“Now what the hell does that mean?” he asked his wife. “Nick is such a stud? Jesus, Liz.”
“Well, not is. Was. He was such a stud. Don’t tell me you guys didn’t notice that Nick always had an audience.” She had to face it, the secret was out. Better to deal with it now rather than wait until the ride home. Eaton Rapids was a long car ride from Detroit to be made in silence.
“Men don’t think like that, sorry to disappoint you. But evidently, you saw something that I missed. Did Nick ever hit on you? I don’t mean now, I mean back then. When we were kids.” Liz had to hide her smile. Gus and Christina were the babies of the family and she, John, and Nick, the elders. Her husband still saw her as an eighteen year old in spite of her gray hair and crow’s feet.
“No dear, try to remember what we were doing at that time of our life. We were still working full time jobs. Nick and Paula lived two hours away from us. He always treated me with respect, if not a little apathy. Maybe that was a good thing.” Liz turned to look at her husband. They had been married all of their life and as far as she knew, he had been faithful to her as she had been to him, except some flirtation with someone she worked with, but it never amounted to much, and definitely nothing harmful. Why did married people succumb to affairs? She knew what her motivation could have been; her husband was ignoring her. Day after day, she tried to engage him in any way she could, but he wasn’t interested. She gave up on getting pregnant when he rebelled against the advice of the doctors and wouldn’t cooperate. It was too embarrassing to admit to anyone, let alone her gynecologist, that her husband didn’t want to have sex as often as they were supposed to be doing it. Liz never understood it. Her friends talked like their husbands were stalking them around the clock.
“I just remembered that Paula told me Nick was insatiable. Those were her exact words. She said they did it every night.” She looked at John. “That’s probably why I was so jealous of her. If you remember, we weren’t breaking any records in that department at the time.” There, I said it. The pink elephant that was our lack of sex life.
“Why’d you stay with me?” Liz said, repeating her thoughts. John was gazing out the back door onto the alleyway. The moonlight illuminated the area and there was a cat sitting on the top of the dumpster. He didn’t want to, but he had to respond. He felt like they had reached a place in their life together in which there was no turning back. He looked at his wife. It was an ancient argument. Why didn’t they have sex more often? He could never give her an answer that satisfied her. He didn’t really know himself. She was attractive, in good shape, clean. He was in love with her but after all these years, what did that mean?
He just wasn’t that interested. He felt like she was never satisfied with him. No matter what he did, it was never enough. The smallest stumble turned into a huge fight, with curse words thrown at each other, or worse, silence. They could go for days without speaking to each other. Is this really the way they would spend the rest of their lives? They were newly retired. It had gotten worse since Liz was home all day. He quit working first and had a routine he liked; now she was there expecting him to perform all day. They had to run errands together, and do projects, plan trips, fix up the house. He didn’t want to do any of those things. He wanted to be left alone. He could see clearly for the first time in years. Why’d did he stay with her?
“My family didn’t get divorces,” he said in answer to her question. She looked at him confused, having forgotten already what her last words to him were. “We were taught that unless you were miserable, you stayed with your spouse until you died. That’s why I stayed.” He knew they had to be truthful to each other and it would be the only way that they would survive this disclosure. She was unhappy because he didn’t love her the way she wanted, and he wasn’t capable of it. He didn’t know why. “I don’t know why I was unable to give you what you needed,” he said, repeating his thoughts. “I lost interest in sex. I couldn’t get you pregnant; maybe that was the reason.” He remembered that each month he would pray that her period wouldn’t come, but then it did, and she would be so depressed, practically inconsolable, and it was his fault. He thought with a start, the same thing happened to Nick and Paula. But it wasn’t Nick’s fault after all. Nick had gotten his brother’s wife pregnant right away. He wondered how Paula found out. He’d muster up the courage to ask Nick, if he was still around. Their car was parked out back so it didn’t look like they had gone home yet in spite of Gus asking them to leave.
“Sex isn’t everything,” John said. “You make it sound like we wasted our life because we didn’t do it every minute like my jackass of a brother. I didn’t leave you because I loved you, but you were miserable. You were the unhappy one, not me. So let’s be sure to keep the story straight.” Liz was getting a headache. They had talked in a circle. They wouldn’t resolve anything either way. It was an old marriage. They would probably die together, unless he found a younger woman to love. She could always pray for that.
Chapter 26
Nick and Paula Zannos were walking in front of the Greektown Casino fighting about Christina. It was a first; after all, Christina had been dead for over twenty five years. The purging felt awesome, in spite of being frightening to witness. People stepped off the curb into the street to give the big couple room. Both tall people, they had a commanding presence even in the out of doors, and especially when they were yelling at each other.
“What the hell were you thinking?” Nick hollered. “You couldn’t tell me that you knew first? Give me a chance to explain?”
“What’s there to explain?” Paula yelled back. “You fucked your brother’s wife! Jesus Christ, Nick! You betrayed me for over thirty years! How many other bastards do you have out there?” He tried to pull her into an alley they were passing, but she was almost as strong as her husband and wouldn’t yield. “Stop it! I’m not going in there!” So he pushed her against the brick of the building.
“Stop it, Paula. We’re not going to solve anything like this.” He kept her shoulders pinned against the brick. He hadn’t looked at her up closely for a long time, not to really see her. She was a beauty in her youth, peaches and cream complexion with huge blue eyes that stared through him now with a knowledge that no man wants his wife to have. Age was showing on her face. He wasn’t attracted to her anymore. She’d known he was a player all along, just didn’t think he would stoop to betraying his own brother. Her head dropped down, her chin to her chest. She had looked the other way for years, and now this final travesty. That pathetic man-child that she had defended at every opportunity was her husband’s son! How was it possible? As much as she hated to give in to self-pity, she allowed it and started crying.
“God damn you, Nick. This is really the last straw. I want a divorce. I am so finished with it! You can hire someone to wash your fucking clothes and clean the house. I’m through.” She pushed away from his grasp and he let her go. “I’ll take the car; get one of your brothers to take you home.” He stood and watched as she walked back toward the store. He felt a strange vibration of excitement and horror. He was caught, that was the hardest part. But now that it was out in the open, he could begin living.
Getting a divorce at their age wasn’t going to be easy, but it wasn’t unheard of. He thought of the old joke about the couple in their nineties who went to the divorce lawyer. “Why’d you wait so long?” the attorney asked. The old couple responded, “We were waiting for the kids to die.” Only Nick and Paula didn’t have kids. His parents were gone, and they were the only people who would have been hurt by a divorce.
Nick had a child however. His son, Christopher. He drove from Brighton to Plymouth almost every day to see him, an hour round trip. It was that devotion to her nephew that finally tipped an unhappy, lonely Paula off, throwing her into a frenzy of investigative probing until she found the proof she sought: paternity testing Nick had done himself when the science became faster and easier. Along with the test results, she found letters from Christina that Gus
surely didn’t know existed, and receipts for Christopher’s care amounting to hundreds of thousands of dollars. How could a state cop pay those bills? He didn’t even bother hiding them; she wondered if he didn’t want her to find the stash.
Paula ran to the alley behind the store. She had her pocketbook and car keys; they could throw her clothes away if Nick decided not to bring them home. Getting in the car, she noticed Liz and John standing in the dark store, looking at her through the window. She waved, but didn’t stop and they didn’t come after her. She would think later how grateful she was for that. They let her keep a little of her pride.
~ ~ ~
“I guess we have the honor of taking your brother home tonight,” Liz said. She was glad; having Nick in the car would make it impossible for them to fight all the way home. And it might even be interesting. She felt that she and her husband would not be able to go forward from this moment without change. But what? Fortunately, menopause had reduced her libido so that it was almost as non-existent as John’s was. Infidelity wasn’t an issue; there was no way in hell this body would be exposed to a new lover, she thought. So trying to work out their sexual problems didn’t seem like such a big issue any more. Were they just destined to exist this way until death? They were going in the same direction toward the end, and although side by side, on different paths. They didn’t really have anything in common or any common interests. It was sad. Just then, Nick knocked on the locked store door. John unlocked it and let him in.
“You just missed your wife,” he said.
“Would you mind dropping me on your way home?” Nick looked like the cat that ate the canary. He glanced over at Liz and smiled.
“Boy I’d like to slap that grin off your face,” she said. Nick laughed at his sister-in-law.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to get in line,” he replied.
“Come on children, I’ve had enough drama for one night.” John led the way back upstairs. “Something tells me you aren’t going to be welcome here, so we better get our stuff and clear out before we are escorted out.
“I’m just glad your mother isn’t alive. Could you imagine?” Liz said.
“You’re all heart,” Nick replied.
“Well, in case you didn’t notice, your wife is my best friend, and now what the hell am I going to do? I guess I’m taking her side.” They got to the apartment and John shushed them. Laughter and talking could be detected through the thick wood. John turned the knob and opened the door. Everyone was sitting around the dining room table in approximately the same places they were half an hour ago when Gus asked Nick to leave. They turned to look at the group coming through the door. Nick put his hands up.
“Don’t yell, I’m leaving, I’m leaving,” he explained.
“We’re taking him home,” John said, the reason evident. No one said anything, but it was clear they had moved on. Liz thought all of that bad news and the family is so stinking shallow that they can start a card game. She couldn’t wait to get home and call Joan. She remembered her own dilemma with the Zannos family. Her wealthy English family tried to accept John’s, but gave up after a few years. Liz always felt like her in-laws were talking trash about her because they would speak in Greek when she was around, purposely leaving her out of the conversation. She would go to the family functions under duress and be bored to tears. She finally came to the conclusion that they were never going to treat her like they treated each other because she wasn’t Greek.
None of the brothers had married a Greek woman aside from Gus, and look what that got him. Paula felt like she was excluded, too. Peter’s wife Joan was openly hostile to her in-laws, refusing to come to most gatherings. She hadn’t come for this funeral dinner either. “Why the hell would I purposely expose myself to a bunch of rude inlaws?” she complained. “You both should refuse to go,” she advised Liz and Paula. Joan and Peter’s two girls were never in attendance. Except for Liz and Paula, they barely knew their dad’s side of the family. Anna was the only one who seemed to have been accepted by the rest of the family. Oh well, it’s over and done with, Liz thought, relieved.
Liz began to relax as soon as John pointed the car toward home. Hopefully, she would never have to venture into Detroit again. She loved Eaton Rapids; its proximity to Lansing took care of any needs she had to visit a big city. A Greek Orthodox Church was close enough for them to go on Sunday. There was a Greek restaurant in town and if John needed Greek food they simply drove half an hour and picked some up. She’d survive the separation from family if only John could.
Nick was complaining about Paula before they crossed the city limits. Their marriage should never have taken place; it was based on lust, and when that dissipated he wasn’t able to stay faithful to her. But it wasn’t too late for her to gain some self-respect. Appalled, Liz could only think how it would affect her if Nick and Paula got a divorce. Paula and Joan were her dearest friends. Although they lived over an hour from each other, the three couples saw each other weekly and sometimes more. They often went to church together, spending Sunday at Liz and John’s sprawling country home. Broadway plays at Wharton Center in Lansing, movies and dinner in Brighton, weekends skiing in Vale or gambling in Las Vegas, they loved being a group. Every vacation was spent together, weeks during the summer at the family compound on Lake Michigan and Christmas in Detroit with Gus in spite of the women not liking the family. Liz and John’s lives without children were woven together with Nick and Paula’s for more than thirty years. Joan and Peter’s two daughters were more important to Paula than her own sister’s children. If it happened, if after all the years of marriage Nick would leave Paula or vice versa, it would leave a huge, empty hole.
Liz suddenly knew she had to try to keep them together. She turned around in her seat in the front of the car and looked at her brother-in-law. He was still handsome in spite of his age. The comment about him being unable to stay faithful to Paula had thrown Liz; she never had a hint that her brother-in-law was a womanizer and Paula had never said a word to her about it. Liz had based some of her dissatisfaction with John’s lack of libido directly on Paula bragging about her husband’s constant sexual advances. Was it a lie? Liz felt awful about the way she had treated John that evening. She reached out a hand and patted his arm. He glanced at her and smiled. Maybe it wasn’t too late to make amends, she thought. But she wanted to say something to Nick first.
“No offense, but you’re getting a little old to be out there, don’t you think? I mean if I were you, I’d sweet talk your wife into staying with you. At least you’d have someone there waiting for you when you get sick of running around like a pig,” Liz said.
“Boy, you really know how to hurt a guy,” Nick said. But he laughed. She was probably right. He was thinking that getting a divorce, selling the house he and Paula lived in, dividing up all of their crap, trying to find another place to live and starting all over sounded exhausting. “How about I take it under consideration?” Nick asked, reaching over to squeeze his sister-in-law’s shoulder. It would be difficult for the two couples to end their constant companionship. Liz put her head back and had a sigh of relief. Her thoughts in conflict again, no matter how bad it could be between she and John, nothing would be worse than being alone.
Chapter 27
On an unremarkable cloudy Saturday afternoon during autumn years before, Gus Zannos was about to receive about the worst news a husband could get. He and his pregnant wife were walking on a path near the rose gardens on Belle Isle, a small island in the middle of the Detroit River. He had taken a rare break from the store at his wife’s insistence. Christina needed to get out of the apartment and away from her in laws, she told him. In addition, she had something to tell her husband, something that she didn’t think her in-laws should hear and they were always there lurking around. Belle Isle was their favorite place to go, close enough yet out of town. Its lovely gardens and parklands were planned by Fredrick Olmstead who designed Central Park in Manhattan. As much as he loved it, Gus w
ould never again step foot on Belle Isle after that day.
“The only problem with living in town is not being able to have a garden,” Gus said, bending over to smell the roses. “Nick and Paula’s; now that’s a garden,” he said, referring to his brother’s perfectly groomed flower beds. “Paula sure has a green thumb.”
“I am not interested in gardening at all. Getting my hands all dirty. bugs and worms. Ugh,” Christina sniffed. She was standing in back of her husband’s bent over frame. Suddenly, she was choked up with regret over her treatment of him, having taken his gentleness for granted. Gus stood up and brushed his hands off on his pant legs, turning to his wife noticed her flushed and teary eyed. He took her arm.
“What’s troubling you?” he asked. “What’s wrong?” He looked away from her face and seeing a bench off the path in a copse of trees, led her there for some privacy, away from the other strollers. He grabbed her hand and pulled her down to sit next to him. She was shaking and visibly upset. What could it be? Is something wrong with the baby? he wondered. Christina looked at his face, into his eyes. Gus was a good man, kind and honest. They’d been childhood playmates and good friends before they got married. She started sobbing, so uncharacteristic for her, confusing Gus. He put his arm around her, but she shrugged it off and leaned forward, with her head in her hands.
“Chris, you’re scaring me,” he said. “What the hell is wrong?” She turned her head to look at him, mascara smeared under her eyes, her nose running.
“I slept with Nick,” she said. Gus took his arm off her shoulders and leaned forward so he could see into her eyes. Gus was thinking, the wheels turning in his head and his wife knew what was happening. If she kept her mouth shut, he would figure it out for himself. She didn’t need to say another word. He straightened up and looked off at the rose gardens again.
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