by Lynn Stark
Feeling twitchy, he moved away, walking to one of the two front windows, only remembering at the last second that he couldn’t push the heavy drape back so he could look out. “You know that I’m here in Silver because of a program that helps people clean up their act and start over. I’m a recovering addict. I was hooked on cocaine for almost three years, occasionally using other drugs.” He turned and risked a glance at Jett. He didn’t see any disgust or disappointment on the man’s handsome face, only concern and understanding. “I didn’t have a job to support my habit.” He laughed harshly. “Even if I had gotten a legitimate job, I wouldn’t have been able to keep it. So I did things to support my habit. Unpleasant things.”
“Randy, honey, you don’t have to tell me anything, if you would prefer not to.”
Shaking his head, Randy insisted in the same quiet voice, “I have to do this. I have to tell you. I’ve told my friend Hank, and my therapist. I haven’t shared everything during the meetings I go to.” He shrugged. “There are just some things I don’t want other people to know. I don’t want people to be disgusted or pity me.”
Randy stiffened as Jett walked across the living room, getting closer to Randy. He reached out to take Randy’s hand and to lead him to sit on the couch. “You can tell me anything and I won’t feel either of those things. I will hate that you had to experience anything terrible, because no one should, but that will be it.”
Ducking his head, Randy couldn’t look at Jett. “You might change your mind. Jett, I sold, traded, and gave away my body to men and women, to get the drugs I needed. I would do anything to get them and I’m not lying or exaggerating.” He swallowed hard against the tears. Jett’s fingers tightened around Randy’s hand. Randy stared at their clasped hands, the entwined fingers. “Only once did I do it for something other than the drugs. It was also the moment I realized how truly terrible my life had become and I got the strength I needed to do something to change it.”
“What was that one time?” Jett asked gently, when Randy paused. He had to pause. Tears were stinging his eyes and clogging his throat. The pain was incredible. “Take your time, hon. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for you. Always.”
That got him. Randy burst into tears for a second time and Jett pulled him into a tight, comforting embrace as he cried until he seemed to run out of tears. Feeling weak, Randy didn’t move away from Jett. The comfort he was finding in the man’s strong arms was unlike anything he had ever known before. In fact, it felt so wonderful he didn’t know if he wanted to risk telling more about his past.
After several minutes Randy knew he had to finish the tale. There wasn’t that much more. He could do it. Taking a deep breath, he told Jett the rest. “It was the night I got Gemma. There was this guy that wanted to fuck me. I told him what it would cost him and he claimed he didn’t have any money. But he had a puppy. It was tiny and dirty and dripping wet because it was raining. This guy kept trying to make a deal and I was about to walk away, no matter how bad I needed to try to get a few bucks out of him. The puppy, I told him. You can fuck me if you give me the puppy. He agreed and we went into an alley. It was dark and filthy. I can still smell the rotting garbage, the urine, and hundreds of other nasty things there. I can’t forget it.”
Tears streaked down Randy’s cheeks. He stiffened when Jett leaned in to kiss them away. Then he was melting, a sigh of pleasure escaping him. “I dropped my pants and bent over a crate or something. And he fucked me. I tried to ignore it all, the pain, and the shame like I had never felt before, while I stared at a miserable little puppy with huge brown eyes. Gemma never stopped staring at me. It was as if all her hopes—if a puppy can have hope—were on me. When the man finished he tried to take Gemma back, but I wouldn’t let him. I’m afraid I would have seriously hurt the man if he hadn’t given her to me and left the alley. That was the night my life changed. I found the flyer in the alley for the program to get off the drugs. Gemma had been sitting on it—the flyer was in the old cardboard box she had huddled inside. I picked her up and there it was. Now I’m here and you’re here and I don’t know what to do.” Randy tipped his head back to look at Jett. Jett deserved complete honesty. “Just the thought of having sex makes me ill. I told myself that I would never have sex again. There was comfort in believing that. I don’t want sex. I haven’t for a long time. You need to know that, because I don’t want you to think I’m a tease.”
Strong fingers caressed the side of Randy’s face as he pressed his cheek against Jett’s chest. He had no expectations. Not a one. He did, however, feel better for having told Jett about his past—at least the worst part of it. He could share other things later, if Jett was still around, and if he still wanted to be Randy’s friend.
That thought sucked the last of Randy’s energy from him. Burrowing in close to Jett, he let out a long sigh and closed his eyes.
When Randy woke he was in his bed. It only took a second to realize he was fully dressed. Turning his head on the pillow, he looked around the room. There was no sign of Jett, but he hadn’t expected to see him in his bedroom. Why would Jett want to stick around now that he knew the truth?
Randy shuddered hard as he thought about the things he’d told Jett. Well, it was done. He couldn’t take his secrets back. Did he really want to? It was odd, but he felt better, lighter, his soul a little less burdened.
When there was movement near his knee, Randy started in surprise. He looked down to see a lump moving beneath the blanket covering him. A smile curved his mouth as he watched the lump move along the bed. Then Gemma’s head was popping out and the small dog was licking his face and wiggling excitedly.
“Is it time to go out?” he asked, glancing at the clock. His eyebrows shot up in surprise when he saw the time. He caressed the top of Gemma’s little round head. Her hair was silky beneath his palm. “Okay, let daddy get up.”
Pushing back the blanket, Randy sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. His slippers were in their usual place and he put his feet into them. Gemma hopped off the bed, barking and wiggling with her usual happiness. It seemed Gemma didn’t have bad days and Randy would do whatever he could to make sure she never did. He followed her to the door and opened it, allowing her to dart out.
As soon as Randy left his bedroom he knew he wasn’t alone. He could smell food cooking. Following the scent down the hallway, he wondered if he could neglect his daddy duties long enough to snatch a piece of bacon. His stomach grumbled, letting him know he was hungry.
Taking a deep breath, Randy walked to the kitchen and saw Jett standing at the stove, lifting bacon from a cookie sheet. He had obviously cooked it in the oven. Randy swallowed hard before he cleared his throat.
Jett turned with a smile. “Hi. How are you feeling?”
“Good. I seem to have slept really well.” Gemma was looking at him a little desperately from the back door. “I have to let her out. Thanks for taking care of things for me.”
“What are friends for?”
Randy nodded, not having a response to that. He went down the rear stairs to let Gemma out. Mrs. Green had suggested she have a doggie door installed so Gemma could go in and out on her own. It was a good idea, but he would have to think about it. He liked knowing what his dog was doing and when she was doing it. There was the fact that Silver was close to the wilderness. There were all sorts of predatory animals around, some even making their way into town from time to time. Although the backyard had a secure fence around it, it wouldn’t keep all animals out.
Gemma didn’t waste any time doing what she needed to do after running to the rear corner of the yard. Randy followed her back, cleaning up after her, and praising her. Then they were returning inside. Randy didn’t know which of them wanted bacon more. He laughed as they hurried up the stairs and into the kitchen.
“You timed that right. The food’s ready.”
“I’ll be right back. I just have to wash my hands.”
Now that Randy was fully awake, the nervousness
set in. He had shared a lot the night before, actually giving more details to Jett than he ever had to Hank, his best friend. Taking a deep breath, he opened the bathroom door and went out, retracing his steps to the kitchen. Jett was seated at table, Gemma sitting and watching expectantly as he moved around the plates of food.
“You cooked a lot of food,” Randy commented as he sat down across from Jett. “I didn’t know I had that much bacon.”
“You didn’t,” Jett told him with a chuckle. “I sent out for a few things. We should probably go grocery shopping later.”
Randy nodded as he cut the omelet with the side of his fork. “Don’t you have to go home or something?” he asked, afraid of the answer. It was unreasonable to expect the man to stay with him around the clock, but he did. It almost felt as if they had unfinished business between them.
“Honey, are you trying to get rid of me?” Jett teased lightly as he lifted the plate of bacon and scraped several pieces off onto Randy’s plate. “Because if you are, it isn’t going to work. You and I have unfinished business.”
Looking up in shock, Randy stared at Jett. It was as if Jett had read Randy’s mind. “We do?”
Dark eyes were intense as Jett stared at Randy. “Yes, we do. For the moment, forget about what you shared with me last night.” If only I could, Randy thought. He nodded, however, so Jett would go on. He was interested in what the man would say next. “If that had never happened, would I be someone you would be interested in?”
The man deserved nothing but the truth. Maybe he did, too. “Yes, I think so.”
The smile Jett gave Randy set his heart beating rapidly. “Then we have something to work with, don’t we?”
“We do?”
“Yes. Now eat your breakfast. Don’t you have to pick up your books and supplies today?”
Relieved to have something neutral to think about, Randy mentally went over what he still had to do to get ready for school. “Yes, I have to do that and I want to go shopping for a small laptop. Do you know anything about them?” Randy didn’t have a clue. He had used his friends’ laptops a few times, but he really wasn’t current on what was new or necessary in the tech world.
“I can help you out. We’ll pick up your books and other supplies you’ll need. Didn’t you want to get a few things for your apartment, too?” Jett asked, glancing around.
“Yes, that’s something I need to take care of. I borrowed some of the things I’m using, just to get by for now. I don’t like borrowing things,” he added, with a grimace.
“You like providing for yourself, taking care of what you need without having to rely on others. I get that.”
Randy felt himself puff up a little with pleasure and pride at the compliment. He had gotten little of it during his life. It wasn’t until he arrived in Silver and began to make friends that he discovered how people supported each other, even when they didn’t continuously pat each other on the back or pump them up verbally. You just knew your friends had your back. Now he had a new friend and he could feel how it strengthened him.
Relaxing as they made plans for the day, Randy luxuriated in his newfound peace. He had no idea if it would last.
Looking around again, he frowned. “I really don’t want a whole house full of stuff I’ll never use. How many pans does a person actually need? What about washcloths?”
“Those are certainly serious questions. We may have to discuss this with experts.”
Four hours later Randy was the proud owner of a new laptop, a small set of pans, and a pack of a dozen washcloths. There were other things, too, to give his apartment a homier feel, putting his stamp on it. Of course he had brought things with him during the move from Noah’s and Reagan’s place. Those he’d bought today, however, were actually chosen with his new home in mind.
There was plenty of space for all of it. The apartment was well designed, with a large living room, kitchen, dining room, bathroom, and two bedrooms. There was probably more room than Randy needed for himself, and the rent was a little high, but he loved the charm of the craftsman-style house. There was even a fireplace Mrs. Green told him worked perfectly and was safe to use.
As he placed the new lamp on the gently used end table he had bought, Randy glanced at the fireplace and an image of himself and Jett sitting in front of it came into his mind. It was a crazy, wild thought, of course—one he wouldn’t have entertained before last night. But something had changed, had given him hope, if only a small measure of it, so he allowed the thought to expand and intensify.
Randy was startled out of his daydream as Jett came into the room, carrying the new pillows for the couch. “You were right. These pillows are perfect. You sure will have a nice place to cozy up in this winter, with this big couch and the fireplace.”
Chapter Eight
Jett knew it would take time for Randy to work through what he was feeling for him. Considering his feelings for Randy, he was willing to go as slow as necessary. He would let Randy set the pace. The man was worth it. What Randy had shared with Jett the night before had been both shocking and stomach-turning. He didn’t fault the man for doing what he had to do in order to survive. Drug addiction was a horrible monster. It took over a person’s life, made them blind to everything but the gnawing need for the drug. Jett suspected a contributing factor was the lack of support given to those dumped out of the system. Even if a kid had street smarts, that didn’t mean they had the skills necessary to get a job, to pay bills, to find an apartment, and to do the things expected each and every day from an adult.
Watching as the color rushed into Randy’s cheeks, Jett guessed that their thoughts had been running along similar lines. The couch would be a great place from which to enjoy a fire during the long winter months. It would be cozy. It would also be a great place for them to snuggle.
He had never been into snuggling, but knew it was something he wanted to do with Randy. The men in his past hadn’t brought out the feelings in him that Randy did. If Randy thought this was all new and unexpected, it was the same for Jett. Where they differed on the subject of becoming lovers, even if they hadn’t discussed the topic of love and sex, was that Jett was willing to take the chance.
Randy wanted to push him away. Jett wasn’t willing to be pushed. If he believed that there was absolutely no attraction on Randy’s part, he would think and act differently on it. However, he did believe Randy was attracted to Jett, that it was only the fear of his past overtaking him that was holding him back. That was what Jett was fighting against and he knew it.
“Those fat candles you bought would look great on the mantle,” Jett said, matter-of-factly as he placed the pillows on the couch. The discount store had a lot of things that were affordable and would provide nice touches to Randy’s new home. “After we get everything sorted out, why don’t we go for Chinese food? I have coupons,” he added temptingly.
Randy looked at him and laughed, visibly relaxing. “We eat out too much. It can’t be healthy.”
“We ate in this morning and split a pound of bacon between us. How healthy is that?”
“Point taken,” Randy said, with a grimace. He looked around. “Did we bring Gemma’s new bed in?”
“It’s in the kitchen. Gemma’s in it.” They were both startled when Gemma came through the archway butt first, dragging her new bed across the polished hardwood floor. “Uh, Gemma was in it.”
“I believe you. She’ll move it around until she finds where she likes it best.”
“What if it’s in the middle of the room?”
“Then that’s where it will be,” Randy said with a laugh as they watched Gemma circle in the bed before curling up in it. “One time she kept putting it behind my bedroom door, so she slid back each time I opened it. I just figured it was okay. It wasn’t like she was blocking me with a dresser.”
“True enough. Hopefully she will want it in a corner and not in the middle of the room. Now, about lunch, I think we should go eat and then go grocery shopping. We’ll need m
ore food, if I’ll be around here more and we won’t be eating out as often.”
Jett had noticed that Randy hadn’t asked about whether or not one of the other men would be taking over for Jett in guarding Randy. To Jett it meant that Randy wanted him around–another good sign. What they had to work through was Randy’s past. He had to be reassured that it wasn’t going to scare Jett off, and that he wasn’t disgusted by Randy, only by what had happened to him.
Randy walked Gemma before they left the house. As was their habit, they walked to their destination. This time it was Silver’s Chinese-American Soul Food Restaurant, a popular eatery in the center of town. Jett ordered his favorite, the Hunan beef. It was very spicy, and he enjoyed the heat. Randy ordered the sweet-and-sour chicken, with an odd side order of collard greens and redeye gravy. They shared a pupu platter, ordered wonton soup, and a plateful of pork egg rolls.
From the amount of moaning coming from Randy’s side of the table, Jett guessed the man was enjoying the food. It was some of the best Jett had ever had. The sound of the moans, however, made Jett think of other things–sexual things.
Looking across the table Jett smiled as he saw the pleasure on Randy’s face. It was things like this, everyday things, that Jett would be sure to give Randy. The younger man didn’t know it, but he was officially being courted. It meant a lot to Jett that Randy trusted him enough to tell him about his past. It was a good sign and they would make progress because of that trust. He suspected Randy didn’t believe he had a future where there was love and a physical relationship. That might have been true in the past, but Jett was willing to give Randy whatever time he needed to heal. Jett didn’t expect Randy to just jump into bed with him.
“Geez, Jett, we have to come here again soon,” Randy exclaimed as he picked up an egg roll and dipped it in duck sauce.
Laughing, Jett had to chide him. “Aren’t you the one who was saying how we need to eat out less and eat healthier foods?”