“I’ll send you her whereabouts as soon as I find them. We’ll meet there.”
“Perfect, Jack, thank you.” He ended the call and went straight to the shower. He got dressed, packed a few clothes, hurriedly, and before he left, he went to her room to pick up her collars. Somehow, having them made him feel hopeful.
He grabbed his SUV from the garage and entered his mother’s address to the GPS system. In less than thirty minutes he was parking his car in front of a small house. Its gardens looked beautiful despite the winter cold.
It took him a great deal of courage to hop out of the car and stand in the sidewalk. All of a sudden, the front door opened up and his mother came out, almost running towards him. She stopped a couple of steps away from him.
“Alec…” she whispered, and he could see in her eyes all the love, the hope and just how much she had missed him.
He closed the distance between them and took her in his arms, holding her tight to him, his nostrils being invaded by the familiar perfume of roses his mother had always worn.
“I’m sorry…” he started to say but his mother rested a finger over his lips.
“Let’s not waste time in useless excuses or explanations. You’re here now and that’s all that matters.” She dragged him inside the house, and they spent a next two hours updating the news of their lives. “Your friend Jack keeps me updated, actually. He seems to enjoy my chocolate cake, so we spend a nice time together.” Her mother informed him.
“Jack comes personally?” that surprised him, but not as much as it should have.
“Yes, he has become a good friend.”
“I’m glad to hear it, mom.”
After a little while he said goodbye to his mother promising to come back soon, and headed to the address Jack had sent him.
He parked the car in front of a park, near a few office buildings. Jack was already there waiting for him.
“Thank you.” Alec said when he met him at the entrance.
Jack seemed to know exactly what he meant, because he just shrugged. “She’s having lunch at the park and she’s alone.”
“Let’s go then.”
The two men walked in silence until they found a lovely brunette sitting in a bench, eating a sandwich while talking over the phone with someone.
“I’ll kill him for you. You just need to tell me where I can find him.” She was saying when they stopped in front of her. She looked up, and her eyes shined in recognition. “Never mind, I’ll call you later.” She ended the call, setting the phone carefully inside her purse, and putting down her sandwich. “I must say you have guts.” She said, staring directly at Alec.
“Before you kill me, can I convince you to listen to me fort a couple of minutes?” he asked, with a self-deprecating grin.
“Well, I always say everybody is entitled to their last words, so choose yours carefully.” Her tone showed all the disdain she felt for him.
Jack, beside him, chuckled amused with the woman’s belligerence, getting elbowed by Alec.
“Even if it takes me the rest of my life, I’m going to solve things with Katherine and I’ll make her the happiest woman on earth.” He told, exposing his heart. “But before I go up north to meet her, and beg her forgiveness, I thought I owed you an apology. I should have accepted you invitation on Thanks Giving, and only my stubbornness stopped me from doing it. I’m aware you’re Katherine’s best friend and a very important person in her life, and that’s why I’m here.”
Lucy looked at him in silence for a couple of minutes, and Alec could feel the tension between them as thick and heavy as it could be.
“You just bought yourself a temporary pardon on your sentence. Don’t hurt her even more or I swear I’ll make sure your life is a living hell.” She finally said, her arms crossed over her chest.
“Thank you, I promise I’ll only live to make her happy.” He vowed. “I know I don’t deserve your favor, but can I ask you something? Don’t tell her I’m going there. I don’t want her to run away from me.”
“I won’t, but not for you, for her, so don’t make me regret it.” She warned him.
“I assure you I won’t.” he promised her, planting a smacking kiss on her cheeks, and leaving the park.
“Wow, that’s quite a little caldron.” James whistled surprised.
“You have to meet Katherine. I compared her with Katherine from Taming the Shrew, even before I knew her name was Katherine.” Alec told his friend with a nostalgic smile. Despite his words to Lucy he feared his meeting with Katherine. He was afraid he had been able to kill any feelings she might have had for him, but he had one more thing to do before he went to meet her. He had to find James and Hannah. "Thank you for coming with me. You can tab that as body guard work." He chuckled, but deep inside he knew Lucy had all the right in the world to be mad at him.
"Always a pleasure working for you." Jack said saying good bye.
Alec looked at his watch. It was almost five o'clock in the afternoon. James should be about to get home, so he decided to wait for him at his place. He drove there and waited parked in front of the house.
When he saw his car pulling in his drive way he hopped out of his car and strode to meet him before he entered the house.
"James." He called him when he got close enough.
The other man stopped and turned around surprised. When he confirmed it really was Alec walking towards him, his expression changed and he crossed his arms over his chest.
"This is a surprise. What happened? Did I leave any debt at the club?" he asked in an icy tone.
"What?" Alec asked, a bit lost. "No, I'm not here to talk about the club." He clarified.
"Then I can't think of any other reason to explain your presence in my house."
Alec could sense all the pain James had in storage, through each of his words. "I'm aware that I lost all rights to visit you in your house, and I can't say I blame you. I'm leaving up north to spend Christmas, but I couldn’t leave without apologizing to you and Hannah." He explained, decided to put his heart out to convince James he was sincere. "Ever since my mother left my father, and a few other women left me, I tagged all women as gold diggers, unworthy of trust and obviously undeserving of love. Hannah wasn’t the exception, and if you add that to the fact I feared I would lose your friendship, she became the target of all my hatred." He sighed, and moved uncomfortable. He wasn’t used to expose his feelings that way and he was having a hard time doing it. Add that to James' tense silence, and he was more than ready to flee the place. "I realized I was acting as real bastard and that you two really love each other."
James snorted. "What made you have this sudden epiphany?"
"Falling in love with my other half, the keeper of my soul." He answered, putting into words for the first time his feelings for Katherine. "Listen, I don’t expect you to forgive me for all the bad times I made you go through. I just wanted to say I'm sorry, and that my club will always welcome you and your wife. And, I'm really happy for your baby."
"Since I wasn’t the most aggravated person in all this, I believe you should apologize as well to Hannah." James replied, walking towards the door without waiting for Alec's answer.
He opened the door and Hannah was waiting for them a few feet from the door, obviously ready to receive her master, but without knowing how to act in presence of Alec.
"Hannah, Alec wants to talk to you, and I decided to let him do it." James explained his wife.
Hannah looked at Alec, all her rage shining in her eyes. "I have no idea what he might want to say to me, Sir."
"Like I already told James I just want to apologize to both of you for my past behavior. I know I hurt you both and I'll never be able to show you two just how sorry I am." He said, locking his eyes in hers, letting his soul show itself to her. He wanted to make sure they couldn’t doubt he was been truthful.
"Do we owe this change of heart to your new submissive?" she asked, with a different shine in her eyes.
"Yes,
she made me realize just how fucked up I've been most of my life." He recognized. "I know I was especially rude with you, and I'm sorry for that. I just wanted you to know that." He added. "I won't take more of your time. I wish you a Merry Christmas, and I hope to see you back at the club, whenever you feel like going back."
"Can't you stay for dinner?" Hannah asked, and Alec looked at her surprised and then looked at James. His friend had his usual broad smile captured in his face.
"I would love to, believe me, but I want to get to Katherine tonight." And he was being honest. Seeing James back to his old self had taken a huge weight from his chest. "If I manage to get her back, we'll be celebrating New Year's Eve and I would love to see you guys there."
"I'm sure you'll get her back. Just show her your heart." Hannah, advised him and with a self-deprecating smile he nodded.
He said goodbye and left.
Chapter Twenty Five
Once in his car he set the GPS with the address Jack had sent him and started his journey.
It was a long ride, and he got rain and even snow on the way, but he drove nonstop. He wanted to get there and feel at least closer to her.
He arrived to her home town past ten o'clock. Though he knew it was too late to go knocking at their door, he drove his car straight there. The house was decorated with Christmas lights all over, and there was light in all the windows of the ground floor, and you could see several people wandering from one room to another. It looked like they really took the holidays seriously.
Unwilling to ruin their night he started the car to go find a hotel to spend the night, when the main door opened up and she came out, alone, closing the door behind her.
It was cold outside, it had snowed earlier and you could still see some of the snow on people's gardens, but she came out just wearing a light sweater. She sat in a swing on the porch, and hid her face on her hands.
Even from a certain distance he could feel the pain in her.
Before he could think much about it, he turned off the car and hopped out of it. He needed to make her pain go away, even if it meant to replace it with rage.
He walked silently to where she was and with every step he took, her sobs sounded louder. He knelt in front of her.
"Please don’t cry, girl." He whispered, resting his hands on her knees.
She uncovered her face and looked at him astonished.
"You… what are you doing here?" she whispered as well, as if she wasn’t sure he was real.
"I know you told me to stay out of your life, but I can't, I just don’t know how to live without you anymore." He confessed, holding her cold hands in his.
"Toys are easily replaced. You didn’t look long enough." She retorted, pushing her hands out of his. "Please leave, I don’t want my family to see you here." She added, getting up.
He lowered his head but nodded. He knew it was late but he hadn’t been able to resist the sight of her.
"I'll leave, but I'll come back tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow and the days it takes me to gain your forgiveness." He warned her, getting up, restraining the strong desire to hold her in his arms and never let go.
"There's nothing to forgive. Actually, I appreciated your honesty. It stopped me from wasting any more time waiting on an impossible dream." Her reply was filled with self-scorn, as she hugged herself, rubbing her arms.
"That morning I was anything but honest. I was a coward, a liar, an arrogant bastard… all you want to call me, but not honest, because not even a single word I uttered carried any truth in it." He admitted, but he knew she didn’t believe him. Gently, he wiped a tear from her cheek, feeling her shudder under his touch. "You should go in, it's too cold out here. But, know this, I won't give up. I've already wasted too much time of my life being afraid of my feelings."
"Feelings? Do you even know the meaning of that word, Alec?" she asked, emphasizing his name to let him know he no longer was her Master. That simple act hurt like stab to his heart, but he knew he deserved it.
"I learned it in the past twenty four hours and I will not forget it again."
"I'm glad for you, but I won't go through this again. I've wasted too many tears over you, I'm not doing it again." Her pain was clear in every word.
"I know I don’t deserve another chance, but I just can't give up."
"What do I have to do to convince you I won't change my mind?"
"Convince me I've killed any feelings you might have felt for me and I'll leave you alone." He gave her the weapon able to destroy him, but the stubborn hope lit on his heart refused to believe she was going to be able to use it.
She looked at him for a few moments and seemed to make a decision.
"Wait here." She entered the house and was away for a few minutes. When she came back, she was wearing a coat and carried her purse. "Have you checked in at the hotel?"
"Not yet, I was about to look for it when I saw you come out earlier."
"I'll take you there and then we can talk."
They drove off in his car and only a couple of minutes later they were parking the SUV in the hotel's parking lot. He checked in and she followed him to his room. She was too quiet for his likings and that worried him. She had always been feisty, foulmouthed and he had always loved that in her. This quiet Katherine worried him.
Once they reached his bedroom, she walked to the window and stared outside for a while, before she turned to meet his gaze. "Why did you come after me again?"
"I finally realized what I had been doing to myself for the past fourteen years…" he explained all to her. He told her about his mother, his father, about Rose and all his failed relationships and the way they all had contributed to make him a mistrustful, arrogant bastard. "You were able to shake the pillars of my high dais ever since the moment you almost knocked me to the ground on the dark street. All my convictions started to crumble little by little every time we were together. The night you left me for the first time, the connection between us was so strong, it overwhelmed me and scared the hell out of me. I wasn’t ready for that, for that kind of emotional intensity and I acted as I knew best: like a cruel asshole."
She snorted but didn’t say a word.
He considered telling her about the spirits’ visit, but he could tell she was reluctant to believe him. Adding that part of the story would probably blow his chances with her. “When I realized I had sent you away after an intense rope scene and how dangerous the drop can be, I panicked and tried to find you and when I did, relief and rage mixed and none of what I had planned to tell you came out of my mouth. Despite that, somehow I managed to get you back.” He rubbed his face, feeling the tiredness of the last twenty four hours start to affect him. “The time you lived with me is the happiest I recall living. I had never felt so happy, so fulfilled in my entire life. Going home acquired a new meaning, because it meant I would find you there.”
“How can you say all that when you said I was nothing more than a good fucking toy?” she finally broke her silence but her words were filled of bitterness and self-disdain. “I doubt you can experience warm feelings over a person so it’s kind of hard to believe you were happy living with a toy.”
“Those words will haunt me for the rest of my life.” He accepted taking a step closer to her, just to see her take a step back. “Katherine, I’ve never considered any of my submissives a toy, I certainly would never consider you. You have been special to me since the first moment.”
“Well I’m sorry but I find that hard to believe. You kept me away from your life, you made me sleep alone, you never introduced me to any of your friends, you never took me out on a date, you refused to meet my friends and finally you refused to meet my family, even though I had told you how important that was to me.” She enounced all his misdeeds.
“I was afraid, I didn’t want to share you with anyone. Every time I took you to the club I was afraid you might meet someone that would convince you, you were better off without me.”
“And you thought that by
insulting me you would keep me?” her ironic disbelief hurt him.
“Of course not, but I tend to defend myself when I feel at bay.”
His answer only made angrier. “I wasn’t trying to put at bay, Alec, I just wanted to make you part of all my life.”
“I know, and now I understand that, and that’s why I’m here. To ask you to forgive me.” He admitted taking another step closer to her just to see her take another step back.
“Very well, I forgive you. I understand you had trusting issues, and that you solved them somehow. That makes me happy for you, and I wish you all the luck in the world.”
“But…?”
“You have hurt me too much for me to trust you again. I admit we lived amazing moments but I’m sure you’ll find someone more suitable for you.”
“I don’t want anybody else.” He assured her.
“Why? And taking the risk of being repetitive I’ll ask you again: What am I to you?" she asked bracing herself.
“I heard the description a friend made of his wife and I believe it fits perfectly to what you are to me: you are the owner of my heart and the keeper of my soul. I love you more than life itself. ”
Katherine looked at him wanting to believe his words so much but too afraid.
“Would you still love me if I told I don’t love you?” she asked, deciding to put his love to test, using his past experiences.
He visibly cringed before answering. “My love for you doesn’t depend on either you love me or not.”
She gathered all her inner strength before she proceeded.
“The truth is I really enjoyed living with you, having all I might need and working only when I want, having a luxurious life… would you accept me back in your house even if I don’t love you?”
Her words felt like daggers and he looked at her. Could she be telling the truth? That she would be with him just for what he could give her? He filtered all the time she had been with him and he had never seen anything that might hint that she was a material person. She had never asked him anything material. So this is was a test and he had to approve it.
The Kinky Side Scrooge of Scrooge Page 13