Shock slammed into me like a violent wave that no one could see but my soul could feel.
No! Running past the end of her bed, I dropped to my knees and slid the rest of the way to her side, believing someone from SAIL had gotten past all of our lines of defense. That is until my VP suddenly appeared on the floor next to me, putting pressure on Lacey’s wrist.
Still in disbelief, I was confronted with the possibility that this wasn’t SAIL’s doing at all.
Above Lacey’s right scarred palm was a slice…
Throughout the last two months, I had shed so many well-deserved tears. It was so challenging to learn what my life had been. It was so difficult to try and survive it all. None of those tears compared to these. “Lace,” I whispered through a sob that was so pitiful I swore her sliced wrist was connected to the growing cut in my heart.
The room spun as I realized my Pretty Girl had taken her own life. Why she would do this was not even important. Whether or not the doctor fucking with her head forced her to do this, I didn’t care anymore. All that mattered was that it had happened. My life no longer had purpose.
All that had ever given me strength? It was gone.
In between silently howling to the ceiling and my body rocking as life-ending pain seared it and my spirit, I touched her angelic face. Her soft skin, which would soon lose heat, had my silent howls turning into moans I didn’t know a man could make. But no man had ever lost a Lacey. There was simply no coming back.
I couldn’t even try.
I would only follow.
My hand, slipping in her warm blood, told me how. In her other hand, there was a broken piece of glass. I reached for it…
A grip on my shoulder stopped me.
In a deep whisper, Lynx warned me, “Not happenin’.”
Tears drowning my eyes, I peered up at the man who had offered me so much, yet was now witnessing my failure. “Lynx, I’m too late.” My words were labored, a sign my heart was already shutting down, refusing to beat without her.
Lynx’s heart refused to quit beating for me. “We never give up. Hear me?”
Was he not seeing what I saw? That I no longer needed air in my lungs? He, of all men, should understand. “But, my… Pretty Girl.”
As if I had bled out, too, my mind floated to the memory of the sun on my toes… The same sun I knew had been touching her, too.
Now, the sun no longer shines…
My ears rang, but I still heard Dagger trying to reach me, “Kid, look at me.”
Blink. Blink.
I was utterly confused when I saw Lynx standing next to me, ripping the bottom of his t-shirt into strips.
“That’s it, kid,” said my VP as he lifted Lacey’s hand so my Prez could wrap her wrist tight with the material. “We fight until there ain’t nothin’ left to fight for.”
Drenched in dripping tears, my lips tried to move but failed.
Is there hope?
The father figure in my life worked his large hands on my wife’s tiny wrist, tying binds that went so much deeper than her skin.
Dagger swore, “She’s alive. Her pulse is strong. Her heart is strong.”
I couldn’t even breathe, daring to believe him.
As if my face bore more pain than Dagger could handle seeing me in, his blue eye watered. “She’s still here, kid.” He swallowed. “The blood,” he swallowed again, “Minimal.”
Fighting to not crumble and lay next to my Pretty Girl, I swayed.
Lynx took a knee next to me and grabbed my shoulders. “Noble.”
My name…
“My boy, think.” He gave my shoulders a shake. Whispering aggressively, he told me, “We found you in much more.” When he blew out a shaky breath, I finally realized what he was saying. Compared to the blood loss I had experienced, Lacey had lost so much less.
“Modified.” Sucking in air, he nodded, trying to smile. “You’re special.” He peered at her. “So is she. The blood where she had been that night, it was more. That’s how she made it here. Special.”
Behind Lynx, Vice was crossing the room to retrieve his camera by the window. “I was there, kid. We had no idea how she made it.”
There is such strength in allowing yourself permission to be different.
Air rushed back into my lungs.
Determined, he gave me another nod. “We haven’t lost her. I’m not trying to trick you to live for me. If she were gone, I’d respect the fuck out of you if you followed her.”
Lace… I looked back at her. You’re alive?
Needing to move us forward as these men had taught me, Vice was already out of the room and Lynx was at the door when he told me, “Son, pick up your girl. Let’s get ‘er home.”
Home…
I looked to Dagger, a man to whom I would forever be grateful, and did my best to be the man they hoped I would become. “Can you please get her journal from the nightstand?”
He smiled at me as if I was making him so fucking proud. “You got it, Lycan.”
That is the very second in which my name made complete sense to me.
Me; Noble. Lynx; Duke.
Me; Lycan. Lynx; Wolf.
Deep inhale…
My arms were damp from her blood as I picked up my Pretty Girl and whispered, “I once told you I wouldn’t give up until you did.” I held her close to my heart. “Until you are ready to fight again…” I cradled her with all the love I had to offer. “…I will fight for the both of us.” I carried her from a room where we had shared beautiful moments during some of the toughest of times… “I love you, Lacey.”
If needed, I was prepared to go through those tough moments all over again.
With a treasure resting her head on my shoulder, my family followed me down the stairs.
Walking Lacey out the door and into the parking lot, where I had warned her doctor, I carried my wife through the end of one life, knowing I would soon be showing her the beginning of the next…
It’s astonishing that I now viewed my ‘modifications’ as lifesaving, but they were. Not only did they save us the night the brothers tried to kill us, but they kept us from dying from previous injuries that a mere infection could have caused death since we were never given medical attention. At least not from your typical pediatrician or family doctor.
With my girl unconscious in my arms as we raced toward the vet’s office, I jolted.
Elle, in the passenger seat, spun to see me. “What? She okay?”
“Probiotics. The brothers were given probiotics when hurt.”
From behind the driver’s seat, as he raced down a road, Lynx shook his head. “And there it is. Another reason to hate you.”
“What?” asked a confused Elle.
Because of how Elle felt about me, and Lynx wanting to live, he stopped holding back on information about me. That’s why, staring out the passenger window, I told her, “Lynx said all they did to Lace and me showed hatred. But then we started suspecting they were mimicking experiments they had seen.”
Elle nodded, already aware. “I agree they saw a bunch.”
I exhaled, “Yeah, me too… But deep down, they did hate us. We didn’t need antibiotics. We never got physicals or saw any doctors.”
Her jaw went lax. “Shot records for school all false.”
That was easy to believe, considering all that SAIL had already falsified.
Lynx gripped the steering wheel as if wanting to rip it off. “That man—'it was you who was truly the strongest.’ You and Lace are different experiments than the assholes.”
Studying Lacey’s fresh cloth around her right wrist, no blood soaking through, I said, “Lynx, take us home.”
The SUV slowed as he stopped slamming on the gas. “You sure?”
“I don’t want anyone else prodding at her. All he can do is close her up like he did me. She’s not even bleeding anymore.”
Ever so gently, Elle examined her wrist, then gasped. Spooked eyes found her fiancée’s.
“Jesus. H
. Christ. They are walking fucking miracles.” He turned the vehicle around.
Delicately resting Lace’s arm back on her stomach, Elle smiled. “And they are ours.”
So much peace blew through my heart, settling me into the seat. “We are. No matter what.”
Hours of Lacey sleeping, and of me relishing in the fact that we were truly perfect for each other, I grabbed her journal and read the poems she had asked me to. She wanted to share them with me.
So, I read words from her heart and mind that shined brilliantly.
After falling, I find it hard to stand
So, I carefully turn to a helping hand.
After remembering, I find it impossible to be blind.
With his love, I hope to never be left behind.
Her poems spoke of pain, but also seemed to be praying for the future. How powerful was she? Without that answer, I could only be grateful for these wheels spinning underneath us…
Cruelty and all its power
Why am I the game of each hour?
Every pain, every slice…
It was not only me in this deadly vise.
Even though she hadn’t yet remembered me, Lace sensed me and our past. We were together, even when apart.
My torture feeds their needs.
My suffering is their natural high.
My misery is the outlet for their sadistic ways.
My despair… Their ecstasy.
Through her words, I could feel her breaking heart as she learned of her past.
I, a female, was their ideal victim.
My fear, my pain, was their fuel.
I was terrified
I fed them much.
Was her traumatic remembering of her past why she attempted to take her life?
There was Tate.
Damaged. Just like me.
I could see it in his exposed heart.
I dared to smile. She knew me. No matter what, our connection stood strong.
I wish to run from the hurt, but my feet can’t find the ground
Without the earth… I will never be found.
She was found… by me. Now she had to be found by herself.
Wounded souls and hearts with holes
May you forever be
Lovers of the night, willing to fight
May you forever… be
It was almost as if she had the revelation that our damaged souls made us who we were. Made us fighters. I exhaled… Life Warriors.
They weren’t illusions at all.
They were memories.
Maybe that is the case for all of us.
We’re not mad. We’re simply… destroyed.
And then her sadness took over. Wisdom was drowned out by sorrow. This must have been when she gave up.
My arms tightened around her. Not destroyed, baby. Only stronger…
Charlie stayed in the back with his snout next to me. He watched Lacey with incredible attentiveness, already taking to her like he had me. Lynx was driving, both hands on the wheel, nerves high. Elle kept peering over her shoulder, nibbling on nails I was confident had been gnawed away hours ago. Barely any words were shared as the night continued on.
Then it happened. Lacey finally began to stir in my arms. I think we all stopped breathing. Would she have any recollection of me? Even if she only knew of me from the institute, that would be enough for me to build on. Could I at least have that?
Hazel eyes opened… “You cut your hair.”
I don’t know how long my mouth hung open, but it was long enough for her to talk again.
She was still under the influence, but she gently said, “I dreamt of you.” Tiredly, she smiled. “You were a little older.” She sighed into my chest. “You told me it was time to remember.” Her eyes drifted shut. “You told me to tell your son… you love him.”
Her breathing told me she was back asleep.
Oh my God.
He’s still watching over me.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Saving Loves
We were on the good side of the Texas state line by the time Lace woke up again and was actually aware of being in a vehicle. Having been in need of sleep myself, I had laid us down. Curled up in a fetal position on top of me, under a blanket, she peered out, only to gasp and seize in alarm.
I tightened my arm resting over her. “I’m here. You’re okay.”
Her head lifted in a rush, her eyes wide. As soon as she recognized me, she looked around the SUV again. “Where are we?”
I tucked hair behind her ear. “On our way to a new home.” It was such a full circle moment. I was incredibly calm. “Is that okay?”
She nodded timidly.
“Would you like to meet my friends?”
As Elle beamed from the front seat, waving at her, Lacey kept her hands plastered to my chest. She didn’t want to sit up. She stayed on top of me, wanting to be super close, preferring to hide. “The ones who took you home?”
Besides being a student at school, who was more like a ghost no one noticed, Lace had no experience with other people. So, gently, I answered, “One of them is in here.”
I smiled proudly as Lynx lifted his big ol’ paw, casually announcing he was the one, “Hey, Pretty Girl!”
She whispered to me, “He knows my nickname.”
My chest eased…
It was going to be a long road, but I knew we were going to make it. “Yeah, they all do. You’re my girl.”
Resting her head back on my chest, Lacey shyly waved to Elle. “I’ve never had a friend before.” She patted me. “Except, Tate.”
Elle visibly swallowed, now knowing what it was like to be Lynx, having his first conversations with me. “He’s a wonderful friend to have.”
Lacey nodded, her sweet face rubbing against me, making my world whole again.
It was the bars on the window that had pushed Lacey over the edge. Not knowing Doc had taken memories from her, yet having more memories about me on her own, she didn’t know I was still alive. She thought I had died in the woods and refused to live without me.
My girl fucking loves me as much as I love her…
Not wanting to argue in front of Lace—since she was finally talking more, Elle let us have McDonald’s for an early lunch. Lynx and I had explained that Lacey needed to experience sauces for nuggets. Elle forced a smile and tried to muffle her comment about ‘cancer in a cup of crap’.
Was it divine intervention? Who knows, but my Pretty Girl picked honey, too.
I smacked Lynx’s shoulder from the back seat. “I told you it’s the best.”
Licking her lips, Lacey agreed, “So sweet like—”
Bashfully, she went quiet, so I kissed her cheek. “Like sugar kisses.”
Elle shook her head in amazement, so I asked her, “What?”
Her eyes widened. “Didn’t Lynx tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“Sugar kisses. That’s what he says to me. I never let him have sugar in his second cup of coffee in the morning,” she winked at him, “so he asks for a kiss. A sugar kiss.”
With a chicken nugget in my weakening grasp, I sat back against my seat. “His coffee tastes like crap. No sugar at all.”
The big man shrugged from behind his steering wheel. “It felt wrong to have sugar without her.”
I smiled at Lacey. “I know what ya mean, Prez.”
As we got close to the clubhouse, I had to break the news to Lacey that she now had another identity. I simply had no choice. Her safety was on the line. Everyone she was about to meet, except for officers, couldn’t know her true identity.
“W-What is my name now?”
“Jamie Lace Bryant.” As her bottom lip began to tremble, my hands clasped her perfect face. “When I say the name Jamie, I’m thinkin’ about all the beautiful memories I’m going to have with her. I’m thinkin’ about her touch, her smile, her incredible eyes….” I kissed her lips. “I’m thinking of you, baby. And all your beautiful smiles that I can’t w
ait to see as we find our way to a destiny we so deserve.”
I think that is the moment it truly dawned on her that we were free.
“Tate… no one is going to hurt us again, truly?”
My throat tightened as my thumb wiped her fallen tear. “Nah, Pretty Girl. We’re safe now.”
Sweet arms flew around my neck.
Holding tight, she asked, “Why does that scare me when it shouldn’t?”
I inhaled her scent… holding her like I’d never let go. “Because you’ve never known it before.”
The Barn, as Lynx called the clubhouse, was like a building I’d never seen. I had nothing to compare it to, but Elle said it reminded her of the Alamo. When Lacey and I told her we still didn’t know what she meant, she promised to take us to San Antonio someday.
The rustic, light beige building looked nothing like Eagle’s castle, but it was so inviting to this boy who couldn’t wait to live there. It had a few neighbors in the distance, but mostly sat hidden within Austin’s ‘hill country'. A large gate rolled open and we were greeted by a slew of waiting bikers.
As Lynx waved to them through the windshield, he pointed to different places. “I’ll take you on a tour of the shop and gym when you’re ready. Let’s get you settled first.” After parking the SUV, where his bike could properly be unloaded, he turned in his seat. “Pretty Girl, my family—your new family—look rough and tough, but they are big babies. Feel me?”
Lacey’s shoulders lifted as she took a big breath, preparing herself to meet more people than she’d ever known her whole life. “Do I have to talk to them?”
“Nope. You no longer have to do anything you don’t want to.”
After another deep breath, Lacey took hold of my hand.
She was ready.
No one gave any judging looks when Lacey stayed tucked behind me, only occasionally waving to those saying hello and welcome. She barely even gave Dagger and Vice a second glance. She was absolutely overwhelmed. I knew my friends would understand.
The only ones to get more of a response were me and Charlie. He stayed firm by her side, her nervous hand on his head as if appreciating the connection.
Hostile Saint (Steel Stallions MC Book 1) Page 35