by Deb Rotuno
I toyed with Freddie’s hair as we all sat around the fire but stiffened when someone took a seat next to me. I let out a long, slow breath before looking over at Brody.
“I know you don’t want to hear it, Sara, but we should open up the in-laws’ cabin. There may be things in there that we need. You’re avoiding it, but it’s time, you know?”
My eyes narrowed on him at the disdain in his voice at the word in-law. There was a split second where I couldn’t decide whether to call him out on it or smack his face to rid it of the pompous smile he wore whenever Jack or his family were mentioned. I didn’t do either.
“Fine,” I agreed with a single nod. “I’ll open it up tomorrow.”
“I’ll help, Mom,” Freddie piped up, eyeing Brody with an interesting expression on his face.
“Ah, like father, like son. Too bad he’s…” Brody stopped talking when I shot him a glare, hissing his name.
Tina ruffled Freddie’s hair but nudged me from my other side. “Me too. I’ll help you.”
“Thanks,” I whispered, smiling over at her. “We’ll do it once the sun is up.”
She nodded, patting Janie’s leg. “Let’s get to the cabin, baby doll,” she told her, only to turn to me. “Want me to take Freddie?”
“Yeah.” I kissed the top of my son’s head. “Buddy, go with Tina and get ready for bed. I’ll tuck you in shortly.”
Once they walked into my cabin, I rounded on Brody, ignoring the fact that everyone else was still sitting around the fire. “Brody, you will keep your opinions of my husband and his unknown whereabouts to yourself around my son. Am I fucking clear?” I asked him, and when he didn’t answer, I leaned closer. “He’s seven, you asshole. This shit is hard enough without having him break down about the possibility of losing his dad.”
I stood up, fighting not to kick Brody in the face. Just before I turned around, he spoke again.
“I’m not sure it’s the kid who’s afraid of the breakdown,” he said with a derisive chuckle. “Maybe it’s you who can’t face facts. You’re fucking fooling yourself, Sara. That fucker’s dead.”
The words were like lightning to my heart, shocking and blunt. I could see by Brody’s smug face that the mere thought of that made him happy. I shook in order not to punch his face…or shoot him. Both were incredibly appealing, but I wouldn’t sink that low. And whether I liked it or not, we needed the extra person, even if he was a selfish asshole.
“Maybe,” I finally agreed, shrugging a shoulder. “Though, that still wouldn’t change anything. It doesn’t erase ten years of being together or eight years of marriage. And believe me, Brody, it doesn’t erase the fact that you’re still a self-absorbed prick who only thinks of himself. Keep your fucking mouth closed around my son.”
I walked away, practically shaking. I walked into my cabin, heading straight into Freddie’s room. He was pulling back the covers of his bed. After tucking him in, almost on autopilot, I made my way to my room.
I set the lantern down on the dresser just inside the door, leaning back against it and slipping slowly down to the floor. The sight of that room was killing me, especially after the day’s events. The room had seen so much love, so much happiness, that it hurt to see it. It had hardly changed since the first time I’d set foot in it, from the same multicolored quilt to the rough wood furniture. The memories hit me hard as tears ran down my face.
Clear Lake, Oregon
9 Years Prior
“Wow, it’s so pretty here,” I whispered when Jack parked his truck along the side of a small lake right beside one of four cabins.
His grin was stunning, changing his face from handsome to something just shy of an angel. It was a touch childlike. His entire face smiled—his eyes crinkled, his nose scrunched up, and his head tilted. There were even these bare hints of dimples on either side of his mouth. And God, if he wasn’t a beautiful sight for sore eyes. It had been a long seven, almost eight, months.
And I was completely in love with him.
I’d thought that he was hot in high school when I’d first moved to Sandy to live with my dad. Jack had strolled around the school like he’d owned the place with his really pretty girlfriend, who was just as popular. I’d thought he was handsome when he stepped into Shelly’s Bar four years later with Derek, both of them unnecessarily coming to my rescue against Brody, though Jack had seen red with my ex. I’d thought he was sweet and caring and so smart with every letter and phone call that had come my way. But seeing him on my father’s doorstep after being overseas for so long had sealed my feelings. My heart belonged to him.
We hadn’t said the words, but over the course of his tour in Afghanistan, we’d connected in ways I hadn’t been expecting. We’d committed to each other, promised to wait, and all but said how we truly felt. When he’d written, asking me to take a weekend with him once he got home, I’d known it was a test. A test of how this thing between us would go.
The cab of his big black truck was quiet, the air charged with everything not said, everything we needed to say, and a chemistry that not only hadn’t faded with his tour overseas but had increased exponentially.
Jack’s thumb dragged across my knuckles, causing me to snap out of my thoughts. I turned to face him, and his face held a touch of nerves, but the way he was looking at me was so sweet, like I was the light at the end of the tunnel.
He released his seat belt and mine, turning me to face him. Swallowing nervously, he took both my hands in his.
“Tell me what you’re thinking, Shortcake, ’cause you’ve been so quiet on the way here. Nothing has to happen inside that cabin. I just…I wanted to spend time with you at a place that means something to me. I also wanted privacy to talk. Just talk, if that’s all you want.”
His rambling made me smile. I’d only seen the confident senior at Sandy High School, never the silly-sweet thing waiting for my answer. It brought the reality of him, of truly knowing him, slamming home.
He grinned a little, pulling both my hands up to kiss my knuckles. “Where’d that bold girl with the baseball bat go?”
Giggling, I shrugged. “She’s here; she’s just…really nervous.” I let out a deep breath. “I don’t wanna mess up, and I’m really happy you’re home safe, but I just…” I glanced toward the cabin that was so very perfect in the middle of even more perfect woods. “It’s been a long time, and the last…”
“One day, I’m going to beat the shit out of your ex. How much trouble did he really give you while I was away?” he asked me, and the growl in his tone just about made me come undone in the cab of that truck.
I smiled, releasing one of his hands so I could trace the lip Brody had split. There was a tiny, almost invisible scar left, but I had a feeling only I could see it. “Not much…especially after I told my dad what had happened at Shelly’s that night, what you and Derek did. You’re now my dad’s favorite.”
Jack laughed, his cheeks reddening just a little. “So that’s how I was able to steal you away so easily.”
“Mmhmm,” I hummed with a nod.
Jack sobered quickly. “There’s no messing up here, Shortcake. None. You’re what I came home for,” he whispered, a wrinkle forming between his brows. “Seeing you…That’s more than enough. I wasn’t expecting you, Sara, and if being overseas taught me anything, it’s that I can’t let shit slide. I’m…I really want this. You. Us. This.” He shoved his hand into his hair, which was much shorter than the last time I’d seen him, and tugged it with a frustrated sigh. “This isn’t…You can’t mess up, Sara, because I’ve already fallen for you. Nothing could fuck that up. Everything you do—”
My lips were on his, probably shocking him, but he caught up so quickly that we both groaned. And it was a rather loud sound inside the truck. His hands slipped into my hair, and I could feel the calloused thumbs rubbing just below my jaw and my ear. Tilting my head, he claimed me with his tongue, tasting and relishing. He slowed us down, his eyes squeezing closed as his forehead fell to mine whi
le we both tried to catch our breath.
“You mean that?” I asked, smiling when he merely nodded against me. “Me too. I thought I was crazy.”
He grinned, those long eyelashes of his sweeping up to reveal deep-brown eyes, though the pupils were just about to take over every bit of color. “Then we’re both crazy…”
Giggling, I sighed happily. “I really am glad you’re home safe,” I whispered.
He brushed kisses across my lips, not deepening them. “I’d promised you.”
I wanted to tell him it was a promise he shouldn’t have made, but he seemed fairly proud of himself.
I huffed a light laugh. “I know you did.” Nuzzling his nose with my own, I said, “Take me inside, Jack.”
He seemed to steel himself, pushing gently off my forehead, but his smile was sweet when he pulled away and opened his truck door. He reached into the bed and grabbed our bags, slinging them onto his shoulder. When I met him at the front steps of the cabin, he smiled and unlocked it.
“This property is owned by my father’s family. The cabins…Three belong to my parents and Derek and me. The fourth one we’ve considered selling, but right now, it’s unoccupied. They’re all the same. Three small rooms, a bathroom, and small kitchen and living room. When Derek’s parents died—my aunt and uncle—he inherited all of it, though he signed parts of it over when he turned eighteen.”
He led me through the place, showing me the different rooms.
“I got this cabin for myself as a graduation present from him,” he finally finished, setting the bags down in the main bedroom. He paused, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans—jeans that fit so well that I was about to drool at the sight of him. “You don’t have to stay in here. I told you, I don’t expect…”
He looked so unsure, so fragile at what I might or might not say, that I couldn’t help but blurt out, “I love you.”
When his gaze shot up from the wooden floor of the cabin’s bedroom to my face, I nodded and smiled, feeling my emotions well up.
“It’s the truth,” I said softly, shrugging a shoulder. “Somewhere between you asking me if Brody hurt me that night at the bar and your last letter telling me you were coming home, I was just…sure of it. I didn’t…I was afraid of what would happen while you were gone, and if you didn’t…But you did, and I just want you to know.”
Three long strides, and he had me pressed against the wall of the room. One strong arm was braced against the doorframe by my head, and the other trailed a light, fiery touch down the side of my face.
His lips met mine again, consuming me, igniting every inch of my skin from head to toe, and I could see that he’d been holding back, even with all the kissing we’d done the week before he’d shipped out. And now he pressed into me, letting me feel everything. He was warm, with firm, lean muscles and smooth skin, and I could feel his heart pounding in his chest. His biceps bulged beneath my fingers as I tried to hold on, pull him closer, and practically climb him.
“Fuck me, that was…the best thing I’ve ever heard,” he whispered, dragging his lips across my cheek and down my neck. Sweeping his tongue lightly across my skin, he continued softly, “I’m pretty sure it was the baseball bat that won me over, Shortcake.”
Giggling, I dropped my head back to the wall behind me with a dull thump. “You know, I’m pretty average at five foot three.” Though, I secretly loved that he called me that.
He chuckled, shaking his head, but his hands ran down my sides, only to fully cup my ass. He shifted, gripped, and lifted me up so that I had to wrap my legs around his waist to hold on.
“But I’m six foot two, baby,” he argued playfully, grinning when I set my elbows on his strong, broad shoulders. “I need better access,” he teased, but the smirk fell quickly when denim brushed against denim in the most delicious of ways. “Jesus…You are so beautiful.”
“You’re just saying that because you’ve been stuck in a desert for seven months,” I said, blushing at the compliment. I’d been called pretty and hot and cute but never beautiful, and his sincere, handsome face, his unwavering eye contact, told me he really meant it.
“No,” he said with a slow shake of his head. “No, it’s the truth. It’s because I love you too, Sara.”
Placing my hands on either side of his face, I kissed him softly, slowly, finally pulling back to smile at him. “Then show me.”
He pulled me from the wall and walked me to the bed, settling me down onto the quilt. He loomed over me, his face kind of adorably scrunched up, like he couldn’t decide where to start. To say I was nervous would have been an understatement. I’d only ever been with Brody, and we’d been broken up for months prior to Jack walking into the bar that fateful night, so it had been a long time since I’d last had sex. I knew Jack’s history too. It had come up during a long, late phone call. Kim had been his first, and there had been one other after her—a girl he’d met at a club in Portland when he and Joel went off base.
However, despite both of our anxiety, we slowly settled into one another like we’d always been together. The more we kissed, the easier the touches came. The more we touched, the more clothing was removed, until there was nothing left between us.
The way Jack touched me, kissed me, made me feel more than I’d ever felt with Brody. It was almost overwhelming, the emotions that came from his mouth, whispering words of beauty, love, and things I couldn’t quite hear, but I didn’t need to hear them to know what he was feeling. Jack seemed to claim parts of me that he liked most—a swirling tongue around my nipples, a tickling bite to my ribs, and a suckling, never-ending kiss between my legs that had me crying out his name.
When he reached for a condom, I stopped him, pulling him to me. “Just you…and me. I’m on the pill. I want to feel you.”
It was a first for him, going bare, and when he sank into me, he froze. “Oh God…you feel…”
I was pretty sure that was the last coherent words we shared. Once he started moving, everything became sensations and swirling emotions, not to mention pure love and lust and want all rolled up into each kiss, thrust, and touch.
Whispered pleas to come—and come together—were barely heard over the slaps of skin meeting skin and groaning kisses. My fingers raked down his back as everything in me pulled him closer when I fell over the edge one more time. Tears ran unchecked out of my eyes and back into my hair when Jack’s face buried into my neck as he finally came with a string of curses.
We barely left the bedroom that whole weekend, though I discovered Jack could cook a few things, especially breakfast. We talked about everything, including the possibility of another tour overseas. It made us hold each other close, making love simply to fight the pain of another separation, because now, everything had changed.
A soft knock tapped on the door, bringing me out of the memory, and I stood up from the floor. Tina was on the other side, a worried expression on her face.
“You okay? I heard you crying,” she said softly.
I nodded, swiping at my tears, but sat down hard on the edge of the bed. She sat next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
“It’s okay to freak out, you know,” she whispered like it was a secret. “You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. I get staying strong for Freddie, but…” She sighed deeply, shaking her head. “Sara, you’ll make yourself sick holding all this in.”
Nodding, I sniffled. “I know. I just…I miss him so much, and Freddie needs him. I hate not knowing anything. I hate it. I just…I want him back, Tina. I need him back, safe and sound. I’d give anything…”
Tina simply nodded, wrapping me in a hug. “God, I can’t imagine, sweetie. At least I had closure.”
She held me until the tears stopped, though they probably could have gone on and on. She finally brought me a cool, wet cloth to wipe my face.
“Get some sleep. We’ll tackle that cabin in the morning. And if Brody tries to bug you, I’ll shoot him.”
Grinning, I sniffled and n
odded. “He has a tendency to bring that out in everyone, so don’t worry. You’re not alone.” I stood up from the bed but looked at it. The memory of our first time together was way too fresh in my mind. “I can’t sleep in here. I’m going to cuddle with my boy tonight.”
“I can’t say I blame you. Poor Janie has gotten sick of me doing the same.” Tina grinned but hugged me one more time. “See you in the morning.”
The pounding of hammer to nail on the outside of Rich and Dottie’s cabin was making my headache worse. I’d cried even more the night before after curling myself around Freddie, which left me feeling empty, with scratchy eyes and a pounding head. Freddie hadn’t seemed to mind the intrusion.
Derek was slowly cutting off the natural light coming in, but Tina and I had brought a few candles and two lanterns to help us out. The damn cabin was like a time machine. Everything looked exactly the same, completely untouched from the last time I’d set foot in it. There was a fine layer of dust, but otherwise, it was pristine.
Janie and Freddie had offered to come along, and they were currently scoping out the bedrooms and bathroom for anything we could use. The kitchen had a few things—some charcoal, lighter fluid, and a few cooking utensils.
“Hey, Mom,” Janie piped up from the living room. “What’s this?”
I glanced up when Tina snorted into a soft laugh.
“Janie, girl…you really make me feel old sometimes. You know that?” she countered, rolling her eyes my way as she walked to the shelf with the old wind-up record player.
Laughing at them, I shook my head as I searched a few more cabinets.
“It’s a record player,” Tina went on to explain. “And a really old one at that.” I heard her fiddling with it just before soft music filled the room. “Maybe this will make you appreciate some changes, baby doll. Without power, there are no MP3s or CDs.”
“How does it…?” Freddie asked, and I heard the record scratch through the needle.