“No. Sorry.”
Vice seemed to age right in front of me. “Lacey, uh, spoke of a place with hallways. Lots of kids. And,” he looked to the wooden floors, “screams.” He ran a palm down his face. “Said that, before getting there, she had been in a car for a ‘real’ long time.”
I nodded, petting Charlie. “That feels true.”
“She said the place started with an M.”
I jolted, suddenly seeing a green sign on a side of a road… “Missouri.”
He blinked. “Of course. We kept rattling our brains, and there it was, right next to Kansas.”
“I wish I had more intel for you.”
“That’s okay. Maybe more memories will come.”
“Am I a coward to not want more nightmares?”
“Kid, if yes, then I am a downright pussy. Your memories scare the shit out of me.”
I smiled. “Point taken.”
Vice stood. “Alright. Scrub your butt then come get some chow. I’ll let them know about all this.”
Following Charlie down the open stairs, the big windows showed a picturesque view of the vast lands in front of the lavish home. But, more importantly, I smelled food. Once to the bottom floor, Charlie took off to the left and ran out a swinging doggy door. I followed my nose.
To my right was the open kitchen. There were four women putting away food and doing dishes. One waved when she saw me. “Are you Saint?”
“Yeah. How’s it going?”
“Hey!” said a very pretty brunette with big green eyes. She was the one Dagger had been with. The one who had cleaned my sheets.
“Hey, Jewel, nice to see you again.” I was sure my cheeks were on fire, thinking of what I did to those sheets.
“Hungry?” she asked, “Georgia saved a plate for you.”
“Starving. Thanks.”
I headed around the island and into the kitchen, but Jewel demanded, “Go. Sit. Relax. We love taking care of you guys.”
“Oh. Okay.” As I sat on a stool, I tried to think back to the last time my mom had taken the time to make me a meal. Since I couldn’t recall, I thought of the scruffy bikers, standing in the rental’s kitchen, and instantly knew I would always miss that place.
As Jewel uncovered a plate housing a gigantic hoagie, she set it in front of me. “Here ya go. Sorry, you missed breakfast.”
“I did? Damn, how long did I sleep?”
She looked at her watch. “It’s two.” She pointed to my plate. “Is a sandwich okay? Need me to make you something else?”
I was already grabbing half of it. “Hell no. This is perfect. Thank you so much.”
Another girl came to my other side and laid a napkin and silverware next to me. “You are the cutest thing! I’m not used to manners around here.” Afterward, she laid a hand on my shoulder and proceeded to move that hand on my back. I tried not to cringe, to not hurt her feelings, but I think I still did. It simply felt awkward to be touched by those I didn’t know.
Georgia came from the laundry room, quickly eyeing the girl next to me while saying, “Afternoon, Saint.”
“Hey. Afternoon. I guess I slept in a little bit.”
“Not a problem. You got in super late.”
Jewel set a couple of bottles in front of me. “Here’s your herbs.”
The girl touching me purred, “Need me to get you some water?”
Her hand lingering on me was now making me even more uncomfortable. I was sure she was just trying to be nice, but I wanted her to stop.
Jewel suddenly clipped, “Benz, the water is in the fridge. Not under his clothing.”
My jaw dropped, clueless to her meaning. Why would she want under my clothing?
Georgia gave Jewel a look-over, then smirked.
Benz? Her upper lip curled in a displeased manner. “Who put you in charge of the new meat?”
New meat? I lifted the upper piece of bread on my sandwich to examine the meat, thankful to not find it old.
“I did,” barked Georgia. “Now, scram and do some laundry before I kick your twirkin’ ass to the curb.”
After a huff, Benz left my side and went to the laundry room behind the kitchen.
“Sorry,” whispered Jewel to Georgia. “He clearly doesn’t want her—” Jewel gazed at me and said, “—attentions.”
Georgia claimed, “You clearly have a brain. Watch over him when the boys aren’t around.” She walked toward the laundry room. “I have some ‘clothes’ to ‘iron’ out.”
Another girl, who I had forgotten was even in the kitchen, set a glass of water in front of me. “Do you know if Lynx has an Old Lady? He’s gorgeous.”
I was starting to suspect I had misunderstood the meaning of ‘meat’ by the way this girl was practically drooling on the kitchen island.
“Uh,” I started to answer, only to be interrupted by Jewel.
She told the girl, “Do your job and stop hunting for a man.”
The girl snarled. “Damn. You do one VP and now you’re in charge?” She stomped off.
Jewel took a deep breath… then smiled at me. “Would you like anything else to drink? Coffee?”
I did my best not to gag. Coffee was terrible. “Uh, have any orange juice?”
The fourth girl, a little blonde that made me think of Lacey, giggled. “You’re so adorable. I would have guessed you’re a chocolate milk kind of man.”
My eyes widened. “You have chocolate milk?”
She winked. “Want some?”
“Wow. Yeah. That would be awesome.”
From a commercial-sized refrigerator, she pulled out Hershey syrup. My mouth started to instantly water until she said, “Don’t worry, I won’t try to rape you in exchange.”
I jerked and blinked, trying to get rid of sudden images of Lacey on the ground, in the woods, Damien on top of her—
“Hey. Hey.” Male hands had a hold of my shoulders. “Look at me.” I blinked, then sagged when seeing Lynx. “I got you, feel me?”
I exhaled deep relief. “Yes, sir—” I froze when realizing there were many eyes on me; Eagle, Vice, and a couple of other bikers that I had yet to meet.
Sadness crept over me as I started to realize why Lynx didn’t want me at this clubhouse, or other places. I was… different. Man, that felt instantly isolating. Something I knew well. At school, I had always sat by myself in the cafeteria. In the classrooms, I barely spoke.
When with Lacey, none of that mattered. All the loneliness melted away.
The same with Lynx, Dagger, and Vice. So far, they had made me feel normal.
Now, on that stool, I was starting to feel awkward as fuck until… Clink! Clink! Clink!
I looked to Jewel.
She was stirring a spoon in a glass of milk. “Tell me you like it extra chocolaty.”
With surprise in his grey eyes, Lynx smiled at Jewel, then released me. Ruffling my hair, he chuckled, “Extra chocolaty? That wouldn’t shock me.”
Distracted from what I had been thinking about, I admitted, “I, uh, don’t think I have ever had extra syrup before. Not unless they put it in the chocolate milk bottles at gas stations. I had one once. It was a good trade, not putting that gallon of gas in my car.” As everyone stared at me again, I quietly added, “I mean, I did put four gallons in my car.”
Clink! Clink! Clink! Jewel didn’t miss a step. She pfft then said, “No gas station’s got shit on me. Saint, get ready for a sugar overdose.” She lifted the Hershey bottle and poured more syrup, then went back to stirring.
I sat on that stool, amazed at the luck that kept coming my way.
Even Lynx was happy as Hell for me to get more chocolate. He pointed to Jewel and stated, “You’re a badass bitch.” He looked to Eagle. “Hear me?”
“Loud and clear,” proudly replied Eagle.
The word bitch seemed a bit harsh to me, but Jewel beamed over the compliment and kept stirring.
As Vice had said, ‘Who are we to judge?’ I chose not to, either. Instead, I picked up the sandwic
h—that I must have dropped to my plate—and took a huge bite.
Dagger entered the room, quickly assessing me. “Pup, what the fuck are you doing?”
My mouth was full as I tried to smile. “Ge’ing cho’clate mulk.”
He grumbled, “You’re in here I’ spoiled when there’s work to be done,” but nonchalantly pulled out his phone and pretended he wasn’t taking a picture of my first chocolate milk as a prospect.
I appreciated him wanting to capture moments that were more innocent. It was as if he knew they would soon disappear. That the life ahead of me would steal them all away and keep offering me different points of view.
Including the one after having a loaded gun placed in my hand.
After I ate and was in the hangar with those permitted to overhear club business, it was explained to me that I needed to tell Lacey I would be gone for a few days. The thought of not seeing her was enough to make my full stomach turn, but it’s what was needed in order to make this world a safer place for her.
That’s why, when at a shooting range on Stallion property, I focused on every bit of instruction I was being given. How to hold the gun. What kind it was. How to reload it. How to aim. To remember it is hot after firing… The first time I fired it, I was flabbergasted. The loud boom echoed through my arms, my chest, my whole body. It was exhilarating and terrifying.
It was deadly.
It was lifesaving.
It was what I would conquer for my Lacey…
Thankfully, Doc had heeded my warning, and he had yet to replace the bars on Lacey’s windows. And, on this night, she wasn’t even drugged.
As I crawled through the window, she was full of smiles. “Hi.” She shyly waved.
Once to my feet, I stood there staring at every ounce of her perfection, yet scared shitless.
Was I petrified to soon be a state away from her? Maybe. But I couldn’t shake the dream state I felt I was in while in her room. I just couldn’t move. Still staring at her, I hoped it wasn’t the last time.
“Are you okay?” Her smile faded as she approached me. She reached up and touched above my upper lip. “You’re sweating.”
Barely audible, I told her, “I never want to be away from you.”
Her head tilted. “That sounds wonderful.” She took two steps back. “So, why do you seem anything but?”
The milkshake bag hung from my sweaty hand. “They say I have to go.”
She grabbed her chest. “W-What? W-Where? W-When?”
I stared… “I have to go home.”
Maybe going home is what had me so frightened. Maybe it was both.
“Y-You’re scaring me, Tate.”
“I… I don’t want to go.”
She swallowed. “Will you be back?”
“For you? Always.”
Timidly nodding and nervous, she stepped toward me. “Who says you have to go?”
“My friends.”
She peered up at me. “Are they good friends?”
Even as if everything suddenly felt hopeless, I whispered the only truth I knew, “The best.”
Her arms gently came around my waist. “Then trust them.” She whispered, “Then come back to me.”
Needing her touch, her essence, I held her. My eyes slid shut, and I almost moaned from the comfort she was offering me. Here she was in a mental institution, doing her best to make me feel better.
After kissing my chest, she took hold of my hand and led me to her bed. She placed the plastic bag on her nightstand, then made me lay down. Lacey crawled into bed with me, reminding me of my nightmare as she snuggled to me. I squeezed my wife tight, so grateful for her to be in my arms.
Then, as only an angel could, she began to hum a song I somehow recognized. “Pretty Girl, what song is that?”
Her voice was so soft and tender. “I don’t know. But, during a nap today, I dreamt of a woman humming it to me while she rocked me. Doctor Landon feels it is a memory.”
I sighed. Lacey was getting memories. Pretty Girl was slowly coming back to me. “That is great.” I inhaled her scent of the unknown flowers—Wait. “Who was the woman?”
“I’m not sure. But she has a beautiful name.”
My heart started to pound. “Tell me the name.”
She sighed… “Melony.”
Her saying my biological mother’s name, stole my breath. If Melony was humming to my wife when she was a child, that means it is impossible for her to have died when I was a baby.
Jesus. H. Christ.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Howling Pain
Running into the woods, I told Lynx, Dagger, and Vice, “She’s remembering my mother.” Walking deeper into the woods, I was breathing heavily. “Isn’t that nuts? My mom is dead! How can this be—” The men following me, not exuding any shock after hearing my words, had me stopping in my tracks. “I mean, this can’t be true, right?” Dagger and Vice looked to the ground, so I now stared at Lynx. “Right?”
His jaw ticked. “Certain things… that were said during Lacey’s hypnotism make it sound like,” he looked away then back to me before talking really fast, “she is possibly still alive—or at least was.”
“W-What?” My mind was exploding. Absolutely overflowing with what this information meant. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
He rubbed the back of his neck as he, too, now stared at the ground. “I didn’t want to get your hopes up. This was a long time ago. Your mom—”
“That’s right!” A sudden surge of rage had me roaring. “My fucking mom!”
Grey eyes snapped to mine.
“Lynx!” Luckily far enough into the woods that the Serenity employees wouldn’t hear me, I continued with a slight madness of my own. “I’m in this fight more than you are! Be real with me! You can still walk away from all this! From me!”
He shook his head. “I will never abandon you—”
I didn’t care about his words at this point because fact was fact. “I can’t!” I pointed at the institute. “I’m in a motherfucking fight for my life, goddamnit! Anything that has to do with her is something I need to fucking know!”
“You’re right. I was only trying—”
“To save me more pain? Newsflash, I’m drowning in it!” Not respecting me as the young man I was had to end here and now. “Stop trying to pull me from the water and teach me how to handle the turbulent waves instead.” Fed up with all the restraints others were constantly demanding, I walked away. I fought for control over my anger, stomping through fallen leaves and past fallen branches in the woods. It was dark, but I managed. Walking through life blind is something I was becoming an expert at, but I couldn’t handle feeling lied to. It stung. Deep.
“Kid.” I heard him running, his heavy boots trying to catch up to me. “I should’ve told you.” He was the only one.
Dagger and Vice gave us space. They had warned Lynx to be honest with me. Now, it was something he would have to deal with.
I didn’t slow down. “I know you have the best of intentions, but it can be lonely being me. I’ve lived in this world my whole life, yet feel I’ve never participated in it. I don’t know the rules. I don’t know how to lie. I don’t know how to be deceitful. All I know is pain, cruelty, the love I think I remember from my dad. The love from Lacey,” I stopped and faced him, “and you.” I hit my chest. “You’re not supposed to make me hurt here.” I hit my chest again. “Something is screaming that to me.”
I sounded like a child, I know that, but I had yet to fully learn how to sound like a man. It made me vulnerable, yet that vulnerability was all I had to express myself.
Lynx swallowed and his voice cracked. “Whoever or whatever is screaming that to you is right. I swear it, son. I made a mistake, but I have not betrayed you.”
My hands formed into angry fists as I yelled, “I’m mad!”
As if that wickedly intelligent man understood my rage was not all toward him, he eerily and calmly nodded. “You have every right to be.”
&nbs
p; I leaned my head back and yelled into the dark branches above me. “So fucking mad!”
“I don’t blame you, son.”
“My wife is institutionalized and doesn’t even know who I am!”
“Deep down, she does. Deep down.”
“My brothers hurt her!”
“They did. I’m so sorry.”
“They hurt me!”
“They did. But they won’t again.”
I just kept screaming, needing someone to hear—comprehend my pent-up and over-the-top frustration. “I’m just so fucking mad, Lynx!”
“You should be.”
“They killed my dad!”
“I believe they did.”
“Do I have a mother?”
“I don’t know, son.”
“Has she been hurt?” I yelled.
Unwilling to lie, he shook his head. “I don’t know, but… it is possible.”
I screamed, “Who allowed these people to rule my life?”
“I don’t know, but we’ll find out.”
Due to my heart simply being unable to handle one more beat without revenge—an end to the agony strangers were shoving into my world—I started to express some sort of roar, straight to the heavens. I didn’t recognize the sound until I heard similar ones in the distance.
Howls.
I was howling in pain.
And my brothers were answering me.
Dagger and Vice slowly appeared from beyond some trees, moonlight showing me their sad faces. I was in pain. And they hurt with me.
That is exactly what I needed at that very moment. Sympathy. Empathy. Not pity.
Breathless and mentally refusing any more anguish forced into my life, I looked to Lynx. I was hoping he could promise me that all the violence was over. But that would be him pulling me from the water. I had asked him to teach me to ride the waves…
So, he showed me vulnerability wasn’t a weakness.
That President of a deadly club, and many other chapters, stood there, exposed, shedding a tear, for me.
Back at the Colorado chapter, Charlie followed me as I entered my temporary bedroom, where I found Jewel packing a bag on my bed. She peered up and smiled. “Hey, Prospect. I have you and Lynx ready to roll.”
Hostile Saint (Steel Stallions MC Book 1) Page 24