PETER AND THE VAMPIRES (Volume One) (PETER AND THE MONSTERS)

by Darren Pillsbury

  And she liked Peter.

  She was always walking by his desk at school and smiling like a puppy. “Hi, Peeeeeteeeeeeeer.” She always tried to get on his team in gym class, always tracked him down at lunchtime, and always sat near him on the bus. It was really annoying.

  “It’s your girlfriend,” Dill whispered. “Kiss your girlfriend, Peeeeeteeeeeeer.”

  Peter elbowed Dill. “Shut up,” he hissed, then half-smiled at his not-so-secret admirer. “Hi, Mercy.”

  “Whatcha doin’?” Mercy asked.

  “I forgot to do my homework,” Peter said. “Now I’ve got to write something on a historical figure in Duskerville, and I don’t know anybody.”

  “Well then who are you going to write about?”

  “He’s going to make something up,” Dill said. “I’m writing about my great-great-granpa who fought the Indians, then made friends with them and went to live in their teepee.”

  “I thought he stole horses,” Peter said.

  “I figure this is more interesting.”

  “You can write about my great-great…great-great-uncle, I think,” Mercy offered. “He was the first coffin salesman in the county. He made a lot of money when cholera hit the town two hundred years ago.”

  “Collars killed people?” Dill gasped. “I told my mom I hated wearing shirts with collars – I knew they could kill you!”

  “Not collars, silly – cholera. It’s a disease that kills you.” Mercy’s voice dropped to a whisper. “It makes you poop too much.”

  “Death by pooping?” Dill laughed. “Oh my gosh, that is the absolute worst way to die EVER. Your uncle made a ton of dough because people pooped themselves to death?”

  “That’s kind of…weird,” Peter said.

  “But you can make it cool, just add in some new facts,” Dill advised. “Make it so he was buried alive or something.”

  “That’s not true!” Mercy protested.

  “In one of his own coffins. Yeah, that’s awesome,” Dill said excitedly. “There was a sale, and he fell inside, and the coffin locked, and no one found him for two weeks and he was all dried up like a raisin. Yeah, write that.”

  Peter tried not to gag as he thought of all the raisins he’d had for breakfast that morning.

  “That’s not true at all!” Mercy cried out.

  “What does being true have anything to do with history?” Dill asked as he turned back to writing his paper. “You don’t know what happened.”

  “I do too! My mother told me!”

  “Do you have a video of it?” Dill asked.

  “Video cameras didn’t exist back then,” Mercy said, in a voice like duh, you are so stupid.

  “Then you have no idea if anybody’s telling the truth. I don’t believe anything if you can’t see it on TV.”

  “Well, they didn’t have TV until, like, 1960,” Peter said. “So what do you think happened before then?”

  “They made it all up.”

  “They made it all up?” Mercy repeated incredulously.

  “George Washington, Egyptians, Christopher Columbus, they made it all up. That’s why it’s fine to write whatever you want. They made it all up, you make it all up, what’s the difference?”

  “Dill, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” Peter said.

  “Whatever, man. You write your paper, I’ll write mine.”

  “You can come up here and sit with me, Peeeeeteeeeeeer, and I’ll tell you all about my great-great-great-uncle,” Mercy said sweetly.

  “Yeah, go sit with your girlfriend, Peeeeeteeeeeeer.”

  “Shut up,” Peter hissed. “I’m okay, Mercy, thanks anyway.”

  “Go sit with your girlfriend and learn about your new family for when you get married, Peeeeeteeeeeeeeer,” Dill giggled.

  Peter hit him in the arm.

  “Ow.” Dill frowned and shut up.

  “Well, who are you going to write about, then?” Mercy asked.

  “Uh…I’ll be okay,” Peter reassured her.

  “Hmph.” Mercy slid down out of view. She was silent for a moment, then her head reappeared over the top of her seat.

  “Peeeeeteeeeeeeer…do you have a penny?”

  3

  Peter was still writing at his desk when the first bell rang. His paper was all about a guy, Jebediah something, who fought in the American Revolution with the Indians and opened a corn store before he became mayor, rode off on a bunch of horses, and got buried alive. Peter couldn’t think straight – he was just writing, writing, writing in a panic. Whatever came out sounded good.

  Until Mrs. Cashew finished taking roll and then stood up in front of the room.

  “Well, class, I hope you did some excellent research about historical figures in Duskerville. There are so many interesting stories, I thought maybe we’d share some of them before we begin our lesson.”

  Peter’s heart was beating HARD. No, not me, he prayed silently. Not me, PLEASE.

  Mrs. Cashew’s eyes scanned the room…

  please please not me

  …passed over Peter…

  oh thank you thank

  …and then came back to him.

  She smiled sweetly. “How about you first, Peter?”

  • • •

  Peter sat in silence on the bus ride home.

  “It could’ve been worse,” Dill said.

  “How?” Peter scowled.

  Dill thought for a second.

  “I could’ve had to read mine out loud.”

  “Thanks a lot, Dill, you’re really helping.”

  Peter could see it in his mind’s eye, the big red ‘F’ at the top of the paper. Mrs. Cashew had put it there in front of the whole class, after an angry lecture on how history is about truth and there’s nothing more important than the truth.

  “Amen,” Dill had piped up from somewhere in the back of the room.

  And now Peter had to get his mother to sign the paper and bring it back the next morning. He’d never gotten an F before in his life.

  Peter shuddered and coughed. His throat felt like somebody had rubbed it with sandpaper.

  “You don’t look so good,” Dill said.

  “I don’t feel so good.”

  “Peeeeeteeeeeeer,” Mercy’s voice came from behind him.

  Oh God.

  Peter looked around to see Mercy smiling sweetly, her face perched on the seat next to him. “What?” Peter asked harshly.

  She looked taken aback. “You should have sat next to me this morning and let me help you.”

  “Yeah, Peeeeeteeeeeeer,” Dill teased.

  Peter glared at Dill. Dill grabbed the place on his arm where Peter had punched him that morning and scooted back a few inches.

  “I could have told you about my great-great-great-great-uncle, and how he sold coffins, and you could have written down everything…”

  Peter’s head was pounding. His eyes felt tight and scratchy, so he closed them.

  “…and you could have gotten an A and when you read it in front of the class, Mrs. Cashew wouldn’t have gotten mad and you wouldn’t have to get anybody to sign it, Peeeeeteeeeeeeer.”

  Peter put his hand to his forehead. He felt hot and clammy. “Well, it’s too late now.”

  “But you can sit beside me now, Peeeeteeeeeer. We could sit and talk before the bus ride is over, and…”

  Mercy looked like she was about to take a big jump off the high dive…but despite her fear, she decided to go for it.

  “…and if you wanted to, you could come over to my house after school and we could have snacks and watch TV. If you wanted to.”

  Oh God. That was all he needed. An invitation to go sit on Mercy Chalmer’s couch covered in cat hair, and listen to her nose go wheeeee wheeee wheeee all afternoon while they watched weird church TV.

  There was a sharp pain in Peter’s head. Beside him, Dill was trying to contain his laughter.

  “Well, I don’t want to,” Peter answered crossly.

  Mercy looke
d shocked at Peter’s tone. “Well, maybe tomorrow – ”

  Dill went quiet. Or maybe Peter just couldn’t hear him because of the pounding of blood in his ears.

  “No, not tomorrow.”

  Mercy looked like somebody was threatening to throw one of her dolls down a well. “Well, maybe – ”

  “NO, not today, not tomorrow, not any day,” Peter said angrily. “Don’t you get it? I don’t want to. EVER.”

  Peter turned around and leaned his head against the seat in front of him. He had a knot in his stomach the size of a watermelon, but it wasn’t because of the pounding in his head or the scratchiness in his eyes. It was the way he had treated Mercy.

  He felt horrible, but he couldn’t force himself to turn around and say anything to her. She might think he had changed his mind. Then she might start talking again. No, whatever he did, he couldn’t turn around.

  They rode the rest of the way in silence. He heard Mercy get off at her stop and walk past him, but he never opened his eyes.

  “Goodbye, Peter,” he thought he heard her say. Her voice was sad.

  Huh, he thought. She didn’t say Peeeeteeeeeer.

  And then she was gone.

  4

  Peter and Dill got off the bus.

  “You okay, man?” Dill asked.

  “I’m fine.”

  Peter tried to walk straight, but the ground felt like a big ship, pitching and rolling beneath his feet.

  “Cuz…you were kind of harsh on Mercy.”

  “What’d you want me to do, kiss her?” Peter snapped. Suddenly it was hard to breathe. He stopped walking and leaned over, his hands on his knees.

  “Seriously, dude, you look pretty bad,” Dill said, but his voice sounded small and distant. Little bitty voice coming out of Dill’s face, just two feet away.

  “I’m okay…” Peter insisted, and then his knees buckled and he fell to the ground.

  “Oh jeez, oh jeez,” he heard Dill cry out, although he couldn’t see him. “Don’t move, okay? I’m gonna go get your mom, don’t move, okay? Oh jeez, oh jeez, it was only an F, dude!”

  Then there was the sound of Dill’s feet running away.

  And then there was nothing.

  • • •

  He could hear voices as he drifted in and out of consciousness. They didn’t make much sense, but he didn’t care. It was like he was treading water in an ocean of darkness, waves lifting him up and down, up and down. He felt like throwing up sometimes, but then it would pass. The voices would come back, then go away again. The waves would stop moving for awhile and he would drift peacefully down into the dark, and then it would all start over.

  5

  Peter woke up on the couch in the den. There was a damp cloth draped across his forehead. He felt very weak, and his mouth tasted bad.

  It was dark outside. Pitch black. The room was dark, too, except for a lamp very close by. Grandfather was sitting next to him in a wooden chair, reading from a giant leatherbound book.

  “Hi,” Peter tried to say, but it came out as more of a froggy croak.

  The old man peered over tiny spectacles. His wild hair looked yellow and dingy in the lamplight.

  “Gave your mother a bit of a fright there, boy,” Grandfather said gruffly.

  “What…what happened?”

  “Your little fool of a friend came in yelling about you dying. We found you passed out in the middle of the lawn, took you to Dr. Rarrigen right away. He said it’s the flu, particularly nasty case. Gave us some medicine to help with the nausea, but said there was no reason to take you to the hospital in Charterton unless you get over 103 degrees. So we’ve been putting ice on your forehead and spooning broth down your throat the last 24 hours.”

  “Twenty-four hours?” Peter said. He tried to sit up and found he couldn’t.

  “Don’t get up. If you have to vomit again, let me know, there’s a bowl by the couch.”

  “Where’s Mom?”

  “Sleeping. She stayed up with you all yesterday night.”

  Peter shook his head. “I don’t remember any of that…”

  “What about the doctor’s? You were answering his questions.”

  Peter closed his eyes. “I was on the bus with Dill…Mercy was there…”

  Grandfather knitted his brows. “Mercy Chalmers?”

  “You know her?”

  “I know her family. Go on.”

  “I got an F on my paper…”

  “What paper?”

  Peter paused. He’d already spilled the beans, and it was too hard to think. He might as well tell everything.

  “History…I was supposed to write about a historical figure in Duskerville…”

  Grandfather snorted. “You don’t know a damn thing about Duskerville.”

  “I made it all up…that’s why I got an F.”

  Grandfather turned back to his book. “Why didn’t you ask me, you idjit? I know everything about this accursed town.”

  “Dill made up a whole bunch of stuff…his grandfather or somebody…became an Indian…lived in a teepee…he says all history stuff is made-up, so I made up some, too.”

  Grandfather snorted again. “Fools of a feather. I told you that boy is trouble just waiting to happen.”

  “Mercy tried to get me to write about her…great uncle or something…sold coffins…”

  Grandfather looked back up from his book. He shut it and was quiet for a minute. When he spoke, he was very serious.

  “What did she tell you?”

  “He sold coffins…made a lot of money…collar…something…”

  “Cholera. Yes, that’s the official story…the made-up one. Maybe your idjit friend is onto something.”

  “What’s cholera?”

  “It’s not what killed all those people, I can tell you that.”

  Peter perked up. “What?”

  “And those coffins were only half-used. ‘Half lived-in,’ you might say.”

  Peter squinted. It was getting harder to concentrate. “What are you talking about?”

  “Dark days, boy. Go back to sleep.”

  Peter didn’t want to, of course. He wanted desperately to hear about the people who died from something other than cholera…and the half-used coffins…

  But darkness had its say, and sleep gently washed over him again.

  6

  He woke up in the morning as his mother wiped a cold cloth on his forehead. She looked worried.

  “Honey, how are you feeling?”

  “Better.”

  It was true. His stomach wasn’t nauseated, and his head didn’t hurt so much anymore. He felt very weak, but that was mostly it.

  “Can you eat something? Some ice cream or something?”

  Mmmmm. Ice cream. Peter felt ten times better.

  He nodded. “I don’t have to go to school, right?”

  His mother kissed his forehead. “Honey, you don’t have to go to school for a long, long time.”

  Peter suddenly felt a hundred times better.

  • • •

  It wasn’t so bad after that. He got stronger with every meal. He listened to the ancient radio in the den as he laid on the couch. (Despite Peter’s pleadings, Grandfather still hadn’t bought a television.) They kept Beth far away from him – half so he could recover in peace, half so she wouldn’t get sick – and that was the best part of all.

  Dill called Wednesday afternoon. “Hey, what’s up. You okay?”

  “Yeah,” Peter said.

  “I thought you were dead, man.”

  “Thanks,” Peter said sarcastically.

  “No, I was really worried. I came around Tuesday, your mom said you hadn’t even woke up yet. I thought you were in a coma or something.”

  “Oh.” Wow, Dill was being sincere. That was a first. “I’m okay…thanks for running and getting them.”

  “You scared me, dude.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Your face scares me most of the time anyway, so no big deal.”
>
  “Ha ha.”

  “Hey, guess what – ”

  But that was when his mother took the phone away. “Sorry, Dill, Peter needs his rest. He’ll see you again when he’s well, okay? Bye.”

  She hung up while Dill was still protesting on the other end of the line.

  7

  Sunday night was both good and bad. There were hamburgers for dinner, which was good. His mom grilled them in a pan on the stove. And French fries, too, the curly kind, that she baked in the oven.

  But Peter felt well enough that Mom said he should go back to school the next day. “If you’re strong enough to be running around the house after Beth, you’re strong enough to go back.”

  That was bad. Because now he had to get that history paper signed. The one he made up. The F.

  He was dreading it…maybe Mrs. Cashew would forget all about it. He had been sick for awhile now…

  No, Mrs. Cashew had it in for Peter. She would never forget.

  Never.

  Peter trudged up to his room after dinner and unzipped his backpack. There it was, the big red ‘F.’ Peter sighed. First he would have to explain to Mom. Then there would be a huge lecture, and grounding, and –

  Unless Grandfather signed it.

  Grandfather already knew about it. And he hadn’t seemed to care that much.

  Peter thought back to that night when he woke up and found Grandfather reading by the couch. He had almost forgotten their talk about the failing grade. And something else…something about coffins that had only been half-used…