by SJ McCoy
Charlotte shook her head adamantly. “I know, I’ve always known. It’s easy for me, he’s the only one I’ve ever wanted. But then, I’ve been married to someone else, too.”
“I can see that,” said Chance. “I can see how it did give you a different perspective. Ben’s never explored his options. He’s never seen an option other than you. But I’ll tell you what I think. I think he’s a man who knows his own mind, he knows what he wants, and all he’s ever wanted is you. I don’t think you should question that. As a guy, I can tell you that you can have a spark with a woman that you never want to explore, especially if there is still another much more important woman in your past.”
Charlotte didn’t know what to say. She knew that Chance was talking from experience, and it was so sad that he would never be able to get back the other, more important woman in his past. Chloe was dead. She nodded and had to swallow back the tears that threatened to fall. “Are you saying I should forget it?”
“Yep. That’s exactly what I’m saying. If he’s told you it means nothing, then he doesn’t want it to mean anything. Now, that’s not saying it doesn’t, just that he doesn’t want it to. You might have to be prepared for it to come and bite you in the ass. But for his sake, I think you should let it go.”
Charlotte looked at Missy. “I think he’s right, hon. I’m sorry I interfered. It’s hard not to, you know? I want to see you both happy and the last thing I want to see is you hurt each other again.”
Charlotte nodded. “I know you’re only looking out for him, and for me. There’s no need to apologize.” Her phone rang and she fished it out of her purse. “It’s him. We were hoping to meet up this afternoon. I’m going to go, I’ll take this outside. Thanks, guys.”
She hurried out the front door and closed it behind her before she answered. “Hey!”
“Hey. Are you going to be free this afternoon?”
“No, I hope not.”
“Oh.”
“I hope I’m not going to be free, because I hope that we’re going to spend the afternoon together.”
She could hear the smile in his voice. “Good. Shall I come to you?”
“Yes. I’m just on my way home now; I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“Great. I’ll see you there.”
~
Ben smiled when he pulled up in Charlotte’s driveway and saw her sitting on the front steps waiting for him. She got up and ran to greet him. It took him back, all the way back through the years to the times when he used to pick her up from her grandparents’ house.
“I’m so glad you came.”
“Me too. I think it’s finally time I face the fact that that I don’t have to be at the resort all day on Saturday. It’s about time I started living.”
“I never thought I’d see the day you would feel that way. But I’m so glad I’m here for it.”
“I only feel that way because you are here. We have so much lost time to make up for.” It was true, they’d lost so many years, and he wanted to make every moment count.
“So, how about we start making up for it? You said you liked to take a boat out? How about we wander down to the marina?”
He smiled. “That sounds like a great idea. It should be fairly quiet down there.”
“Let’s go, then.”
Less than half an hour later they were out on the water. It was a beautiful day and the sun shone warmly down on them. Charlotte looked so beautiful with a big smile on her face and her hair blowing in the wind. Ben took out his phone and snapped a picture.
“I still keep a picture of you in my wallet too, you know?”
“You do? I have one of you in my purse, but it’s almost worn out now.”
“Yeah, the one I have is faded, to say the least. Now I have a new one.”
She looked into his eyes and smiled. “What I like best is that you don’t need a new one. Now I’m here and we can call each other up and see each other anytime we like.”
He smiled back at her. “I hope that one day soon we won’t even need to call each other, I hope that all we’ll need to do is wake up and open our eyes, and we’ll be able to see each other.”
Charlotte nodded slowly. “I hope so too.”
“What’s stopping us?” He knew they’d said they were going to take things slowly, but he didn’t want to. “I want us to get on with the rest of our lives, Charlie.”
“So do I, Ben. I guess the only thing stopping us is an attempt to be sensible. How do we dive back in to where we were when we’re no longer the same people we were back then?”
He shrugged. “If anyone knows about sensible, it’s me. But seriously, what are we hoping to gain?”
“I think, to me, it’s mostly about avoiding a big mistake. I didn’t want us to jump straight back in, only to find out that it doesn’t work anymore.”
“So, it’s just about being cautious?”
She shook her head slowly. “Mostly, maybe. But you know me, I’m not motivated by avoiding negatives. Part of me is hoping that if we take our time, we will build a solid foundation and become unshakable.”
Ben smiled. “Just when I thought I was going to be able to tell you that you are being cautious for no reason, you come out with a stronger argument.”
She rolled her eyes. “Damn! I wish I hadn’t done that.”
Ben laughed with her. “I do think we need to take our time, but I don’t think we need to take forever either.”
“But what does that mean, Ben? What does that look like? Not forever could mean a week, a month, a year, or anything in between.”
Ben wanted it to mean nothing more than a day, nothing more than this afternoon. “What would you like it to mean?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I think we should take however long it takes, but at the same time I want us to hurry up about it. If this were a new relationship, how long would it take?”
“How long is a piece of string?” Ben asked with a smile. It was something Joe used to say to him when he was small. “I guess all we can do is go with our feelings.”
She nodded. “That and keep being honest with each other.”
“Well, if we’re being honest, there is something I need to ask you.”
“What’s that?”
He hesitated before he spoke, “I want you to forget about Angel. I need you to understand that nothing could happen between me and her. My focus is all on us.” He braced himself, ready for her to argue. She didn’t.
“I’ll be happy to forget about her. Honestly, it will be a relief. I just needed you to know that I’d understand. I’m not going to explain all my reasons again, I think I’ve gone on about it enough. I just needed you to know that if that was what you wanted, then I would want it for you.”
He smiled, feeling relieved and leaned across to put his arm around her shoulders. “It means a lot you know, that you feel that way.”
She turned and looked up into his eyes. “As long as you know I love you, that’s all that matters. Now, what do you say, shall we head up the lake and see how fast this thing can go?”
Ben laughed and opened the throttle. “Hold on tight, here we go.” As they skimmed across the surface of the lake, he felt as though the wind was blowing away all the doubts and fears. If the boat could just go fast enough, they’d be able to leave all the questions behind and sail into a new future.
It was late afternoon by the time they got back to the marina. Once he’d moored the boat, he offered her his hand and helped her up onto the jetty.
“That was so much fun,” said Charlotte with a big smile on her face. “It reminded me of all the time we used to spend on Michael’s boat when we were kids.”
“Yeah, it’s weird now, these days instead of taking all of us out, he takes his son Ethan and April’s son Marcus.” His heart sank when he saw the look on her face. He had a feeling he knew what she was thinking.
“She’d be the same age as Scott, you know.”
Ben nodded. “Oh, believe me,
I know. I think about that every time I see Scotty, and I’ve seen him pretty much every day of his whole life.”
Charlotte took hold of his hand and squeezed it as they walked back up the jetty. She didn’t speak. And he was glad of that. There was nothing they could say.
Once they reached the square she smiled at him. “Do you need to get back to work? I can walk home.”
Ben shook his head vigorously. “I don’t need to get back to work. I want to spend the evening with you. If you want me?” He hadn’t meant to word it like that, but the way she looked at him, the way she smiled, told him she did want him. And he wanted her.
“Do you want to come back to the house, then?” She smiled. “It’s funny, I can’t bring myself to call it my house, it’s just the house.”
“Maybe that’s because a part of you knows it’s only temporary.”
“I hope so.”
When they did get back to the house, Charlotte let him in and then smiled at him shyly. “You know what I want to do. But somehow it doesn’t seem right.”
Ben nodded. He felt the same way. What he didn’t understand was why. In all of his fantasies about what might happen if she came back, they always ended up in bed, usually sooner than later. He wanted her. He had since the first moment he laid eyes on her again, but he wanted it to be right. He met her gaze. “Since we’re being totally honest with each other, I’m scared.”
“Why?”
“Because I want it to be perfect, and also, I suppose, because I feel that when we finally make love to each other again, that’s it. I’ll be lost. I think I’ve built it up in my mind to be the ultimate commitment, even though I know that’s crazy. And I don’t want to go there until we’re both really sure.”
Charlotte smiled. “It’s not crazy. That’s how I feel, too. Maybe we should just wait?”
Ben gave her a rueful smile. “You know I want to kick myself now, right?”
She laughed. “And you think I don’t?”
“I think it’s the right thing to do though.”
She nodded. “So, if I’m not allowed to ravish you, would you like a drink? In fact,” her eyes lit up, “what do you think? Do you want to come sit in the hot tub with me?”
Ben groaned. “You want me to drink with you and sit in the hot tub with you, and not touch you?”
“Who said anything about not touching?” She gave him the smile that still turned him on so much.
“Well, okay then.”
He was starting to wonder what he’d gotten himself into, when she ran upstairs and returned a few moments later wearing a bikini. He remembered all the times they’d sat naked in the hot tub at Pete’s cabin, and where it always led. She may not be naked right now, but the sight of her body covered only by a few triangles of fabric, was making him think how quickly she could be naked and how easy it would be to recreate old memories.
He took his shirt off and tried to hide his smile at the way her gaze moved over him hungrily. “I don’t have a swimsuit.”
She smiled. “I don’t mind.”
He took a deep breath—he did. He watched her climb into the water and then started to unbuckle his belt and take off his jeans. He hesitated then climbed in to join her, still wearing his boxers.
She handed him a beer and gave him a little pout. “That’s not fair.”
He laughed. “Come on, it wouldn’t be fair for me to sit here naked while you are wearing a bikini.”
She nodded grudgingly. “I know, but I was hoping.” She slid along to sit beside him and rested her head on his shoulder. Looking up into his eyes, she said, “How long do you think we should wait?” She ran her fingers over his chest as she spoke.
Ben closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. “No more than about two minutes, if you carry on like that.”
She chuckled. “Oh good, I’ll keep it up then, shall I?”
Reluctantly he covered her hand with his own. “I can’t be held responsible if you do.” He cupped her cheek in his hand and lowered his lips to hers.
Her eyes widened as she looked up into his eyes. Her lips parted to let him in as he kissed her hungrily. Ben couldn’t help it; his hands moved over her while he kissed her. Her body, her skin felt so familiar under his touch. So familiar, and yet so new and intriguing. She was still slender, but she’d filled out as a woman. She moaned into his mouth as his fingers closed around her breast. The sound spurred him on and he pulled her into his lap.
“Hello?”
Ben’s head jerked up and Charlotte slid back down onto the seat at the sound of footsteps approaching.
“I guess she’s not home. We’ll have to come back.” Ben recognized April’s voice.
“Yeah, that’s Ben’s car. We should probably get out of here and call before we just drop in,” said Eddie.
Ben rolled his eyes at Charlotte as they listened to the footsteps retreat. “Well, you almost met your neighbors.”
She gave him a rueful smile. “We almost did a whole lot more than meet the neighbors.”
“Almost,” he said with a sigh. “Apparently, we are supposed to wait.” He picked up his beer and handed Charlotte’s to her.
“Apparently,” she said with a sigh.
Chapter Sixteen
Charlotte looked around as she drove up the lane to the stables. None of this had been here in her day. It was lovely, a long leafy driveway leading up to a beautiful barn. Ponies grazed alongside the fence. It was quite idyllic. It made her want to take up riding again. This wasn’t the time to think about that though. It was Monday morning, her first morning of getting down to business. She and Ben had made the most of the weekend, hanging out at her place. She smiled ruefully; they’d talked and laughed and even made out like kids, but they hadn’t gone to bed. They had somehow managed to keep to their promise to take things slowly in that regard.
She pulled up in the parking lot and was surprised to see several other cars already there. She hoped that Lily hadn’t forgotten their meeting and would have time for her. She needn’t have worried. Lily appeared out of a camper and waved when she spotted her.
“Hey, I was hoping you were still coming. I’m excited to see what ideas you have and to figure out how we can work together.”
Charlotte grinned. “Me too, I was worried you might have forgotten about me when I saw all the cars here. I thought you might be busy with a lesson or something.”
“No,” said Lily. “Alison is giving a lesson this morning and Becky is leading a trail ride, but I’m free, I’m all yours.”
“Wow! I didn’t realize it would be so busy out here. I take it business is doing well, then?”
Lily smiled. “It’s doing wonderfully, thank you. Honestly, it’s going so much better than I even hoped.”
“That’s great. I’m glad you’re back here and that things are going so well for you.” She raised an eyebrow at Lily. “And it seems that business is not the only thing that’s going well for you. Nate seems like a great guy. I’m happy for you.”
The way Lily smiled told Charlotte just how happy she was. “Thanks. I can’t quite believe how happy I am myself. Nate is awesome, and yet I had so many doubts about him. We were friends for a long time, but he was such a ladies’ man I really didn’t think it was worth risking a relationship with him.”
“A ladies’ man? Wow, you do surprise me. When I saw the two of you together the other night I had him down as totally a one-woman man. He’s a lot of fun and seems like the life and soul of the party, but he only had eyes for you. He’s totally besotted.”
Lily laughed. “That’s what I’m finding so hard to believe. It’s amazing, and I love it, I love him. It’s just such a big change from the Nate I knew before.”
“Well, love will do that to a guy.”
“Apparently,” said Lily. “But what about you? How are things going between you and Ben? It must be so strange after all this time. And yet, I don’t see how things could ever be strange between the two of you. You two are jus
t meant to be.”
Charlotte nodded, not knowing where to start. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to tell Lily; it was just that she didn’t know what to say.
Lily looked concerned. “Sorry, come on inside. I don’t mean to keep you talking out here and I’ve got coffee and the computer set up in the camper.”
Charlotte followed her inside and looked around. “This is nice. Do you live here?”
Lily shook her head. “I did for a long time when I first came back, but Nate and I just bought a beautiful house over at Four Mile Creek. It’s amazing, even if I do say so myself. It’s right down by the water’s edge with amazing views of the lake. You and Ben should come over for dinner one evening.”
“Thanks, I’d love that.”
“Come on, though, you have to tell me how things are going with you two. We’re all just waiting around with bated breath. I’m so glad you’re back; for a while there I didn’t think you were coming.”
“Things are going really well, it is strange. We have to get to know each other as the people we are now. We need to make a fresh start, but at the same time we have to deal with our past.”
Lily nodded. “I was thinking about that, it’s like you get the best and the worst of both worlds.”
“Yeah, it seems we do. We’ll get there, though.”
“Oh, I’m sure you will. If anyone is meant to be, it’s you and Ben.”
“You know what, Lil? I always thought we were meant to be, but now I’m not sure I believe in meant to be.” She held up a hand at the look on Lily’s face. “Don’t worry, I want us to be, but I think it has to be a choice based on our current reality. It shouldn’t be, I don’t want it to be, some inevitable fate that we just accept. We had to spend time together again, we had to deal with what happened between us all those years ago, but now that we’ve faced that, there’s nothing that we have to do. From here we can figure out what it is we want to do. I know I want him, I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I think, I hope, that he feels the same way. He says he does.” She smiled to herself. “In fact, he insists he does, but I need him to be sure before he makes such a huge commitment to me.”