My mouth gaped. Then, I gulped. “Four, I think.”
When he died, my happy days died with him. My mother became more distant. My brothers became more controlling. The word lonely doesn’t begin to describe what those years were like because that word doesn’t mention all the physical pain. Yes, my spirit had ached for companionship, but it also ached because it didn’t understand the hatred. My young self simply couldn’t fathom why my brothers enjoyed their cruel creativity.
Hesitantly, Lynx licked his upper row of teeth, all the while staring at me. “And hers?”
I could literally feel the blood draining from my face. Lynx was connecting dots with barely knowing what dots stood before him. The connections made no sense to me, but him figuring them out told me I was missing some serious key points.
Nervous, I answered, “She thinks she was six.”
Dagger’s eye widened as his head jerked back in surprise. Then he regarded his Prez as if also connecting dots I was still blind to.
Lynx silently acknowledged him, but asked me, “You view your brothers as more powerful than your mother, right?”
As if that was a dumb question, I shrugged. “They are.”
Not sounding convinced, he asked, “The age difference between you and them?”
“Four and five years.”
A distracted hand pulled at his bottom lip. More to himself, he said, “Too young to have been running the ship. Who is steering their behavior?”
“Damien,” I answered.
Hearing my eldest brother’s name, Lynx’s shoulders lifted, then fell. He nodded but not convincingly.
“What?” I asked.
Lynx took another deep drag of his cigarette. “You say your mom didn’t know you and Lace were an item.”
“Correct.”
“What did she know about you?”
I wasn’t appreciating him insinuating my mom wasn’t involved in my life. I was preferring my denial. “Plenty.”
“I see.” His tongue pushed against the inside of his cheek. “Is Lacey just as close to her mom, too? The one who isn’t even concerned of her whereabouts after three days?”
Are you toying with me? I glared.
“I see.” Lynx inhaled smoke. “Does Lacey even feel her mother can protect her?”
Continuing to prod was grating my nerves even more. “Of course not. Her mother can’t. The brothers are too overpowering. That’s why we protected them.”
He blinked. “Who is protecting who?”
Starting to feel inadequate to even be sitting at the table with these intelligent men made me even more annoyed. “The brothers… They told us they would hurt our moms if Lace and I didn’t do what they wanted.”
Vice leaned his chin to his joined hands that were propped up by his elbows on the table.
“What?” I asked him, really getting perturbed.
He opened his hands in surrender before resuming the lean. “Nothing. You’re all good, kid.”
I glared at each of the men. “They are overpowering. You don’t understand.”
Lynx shook his head. “Nope. I don’t. Try explaining it to me.”
“I. Was. Scared they would hurt my mom like—” I exhaled.
“Like what?” prompted Lynx, as if already knowing the answer.
My nostrils flared. Yes, I was getting very angry, but I was also completely overwhelmed. I felt like a cornered animal who needed to protect himself.
Lynx pushed back. “Moms are very capable of ruling the roost. They can be deadly protectors. Why. Not. Yours?”
“Because,” I stalled, the trapped feeling intensifying.
Lynx growled, “Because what?”
Feeling as if on the verge of exploding again, I gave my last warning by growling, “Why are you doing this?”
Lynx leaned forward and tapped his thick finger on the table. “Because I need to hear you say it.”
“I took the brothers on! All four of them! Purposely, toward the end to protect Lacey!” I sneered, “I did the best I could.”
Lynx put his cigarette out in a glass ashtray. “No one is accusing you of not protecting your girl. I promise. But your fear of these assholes runs too deep. There’s somethin’ you’re not telling me.”
Propping my elbows on the table, I aggressively rubbed at my forehead with all ten of my agitated fingers. “Why am I getting angry?” My emotions were so erratic; I felt like I was getting into multiple car accidents, one right after another.
Dagger took a turn. “Personally, I think there are two reasons. One? For the very first time since your dad passed, you don’t have to be afraid. Two:” He exhaled, his voice softening, “I think you don’t want to consider that you did all this for a woman who isn’t even searching for her missing child.”
I slammed my hands against my forehead and stayed there as I groaned, “It can’t be true.”
Lynx’s voice resonated with compassion and leadership. “Someone finally has your back again, kid. Now there’s room to get mad. You’re gonna need that anger to get through this. Take advantage of having the chance to see your situation from another point of view.”
Point of view…
One finger lifted from my forehead to point to him. “Your point of view?”
He nodded, as if pleased. “Yeah, kid. Mine.”
Inhaling for strength and courage to allow these men to keep teaching me, I nodded, too, trying to voice that I could handle more, even though I was truly nervous that I couldn’t.
With an expression that said he respected my willingness, Lynx continued, “You see a woman in need of protection. I, as someone from the outside looking in, can’t help but wonder how a mom—who can’t afford to feed a son—can afford to put her two other sons through college.”
Blink. Blink.
Well, shit. Due to unwanted sorrow in my heart, I rubbed at my chest.
Knowing he was getting somewhere with me, Lynx nodded while changing his stare to look out into the backyard. “Another example? I’ll bet your brothers each had a car.”
I cringed because, in fact, they did. Newer ones compared to the heap I was eventually given because my mom didn’t have time to drive me to school.
I guess my not answering was the answer. Again, Lynx nodded, his eyes squinting against the sun. “I’m really sorry about my next question.”
Under the table, my knee started to bounce.
“Do you think you had a different dad than them?”
My lips parted and moved, but no words came out. Yet, as if taking advantage of the opportunity to help me see, my mind raced to that scenario. Not only did my brothers detest the man, but there were more obvious traits, such as my light blond hair; theirs was dark brown. My dark blue eyes; theirs were light blue. Me outgrowing their shorter stockier builds.
Neither brother of mine looked anything like my tall father.
Unexpected loneliness seeped into my spirit. The possibility that Damien and Crow were only my half-brothers and were terrible to me, I wondered if I actually had brothers at all. Were evil ones better than none?
Lynx let a finger toy with his pack of cigarettes. “Your dad was a good man, wasn’t he?”
Fighting down emotions, I nodded repeatedly. “Yes. Always kind.”
“That must be why you are still good, and not rotten like your brothers.”
Was Lynx implying my mother was to blame for their wicked ways? Did that mean I had a chance of becoming cruel, too?
My eyes slid shut. “I only had him for a short amount of time. What if—”
“You look at me. Right now.”
My eyes opened.
Lynx was with a stern pointed finger. “You. Are. Good. Got it?”
I swallowed. “Got it.”
His nostrils flared. “Would Lacey love anyone who was bad?”
My shoulders folded with relief. “No. She is pure of heart.”
The valiant President of the Steel Stallions simmered down as he sat back in his chair. “Spe
aking of Pretty Girl, what do you love about her?”
“The easier question to answer would be what do I not love about her.”
“Alright. I’ll bite. What’s the answer?”
I stared him dead in the eyes so he would understand how honest I was being. “Not one damn thing.”
Sadness crept into Lynx’s eyes. “Through anything? Thick and thin kind of love?”
My brows bunched together. “We’ve been over this. Do I really need to answer that? She is my evermore.”
“Evermore?” asked Dagger.
Frustrated, I merely replied, “She knows what it means. That’s all that matters.”
After staring at me for a long minute, Lynx ran a hand down his face, then said words that rocked my world. “Kid… She’s lost all her memories.”
“No,” I said in sudden shock that was overpowering, to say the least.
“I’m sorry.” He meant it. I could feel it. “She don’t remember a damn thing.” He shook his head with such remorse I felt his pain. “Not even you.”
The whole conversation, up to this point, was devastating to my soul. Now this?
There was a chair holding me up, but I couldn’t feel it. That’s how dramatically the world fell out from underneath me. It just disappeared. Leaving me hanging in midair.
As I floated there, in shock, my heart decided to take over and make all my decisions for me. And that decision was… “Then I will make her fall in love with me, all over again.”
CHAPTER SIX
Watching Tate
These men were extraordinary. Every morning I would wake with one sleeping in a chair next to my bed. To not wake them, I didn’t stir much. I just snuck my foot out from under the blanket to feel the sun on my toes and tell myself the same sun was touching my girl.
“You okay, kid?” asked a groggy Dagger.
“Yeah. You guys really don’t have to watch over me at night. I’m all good.”
In surprise, Dagger’s lips pursed, as if debating whether or not to say something. Finally, he smiled and said, “Just doing what we think’s best.”
It was hard to ask admirable men to not do their best, so I didn’t.
A few more days had passed, and Lacey’s guardian angel was now legally her guardian in the eyes of the law. Doc’s judge friend hadn’t failed him and gave him custody of Lace. Since medical doctors had cleared her, she was taken from the hospital and given a room at the Serenity Institute. When I was told this, I pictured my poor girl locked in a big room with a bunch of unstable men and women drooling and shit, but Lynx assured me Serenity was a five-star joint. Lacey was in the nicest institute out there.
My arms desperate to hold her, I begged, “Please, let’s just go in there and get her.”
Sitting on the couch with me, Lynx laid a hand on my shoulder. “I feel ya, kid. I swear I do, but… she’s got a bunch of eyes watching her. Snatching her away from them will be tricky enough. Her screaming because she doesn’t remember who you are? Those are complications that will get the Po-Po on our trail.”
I still couldn’t believe she didn’t remember me. Just the mention of it had me feeling like I no longer belonged on this earth. My purpose had faded away. I grabbed the sides of my head. “This is so hard.”
“Lesson time.” Kindly, he pulled my hands down. “Never let pryin’ eyes see ya sweat, kid.”
What? Frantically, I peered about. “Are we being watched?”
He laughed. “Yes, but by friendlies. What I meant was—”
Naturally paranoid due to my brothers, I peered over the back of the couch to see past the dining room table and out the front windows. “What friendlies?”
Lynx casually stated, “The chapter we were, uh, visiting when we came across you. They’ve got a rotation kickin’ to keep an eye on us.”
The only ‘rotation’ who had ever watched over me before meant me harm. I could almost feel my brothers looming, their eyes hungry. “Lynx, why?”
“Because they’d prefer me to be stayin’ at their nearby clubhouse.”
I figured ‘they’ were trying to control him just like my brothers did me. “Why?”
“Settle down. It’s a good thing, Pup. Breathe. It’s just a case of that Prez not liking this one,” he touched his chest, “unprotected on his turf.”
This sounded complicated, so I asked a very intricate question. “Why?”
Lynx smirked. “Because I’m the President of the Original Chapter. I’m the one who has final say over all Steel Stallions.”
Impressed, I leaned to the side to eye this man. Yes, I knew he was a President of some club in Austin, but Lynx hadn’t shown any arrogant signs that he was some top dog of others, too. “How many Stallions we talkin’?”
With pride, his smirk grew. “Enough to handle any shit you have comin’, anywhere in the country.”
“Wow.” I sat there, stunned and rather humbled this man was taking a chance on little ol’ me. But as these three men had shown me, daily, I quickly recovered and teased, “I guess I won’t be winnin’ that thousand bucks, after all.”
Lynx sat back, spreading his arms over the back of the couch, suddenly looking like the king I hadn’t known he was. “I sure the hell hope not, Pup. Because that would make your enemies some of the scariest fuckers ever.”
A realization struck me. “You’re not staying at that clubhouse because of me. Isn’t that right?”
He dipped his chin. “That’s correct. I needed to know what I was dealing with before putting them in harm’s way.”
“But you said—”
“Just because you have the power don’t mean you should use it. Having ‘say’ over all my boys also means I’m responsible for them. Each and every one of those men are my brothers. Sons. Family. I take care of my family.”
“Damn. That’s a lot of weight to carry. You must think my constant worry over Lace is small time.”
“Hell no, kid. That’s a whole other kind of love. That’s beyond the heart. That’s soul shit.” He released a shiver. “Fuck. If Elle were in the shape your girl is… Fuck, I can’t even go there. You functioning at all right now tells me what a survivor you are.” He eyed me. “I know you’d die for her without a second thought.”
Damn straight. “I’d take my own life at this very second if it guaranteed her safety.”
“Jesus H. Christ. Dagger is right. You are a mini-Lynx.” He smiled at me with admiration. “You make vouching for you so easy, you little Life Warrior.”
Honored that such a man as he had my unimpressive back had me quietly saying, “Thank you.” I nodded, insecure about deserving such kindness. “And… thank you for all you’ve done for me. I hope I can make it up to you someday.”
He playfully ruffled my hair. “Don’t get all emotional on me, ya putz.”
The noble leader of the Steel Stallions got up from the couch and walked away, making me smile. That man was walking away so no one saw him sweat, so no one saw him caring for me. I was okay with that. I didn’t need anyone to see it. Feeling it in my heart was plenty.
Receiving care, food, and support, it was mind-blowing how fast I healed. Within one week, I was off pain meds and almost done with my antibiotics. Doc visited me and cleared me for showers. He hoped the next time he saw me he could remove my stitches. He said the ones in my mouth had dissolved as they were supposed to.
Warm water from my first shower was one of the best feelings I had ever experienced. I felt like I was literally washing away anxiety. I felt rejuvenated and ready to tackle my next obstacle. I also felt I owed a thank you to Lynx’s woman.
Even though Elle had never met me, she had a shipment of vitamins and natural herbs dropped off right away. It was a little comical to see a big ol’ burly biker pulling up in the driveway and delivering a brown paper bag of ‘herbs’ that were truly organic herbs.
Lynx had bitched, “What the fuck is Elle doing to my Colorado club? Has them shoppin’ in some health food store? Jesus H. Christ. Sh
e trying to kill their image?”
Either way, I was honored and promised to properly thank her myself someday.
Entering the kitchen, I saw Vice at the stove. I still wasn’t used to it. He was so big he looked out of place. He could barely see under the exhaust fan! But man could he cook. He had a pot of shredded chicken soaking in barbeque sauce.
I took a whiff. “Vice, damn. That smells incredible.”
Behind me, at the bar, Lynx was sitting on a barstool, talking on his cell. “Fucking miss you, babe. Like, no fucking lie…” The gun sitting next to him no longer shocked me. These guys were always either packing or with weapons in reach.
Lowering my voice, I asked Vice, “He talking to Elle?”
“I sure hope so; otherwise, we have problems because Elle knows how to use a gun.”
Chuckling, I faced Prez, and whispered, “Please tell her thank you for me.” I regarded all the bottles of vitamins on the counter.
Lynx dipped his chin, pride in his eyes, then said, “Babe, I have someone here who wants to talk to you.” He handed me the phone.
Not sure why Lynx was trusting me to talk with his woman, I timidly pulled the phone to my ear and shyly said, “Hello?”
Because she was biker royalty, in every sense of the word, I was expecting the conversation to be extremely awkward, but a sultry female’s voice happily asked, “Is this Nine Lives?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I have heard so much about you I feel like we’re already friends.”
My heart bloomed. From everything Lynx had said about her, she was almost as perfect as Lace. Her considering me a friend was an honor. “Uh, I just wanted to thank you for the vitamins and herb stuff.”
Hostile Saint (Steel Stallions MC Book 1) Page 7