I am Wolf (The Wolfboy Chronicles)

by Rose, Willow

  I never finished the thought before I blacked out.

  I woke up far away from where I last remembered. It was in a valley, but not the same valley I had been in the day before. I looked up at the mountain behind me. Had I crossed it? Quickly, I scanned the area surrounding me fearing I would find a human body, but to my relief there was none in sight. I searched for my clothes and my sack but they were nowhere near me. I got up feeling dizzy and weak and started walking back following my own paw-prints in the snow. I had to walk for at least half an hour in the wrong direction before I found my things. They were scattered all over the place. I picked it all up and got dressed. Then I looked around me, trying to figure out what had made me stop here? What had made me let go of my things? Had I found an animal? Had I eaten after all? It certainly didn’t feel like I had eaten. I felt so weak and so hungry. That couldn’t be it. But why had I thrown everything here? I turned and stared into the snow. Something caught my eye. Something in the snow. I approached it. It looked like paw prints, but they weren’t mine. They were much bigger. They seemed to have been walking then they turned around and went in the other direction. I followed the new prints. Soon they became further apart. Was the animal all of a sudden running? There were prints next to it. They were smaller and not as deep. Were they mine? They looked like they were.

  I shook my head wondering what had taken place, then decided I didn’t have the time to waste any longer. I needed to walk south to find Catalina. I raised my head and stared into the sky. I found the sun then found my direction from its position. I was so grateful that my father had taught me and my brothers navigation as children when we went hunting in the forests. That way we could always find home, he stated.

  I thought about my family and the castle while I walked back through the valley. I wondered if they were worried about me, if they knew why I had left and if they understood. I hoped they did, I sincerely hoped it. I also hoped I would get to see them again, but realized with sadness that it might never come to pass.

  My walk was slow that day. I was so weak, so famished. Being the wolf at night took all of my strength. I felt constantly dizzy and sometimes I had to stop to catch my breath. At times it even felt like I was sleepwalking, like it was all just part of some dream. I zigzagged, then tried to get back on track, then almost passed out.

  All day I fought my way through the snowy valley with my last strength and when sunset finally came I sat down and awaited the change. I needed it more than ever, I thought. As a wolf I had more strength - even starved.

  The wolf growled and howled, then sprang off. Not long after I spotted a light coming from a small bundle of houses in the distance. The wolf howled again then took off towards the village.

  I watched it all happen in glimpses. I wasn’t fully awake or conscious all through it. It was like I was sleeping, or blacking out in between events. Like when you open your eyes and see one thing, then close them and when you open them again a lot of different things are happening. I definitely wasn’t being me, I had lost control, but I was somehow still aware and watched fractions of the events. It was a horrible feeling.

  I remember running towards the light coming from a house in the small village of about ten small houses on a mountainside. I remember hearing my breath, my panting, I remember hearing the wolf growl and groan and watching the paws land in the snow. I remember the unbearable feeling of hunger turning into an almost maddening desperation. All I could think about was to eat, it was all instincts, but I didn’t black out completely.

  I was able to watch as the animal searched around the house in the snow. It sniffed the ground surrounding it and the entrance to the house. I remember vividly the smell of food coming from inside of the house. Then after not finding anything to satisfy its hunger the wolf jumped the wooden door to the house and broke it down by its heavy weight.

  It’s still very unclear to me but I do recall hearing screaming, humans screaming violently in fear. I remember growling, snapping my teeth at them while they hid the children and tried to cover themselves from the coming attack. Their faces were torn in restraint and fear. I remember thinking that I needed to stop, that I needed to get away but just like in a dream I couldn’t. I couldn’t make the wolf turn and run away, I couldn’t no matter how hard I tried, how much the human inside of the wolf screamed and yelled.

  I was powerless.

  All the wolf thought about was the meat, satisfying its need for food, to stop that endless hunger. It was its nature, it was pure instinct.

  Next thing I witnessed was the wolf leaping towards a human, then it all went black for a few minutes. When I became conscious again I was staring directly into the face of the man. He was screaming, yelling, trying to fight the wolf off, but I was too big, too heavy. He was bleeding from his face where I had scratched him while jumping his body. I remember the intoxicating smell of blood, human blood. It was maddening, almost drove me insane. I wanted this flesh, I wanted to bite this man, to eat his meat. I wanted it so badly. Worst of all I wanted to drink his blood, the wolf craved it, demanded it. The desire was too strong to resist. I watched the blood as it ran slowly down his cheek. I could almost taste it, feel it on my tongue. As hard as I tried I couldn’t fight the yearning, it was too powerful. I leaned over ready to sink my teeth into the screaming man and could almost taste the meat. I remember how wonderful it felt when my fangs touched the human skin. I pressed them against the skin ready to pierce it when suddenly something jumped me and I was thrown to the ground in a painful fall. Whatever it was, it was big, bigger than me. I hurt my leg as I fell. There was more screaming and turmoil behind me. I got back up on my legs, then turned and looked directly into the white eyes of another wolf. Bigger than me, much bigger. It stood in front of me, growling, showing all its teeth while protecting the humans. It was grey, but not brownish-grey like me, more white and grey. Its white eyes stared at me feistily. There was no doubt. This wolf was stronger and much more powerful than me. Not just because it was bigger. No it was all in its eyes.

  I backed up immediately, knowing I was defeated. The human in me was relieved, but my wolf was angry. It growled and snarled at the big almost white wolf, then turned and began to run.

  Chapter 22

  I jumped out the stairs and fell into the snow, then got back on my legs and started running. Soon I heard the white wolf behind me. I sped up, but it was no use. He was bigger and stronger and could run much faster than me. Fear grabbed me as he came closer and I tried hard to escape him, but I was too weak.

  I heard his teeth close to my body, they snapped at me, and then I felt a pain as he bit my neck and forced me to the ground. My wolf whined and I was struck by fear for my life. Was this it? Would it kill me? I asked myself as I accepted defeat and lay still in the snow, growling while the big wolf was on my back holding me down.

  To my surprise it didn’t kill me. Instead we lay on the ground outside the village for hours. The white wolf held me down and forced me to lie still until the sun came over the mountains and my change began.

  My heart was beating even faster now that I turned back into my weaker human form. I had no idea what this wolf wanted from me or if it only waited till I was weak enough to kill me and then eat me. How had it even known I was in that house?

  I closed my eyes and waited for the pain, but it never came. Instead I noticed the weight holding me down was lighter. I opened my eyes and looked at it and realized it was now a human, a big and strong man who was holding me down. His hair was white and thick like the wolf’s fur and his face showed he had experienced much even if he didn’t look old. He was truly handsome, I thought. I watched as his face grew more human and finally the wolf was completely gone.

  He got off my back and stood next to me in the snow. He was naked. So was I. It was freezing cold.

  The man smiled at me and grabbed my hand. I took it slightly reluctantly. He pulled me to my feet.

  “There,” he said. “Now we can talk.”

 
; I stared at the man as he began walking. Did I know his voice? He turned and looked at me. “You’re not staying there all naked, are you?” he asked.

  I looked down, then began walking towards him. “I don’t know where my clothes are,” I said.

  “Well good thing that I do,” the man said. “I grabbed it for you last night when I realized what you were up to. I hid it with my own things. Come let’s find it before someone finds us. The two of us naked in the snow won’t look good.”

  He began to walk and I caught up with him. He led me to a small bundle of trees and bushes where he pulled out my clothes and his own. Then we got dressed. I was still freezing and tried to get warm by jumping up and down. It helped a little. The man put on a heavy winter jacket then turned and looked at me.

  “I’m Caspian, by the way,” he said.

  My eyes widened. “You’re Caspian? I saw the painting of you at the Wind-People’s castle. But in that you were more grey.”

  Caspian touched his hair. “Well it changes with age. Think it happened around when I turned the big five. As in five thousand years old.”

  I stared at the handsome man with awe. Then I was struck with embarrassment. Here I was with the great Caspian and look at the circumstances he had found me in, he had literally caught me about to sink my teeth into human flesh.

  Caspian smiled and grabbed my neck. “Yes, we need to talk about that,” he said. “But first you need to eat.” He took his sack and found a piece of bread and handed it to me. “Here eat that while we walk. We can’t stay here. It won’t be long before the villagers will be out looking for the wolves with rifles and guns. Out here they believe in werewolves and if they find us they will begin asking questions. Come, let’s start walking.”

  I grabbed the bread and ate it greedily. Caspian laughed. “Take it easy, son. Don’t choke.”

  “I’m sorry. It’s just been so long since I last ate.”

  “I noticed that,” Caspian said while we found a small track leading towards a mountain. “We’re walking south, right? Towards Bucharest?”

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  “Then let’s go this way. We want to find your beloved Catalina before it’s too late.”

  I followed Caspian on to the small track while finishing the last of the bread.

  “Rule number one,” Caspian said. “You need to satisfy your wolf. You can’t let it go without food. Then you will lose control.”

  “I know. I want to say I really didn’t mean to harm those people, I just ... well I couldn’t help it.”

  Caspian turned and pointed at me. “Yes. Yes you could help it. You are the only one responsible for your wolf’s actions. You have to respect the wolf, you can’t deprive it of food or its nature. It needs to hunt, it needs to kill and it needs to eat. It’s very simple really.”

  “But I couldn’t find any. I searched everywhere on the top of the mountain and the next day in the valley. I just couldn’t find anything.”

  “It is bad times and many people and wolves are starving. It makes them lust for human flesh. But you must never, ever eat human flesh, you already know that. It’ll make you sick, it’ll madden you. See if I hadn’t saved you last night you would have done it and that would have been the end of you and even worse, of Catalina. It would drive you crazy and you wouldn’t fulfill your promise to the Queen or your destiny. You have to take these things seriously, Sami.”

  I bowed my head in shame thinking it might already be too late. “How do you know so much about me and where I’m going?” I asked.

  Caspian sighed. The path took a turn and began slowly to climb the mountainside.

  “I created you. You are my invention so to speak. I have followed you ever since I first caught your scent outside of your father’s property. I first smelled you in the forest where you met Catalina. I was actually on her track, trying to protect her, but then she met you.”

  “You? You were the wolf outside the barn? You were the beast that bit me? You gave me this? You made me the wolf?”

  “I did. I like to say that I transferred it to you,” he said.

  “But why me?”

  “Because you were perfect,” Caspian said and smiled. Then he patted me on my shoulder. “You were just perfect.”

  “Perfect for what?” I asked slightly angry and confused. “You cost me everything. I was happy living with my family.”

  Caspian chuckled. “We all have to grow up at some point, Sami. We all have to leave the nest and take responsibility for our own destinies.”

  I sighed. I didn’t know whether to be mad at Caspian for doing this to me or thank him for saving me from my own dark side, the craving for the human flesh. “So does that mean you have followed me all this way? Was it your paw-prints I saw back there in the snow?”

  “Oh yes. You discovered me the night before. Your wolf was starving and sensed my presence. See, when your wolf is in control the instincts and senses become even stronger. You must have caught my scent somehow, because suddenly you turned around and tried to attack me. You wanted to eat me. I didn’t want to hurt you, so I ran. The next night when I realized you had gone into that house I had to do something, I had to stop you. You were about to hurt innocent people plus you were about to ruin your life by becoming an addict to human flesh. I had to prevent that, so I figured I had to reveal myself to you and help you get some of your many questions answered. It was about time anyway.”

  I exhaled thinking he should only know I had already done that, I had already ruined my life. It was too late. I didn’t want him to know, so I cleared my mind, knowing he could probably read my thoughts if he wanted to, if he was anything like me. “Why were you tracking Catalina?” I asked.

  “Well I feel protective of her. I have kept an eye out for her ever since she was born into the human world. I kept an eye on the family she lived with and protected her from danger. Up until recently she has been fine. The family the Queen chose was very good to her and she had a safe upbringing. Before the war, that is.”

  “They are Jews?”

  Caspian looked away. “They were. They are all dead now. The soldiers that attacked their home shot them all. Except for Catalina. She managed to escape. I was too late to save her family.” Caspian paused and sighed. “She can’t know I’m watching her since she can’t yet know about her origin. She still thinks she is an ordinary girl, it has to remain that way until she turns eighteen. Then the Queen will be able to take her home and make her choose, but not before.”

  We walked in silence for a couple of minutes while the information lingered in my mind. It was a lot to take in right now, but I was so pleased to have Caspian with me now. I was not alone anymore and finally I could get all these questions answered that had been on my mind for days and weeks now.

  “I still don’t understand why you thought I was perfect, why you chose me,” I said as we reached a high point and took another turn. A small river was flowing next to us. Most of it was frozen yet a small slim strip was still flowing. Caspian bent down and started drinking, I did the same.

  “Of course you don’t,” Caspian said when he lifted his head. “You were perfect because you had Catalina’s confidence, she trusted you, but you had no strength. Plus I could smell you from far away. You already had wolf blood in your veins. I knew you would cope well with the transformation. Most humans wouldn’t have survived what your body went through in the following days.”

  “I beg your pardon? “I looked at him startled. “Did you just say that I had wolf blood in me?”

  “Sure. I could smell it from far away.”

  “But how? How could I have wolf blood in my veins? What does that even mean?”

  “It means that there is someone in your family who was or is a wolf, just like you and me.”

  I shook my head in disbelief. “No one in my family is a wolf.”

  Caspian shrugged. “Well I could be wrong. Normally when someone smells the way you do it’s because they have wolf blood in them. B
ut the way you smelled made me certain that you were the one.”

  “Which one? What do you mean?”

  Caspian stepped back from the river and onto the path where I was waiting. He walked towards me, then looked me in the eye. When I stared in them I saw his wolf reflected in his pupils. It was looking back at me. “I knew you had to be the one destined to take my place once I leave this earth and go to the next world.”

  Caspian patted my shoulder then turned his back to me and began walking. “Come on. We still have a long way to go,” he said.

  I felt frozen and didn’t move a muscle. This was getting more and more strange, I thought. I didn’t know if I was supposed to believe him or laugh. But again the last few weeks of my life had been quite strange and eventful and had turned my view of this world upside down, so why not? I thought. I began to walk still shaking my head wondering what was happening to me. Was I in fact just going insane? Or maybe it had all just been one very long very strange dream that I would awake from in a few minutes, laughing at my own foolishness.

  But I knew it wasn’t. I knew all too well that this was reality, this was my reality now, even as strange and far from anything I had ever known as it seemed.

  Chapter 23

  "We need to reach the valley before sunset,” Caspian said as we came closer to the next mountaintop. “I know this valley. It used to be filled with animals, lots of goats and wild boars. That should satisfy your wolf and make it controllable.”

  I stared at the horizon where the sun was hanging on the sky just above a mountaintop. “Then we have to hurry,” I said and caught up with Caspian. “We only have a few hours.”

  We reached the top and for a few seconds I enjoyed the spectacular views of the majestic mountains surrounding us, dressed in white snow, before we began our descent towards the valley.

  We ran the last part while the sun slowly descended behind the mountains. But while we were running I felt how the change came upon me and I stopped to pull off my clothes, throwing them in a pile next to Caspian’s. I looked at him as his wolf slowly emerged and hid his human nature. His almost white fur blended well with the snow and made it easy for him to hunt. We left our things then ran for the kill. I felt a thrill inside to finally not be alone, to have someone to guide me through all of this. Even if I hadn’t told him the entire truth about me.