect, and that the bullet would be on the grass outside in exactly the right condition and the right place to satisfy the most stringent of forensic scientists. It was kind of fun having superpowers to play with. When people weren’t getting abducted or hurt, anyway.
Noah must be learning, he thought, finally feeling the satisfaction of having his long-held questions resolved. Last time Noah had cleaned the knife the old-fashioned way, which was why forensics had found frightening traces of blood on the handle that didn’t match either Harry Doolan or Alex Beckinsale’s blood types, which in turn was why he had spent the last three years trying to find some proof that Lainie was even still alive.
The sergeant’s team from Nalong, as well as the two remaining officers from Melbourne, arrived a few minutes ahead of the two ambulances. It took them considerable time to work out how to unpin Jake from the wall of the shed without disturbing his shoulder more than was necessary. Eventually it was decided that the safest way was to cut the iron sheeting away from the knife with some bolt cutters, which they managed with a lot of swearing from Jake, despite all the pain relief they had dosed him on. By the time the first ambulance had taken him away, the other paramedics had finished running their various checks on Tessa and th
e baby. Sobs of relief were heard from more than one person when they confirmed the child still had a strong and steady heartbeat, although the ambos did warn that it was only an initial check. More tests would be done at the hospital to confirm whether everything was all right. They bundled her into an ambulance still clutching Noah’s hand in a death grip.
In the meantime, a third unit arrived from Horsham, and they loaded Bane, who was still out cold, into it while Tim pestered them with questions, trying to find out what was wrong with him. Lainie was huddled with her knees drawn into her chest, staring at nothing, so they decided to admit her to the hospital for shock. Luckily it didn’t take much arguing for the sergeant to convince them to take her with Bane rather than wait for the other ambulance to return, because he figured they were better off staying close together rather than risk Bane waking up without her again. He wasn’t sure if the ambulance would survive that.
Tim drove Dallmin to pick up Lily and head to the hospital while Sergeant Loxwood remained behind to coordinate the post-incident investigation with his colleagues. He kept Noah’s number on speed dial just in case there were further discrepancies that needed a heavenly intervention, like maybe some fabricated clue as to how they’d known to check out the old shearing shed on the Evans’ farm. Thinking through the mess he was left with, he decided it was time to lobby his superiors for more staff at the station. His quiet little town was just not equipped for this much drama.
Chapter 45
‘Lainie? Can you hear me? Can you look at me?’
I could hear Bane’s velvety voice. It sounded very far away, like it was just a memory, and I’d have sounded really stupid replying to a memory. I was certain it was him though. Who else would have made such a fuss the moment they had tried to move him to a different room? He had been peacefully passed out all the way to the hospital but had woken with an angry yell the minute they tried to take a blood sample from me. Honestly, I couldn’t feel it at all, so how could he? I couldn’t feel anything, in fact. My body had become a memory too. I wanted to forget it altogether and yet I didn’t dare. It wasn’t allowed. There were rules this time. I wasn’t home anymore and if I didn’t follow the rules here, terrible things tended to happen. I had to hold on to the memories, and it took so much concentration that everything else faded into the background.
Blood. Fire. Bane. Noah. Sarah. Blood. Fire. Bane. Noah. Sarah.
I burned the images onto my brain like an old-fashioned branding iron. We didn’t even do that to animals anymore because it was so painful. Couldn’t I just microchip the memories into my brain somehow instead?
Blood. Fire. Bane. Noah. Sarah.
It hurt so much to remember, but I forced myself to keep facing it. My mind kept trying to shut down. At other times it would try to tell me to push the memories into some hidden corner and just get on with life. I resisted.
Blood. Fire. Bane. Noah. Sarah.
‘Lainie? Please. I love you. Please look at me.’
The pain in his voice was heartbreaking. I was so very tempted to push the memories away so I could respond to him, to comfort him, and tell him how much I loved him and needed him. But forgetting was not healing.
Blood. Fire. Bane. Noah. Sarah.
Not banishing the agonising memory was the bravest thing I had ever done.
I couldn’t remember how long I’d been in the hospital. I thought maybe we had arrived on a Sunday and that they’d sent Tessa home on the Thursday because she couldn’t rest properly unless Noah was with her and he couldn’t stay every second. They wouldn’t let him. Eventually they agreed to discharge her since making Noah leave only meant he would hang around in the lobby instead. The baby’s heart rate was a little erratic but there was nothing they could do except make Tessa rest as much as possible. They wanted to make sure she didn’t go into early labour because they both needed to recover from one trauma before being faced with another. I heard Bane telling me all this, but it was like I was listening to it on TV while I was busy with other tasks in the kitchen. I was interested, but had to pay attention to what I was doing otherwise I would burn dinner. Dinner burned anyway. With ruthless silver flames and screaming. Over and over again.
More days passed, and I think Sergeant Loxwood must have spoken to someone because at one point I noticed Bane was sleeping on a chair by my bed and it was dark outside. Before that I had been alone at night, except for the nurses checking on me every so often. Sometimes during the day others would come to see me. Aunt Lily was there a lot. She kept brushing my hair and reading me books although I had no idea what they were about. My whole life felt like I was reading something in a book. In another language. As if I could focus on a book within a book, honestly. Then one day Noah came.
Like a child I drew the covers over my head, hoping he would go away.
‘Lainie. What are you doing?’
Good question. I didn’t know what to do. Him I couldn’t refuse, because he was part of the loop too.
‘Are you hiding from me? When has that ever worked?’
He pulled back the stiff white hospital blanket while I just lay there, trembling like a leaf.
‘How long are you going to let this go on for, turd? Get up, ya slacker. Bane’s going mental in here and you’re the only one who can get him to move.’
If I was in this story I would have tried to nipple-cripple him for calling me a turd. We had been calling each other far worse things for about as long as I could remember but somehow I couldn’t seem to remember why.
‘Seriously, Lainie, enough’s enough. Move your arse out of this bed and come home already. There’s work to do and Dallmin and Tim are sending me troppo. I need you to keep them in line. Do I have to drag you by your hair like I used to?’
Out of the corner of my eye I could see Bane’s hackles rising. Was Noah planning to hurt me? If so, I deserved it. Bane shouldn’t stop him.
‘Noah, back off. She’s still in shock. She needs time, that’s all,’ my Guardian said.
‘How much time? It’s been over a week. Neither of you are eating properly. Lainie looks like the world’s most boring zombie and you’re not much better. The doctors are discussing whether to move her to Melbourne for treatment. You know she won’t survive well outside of Nalong.’
Bane gasped, and then Noah’s eyes widened. ‘The river!’ they exclaimed together.
In a sudden flurry of activity I was bundled along the corridor and into the elevator, and then literally carried out to the car park when I didn’t walk fast enough. Noah stopped to argue with some of the hospital staff on the way out while Bane just ignored them all. Noah always got what he wanted. He would sort them out. Fuzzy rain drifted onto my bare arms as Bane opened the door to his car. At least I assumed it was his car. I had never seen it before. It was very shiny. Noah’s brothers would never approve.
Liam. Caleb. Nicole. Noah … Sarah.
All motherless. All my fault.
Numbly, I felt Bane ease me into the passenger seat. A tiny part of my brain wanted to help him but I couldn’t tear my attention away from the image of Sarah’s clothes catching fire. I forced myself to watch her yet again. Maybe this time I could work out what I had done wrong. I had to learn. I had to heal. There had to be some way to stop it happening. To think the right thoughts and find the right Words.
Noah climbed in and then the car began to move, causing scenery to roll past in a blur while the rain became heavier as if it was trying to attack me through the windows. I traced the fingers of my ghostly hand down the glass, wondering if the rain could put out the fire that I saw everywhere I looked. Of course it couldn’t. It was only a memory. Only I couldn’t remember which one was the memory, the rain or the fire. Maybe both. I pondered the question over and over as I watched Sarah die again. I had pulled her away from the sword but not quickly enough. My throat had hurt so much that I just couldn’t hold on to her. My arms had n
o strength in them and I couldn’t feel my fingers. My fingers were only a memory. Over and over, the confusing scenes kept playing in my mind. Endlessly, until I couldn’t conceive of a time when they hadn’t.
So much blood. So much fire. It burned me again.
And then suddenly I was underwater.
The icy river doused the flames in an instant. Music was everywhere. It surrounded me and muffled the sounds of Sarah’s screams. Joyful song filled my torn heart and exultation smashed violently through all the despair and pain. Life blossomed again in my chest, fragrant and lovely amongst the ashes. It broke me. I was shattered by the rejoicing symphony. It was too much. My head was lifted above the water again and I drew in a gasping breath and screamed and screamed and screamed.
Bane was holding me.
I clung to him as if he were a rope woven just for me. A lifeline preventing me from falling into an abyss. My fingers tangled in the fabric of his shirt.
‘It’s all right, Lainie. Just listen to the river. I have you. I’m not going to let you go, I promise.’ He held me partially submerged in the freezing current so the water could scour away the pain.
Howling wildly, I fought to decide. Keep staring at Sarah as she burned, or lose myself in the symphony of the water? I realised I had become as addicted to reliving the memories as I had been to blocking them out. Facing the memories and working through them was one thing, but it still wasn’t healing. Endlessly dwelling on them resolved nothing. My body twitched as my mind reeled in confusion, and throughout the struggle, Bane’s strong grip never faltered. He held on to me as the water tossed my sanity about like a dirty sock in a washing machine, until, after a time unmeasured, I chose to allow the coolness of the water to numb the pain. I wouldn’t forget again. Bitterly cold water began to douse the fire and soothe my mind, extending its icy fingers into my burning memories until they no longer broke me.
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