I started walking again, not knowing how to respond to Paige. They followed my pace, the atmosphere suddenly becoming tense.
Ashley, to my relief, finally broke the silence. “For all it’s worth, Sofia, he’s different when you’re here. He doesn’t seem to be as… dark compared to when you were away.” She rubbed a palm over the back of her neck, before continuing to explain. “Look… I’m not one to pretend to understand how the mind of Derek Novak works, but maybe… just maybe… he had Vivienne send him those girls so he could get his mind off of you.”
She was the last person I expected to stand in defense of Derek. The fact that she did took me aback.
“I guess what I’m saying is,” Ashley droned on “that the best person for you to ask would be him.”
We finally reached the lift that would lead us to the walkway branching toward Derek’s penthouse. We were silent as the lift rose up the full length of the giant redwoods supporting Derek’s home. It didn’t take long before we stepped into the hall that led to the living room. I drew a breath when we found Derek waiting there, standing right in the middle of the room, fists clenched and muscles tensed.
“Where were you?” he asked.
“We went to the Catacombs,” I replied. “…to make sure Gavin has begun to heal of the gashes Claudia inflicted upon him, then we stopped by the Vale.” I motioned to the shopping bags we were holding.
He didn’t even bother looking at the bags. His eyes were on me and suddenly, I felt vulnerable under his gaze – as if his glare alone could break me. “Leave us,” he ordered.
Ashley pried the shopping bags from my hands as all three of them left for their rooms, leaving me with a brooding vampire, whose eyes were drinking in the sight of me like I was a feast he wanted to partake of. I couldn’t remember the last time I was terrified to be around him, but that was exactly how I felt as I stood before him: absolutely mortified.
Derek stepped forward – slowly and tentatively. He stopped a few inches in front of me, close enough for me to be aware of how tense he was and how his breaths were coming in slow heaves and sighs. I could sense how powerful he was, how small I was compared to him and for some reason, I couldn’t make myself look up into his face. Instead I kept my gaze on his torso, wondering what was going through his mind.
I froze when he began circling me, his hands clasped behind his back. His eyes were still on me, studying me. I wanted to shrink away from him.
“You’re trembling.”
I didn’t even notice the moderate tremble of my body until he called me out on it.
“Why? Since when do you fear me, Sofia?”
He was asking questions I didn’t know the answers to. Was it because the past few days gave me a clear picture of who he was and what he was capable of doing? Was it because the selfish bubble I was in when I first became his captive at The Shade had finally been burst and I now saw him for what he was? I didn’t know, but I did know that I feared him and I hated it. I wanted to see him as I did before – capable of good, but all I saw when I looked at him was a powerful vampire, a prince of The Shade, whose fickle whims could change at a moment’s notice.
“I’m sorry” was all I could think of to say.
He stopped circling me and stopped by my side, his breath cold against my temple as he spoke, his face inching close to mine. “You’re sorry? What exactly are you sorry for, Sofia?”
Again, he posed a question I didn’t know how to answer, so I sealed my lips shut, unwilling to dig myself any deeper.
“I’ve been defending you and your crusade to save the humans of The Shade since you got here and how do you repay me?” One of his large hands crept around my waist. His other hand cupped my jaw, his thumb running the length of my lower lip.
I wanted to flinch away from him, but I stood frozen under his touch.
He gently nudged me in position so that I was facing him. He lifted my chin, forcing me to look him in the eye. “Why do you shut me out, Sofia?”
Before I could hold it back, a tear ran down my cheek. I knew he couldn’t understand what I was going through. Neither did I… Or perhaps I did. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. I couldn’t admit to myself that I feared losing him. I feared that going on with my “crusade to save the humans of The Shade” as he so aptly called it meant that I might lose him. I feared how his touch made me ache with so much longing. I feared how much the idea of him being with anyone but me was tearing me apart inside. I feared treasuring him only to have him ripped away from me – something everyone said was inevitable.
I didn’t fear Derek Novak. I feared what loving him could mean for me.
Chapter 49: Derek
The enigma that was Sofia Claremont stood before me, trembling and tearing up at the sight of me. I would’ve given the world to catch a glimpse of what was going through her mind. Was she so disappointed in me that she still couldn’t bear to look at me even after I took her side in her case against Claudia? Was she unaware of all the heat I was under because of that choice?
Her green eyes – moistened with tears – pierced straight through me and I couldn’t help but wonder why she had such an effect on me. Why was I willing to turn my entire world upside down on her behalf? And why didn’t any of it seem to be enough for her?
What I would give to have you look at me the way you used to… My hand on her waist tightened and I could feel her body tense even more. “Why do you resist my touch?”
It was another question that she refused to answer. It felt as if she was slipping away from my fingers, and the question once again haunted me. Are you worth it, Sofia?
My confusion gave way to frustration, then to anger over her silence, over her cold treatment of me. My grip on her jaw tightened. The terror that flashed in her eyes fueled my determination to pry answers from her. Before I could think it through, I pulled her body flush against mine and claimed her lips with mine. Forceful. Rough. Adamant. Her tears were hot against my face. They stung.
She didn’t resist, but she didn’t respond either. She just hung limply in my arms, letting me have my way. When I felt the skin of her waist under my palms, my hands managing to creep beneath her blouse, I knew I was treading dangerous ground. I couldn’t trust myself around her.
She gasped when my mouth parted from hers. I set her feet on the floor and stepped away from her, afraid of what I was capable of doing to her. The way her knees buckled beneath her didn’t escape my notice, but I made no motion to help her steady herself. The idea of touching her unnerved me.
This time, I was shaking too, fully aware of how physically powerless she was against me and yet whether she was aware of it or not, she held power over me the likes of which no one else ever did before.
The mere sight of how red her swollen lips were reminded me of the warmth of her blood and the coldness of mine. We had no business being together, yet I couldn’t think of a life apart from her.
Her voice was broken when she finally managed to speak. “What am I to you, Derek?”
My life. The first thought that came to mind at her question was a hard blow that knocked the wind right out of me. I stared at Sofia, taking in her beauty from the small splash of freckles on her cheeks to her slender hourglass form to the length of her legs and then to her soft feet. She was my life and I was about to tell her that, but my silence outgrew her patience and I found her gaining confidence when she stepped toward me.
“Am I just your human pet? Your slave? Your toy? Will you one day tire of me? What will become of me when that day comes? Will you discard me as you would any other human on this island?”
I was caught breathless at how stunning she looked as she spouted out question after question, her red locks as fire over her pale white face, her eyes – listless only moments ago – now burning with rage. Her beauty distracted me from the absurdity of the issues she was throwing my way. She meant the world to me, and as far as I was concerned, her fears, though understandable, were unfounded. I smiled whe
n her lips finally settled into a small pout.
“You have a habit of asking one question after another before hearing the answers to any of them. Do you realize that?”
She glared at me, making it clear that I wasn’t about to charm my way out of this one. “Don’t make light of this, Derek. You hold my life and that of all other humans on this island in your hands. Can you blame me if I’m so fearful of you?”
I put on a straight face and cupped her face with both hands. “What do I have to do to ease your fears, Sofia? You mean everything to me. I’ve never loved a woman in my life. Not since you came along and…”
She pulled my hands away from her as if my touch somehow burned. “Don’t say things like that.” She stepped away from me. Her lips quivered as she spoke. “Not unless you mean it.”
Her withdrawal confused me and it took a couple of seconds for what she was saying to register in my mind. Once I understood, clarity came over me. I moved toward her and tilted her chin up. She moved her face to the side, refusing to look at me. I wouldn’t have it. I used my thumb to direct her face toward me, willing her to look at me. When she did, I planted a kiss – as tender as I could manage – on her forehead, her temple, her cheekbone, then on her lips.
“I love you, Sofia,” I whispered. “And I honestly believe that I could never love another woman for the rest of my life. For the first time in the past five hundred years, I am sincerely thankful for my immortality, because without it, I never would’ve found you.”
Once the words came out, I felt vulnerable to her. The words rushed out of my lips without hesitation, but it never dawned on me that she may not feel the same way until I confessed my heart out to her. I felt foolish under her gaze, her silence killing me.
“For crying out loud, Sofia. Say something.”
All I got from her was a soft, sweet smile as her hands found mine. Wordlessly, she led me to my bedroom. I watched as she bared herself to me and lay down in the center of my bed. Her surrender was my challenge. She was a fragile porcelain doll in my hands, one I loved, one I couldn’t afford to shatter. I took great lengths to be as gentle with her as possible, afraid to hurt her. Her gasp of pain made me ache with guilt when her maidenhead gave way beneath me. Still, somewhere between the pleasure and the pain, I knew everything was going to be alright when her warm lips brushed the lobe of my ear, her arms clinging over my neck.
She whispered, “I love you too, Derek.”
Chapter 50: Sofia
When I woke up, eyes still closed, my senses in a half-asleep, half-awake state, the first sensation that greeted me was the slightest ache between my legs. What have I done?
I kept my eyes shut as I thought over what I just allowed myself to do. My head was rested on his arm. Rock solid. Not exactly the most comfortable pillow. I could feel the weight of his arm over my waist, his fingers brushing the ends of my long hair. I felt the heave and sigh of his chest, my hands curved in front of me, the only thing keeping our bare bodies apart. The recollection of his toned torso, his strength, his brilliant blue eyes and the way he held me, the control he had sent shivers throughout my body.
I recalled what Ben told me back at the beach after our escape from The Shade. Sandcastles always fall, Sofia… you might as well bid it farewell sooner rather than later.
I opened my eyes and noticed how serene Derek looked asleep. I couldn’t even remember if I had ever woken up before him. It felt like the first time I ever saw him in deep slumber, looking more content than I’d ever seen him. There was a faint smile on his face and my heart leapt at the idea that maybe I was the reason behind that smile.
What I have with you… Is it a sandcastle? Will I one day have to watch it broken by time and nature’s waves?
I gently lifted his arm away from my waist, careful not to wake him. I sat up on the bed, over the edge of it, groaning at the slight ache I felt in my body. I got up and picked up my black lace lingerie from the floor, slipping them back on. As I pulled a silk night shift over my body, I kept my eyes on Derek, trying to recall what had been going through my mind as I bared myself before him the night before.
I knew what reason dictated. He was immortal and I wasn’t. I would grow old one day and he would remain the same. I dreaded the day he might grow tired of me. What we had was a sandcastle, beautiful but temporary. So why did you give yourself to him in this way, Sofia?
I made my way to my bedroom as noiselessly as I could and retrieved my sketch book and pencil from my belongings. I returned to his bedroom relieved to find that he was still asleep. I saw the trace of blood on his bed sheet, a reminder of what I had surrendered to him.
I pulled the red velvet ottoman near the edge of his bed and sat down across him, and began sketching him, never wanting to forget that moment. I knew why I gave myself to him and I didn’t regret it. Just because sandcastles are temporary, it never stopped me from making them as beautiful as possible. As I sketched his appearance, I couldn’t shy away from the truth that was staring me right in the face. I was in love with Derek Novak and the idea that he returned my affections thrilled me.
Beginning to focus on the quick sketch I was trying to finish, I didn’t realize that he’d already woken up until I looked up to find his stunning eyes on me.
“You’re so beautiful.” His gaze was hooded, his voice husky.
I blushed in response, winking at him before continuing to put the finishing flourishes on my sketch.
“Come here…” He tapped the empty space on the bed beside him. “What are you doing all the way over there?”
“Creating a masterpiece…” I grinned, crossing my legs as I lifted my sketch in the air to get a better look at it.
“Show me.” He was speaking in his typical authoritarian tone, reminding me of his station and authority.
I pouted at him. “No.”
“Will you just come over here, Sofia?” As an afterthought, he grinned and spoke the magic word, “Please?”
I placed my pencil on the nearby bedside table and dragged my feet toward the bed. I sat on the edge of the bed, sketchbook still clutched in one hand. When I got close enough, he took my free hand and pulled me on the bed beside him, making me gasp at the sudden motion.
Before I could object, he grabbed the sketchbook from my hand and lay flat on his back. Mischief traced his face as he watched me for a reaction. I curled up on the bed beside him and gave him my blessing.
“Go ahead. Look.”
When Derek shifted his gaze toward the most recent sketch, I felt my stomach flutter at the reaction on his face.
“Sofia, this is … incredible. I had no idea you could draw…”
I chuckled, recalling what he told me when I first saw him play a tune on his grand piano. “There are lot of things you don’t know about me.” I rolled to my stomach and rested my arm and chin over his chest and shoulder, watching his facial reactions as he thumbed through my sketches.
I knew every sketch by heart. They contained fond memories of him. A sketched copy of the Polaroid picture Corrine sent over. The confused look on his face as he tried to figure out how to navigate through a smart phone. His fingers over a grand piano. Our hands clasping each other’s, fingers intertwined. The way he looked standing on the balcony during our first night at The Shade, breath-taken by the incredible view.
After he finished browsing through my sketches, he eyed me questioningly as if to ask what it all meant.
“I never stopped thinking of you.”
Guilt marred his countenance. My gut clenched. He set the sketchbook aside and brushed a hand over my hair. I was curious as to why his fingers trembled. I ran a hand over his bare torso. All those times Ben tried to get me in bed with him, I held out. I didn’t know it then, but now I understood. I was holding out for Derek. He was the man I wanted to share this with, yet the apprehension looming over his countenance shook me.
“What’s wrong, Derek?”
“You were constantly on my mind too, Sofia. Trust
me when I say that… But while you were away, I just… I lost myself. I can’t even…”
Vivienne, Corrine, the girls… they all said that he was different apart from me, but it still meant a lot more when I heard from him. “I’m here now. I’m here for as long as you want me here.”
“You promise never to leave me again?”
I didn’t even hesitate. “I promise.”
“How could you trust me this way, Sofia? Trust me enough that you would give all that you are to me?”
Before insecurity could take a hold of me and make me question how he felt about what happened between us, his lips were on mine, his fingers tangling in my hair. I responded to his kiss wondering if I would ever fully understand him, not really caring at that moment if I ever would. He was a mystery I was willing to take time unraveling.
When our lips parted, I slapped him over the shoulder with my palm. Of course, there was more pain in my palm than on his shoulder. Still, he scowled at me and grabbed the assaulted area.
“What the hell was that for?!”
“You can’t ask questions like those and then just kiss me without waiting for me to give an answer, Derek.”
“Oh yeah?” Amusement flashed through his eyes. The boyish charm he rarely showed surfaced during our stolen moments of intimacy. “What else can’t I do? Enlighten me, will you?”
“I’m serious.” I frowned.
He tried to put on a straight face, but burst out laughing anyway, his hand running the length of my waist down to my hips. “Well, can you blame me if I can’t keep my hands off of you? After you seduced me last night?”
I blushed even as I feigned offense. “I did not seduce you.”
“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, Sofia. You were seduction personified from the moment I laid eyes on you.”
“You can’t say things like that.”
“Why can’t I?” He quirked a brow at me.
“I never how to react to it.”
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