by SJ McCoy
“I’d come to you, if I knew where here was.”
“Oh, yeah, sorry. I didn’t even tell you, did I? I rented myself a little house. I talked to Austin.”
Ben was surprised. “Oh, he didn’t say anything to me.”
“That’s because I asked him not to. I wanted to surprise you.”
Ben laughed. “It’s not that much of a surprise, Charlie. Where is the house? I’ll come straight over.”
Ben’s heart was racing as he turned onto Lexington Drive. He couldn’t wait to see her. He’d been waiting for this moment for so long. He hadn’t lied when he told her that there was nothing more important in the world to him. He smiled when he spotted the house number and pulled into the driveway. He hadn’t realized it was the house right next door to Eddie and April. His smile grew bigger when he cut the engine and saw the front door open. There she was! His heart was thundering in his chest. Finally. She was here. She was back at the Lake. She was home!
She met his gaze with a smile. She seemed a little uncertain at first. But as he took the first step toward her, her smile became a grin and she ran down the steps to greet him.
“Oh, my God, Ben!” She flung her arms around his neck. “I can’t believe it! After all this time!”
Ben closed his eyes and breathed in the smell of her as he closed his arms around her. She looked up at him, her eyes searching his face. He smiled and kissed the tip of her nose. “Charlie,” he breathed.
“Oh, Ben.” She buried her face in his neck and he kissed her hair.
“I’ve missed you, Charlie. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”
She tipped her head back to look up into his eyes. “Oh, I think I have some idea. I’ve missed you so much.”
Ben watched her lips move as she spoke. He lowered his head to hers even before she finished speaking. He’d waited so long for this. In the moment their lips met, he knew he was finally home. Her kiss tasted the same way it always had. So sweet. It felt right, so natural, as though neither of them had forgotten in all the years in between. When he finally lifted his head, her eyes were shining with tears.
“Oh, Ben,” she whispered.
Ben wanted to wipe away the tears that stung his own eyes, but his arms were wrapped tightly around her and he didn’t want to let go, for even a second.
“I love you. With all my heart and soul. I always have and I always will.”
“Forever and always,” he whispered.
She nodded and took hold of his hand. “Come on inside.”
Ben clung to her hand as she led him up the steps to the front door. He never wanted to let go. He’d spent far too much of his life living five thousand miles away from her. Now he was by her side, he couldn’t imagine letting her out of his sight.
“What do you think?” she asked. “Do you like it?”
Ben tore his eyes away from her face and cast a quick glance around the house. “It’s a great place. What I like most about it is that you’re here.”
She grinned. “That’s funny, what I like best about it is that you’re here.”
He smiled and slid his arms around her waist drawing her to him. She looped her arms up around his neck and pecked his lips.
“I can’t believe we’re finally in the same place.”
“You’d better believe it, Charlie. And even better than that, you’d better get used to it.”
She nodded and hugged him even tighter.
Looking down into her eyes he could see a hint of sadness. His heart sank. “What is it, Charlie? Please tell me you’re going to stick around long enough to get used to it.”
She searched his face. “I will if you want me to. But, Ben, I need you to know that if you don’t want me, it’s okay.”
“Of course I want you, Charlie! I’ve always wanted you. I’ve always wanted us. I’ve waited more than half my life for you to come back here, to come back to me. How could you think that I wouldn’t want you now?”
She let go and stepped away from him, turning to look out the window at the lake. “I have a confession to make.”
Ben sucked in a deep breath. His heart was racing, and not in a good way anymore. He dreaded hearing what she was about to say, but he had to know. “What?”
She turned back around and met his gaze. “I arrived here last night. I wanted to surprise you.”
He nodded, waiting for her to go on.
“I was awake really early this morning. Getting old sucks, the time difference gets to me every time these days. Anyway, I couldn’t sleep and I was drinking coffee and I remembered how Joe used to drink his coffee behind the restaurant every morning. I thought it would be awesome to go down there and find him.”
Ben’s heart raced even faster. He had a feeling he knew what she was going to say.
She raised an eyebrow at him. “I didn’t find Joe down there.”
Ben shook his head, he knew that much already. A tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. Ben’s chest felt tight, he hated that he’d caused her pain.
She sniffed. “Unfortunately, I did see you and Angel. And, I’m sorry, but I heard a little of what the two of you were talking about—before I turned around and ran away.”
Ben stared at her for a long moment. His mind was racing along with his heart now. What had he said to Angel? What had she said to him?
Tears were rolling freely down Charlotte’s cheeks. She smiled despite them. “I’m so sorry, Ben. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. I just … I went down there looking for Joe. I saw her sitting outside looking upset and I thought she might need someone to talk to. I started up the steps to see if she was okay, and then … Then you appeared. It seemed like you were all she needed.”
“Charlie. It’s not what you think.”
“I don’t know what I think, Ben. I ran away because it’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have been there. I shouldn’t have heard what the two of you were saying to each other. And let’s be honest, I shouldn’t expect you to wait for me.”
Ben shook his head. “It’s not like you were deliberately spying on me. And it’s not like you demanded I wait for you. I chose to wait for you, Charlie. I’ve waited all this time.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “I’ve always wanted to wait for you. I’ve never wanted anyone else.”
“But now you do?”
“No! Charlie, I want you; I’ve always wanted you. Only you.”
Charlotte met his gaze. “But you like her, don’t you?”
Ben nodded and sighed. “I’m not going to lie to you, Charlie.”
Charlotte held up a hand. “Don’t look so sad, Ben. This is a good thing. We need to be completely open and honest with each other. It was hard for me to be honest with you that I saw you and heard you this morning. I understand it must be hard for you to admit to me how you feel about her, but it’s what we need to do. Nothing can ever work between us if we’re not honest. And I think we both have to face the fact that maybe nothing will ever happen between us. But if it doesn’t, that’s okay.” She bit back a sob.
Ben’s heart now felt as though it was breaking. How could this be happening? They finally got to be together and she was saying that maybe they shouldn’t.
She went over and sat down on the sofa gesturing for him to join her. “This seems so surreal to me. This has been my only wish since I was eighteen, and my only goal for the last six months. All I wanted was to get back to you, to get you back. Now that I’m here, my goal has changed.”
Ben stared at her. His goals hadn’t changed.
She took hold of his hand and smiled up at him. “All I want now—all I really want—is to see you happy. I always thought the only way we could be happy was together. Now I’m not so sure. If you can be happy with this Angel, then you should be, and I’ll be happy for you.”
Ben squeezed her hand. “Charlie, you know damned well that all I’ve ever wanted is for us to get back together. Now you’re here, everything I’ve dreamed about for all this time is within my reach. Within o
ur reach. I don’t want Angel. I want you!”
She looked up at him sadly. “I’m not trying to be difficult, Ben. Really, I’m not. I’m trying to be realistic. You see, I say I want you. You say you want me. But if we’re honest—really honest with ourselves and each other—we don’t know if that’s true.”
“I do know, Charlie—”
She put a finger to his lips and stopped him. “I know how you feel, I know what you mean. A part of me feels the same way you do. We finally get what we’ve always wanted, we’d be crazy to question it. Except, if we’re brave, if we’re sensible, we have to admit that we’d be crazy not to question it.”
Ben stared down into her eyes. “And since when have you been the sensible one?” He gave her a little smile, hoping that she’d smile back. In all his fantasies about this day, the day they got back together, it was the happiest day of his life. It’d certainly never played out like this.
She smiled back. “Since I figured out that love isn’t selfish.”
Ben leaned down and brushed his lips over hers. She’d never looked more beautiful than she did in that moment.
“You know,” she said, “I thought I’d come a long way. I was so proud of myself that I decided I should rent my own place so that we could get to know each other again properly. I thought I was being sensible about all the possible obstacles we might run across. I had no clue that the obstacles might be so fundamental.” The tears began to roll down her cheeks again. “That maybe our time has gone. Maybe we’re not meant to be together now. And I sure as hell had no clue that I’ve grown up to the extent that seeing you happy is more important to me than seeing you with me.”
Ben couldn’t believe what he was hearing. She thought they weren’t meant to be together? He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her to his chest. “Charlie. You and me, we’re forever, forever and always weren’t just words.”
She squeezed him tight. “I know, Ben. I’ll always love you, I’ll always want to be with you, but I won’t be with you if I’m not what’s best for you. If I’m not who’s best for you.”
Ben took a deep breath. “There’s nothing going on between me and Angel, you know.”
“But maybe there should be? Maybe you should give it a try. I hate the idea, you know I do. But, Ben, I married Alastair. I tried it out. Maybe you need to do the same.” She sniffed. “And maybe you’ll discover that she’s right for you.”
~
He looked so sad. Charlotte had to swallow back more tears. This felt so wrong, but she knew it was the right thing to do.
“She’s not the right one. You are, Charlie. You’re the right one, the only one.”
“I want to be, Ben. You know I do. But you need to be sure. I need to be sure. We’ve waited this long, and I know I’m the impetuous one, the impatient one, but I’d much rather wait. I’d rather wait until you know for sure, than have us find out that although this is what we want it’s not what you need. So, I think we should take our time, take this slowly.” She couldn’t believe she was saying it, but as the words came out, Charlotte knew this was the right thing to do. “I’m here now, I’m here to stay. I need to build a life for myself, I need to find a job, a way to support myself. I can get on with doing everything I need to do, while you figure out what’s right for you.”
“I don’t even know why we’re talking about this, Charlie. I know what’s right for me, it’s you.”
Charlotte shook her head. “That’s the whole point though, isn’t it? You don’t know. You think, you want, but you need to be sure. Hell, I need to be sure. I need to be sure I’m the right one for you before I risk messing up your life again.”
“What exactly are you saying?”
“I guess I’m saying that I’m here now, but perhaps you should carry on with your life as if I weren’t.”
“But that’s impossible! Don’t you think it’s been hard enough all these years? I’ve carried on my life without you only because you weren’t here. Now you are.”
“Yes, but Ben, for all those years Angel wasn’t here either. Now she is.”
Ben shook his head. “How can I get it through to you, Charlie? I don’t want her. I want you. I have always wanted you. I always will. Yes, I admit that she has become a part of my life, but that’s because we work together.”
Charlotte raised her eyebrows at him. “Anyone who works with you becomes a part of your life, Ben. But most of the people you work with you aren’t attracted to. I know you are attracted to her, and let’s be honest, you need to explore that before either of us are going to be comfortable to move past it.”
Ben stared at her. “You’re not seriously saying you expect me to date her or something, are you?”
Charlotte shrugged. “I think you have to, don’t you?”
Ben shook his head again, more adamantly this time. “No, I don’t. I don’t want to. I’m not going to. I wouldn’t have if you hadn’t come back, and I’m sure as hell not going to now that you’re here. Please, would you just forget all about her?”
“Can you?” Charlotte was starting to wonder if she was making too much of a big deal out of it.
Ben nodded. “Of course I can! Charlie, please! You said we need to be completely honest with each other and I want to be. I’ll tell you the exact same thing I told her.”
Charlotte sucked in a deep breath. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know.
“I told her that if I wasn’t still in love with you then I probably would be interested in and exploring something with her, not just something casual. But—and this is a big but—I am still in love with you. I’ve waited fifteen years for this, and nothing, certainly not another woman, is going to get in my way now.”
Charlotte looked up into his eyes. There was a determination in them that she remembered. It was one of the things she loved so much about him. He could never be described as an in-your-face kind of guy, but when he made up his mind about something, when he wanted something, there was no stopping him. She smiled. “So, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that you’re back, you’re mine, and nothing and no one is going to get in the way of that. You may as well get used to the idea.” His lips quirked up in the hint of a smile. “I think you’re right that we shouldn’t expect to jump straight back in where we left off, that we should take things slowly and take our time to get to know each other again, but you are so, so wrong if you think anyone is going to get in the way of us being together.” He reached up and brushed a strand of hair off her cheek. “Unless that someone is you. If you have your doubts and are trying to use Angel as a way out, just say so, please?”
“Oh my God, Ben, no! That’s not it at all! Being with you is what I want most in the world, for me. But what I want most in the world for you, is for you to be happy.”
He slid his arm around her waist and drew her closer to him. “Good because you’re the one who makes me happy. So, please, can we forget all this talk about Angel?”
Charlotte nodded. “We can for now, but I need you to know that if—” She didn’t get to finish the sentence; as his lips came down on hers, she couldn’t even remember the thought.
Chapter Ten
Ben finally lifted his head from that kiss and smiled at her. “We’ve got so much catching up to do.” A rush of desire coursed through his veins as she ran her hand down his back with a wicked smile.
“Oh, we do. But I don’t think we should get to that just yet.”
Ben laughed. “I didn’t even mean that—yet.”
Charlotte looked a little embarrassed, but she didn’t stop running her fingers up and down his spine. “Good, because I think we should wait before we go there. I thought about that a lot. I’d like us to earn our way back to that place as a new couple.”
Ben nodded slowly. “I’d be lying if I said that all my fantasies about our first day back together didn’t include some time in bed. But I think you’re right.” He closed his hand around the back of her neck, circling his thumb in he
r hair in a move that always used to turn her on.
“Oh, that’s cruel. You know I want to drag you straight to bed whenever you do that.”
Ben laughed. “Straight to bed or straight to the floor or straight to the backseat of the car—wherever was closest, right?”
She laughed with him. “Exactly, and now you’re agreeing that we should wait and yet you’re doing that to me.”
“You know I’ve always enjoyed the anticipation. And besides, I had to see if you’d still react the same way.”
“It still has the same effect on me.” She smiled. “I’m not dragging you into bed or even onto the floor because we just agreed we should wait.”
“Well, I’m not going to wait forever. If we’re going to do this right and get to know each other as new people—as a new couple—I’d like for us to get started straight away. So what do you say, will you have dinner with me tonight?”
“I’d love to.”
“Do you want to come to my place?”
Charlotte laughed. “And how long do you think we’d end up waiting if I do that?”
Ben gave her rueful smile. “Not long, but I want you all to myself. You know full well what it will be like if we have dinner at the resort. We won’t get a single moment to ourselves.” He thought about it for a moment. “We could go to Giuseppe’s?”
“That’d be nice. We’d get to go out on a proper first date.” She gave him the wicked smile again. “We can’t exactly get up to anything inappropriate at Giuseppe’s and we won’t have to talk to a million people.”
Ben smiled. “Maybe I can show you my apartment. We’ll have to pass it when I bring you home.”
She laughed. “I don’t think that would be very appropriate for a first date.”
Ben shrugged. “Not even if I can be a gentleman the whole time?” His phone rang in his pocket and he reached for it automatically. He wished he hadn’t when he saw the name on the screen. He wanted to ignore it, but he knew he probably shouldn’t.
“Don’t worry,” said Charlotte. “Take it, I’m sure it’s work. I don’t expect you to ignore it.”