“I don’t pretend it never happened,” Spider spat back at me, his voice shot through with ice. “I tell myself that Gonzo was one of my brothers, and that the only way I can honor him is to protect the club that he loved. And that’s got to be a better way of remembering him than letting the past rule your whole life and make all of your decisions for you.”
Spider stopped speaking and stood before me, a mask of steely anger on his face. “I can’t be with you, Tallie,” he said. “I don’t know who you are anymore.”
And then, Spider Daniels walked out of my front door, and out of my life.
* * *
Two weeks later, I had given my notice to Teasers and to my landlord, and was boxing up the various objects that I had accumulated in my pathetically small life. I was leaving Crystal Spring forever, never to return. The truly pathetic thing was that I didn’t even know where I was going to go yet. Since Spider had left me, I had been so depressed I hadn’t had the energy to think about it. For the past ten years of my life, my main driving force had been to finally make the Fugitives pay. Now that I had let my fantasies of revenge destroy the only real chance at happiness I had, I was left with nothing. No family, no friends, no home, no future.
Listlessly, I wandered around the tiny rented house where I had lived for only a month, picking up various objects and tossing them into a box. I hadn’t even lived here long enough to collect any mementos of my time here, I realized. This episode in my life would leave me barren, with nothing but bad memories of loss that I myself had provoked.
Spider had refused to talk to me again after he walked out that day. I had called his cell numerous times, left countless messages and texts, but to no avail. He had avoided Teasers and the clubhouse when I was scheduled to work. It was obvious he preferred to conduct the club’s business when he knew I wouldn’t be there. His dad was in chemo, and I heard from Larry and Jan that he was doing as well as could be expected, but that he was pretty tired and didn’t want the rest of the club to see him like that.
I could have hung around the club to try to catch Spider off-guard when he didn’t think I’d be there, but truth be told, I was afraid to do so. He had been so, so angry the last time I’d seen him. Seeing the hatred in his eyes had shattered my heart. I wasn’t sure I could handle looking into those broken blue eyes again.
When I had packed up the last box and stacked them all by the door, I looked around the little house where so much had happened one final time. The ache that had been in the pit of my stomach since the day Spider left me sharpened as I looked at the bed where he had made love to me and transformed me with his touch. I sighed as I walked through the hallway and back to the living room. Now, all that remained was to pick up my final paycheck and pack up my car to leave Crystal Spring for good. After phoning the bar and telling Larry I would be by in a few minutes, I hung up, despondently picking up my keys to make the drive one final time.
When I walked in the front door of Teasers, Spider was on a stool at the bar. I gasped in astonishment, a shock of fear coursing through me and turning my blood to ice. “I’m so sorry,” I gasped as his eyes met mine. “I didn’t know you were going to be here.” My eyes instantly filled with tears as I turned to go, stumbling blindly toward the door.
“Tallie,” Spider called, with more kindness in his voice than I deserved. “Come here.”
Timidly, I stepped toward him, looking down at my feet as I went. I couldn’t meet his gaze. I couldn’t stand to see the hatred I had seen there the last time I looked. “I’m sorry,” I began in a shaky voice. “I called ahead to let Larry know I was coming because I knew you didn’t want to see me.” My voice broke as I finished my sentence, a tear rolling down my cheek. I furiously brushed it away.
“I know. Larry’s the one who told me you would be coming in. I asked him to let me know if he saw you.” Spider’s hand -- his warm, strong hand – reached up and lifted my chin, raising my eyes to his. “Tallie, come in the back with me. I think we need to talk.”
It was so bittersweet to finally hear the man I loved call me by my real name for the first time, now that there was no chance I would ever hear him say it as he bent to kiss me, or while we made love. Gulping back a sob, I followed him wordlessly down the hall and through the “Keep Out” door. A few MC members were in the clubhouse, and when we walked in, their conversations stopped as their eyes followed us back to the conference room.
The room where the MC had “church” was large and paneled in oak, with a long, heavy wooden table and enough chairs for all the members to meet and vote on club matters. I had never been in this room before. Spider shut the door behind us and pulled out a chair for me to sit. I did as he wanted, noting with sadness that instead of sitting down next to me, he stayed standing, leaning against the table with his arms crossed as he peered at me. His expression was unreadable, and I began to get deeply uncomfortable.
“What?” I whispered, looking up at him with wide, uncertain eyes. “What do you want to do to me? I promise, I’ll do anything. Just don’t hate me.”
“I don’t hate you,” he muttered impatiently, cutting his eyes away from me. “Not anymore. I’ve been thinking about what you said, Tallie. About how you realized it wasn’t anyone’s fault that Gonzo died. That he decided to be part of the club, and that it was important to honor his choice.” Spider looked back at me know, and his eyes were shining. “I want to thank you for that. Not only for telling me you don’t blame me anymore for what happened. But because what you said helped me realize you’re right. Gonzo chose the club. He chose us. He made that decision, just like I did. I would never blame the club if something happened to me, and I realized he wouldn’t, either. What you said, it helped me deal with my guilt. To put it away.” He cleared his throat, and looked at the ground, wiping at his eyes. “Thank you,” he said.
“You’re welcome, Spider. I’m glad what I said helped you. The club was the family he chose for himself. I realize that now. He needed you. You gave him a place where he felt accepted. I just wish… I just wish he hadn’t chosen to forget about me,” I said miserably.
Spider laughed. “Tallie, he didn’t forget you. He never forgot you. He talked about you all the time. About how fucking smart you were, and how he couldn’t believe you were only nine years old. How he knew he wasn’t nearly that smart at your age, and couldn’t wait to see what you’d be like when you finally grew up.” Spider looked deep into my eyes. “He loved you so much, Tallie. He would have been proud of you.”
A sob broke away from me, and I stood up and flung myself into Spider’s arms. I didn’t care that he didn’t love me anymore. I just needed him to hold me. To tell me everything would be all right. I needed to feel someone with a connection to my brother.
Spider put his arms around me, hugging me tight against him. “Shhhh, Tallie, ssshhhh. It’s okay, baby.”
“Please don’t be angry at me anymore,” I sobbed into his shoulder.
“I’m not angry, baby. It’s okay. I love you. Sshhh…”
“You love me?” I asked, afraid to even hope I had heard him right.
“Tallie. I love you. The reason I was so angry before is that my heart was broken. I couldn’t believe I’d finally found the woman I wanted and then she turned out not to be real. It’s taken me a couple of weeks, but I forgive you. I understand. And I want you to stay with me.”
I raised my head and looked hesitantly at him, my eyes red-rimmed. “Really?” I whispered.
“Please, baby. Stay with me.”
“Spider,” I responded. “I love you so much.”
His lips came down on mine, softly at first, and then more insistent. I met his kiss eagerly, pressing up against him as our tongues mingled. It felt like I was catching fire, and I closed my eyes and arched my back to bring myself closer to him. My lips parted as his mouth gently grazed my neck and he slowly kissed his way to the sensitive spot right behind my ear. His hands went to my waist as he pulled me to him, and I could feel hi
s hardness burning into me, our hips already locked together. I began to throb between my legs as he pressed against me, kissing my neck. I moaned softly as he continued his kisses against my jawline. His hands moved upward from my waist to my breasts. He undid the first button of my blouse and expertly slid his hand under the fabric, under my bra, to cup my bare breast. My skin was aflame, my mind a fog of nothing but desperation for him to keep touching me, to part my legs and thrust into me until we were both spent. It felt almost like insanity; there was nothing inside me but want, no one but us, nothing else in the universe but now.
I gasped as his fingers found my nipple. He gently began teasing me, and I grasped the edge of the table and pushed against his hardness. “Spider,” I breathed, as he continued to tease my nipple and lick my earlobe until I thought I would come just from that. "Please," I begged him in a whisper, not even knowing what I was begging for other than release. "Please..."
“Please what, baby?”
“Teach me… Take me…”
His only answer was to hold me there, unbuttoning the remaining buttons of my blouse so that he could cup my other breast, teasing it in turn, and then slowly trace his other hand down my thigh. He unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans, and murmured approval at finding me wearing only a thong, which he deftly moved to the side. He found my throbbing nub and I gasped and began to strain toward his hand. He pressed his hardened length against me as he caressed my nub slowly, our hips moving in rhythm. Slowly and then faster we rocked as he pleasured me. Eventually, his fingers plunged deep inside me, finding my hot wetness, and I moaned and writhed against them, aching for more. He continued to caress and pinch first one nipple and then the other as he stroked my nub in small circles, his own breath coming in shallow gasps as he brought me closer and closer. Soon, I couldn’t hold out any longer and cried out, bucking and writhing against his hand, shuddering as wave after wave crashed over me. I continued to ride his hand, slowing little by little until finally, spent, I quieted, my head falling forward against his chest, my breathing ragged but slowing, my eyes closed in an expression of bliss.
After a minute or so, he reached up and gently cupped my chin in his hand, raising my head to look at him. "You are so perfect, my Tallie,” he murmured, gazing into my eyes. “I love you…”
“Spider,” I murmured. “Conrad. I love you.” I reached with both hands for his belt buckle, undoing the leather and then unbuttoning and unzipping his pants. He drew a sharp breath as I reached inside to caress his cock through his cotton shorts. He let out a groan and said, “Look what you do to me. Feel how hard I am for you?”
I was almost salivating, I wanted him in my mouth so badly. I bent down and with both hands, pulled his pants and shorts down. His gorgeous, throbbing prick sprang up, free from its jail, and I took hold of it, enthralled at the sensation of hard steel and hot, velvety skin. A bead of clear liquid sat on the tip. I began to move my hand up and down on the shaft, making him moan with pleasure. I got down on my knees and slowly began to lick his head, swirling my tongue around him and enjoying the silky texture of the smooth skin.
“Oh, God,” he groaned, “yes, Tallie, that feels so good.” I circled the shaft with my fingers and made a ring that I started moving up and down as I continued to lick and kiss his head. His fingers tangled in my hair as he began to slightly push his cock further into my mouth, just a little at a time. I caressed his tip in a slow circle, loving the taste of his skin, and licked the glistening drop of precum from the tip. “Yes, he whispered. “Suck on the tip.” I did as he asked, tasting his salty flavor, and my hand slid all the way up and down his length as I concentrated on making my man feel good. Spider made a noise deep in his throat and thrust against my tongue as I licked him. I realized I was throbbing again between my legs, and that my panties were soaked from cumming earlier. I needed to feel him inside me.
Moaning a little with my own need, I slid the delicious length of him deep in my mouth. He groaned and twined his hands in my hair, straining toward me. I grasped his hard, muscular ass with both hands, loving how tight it became with each thrust. I began to get lost in the moment, taking him as deep as I could and waiting to find out how it would feel when he came in my mouth. He began to shake, and abruptly he pulled away. “Oh, God, Tallie, you’ve got me so close,” he breathed. Reaching for my hand, he helped me up and laid me across the conference table. He lowered his lips to mine and I eagerly kissed him back, letting him taste himself on my tongue. Breathing heavily, he pulled back from me after a minute or so and slowly, deliberately undid the buttons of my blouse. I shrugged out of it, and he took it and tossed it gently on the floor. He reached behind me and expertly unclasped my bra, tossing it away as well, and then lowered his head to my breast. Slowly he licked and sucked one nipple as he gently caressed the other with his thumb. I gasped and arched my back, pressing against his hardness as my need mounted. His lips traveled back to my neck as his hands slid beneath my skirt. He found my soft, hot opening and slid a finger across my slick slit, making me whimper and rock my hips to get more of him inside me.
Pulling off my thong, he inserted a second finger inside me. He began to caress a spot inside me in a slow, tickling motion, and the pleasure was so sudden and intense that I cried out. I closed my eyes, my breath coming in shallow pants, and lost myself in the feelings he was awakening in me. I felt him slowly remove his fingers, and then the hot skin of his cock head began to slide up and down against my swollen lower lips. He slowly pushed just the tip of himself inside me, and I gasped at the immediate surge of pleasure that crawled up me and made my nipples stiffen. “Feel good?” he asked me, and I nodded. Grasping my hips, he slowly slowly began rocking himself inside me a little further with each stroke, teasing me. “Oh, God,” I moaned, as each thrust started out with pain and ended with pleasure.
Finally, after what seemed like forever of him pushing just a little bit more into me with each thrust, he grabbed my ass and pushed inside me all the way, crushing me against his huge thickness. I cried out as he began to pump into me, slowly at first and then faster. I clung to the edges of the table for purchase as he slid in and out of me, the two of us pulsing together. “Oh, God, Tallie,” he murmured against my ear as he thrust inside of me over and over, “I’ve been dreaming about you, how you feel, what it’s like to be inside you… I was going crazy without you!” Now it was my turn to shush him, as I wrapped my legs around his waist and angled my hips to feel him deeper inside me. “You’re not without me anymore, baby. I love you, Spider. I’m here. Ohhh…” I cried out as he thrust deeper, our breath coming in short gasps as we both neared the edge. “Oh, yes… ohhh, Spider, I’m… Ohhhhh!” I cried out as the explosion began deep inside me. My inner muscles began to convulse around his shaft as I felt myself fly over a cliff into space. From somewhere outside the explosion, I heard Mark say, “Oh, Jesus, yes, Tallie, feel me come, feel me come inside you!” He let out a low groan that escalated into a roar, and then I felt him shoot deep inside me, filling me. I held him as he came, shouting his name, as everything fell away except the two of us.
Finally, I stopped shuddering and Spider collapsed against me, holding me to him as his waves subsided and his breathing slowed. Eventually, the room seemed to stop spinning and came to a rest around us. I felt his body slowly detach from mine, and I groaned in protest, holding him to me. Spider laughed, a low rumble that began deep in his chest. “I know, darlin’, I know. I wish we could stay here forever. But I want to get you home. I want you all to myself tonight, and this room isn’t comfortable enough to spend the night in.”
Opening my eyes, I saw him bend to gather my clothing and lay them on the table next to me. "Here, you are, darlin’,” he said, gently kissing my forehead. “We should probably compose ourselves.”
We dressed, saying little, and when we had both made ourselves more or less presentable, Spider drew me into his arms and kissed me, then pulled back a few inches to look into my eyes. “Tallie,” he breathed. “M
y Tallie.”
“Yes,” I smiled up at him. “Your Tallie.”
We emerged from the room to a chorus of hoots and whistles. I blushed furiously, looking at Spider in embarrassment, but he just laughed. “Okay, all a’ you. Fuck off!” His words were stern, but his voice was happy. “And just to be clear, this woman here is off. Fucking. Limits. You hear me?” More whistles followed this announcement, and a smattering of applause followed. “About damn time,” Doc called from the back. I laughed happily, and Spider took my hand, leading me out of the clubhouse and into the rest of my life.
* * *
I told Spider I needed to go pick up my boxes at the rental house, but he dismissed me. “We’ll go get it all tomorrow,” he said, handing me my helmet. “Right now, I want to get you home. We’ll bring all of your stuff to my place. Convenient, actually. You’re all packed up to move in with me. Couldn’t have planned it better if we’d tried.”
We flew through the late afternoon, me marveling at the beauty of the day and holding onto Spider tightly, breathing in the smell of smoke and leather. I had never been happier than I was at that moment. The rest of the day was spent making love, talking about our future, and putting away the past.
Ultimate Alphas: Bad Boys and Good Lovers (The Naughty List Romance Bundles) Page 7