Nicolette has undermined me in front of several people, but I’m not the type to confront her in public. My discussions with her after the fact always feel productive, but haven’t produced any lasting effects. During our last conversation about something she said during a meeting with Monica, she apologized for me misunderstanding her comments. “Nicolette’s showing her true colors all on her own. I don’t need to sink to her level.”
Monica leans forward. “I don’t know what your plan is, but you better not leave me here with her.”
Luke and I decided not to tell anyone of my plans to leave until closer to my departure date, we didn’t want it to affect any else prematurely.
Monica is quick and reads my pause as an admission of guilt. “Shit, you are leaving, aren’t you?”
“Monica, you can’t say anything. I’m not leaving yet, but yes Luke and I have discussed my plan to exit.” I take a deep breath. “I’ve talked to Luke about Nicolette, but he thinks I’m being jealous. I’m afraid for the time being there’s little I can say to him. He’s going to have to figure her out on his own.”
“Well, I hope he does sooner than later.” Monica stands and prepares to leave. “I’m sure having Claire here sucks for you. If she would’ve mentioned it to me, I would’ve tried to talk her out of it, not only for Luke’s sake.”
“Thanks, Monica, but his son is his family and having his picture taken with him for the business isn’t a horrible idea.” I lean back in my chair and rub my temples. “Is it too late to call in sick?”
Monica smiles sympathetically. “I won’t rat you out if you come down with a sudden case of ‘gotta get the hell outta here.’”
An hour later, I reluctantly walk over to the lawn where other employees are beginning to congregate. One of the photographers is setting up her equipment, including a tall ladder for a group shot.
I glance toward the other side of the lawn where another photographer is taking pictures of Luke. He’s posing by himself, but Claire and the baby are standing behind the camera waiting.
“All right, can I have everyone’s attention?” Monica is speaking into a bullhorn even though she could get away with not using it. “I need everyone over on the lawn for the group photo. After that’s done, we will be breaking off into groups for department photos.”
People slowly make their way to the lawn and await further instruction.
“Hey, Jess.” Ryan approaches with Simon, the assistant winemaker, who nods his good morning greeting before veering off to join his friends, a group of tasting room servers.
“Good morning, Ryan.”
“What’s that about?” Ryan nods his head in Luke’s direction.
“Family image shoot,” I say, staring at Luke. He’s now holding his son and smiling into the camera.
“His idea?”
“Not sure. There’s some speculation it was Nicolette’s doing.”
“That makes more sense. I’m surprised she could talk him into it, though.”
I pull a face, prompting Ryan to lean in closer. “Spill it. What do you know?”
“There’s a rumor that maybe she didn’t ask him.”
“Really?” Ryan’s eyes grow large and he shakes his head. “If that’s true, that’s not going to play out well for her.”
“Monica’s afraid she’s going to paint it as her idea.”
“I don’t think Luke will buy that and he definitely won’t like Nicolette interfering in his private life. He’s already concerned about her overstepping.”
“He is?” The pitch of my voice rises.
“Yeah, he confided in me last week that he was beginning to suspect she was intentionally stirring the pot. He asked me to let him know if I witnessed anything underhanded.”
“He needs people he can trust, I’m glad he’s talking to you.”
“I had to talk Luis down the other day, he was about to quit. I quietly gave Luke a heads-up. I think he had a meeting with Luis and they got whatever was going on sorted out because Luis came to me to work on some wine pairings and seemed back to his normal, grumpy self. A slightly disgruntled Luis is the best we can hope for.” Ryan smirks.
I laugh. Luis is never going to win any congeniality awards, but he makes a mean paella and runs that kitchen like a boss.
“Come on, everyone, don’t be afraid to squeeze in,” Monica yells, causing Ryan and I to abandon our conversation and join the group. “Closer,” she prods as everyone slowly inches toward the center.
I see Luke hand the baby back to Claire. They laugh about something, before he turns and looks at the group in front of him. His eyes find mine and I look away.
“One more step in, everyone.” Monica’s voice booms above the clatter. Luke takes his place at the front of the group and Nicolette scoots over to make sure she is standing next to him. From my view I see him give her a tight-lipped smile, but I can’t read his demeanor.
The photographer on the ladder gives Monica a thumbs up. Monica hands the megaphone to the second photographer and takes her place in the group.
“Okay, Bianchi-Taylor winery, on the count of three everyone say, wine and cheese. One…two…three.”
The crowd repeats the words enthusiastically. We do this several more times, until everyone’s attention is wasted, and the photographer indicates she has enough shots.
With the group photo done, I get in line to have my individual one taken. I’m almost to the front of the line, when I hear him behind me. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to react in this situation, so I pretend not to hear him and buy myself some time.
“I’d like to get a management group shot, too,” Luke says.
“Sure, we can do that,” Monica answers.
“You, me, Ryan, Jessica and Nicolette,” Luke says, and I force myself not to turn around. “Jessica?” I instantly know it’s him when he places a strong hand on my shoulder.
“Oh, hi, Luke,” I say over my shoulder, hoping I sound surprised.
He squeezes my shoulder a beat too long then awkwardly shoves his hands in his pockets. “I’d like to get a management picture of us.”
“You’re the boss.” I meant it to sound light, but it comes out with an edge to it.
“Next.” The photographer calls and I take my place for my individual shot. Ryan joins the waiting group while I try to look cheerful and relaxed in my photo, two things I’m definitely not feeling in this moment. Nicolette runs up just in time for me to knit my brows as the flash goes off.
“Sorry, one more?” I shake my sour mood and smile brightly. This time the photographer gives me a thumbs up, letting me know this one was better.
“Next,” the woman in black calls out again, and Luke and the others step forward. “Let’s have Luke in the center, flanked by the two taller ladies. Monica you can stand here.” The photographer places Monica on the other side of Nicolette. “The other gentleman can stand next to the woman in the blue shirt.” She’s talking about me.
Luke stands next to me and although I can feel his eyes on me, I don’t dare look at him.
“Woman in blue, stand a little closer to Luke, please.” I scoot closer and immediately realize my mistake in standing next to him. I’m too close, I can feel the heat coming off his body. I hold my breath, plaster a fake smile on my face, and pray I look somewhat normal in these pictures.
“Wouldn’t it be better for Jessica to be on the other side of Ryan? Her shirt is very similar in color to Luke’s,” Nicolette says sweetly.
I didn’t notice it before, but Luke and I do look like we coordinated our outfits a little too closely today—royal blue shirts, black pants, and black shoes.
“No, this is perfect.” The photographer places the camera in front of her face and begins in snap what feels like a hundred photographs.
“All right, done,” she says, only a few minutes later. I take
a step to move away, but Luke touches my arm. His eyes are pleading, he opens his mouth to speak but no words come out. Whatever he’s about to say will have to wait until we’re alone, not in front of the entire company.
Nicolette taps him on the shoulder. “Luke, I need you over with the other photographer. We need to look at the shots of you and your family to make sure we got some you’re happy with.” Nicolette feigns innocence while Luke pins her with a cold glare.
I quietly turn away from the uncomfortable triangle that’s been created and head toward my office. A stop in the ladies’ restroom to straighten myself out is in order first.
I open the door and instantly recognize the woman already in there. Unfortunately, this entire day is proving to be too much and I fail miserably at hiding my surprise at coming face to face with Claire for the first time. “Oh!” I squeak out, and before I can run away, she looks up from the baby she’s nursing, her and Luke’s baby.
“Jessica?” She smiles tentatively at me. “Nice to finally meet you, I’m Claire.”
I give her a polite, closed-lipped smile back. “Yes, I know who you are. Nice to meet you.” Nice isn’t exactly the word that comes to mind, but what else am I supposed to say?
“Sorry, I would shake your hand, but…” Her voice is shaky as she tilts her head to the feeding baby cradled left arm.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” I attempt to steady my breathing and walk over to one of the sinks.
“I hate feeding him in public places, I’m so awkward at it.” Her reflection smiles nervously at me in the mirror.
“Was Luke’s office occupied?” If she wasn’t here, I would probably splash some cold water on my neck, but I don’t want to look any more uncomfortable than I undoubtedly already do.
“I didn’t ask.” She laughs nervously. “He’s not happy today.”
I feel a twinge of jealously at her comment of Luke’s mood. There are plenty of people here today that know he’s not, but the fact that she knows is a reminder of their closer relationship. “I haven’t talked to him much today. He seemed fine out there.”
“He’s mad I’m here.” Claire offers another nervous laugh. “He’s going to be furious when he finds out I spoke with you.”
“He didn’t invite you?” I take the opportunity to ask the question I’ve been wondering about all morning.
“No.” Claire shakes her head. “It’s my fault for not thinking it through more, but when Nicolette called and explained the plan to surprise Luke with an opportunity to have some pictures with Finn…anyways, I should’ve run the idea by Luke first.”
Claire looks genuinely apologetic for her presence and I have an urge to ease her discomfort. “Nicolette can be very persuasive. My guess is she’s more to blame for Luke’s unhappiness than you are.” I grab a couple of paper towels, throwing them in the trash once my hands are dry. “I’m sure once he sees the pictures with Finn, he’ll be happy you came.”
Claire nods and a piece of her now chin length blond hair falls in her face. She pushes it back and sighs. “Since Luke’s already upset, can I speak with you for a few minutes?”
My initial reaction is to say no and run back to my office. Upon further consideration I realize this woman has been nothing but pleasant to me so far. Besides, she’s holding her infant son, I think there’s a low risk of anything getting too heated. My split second analyzing of the situation and my innate politeness cause me to sit in the stuffed chair next to the pretty blonde.
Claire tries to readjust herself in the chair to better face me and struggles to adjust the baby underneath the breast-feeding cape.
“Don’t worry, I never got the hang of the whole feeding in public, either. I’d love to tell you it gets easier, but it didn’t for me.”
“Yeah, I’m not sure it will for me, either.” She shifts her arm and they settle into the new position. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to, but I’ve wanted to talk to you for a while now. This is an awkward situation for all of us, but maybe I can help answer some questions you may have.”
I swallow and focus on the hem of my shirt.
Claire takes a deep breath. “When I found out I was pregnant, I wasn’t exactly happy about it, I didn’t even know Luke all that well after only a couple of months of dating. He had just broken up with me, telling me he wanted to be with someone else, this paired with his reputation of being, well, not boyfriend material…I didn’t have high hopes of how he’d react to finding out there was now an unplanned baby on the way.”
I nod, but don’t say anything. I was nervous myself in telling Luke when I was pregnant. Our baby was unplanned, too, but at least I knew Luke loved me and would be there for us. Claire didn’t have that.
“I was mad at myself, embarrassed, actually. Here I was, a twenty-eight-year-old-widow about to become a single mom.”
“Widow?” The word catches me off guard.
“Yes, my husband, John, died three years ago this fall.” The reopening of the wound causes a flash of pain to spark in Claire’s eyes. “He fell while on a hiking trip with some friends.”
“I’m so sorry.” Her loss is evident in her face and the way her body shifts uncomfortably. I can’t help but feel sympathetic.
“Thanks.” Claire takes a deep breath. “Anyways, I considered adoption, but then I saw the ultrasound.” Claire looks down at the baby in her arms. “Something immediately changed in that moment, and I knew I would be a single mom no matter what sacrifices I had to make.”
She pauses a moment before continuing. “Time went on and I still hadn’t told Luke. I wasn’t sure if he’d want to be a part of it and I honestly wasn’t sure I wanted him to be. After the appointment when they told me I was having a boy, I knew I had to tell him. I knew this little boy deserved the opportunity to know his father.”
“That’s when you called Luke?”
She nods. “I hadn’t talked to him in months. He didn’t want to talk to me at first, ignored his cell phone, refused my calls at work, but I persisted, and he finally agreed to talk to me. I remember thinking how tired he looked when we met for coffee, how troubled. It was clear he was dealing with something, but it wasn’t my place to ask questions.”
This would have been after the miscarriage. I think back to that time, but I don’t have a clear picture of Luke. I was too wrapped up in my own suffering to fully register his.
“It took him a minute to notice my belly. When he did, he grew very quiet. He just sat there for a moment, thinking, before saying he wanted to be involved. He didn’t say much else that day, but he came to my next doctor’s appointment with me a couple of weeks later. He didn’t seem happy to be there, but insisted he wanted to be.”
When I found out about Luke’s son, I had a vision of him meeting up with this other woman and them celebrating their miracle while I mourned the loss of mine. “I wish he would’ve been able to enjoy those moments more.”
“Me, too, but once he shared more about what he was going through I understood his hesitation to enjoy those moments more. Eventually he became more engaged at the appointments, although it would always take half the visit before he would allow himself to show any kind of genuine happiness about it. I tried to talk to him about it a couple of times, but I stopped when he told me it wasn’t something he could talk about with me.”
My heart hurts knowing that Luke struggled through this on his own. I wish I could have been there for him during this, even though I know it’s not realistic that I could’ve been.
“Jessica, Luke has always made it very clear that us being a couple isn’t a possibility, but I want you to know that it’s not what I’m looking for anyway.” The baby moves and Claire pulls back the cape, revealing her son…Luke’s son.
I haven’t seen him up-close and in person before. He has Luke’s bright blue eyes. I can’t help but stare. “He looks a lot li
ke Luke, but he has your nose.”
“He does.” She places the alert, wide-eyed boy in his carrier seat. “Finn wasn’t planned, but he is loved. He added something to my life I didn’t even know was missing.”
“I remember feeling the same way when my daughter was born.” Amelia was a surprise during college for Grant and me, but she’s the best thing I’ve ever done.
“Luke’s a great father. Even though we both thought we’d have children with someone else, life had other plans.”
I feel an unexpected ease with this woman and am surprised when I decide to ask her to share more. “Did you and your husband want kids?”
She laughs. “John wanted six, I wanted one, so we settled on a plan for three. He would’ve been an amazing dad. He was kind and fun and could always make me laugh, even on our worst days.”
The loss is apparent in her voice when she talks about him and it makes my heart ache for her.
“I’m happy Luke is Finn’s dad, but he’s not John. I’m not in love with him and he’s not in love with me. We’re turning an unexpected situation into something good.”
“I can see that.” I sense nothing but sincerity from Claire.
She takes a deep breath. “This has been a hard year for all of us. I don’t know you and I won’t pretend to know anything about your relationship with Luke. He doesn’t tell me much and it’s not my business, but I thought if you met me it may ease your mind some. I don’t want my or my son’s presence in Luke’s life to make you feel like there’s not room for you. No mother loves the idea of sharing her child with another woman, but for Finn and Luke’s sake I think we could make it work.”
I hate the thought of Amelia being around Grant’s new girlfriend, but she’s right, for their sake I try to make it as comfortable for everyone as possible. “I appreciate the sentiment and I understand how hard it is, my ex-husband has a new girlfriend, but Luke and I aren’t together.”
Claire gives me a small smile. “I think you may be more together than both of you admit.”
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