Until now, that is.
Because, even though there was no reason on Earth that I should have noticed him, I couldn’t help but finding myself staring infallibly into a pair of dark, piercing eyes, belonging to the rugged face of a man who I only half caught. But our gaze was unmistakable, our faces flat and unjudging. There was nothing in that moment, no emotions or feelings to analyse. It was just a look.
And it changed everything.
Things returned to normal all of a sudden, I bringing the glass to my mouth and taking a deep breath as I downed the fiery liquid, feeling it’s hotness sear my throat as I dropped the glass back down on the table.
‘Woo!’ Casey shrieked, squinting and shaking her head as I clenched my eyes shut, coughing lightly. ‘What did you think of that?’
‘But I didn’t say anything. I was too busy looking over at the guy further up the bar, leaning against it, and talking to somebody else. He wasn’t looking at me anymore – heck, I could hardly even see him. But for some reason I couldn’t keep myself from looking over at his chiselled face, raw and rugged beneath the stubble that crowded around his jawline.
‘Emma?’ Casey said, looking at me and then over her shoulder at the two guys.
She promptly whipped her head around to face me again. ‘You minx,’ she laughed, ‘Were you checking him out?’
‘What-? No!’ I stuttered, ‘Absolutely not!’
‘Just go over and talk to him,’ she said, ‘You’re Emma Clarke, it’s not like he’s gonna turn you down.’
‘Don’t be stupid,’ I said, ‘That doesn’t matter… Besides, it’s like you said, he won’t even know who I am.’
‘Exactly,’ Casey said, ‘I didn’t mean that you’re Emma Clarke, the movie star, or anything. I meant that you’re you. What guy wouldn’t want you? And, true, he won’t know who you are, which is great. You can just go and have a conversation with him without all that stuff…’
‘I… No…’ I said, smiling and turning my head away, unable to keep my cheeks from running red with embarrassment.
‘Come on,’ Casey said, taking my hand, ‘He’s got a cute friend, anyways, maybe we could figure something out…’
‘You really are awful,’ I laughed, finally giving in and letting her drag me over to the two of them.
‘Hi,’ Casey said, as we stood side by side before the two guys. They had both been leaning against the bar, talking with each other, and they both turned their heads and looked over at us inquisitively the moment Casey spoke. The one facing away from me was a brawny muscular guy with a clean-shaven face and polite eyes. The other, that is, the one whose eyes I had caught just moments ago... Well, if I hadn’t been able to take my eyes off his back then, I could hardly take them off his face now. He was indeed rugged looking, with stubble covering his jawline, thick and short dark hair, and dark eyes that seemed to look mine as if they were staring out of a window that gave a view for miles. He wasn’t as muscular as his friend, but it was easy to tell that he was toned and lean beneath his lumberjack shirt and worn jeans, which hung off him perfectly.
But above it all, it was that look that he gave me, as if I was some kind of machine that he was fascinated by…
‘Hi,’ the guy’s friend said, ‘What’s up?’
‘Well, my friend and I were just having a discussion. She thinks that you’re really hot,’ Casey said, looking over at the guy. If my face hadn’t been red before, it certainly was now. – ‘And I told her that I thought you were cuter,’ she continued, turning to the bigger guy and running a hand over his arm.
‘I don’t-… I don’t think that…’ I quickly said, looking at the guy. In front of the camera I could be somebody else… But out here, I had to be me. And I hated that.
‘So you don’t think that I’m really hot?’ The guy said, smirking at me.
‘What? No, that wasn’t…- I didn’t mean…’ My words trailed off, my heart racing ridiculously, as I looked over at him and then back to the other guy.
‘What do we call you two boys, anyway?’ Casey smiled.
‘I’m Rory,’ the bigger guy said, ‘And this is Jack. Can we get you two a drink?’
‘Sure,’ Casey said, I still trying to scrape up what little pride I had left, ‘I’m Casey, and this is Emma.’
I visibly cringed at hearing the sound of my name, but my best friend was already turning towards the bigger guy. I knew that she liked bigger, muscular guys – just her type I guess. As she sorted out the drinks with Rory, she looked over at Jack.
‘Jack,’ she smiled, ‘Emma wants to talk to you.’
God, I hated her…
‘Is that right?’ Jack said, raising his eyebrows analytically and looking me up and down. I could already tell from the way he spoke that he was smart, but I didn’t know what the heck to do right now.
Until he told me.
‘Come on over here, Emma,’ he said confidently, turning back towards the bar as I stayed where I was, looking over at him. He hadn’t even batted an eye.
Well, I guess it would be rude not to…
I took a deep breath and headed over to his side by the bar, Jack standing between me and Casey and Rory, who were already laughing and joking around with the bartender like they’d known each other for years.
It was only as I came to stand by Jack’s side that I realised how tall he was, his domineering frame hunched over the bar in a pleasant, brooding way.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said, ‘It’s my friend, she get’s a little, uhh… Enthusiastic at bars… And I didn’t mean that you weren’t cute or anything, I just…’
‘Relax,’ Jack said abruptly, looking over at me again, ‘I know what you meant. It’s okay, don’t worry about it…’
His voice was deep and husky, the kind that made you understand that he was measuring his words before he spoke them… And the kind that masked any overt emotion that might accidentally come creeping through.
‘So what’s your story?’ He asked, passing my second double whisky over to me that had just been poured thanks to Rory.
‘My… My story?’ I asked simply.
‘Yeah. What I mean is you don’t really look like you’re from round here.’
‘Oh…’ I said, briefly thinking that he knew who I was, ‘Yeah, we’re just up here from the city for a week or so, maybe. Just trying to get away from the noise and stuff…’
The noise and stuff? I thought, taking a sip of my drink and trying to relax, Smooth…
‘Fair enough,’ he smiled, taking a sip of his beer, ‘Seems like an odd place to come to for a holiday, though.’
I bit my lip, smiling as I looked up at him, he looking back at me, feeling a little relaxed… And a little intimidated by his domineering presence.
‘Well… That’s beside the point. I mean, you’re here too, aren’t you?’
‘True, but I’ve got a reason for being here.’
‘Which is?’
‘I work here.’
‘Oh…’ I said, ‘Where?’
A brief smile came to Jack’s face, a grin, as if he was holding something back from me as he took another sip of his beer and set the bottle back down on the table.
‘Down at the logging commune,’ he said, nodding at me. ‘Not exactly the most glamorous of places, but it’s good work, and I keep myself busy.’
‘Yeah…’ I said, ‘No, that’s… That’s cool.’ What I said next I didn’t mean to in the slightest – but in my flustered state, having a drink with this strange guy, it sort of just spilled out in a mess of words. ‘So do you have a girlfriend-wife… A-a family? Or anything?’
I cursed myself internally for asking something so ridiculous… But in all honesty I had no idea what I was doing right then. It had been so long since I had had a normal conversation with somebody who treated me as just Emma, rather than Emma Clarke, actress extraordinaire. It was like trying to ride a bicycle for the first time in years, and I felt like a prize idiot for being this way.
But what
caught me more was Jack’s response to my question. I expected him to laugh or smile or something. But that never happened. I could literally see his face fall flat as I went quiet, his eyes focusing in harshly on the bartop for a moment that I couldn’t explain.
‘I’m sorry…’ I said quickly, ‘That’s kind of a personal question… I hardly know you, I shouldn’t be asking those kinds of things…’
‘No,’ he said, forcing a smile, ‘No, it’s fine, really. But no, no family. Mom and Dad, back in the Midwest, but no, uhh… No girlfriend to speak of.’
I nodded, knowing that there was something he wasn’t saying but deciding not pursue it any further. I watched as he stared absent-mindedly at the drink in his hand, frowning a little, running my eyes over his profile. Now that I had a second to see him in the dim light of the bar, his face drenched in shadow, it was evident how handsome Jack really was. Usually guys like this would be falling at my feet, crowding around me like I was some kind of new fairground attraction… But here he was, coolly distant, wholly detached.
Around me the patrons drank and laughed, indulging in their conversations while Casey and Jack continued to chat fervently. Even without looking over at them it was easy to tell they were hitting it off… But my mind wasn’t on them.
It was only on Jack.
‘Anyway,’ he suddenly said, his deep, commanding voice making me jump a little as he turned back to me, ‘We don’t need to talk about me. I’m sure you’re a lot more interesting, Emma. Tell me, what do you do?’
‘What do I do?’ I asked timidly, looking over at him.
‘Yeah, y’know… For a job?’
‘Oh, I, uhh…’ I said slowly, catching Casey’s eyes over Rory’s shoulder as she looked over at me with a wide-eyed, tense expression. I could read her mind.
Are you gonna tell him that you’re probably the most in-demand actress in the country right now?
‘I’m… I work in… Media,’ I said, nodding at him. Come on, I mean technically it was true.
‘Huh…’ Jack said, nodding at me, ‘You know, I really don’t know what that means.’
We both laughed, raising our drinks to our lips.
‘Yeah, well, neither do I most of the time.’
Jack took a little sip from his beer but my heart was racing like crazy. Fuck it.
I downed my second double whisky, feeling the fiery liquid run through me once again as Jack watched me with a smirk on his face. As it set in I suddenly began to feel it’s effects, resting a hand on the bar.
‘I think you’ve one too many of those,’ Jack laughed, ‘Why don’t you take a minute…’
At that moment, Casey arched around Jack, her arm hooked around Rory’s, and smiled between us.
‘Hey, Emma, Rory and I are gonna head off to another bar just down the street, are you two okay to hang out here?’
Maybe in any other situation I would have been sceptical, but the drink had gone to my head, and suddenly I felt an internal honesty that I hadn’t felt in days. I kind of did wanna stick around with Jack…
‘Yeah,’ I smiled absentmindedly, my eyes flickering with the aroma of my drink as I began to giggle a little, ‘We’re fine to hang out here, aren’t we, Jack?’
‘Uhh…’ Jack looked between the three of us, then back to me as our eyes met once again, ‘Sure, why not. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure she get’s back home.’
‘Thanks, we’ll see you guys later…’
And with that, Casey and Rory took off for the exit, making their way out of the bar.
‘D’you always drink like this?’ Jack asked, grinning smugly at me.
‘Not exactly…’ I said, ‘But…’
‘It’s a guy, isn’t it?’
I looked up at him sharply, my mouth hanging open a little as I eyed him up and down curiously.
‘How did you…?’
‘You really think you’re the first girl who tried to drink away her sorrows?’ He laughed.
‘Fuck you,’ I laughed, not believing the words were coming out of my mouth. ‘It’s none of your business…’
‘Fine,’ Jack said casually, dismissing it.
How could he do that so casually…?
‘Let me ask you one thing, though,’ I said.
‘Shoot.’
‘Are all guys just jerks intentionally or is it some kind of guy programming that you can’t bypass?’
Jack laughed heavily, I watching him bare his perfect teeth as he ran a hand through his hair.
‘How am I supposed to answer that?’
‘Just tell me.’
We looked at each other in the dim light of the bar for a moment, smiling lightly, Jack’s piercing look making my heart race for reason’s nobody on earth could understand, least of all myself…
‘Not everybody’s the same,’ he finally said, ‘But sometimes I think that we pick the things that aren’t exactly good for us on purpose.’
‘How come…?’ I asked quietly, utterly hooked on his words.
‘I don’t know… Maybe we like the idea that we can have something we’re not supposed to have. Or we know that it’ll go wrong but we do it anyway, so we have something to dwell on when it’s all over. I mean, look around this bar…’
We were both still leaning against the bar top facing each other, but turned to look about the room and all the people in it, talking, laughing…
‘Everybody in this room wants abundance. They want everything. But I’d wager that most of them know the unfulfillment that comes from having everything that you want and need. There’s a dullness to it. And yet people spend their whole lives trying to reach that point…’
I looked up at Jack, watching his eyes look about the room intently. His head turned, for the first time I caught something I hadn’t yet seen – a scar running down his neck vertically, clean and distinguished.
‘I think I’d like another drink,’ I said, meeting this stranger’s eyes once again as he turned to face me.
Jack smiled down at me before turning behind him and saying ‘bartender’…
And that was the last thing I remembered…
Chapter Six
A drowning, a screaming, the kind of terror you only feel when the worst is happening… I hear the muffled shouts, the gargling suffocation beneath the surface and-
I sat up sharply in bed, gasping for air in the early morning light. I couldn’t count the number of times I had awoken like this, moist with sweat and shaking, my heart racing as I curled myself up into a ball where I sat on the bed, lowering my head.
‘Stop it…’ I breathed deeply, clenching my eyes shut tightly, ‘Stop…’
I finally calmed myself down after several minutes of shock, before raising my head and looking about myself.
It hadn’t even occurred to me… Where was I?
I moved a little in the sheets, feeling my head swaying in the aftermath of last night, trying to get a hold on myself before examining my surroundings.
I was in a small double bed in a plainly furnished room, with nothing but a set of bedside drawers and a cupboard opposite. The walls were lined with clean, perfectly set oak.
What had happened last night? Was I back at the house?
But, climbing out of bed in nothing but my blouse, my underwear and my socks, I quickly realised that I certainly wasn’t back at the cabin. The dock outside had two rowing boats tied up to it.
And mine didn’t.
I thought back to last night, running a hand through my hair – when I suddenly remembered.
Meeting Jack. Getting drunk. And then…
Oh, God…
I clasped my hands over my mouth, my eyes going wide.
We hadn’t had sex, had we? He must have brought back here after last night… Had we…?
I found my jeans hung over the end of the bed, pulling them on and checking my phone. 8am. It was still early.
I made my way out of the bedroom, finding myself in the upper floor corridor of the house before making
my way towards the stairs and descending them into the living room. It was set out in pretty much the same way as mine was, plainly furnished with a few neatly placed things, a record player, a chessboard, and other general miscellaneous things.
But where was Jack? Had he already headed out to work or something?
‘Jack?’ I said loudly, ‘Jack, are you here?’
I was a second away from heading upstairs to see if he was still in his room when I heard it. The dull, hard smacking sound of something being hit, hard and sharply. It had come from outside. I didn’t think much of it until I heard it a second time a few moments later… And then a third.
I headed to the back door, finding my boots and my jacket and pulling them on. I briefly checked myself in the camera of my phone – messy hair, tired eyes, but it could be worse – and headed out the unlocked back door.
And I pretty much stopped dead in my tracks at what I saw.
But it was in the best kind of way.
When I had looked out of the bedroom window upstairs I had only seen the dock – I hadn’t bothered looking straight down before the porch, where Jack was now stood. And what a sight he was.
While he was covered from the waist down in the same pair of jeans from last night, his feet clad in a pair of worn, workmans boots, his chiselled torso was exposed to the early morning breeze in the oncoming sunlight through the trees, his toned chest and defined abs tensing and relaxing with every movement he made. In one muscular arm he held a woodcutters axe as his dark, piercing eyes surveyed over a pile of logs by the porch. He looked over them intently, his eyes squinting with thought before he reached down with his free hand and retrieved one, moving over to the severed root of a tree trunk a little way from the porch and setting the log down upright.
I had never felt more captivated by anything in my life than the sight of him, clasping the long, wooden handle of the axe tightly in his hands, bringing it up over his head, the steel blade catching the sunlight in the slightest of ways as his toned, muscular body tensed up and he brought it down in a wide, hard swing. It head the wood dead centre, the hard, smacking sound making me shriek a little as I jumped, even though I knew it was coming.
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