The Wandering Inn_Volume 1

by Pirateaba

  It took them all day, but Erin supposed Workers didn’t need to be fast. Then again, was building an outhouse from scratch really hard? Pawn and the Workers kept talking about a foundation whenever she brought them acid flies for a snack.

  The skeleton scurried around, pushing dirt out of the way for the Antinium, refilling Erin’s water buckets, and checking her acid fly traps. She had to explain to it how to do everything the first time which was a major pain, but once she had, the skeleton remembered how to do it.

  Erin had to admit—grudgingly—that the skeleton was quite useful. It was efficient, in that it didn’t stop to take breaks or complain like a certain human. Thanks to it, her inn was fully ready when the sun started lowering in the sky and the evening rush began.

  Today Rags and eight Goblins visited Erin’s inn. Then Pisces came by, full of his self-importance, the Antinium walked in and announced they were done with the outhouse, and Gazi appeared out of nowhere.

  It was a record-breaking crowd that sat in The Wandering Inn. They barely occupied more than a fifth of the common room, although you wouldn’t know it, spread apart as they were.

  Well, it was only to be expected really. The Goblins might not be too afraid of Erin, but Pisces was just another human to them and Gazi was bad news walking. They stayed away from her and the skeleton. Erin thought they’d all run when the skeleton opened the door for them, but Rags had kept them from fleeing into the hills.

  The Goblin’s reaction had been the normal one. Pisces obviously hadn’t batted an eyelid at the walking skeleton, and the Antinium just treated the skeleton with a certain wariness. When Gazi had seen the skeleton she’d just blinked her massive eye and frowned for a bit without comment. Now she kept staring from the skeleton to Pisces as she ate, but she didn’t directly engage the [Necromancer] in conversation.

  So all of Erin’s guests sat more or less in their own bubble. The Antinium played more chess, Pisces scarfed down food, Gazi watched, the Goblins ate and chattered amongst themselves, and none of them talked with each other.

  But they all spoke to Erin. Or at least—the Goblins grunted at her and Rags nodded or shook her head when Erin talked. But everyone else talked to her.

  “I noticed your new building. I take it is meant to act as a bathroom?”

  Erin grinned at Gazi. She pointed at Pawn and the other Workers.

  “Yeah. They just put it up today. Isn’t it great? Now I don’t have to keep squatting in the grass. Ahem.”

  Gazi smiled as Erin coughed and blushed a bit.

  “It is useful. Although I would warn you that maintaining such a spot can be difficult. You did well to build it away from water and your inn.”

  Erin nodded.

  “Pawn told me about all the problems an outhouse causes. They smell. And they attract flies. But I think I can solve that problem with the world’s greatest cleaning fluid.”

  Gazi raised her single eyebrow, smiling slightly.

  “And what would this be?”

  “Acid. I have more than I can use, and it eats through anything that’s not stone or metal or glass really fast. I toss a bit of that in there every morning and voilà! Problem solved!”

  Gazi blinked again. From his table, Pisces looked up and shook his head.

  “Once again, your fascination with such a dangerous substance is alarming at best Miss Solstice. I trust you at least have a few healing potions prepared for the day when you drop the acid on your person?”

  Erin glared at him.

  “I’m not going to be the one carrying jars of acid around. Too dangerous. I’ll make that guy do it instead.”

  Erin pointed at the skeleton who had just returned with another basket of blue fruit. She gestured to the kitchen and it speedily walked inside.

  Pisces stared at the skeleton incredulously.

  “Are you—making it gather fruits? And you want to make it clean your outhouse? You do realize it is here for your protection, do you not?”

  “Sure, sure. But it’s more useful helping out around the inn.”

  Pisces scowled at Erin as she swept around with a refill of blue juice.

  “That is a warrior skeleton, designed for combat.”

  She glared back and filled his glass up with water.

  “It’s weaker than I am! I punched it this morning and its head came clean off!”

  Pisces turned red and gave Erin what she recognized as his prelude-to-sulking expression.

  “My creation is a work of art, but it must grow to its full potential first. It is not meant to be used for menial labor.”

  Erin rolled her eyes.

  “Menial labor is about all it’s good for. If I sent it out to try and kill one of those Rock Crabs it’d get squashed in a heartbeat. You’re a hotshot [Necromancer] aren’t you? Can’t you raise a Level 15 skeleton or something?”

  Pisces shook his head.

  “I could certainly create a stronger undead—but not a higher level one. Do you—do you not understand the significance of this skeleton?”

  “No. Is it that special?”

  He blinked at her.

  “Ah. Well, it is.”

  Gazi spoke up. Her eye strayed towards the skeleton, which paused as it brought bowls of acid flies out for the Antinium. She murmured into her drink.

  “A Level 1 [Skeleton Warrior].”

  Pisces nodded. Gazi blinked at him and tipped her cup in some sort of acknowledgement. Erin didn’t get it, but Pisces appeared incredibly smug and self-satisfied all of a sudden.

  “Fine. It’s great. But I still wish it was stronger.”

  She grumbled her way around the room, topping off glasses with her pitcher. Gazi stopped Erin and murmured to her as Erin passed by her table.

  “Just who is that [Necromancer], exactly?”

  “Pisces?”

  Erin glanced at Pisces. He was smiling at his skeleton as it moved about the room.

  “Oh, he’s just this weird guy I met a while ago. He’s—well, I guess he’s a good mage. Does necromancy stuff, but the skeleton is the first undead thing I’ve ever seen him do. He also does other spells. Why?”

  Gazi stared at Pisces and then her eye moved away as he looked towards her. She nodded imperceptibly at him as she let Erin fill her glass.

  “He is—talented.”

  “Oh.”

  Gazi nodded. After a moment Erin shrugged and walked away. Really, what were you supposed to say to that?

  —-

  About an hour had passed, and Erin was continuing to innkeep while her patrons ate, chatted, and occasionally, used the new outhouse. Gazi didn’t do much from her seat, but her main eye kept following Pisces, the skeleton, and Erin.

  Then, as the sun began to touch the mountains and the light truly began to fade from the sky, Gazi’s main eye swiveled towards one window. She tapped her lips and then smiled again.

  Erin noticed the half-Gazer getting up and leaving coins on the table. Gazi nodded to her as Erin bustled over.

  “Pardon me Erin, but I must attend to some business. I will return shortly.”

  “Oh, sure. Have fun?”

  Gazi smiled and left quickly. Erin shrugged and went back to serving. About ten minutes later she heard someone knocking at the door.

  “Come in!”

  The door opened. Erin turned with a smile.

  “Hey, welcome!”

  The male, human adventurer who opened the door smiled broadly at her.

  “Thank you. Me and my friends were looking for a place to stay and—”

  He caught sight of Rags and the Goblins first. The adventurer swore and grabbed at this sword.

  “Goblins!”

  Erin’s stomach lurched. The adventurer fell back and his two companions – two other burly adventurers in armor – immediately seized their weapons. Rags and her crew looked up, suddenly tense. Pawn and the Workers froze in their game. Pisces was already gone.

  “No, no, wait! Don’t do anything!”

  Dro
pping her pitcher of juice on a table, Erin ran forwards, putting herself between the adventurers and the Goblins.

  “They’re friendly! Don’t attack!”

  The first adventurer stared at her. He was wearing a metal helmet that made his head look vaguely pot-shaped.

  “What are you, crazy? They’re Goblins!”

  His two friends shifted behind him. One exclaimed as he caught sight of Pawn and the Workers.

  “It’s the bugs! And—a skeleton?”

  The first adventurer was white in the face, whether with rage or fear it was hard to tell. He glared at Erin, hand tight on his sword hilt.

  “What’s going on here?”

  “Look, everyone chill! Calm down! These Goblins are peaceful. Didn’t you read the sign—?”

  The third adventurer, a huge man who dwarfed the other two, turned red in the face. He growled at Rags and her Goblins, all of whom were standing, weapons raised.

  “Shut up! Those creatures aren’t peaceful. They’re monsters! I’ve lost good friends to them!”

  He went for his axe. Erin grabbed his hand.

  “No, wait—let me—”

  “Get off!”

  The burly adventurer growled and threw Erin off him. He shoved her back and Erin crashed into a table. She blinked stupidly up at the ceiling as the world spun for a moment. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a flash of movement.

  The adventurers were moving towards the Goblins, weapons raised when the skeleton leapt over a table, charged the first adventurer and smashed into him. The undead skeleton was unarmed, but it just raised one bony fist and sunk it straight into the helmeted adventurer’s head.

  The metal faceguard caught the skeleton, but it couldn’t protect the man from being bowled over as the skeleton rushed him. The undead kicked and the sword flew out of the man’s hands. He cursed as the two other adventurers spread out. One of his friends pulled out his sword, but suddenly Rags and the other Goblins covered him.

  The big adventurer roared and raised his axe, but Erin tackled him. She tried to pull his arm down, but he was like a piece of granite. He punched her in the side, and Erin fell off him. That hurt. Not as much as being stabbed, but she couldn’t breathe. He snarled at her, and then Pawn was in front of him. The Antinium swung two fists on his left side and the adventurer stumbled backwards.

  The adventurer on the floor cursed and swung at the skeleton, trying to get to his feet. The skeleton leaned back as the adventurer swung wildly. When it punched the man in the side of the head he didn’t shift much. But the skeleton punched and punched and punched—

  The helmeted adventurer caught the skeleton’s foot as it swung at his head. He growled and heaved upwards and the skeleton toppled over. Then he reached for his sword.

  His hand had just closed over the hilt when Erin walked over and kicked him in the side of the head. Down he went again, considerably harder than when the skeleton had hit him.

  She looked around. The second man was fighting with the Goblins, slashing at them while they danced around the chairs and tables. He didn’t have any room to swing, but they had a lot more freedom. They lunged at him, cutting his legs, battering him with clubs, throwing plates at his face—

  A Worker crashed into a table next to Erin. It lay on its back, stunned, before it got up. She looked over. The big adventurer was fighting all three Antinium at once as they surrounded him.

  He swung at Pawn, but Pawn caught both fists and then hit back with two more. The big adventurer blinked, and then shoved the Antinium back. Pawn went flying, but two more Workers closed in. He battered at them, but the Antinium were far tougher than they were strong.

  It was all a mess. Erin didn’t know what to do, but when one of the adventurers grabbed Rags and threw her to the ground she moved. He stomped on her stomach once as the Goblin cried out in agony. Erin raised her fist, and then the skeleton smashed the adventurer in the back of the head with a chair.

  Down he went. Now only the biggest adventurer was left, but he was somehow managing to take on all comers by himself. He hit one of the workers in the chest so hard the Antinium’s carapace cracked, and then punched the skeleton into the ground before kicking the undead in the chest. Two ribs shattered as the Goblins swarmed around the man.

  Erin hesitated, and then ran inside the kitchen. She came out with a heavy object in her hands, just in time to see the skeleton crashing into another table, the axe buried in its chest.

  The biggest adventurer kicked a Goblin several feet, backhanded Pawn and snarled. He turned, and the flying frying pan cracked him straight in the forehead. Erin felt like she’d wrenched her shoulder with that throw, but her skill had placed the pan right where she wanted it to go.

  The fight was over. Erin still had to call the skeleton back and stop Rags and her Goblins from knifing the downed adventurers. The skeleton was trying to stomp on the helmeted man while Pawn and the other two Workers picked each other up and assessed their injuries.

  Erin stared around the inn. She looked at her skeleton, with the axe hanging out of its shattered ribcage, the injured Goblins, the downed adventurers three, Pawn and his injured workers, and then at her common room. Half the tables and chairs were splintered beyond repair, and all of her food and dishes had been strewn about the room.

  She felt like crying. But the first adventurer was starting to wake up. Erin stared at the groaning men on the floor and pointed at the skeleton.

  “You. Bucket.”

  It hesitated, and then marched into the kitchen. Erin looked around. She walked over, and picked up the frying pan.

  —-

  The cold splash of water woke up all three man in one go. They spluttered into wakefulness, gasping, only to realize they weren’t drowning. Instead they were on the floor of an inn.

  The three adventurers stared up into the face of justice. In this case, it was the back of a cast iron frying pan. Erin stood over them, flanked by a group of Goblins on her left, and a Skeleton and three of the horrific ant-monsters known as Antinium on her right.

  “You wrecked my inn.”

  Erin stared down at the three men. She was trembling. Half with nerves, but the other half was sheer rage.

  “You—”

  The helmeted adventurer hesitated. He struggled to get to his feet, feeling for his sword. He saw it in the skeleton’s hands. He pointed a trembling finger at the skeleton, backing away as his two friends got to their feet.

  “What kind of inn is this? It’s full of monsters!”

  “They’re not monsters! These Goblins are my guests, and no one hurts them here! Didn’t you read the sign?”

  The biggest adventurer lumbered to his feet. His fists were clenched and he was red down to his neck. Rags and the other Goblins retreated from him, but Erin saw Rags pulling out a jar full of green liquid. She shook her head at the Goblin.

  “You’re crazy! You—you freak! You’re feedin’ these freaks that kill humans! And you’re feedin’ bugs and a undead monster! We oughta burn this place down and turn you in to the City Watch!”

  “Burn down my inn? I don’t think so.”

  Erin gripped the handle of the frying pan tighter. The Antinium loomed behind her and the two smaller adventurers stepped back.

  “You bitch!”

  The big adventurer shouted at Erin. His spit practically covered the skeleton interposing itself between Erin and him.

  “This ain’t over! We’re gonna round up all the adventurers in the city and come back here. Then we’ll see if you want to protect these freaks!”

  “I don’t believe that will happen.”

  Someone tapped the big adventurer on the shoulder. He whirled around, threw a fist, and nearly screamed as a grip like steel crushed his wrist.

  Gazi the Omniscient stared at the adventurer she had caught like an entomologist studying an insect caught in his backyard. Without much interest, she flicked the man’s hand away. When she turned to look at Erin she smiled slightly.

&nb
sp; “Erin Solstice. You are full of surprises.”

  Erin blinked.

  “Oh. Gazi.”

  The two adventurers behind the big man reacted to the Gazer’s name—and her eye, but the bigger man was still caught up in his rage.

  “If yer gonna protect this monster loving b—”

  Gazi didn’t move. She didn’t move, but her eye twitched. Its yellow pupil seemed to widen and glow for a moment and Erin felt a flash of unease. Gazi was suddenly terrifying for no real reason. And she wasn’t even looking at Erin. The effect on the adventurers—particularly the big man—was immediate. They shuddered, paled, and backed away from her.

  “No one will attack this inn. Or I will find you and you will suffer. And you will all leave now.”

  Helmet adventurer shuddered. His eyes flicked to his sword, still in the skeleton’s hand.

  “But—”

  Gazi’s eye swiveled and her large yellow pupil fixed on the adventurer’s face and the words stopped.

  “Begone.”

  The adventurer stared for one second into Gazi’s large eye. He didn’t quite wet himself. He turned and ran with his two friends in an instant as the Gazer turned and smiled at Erin.

  “I am glad that you are unharmed.”

  “What?”

  Erin blinked at Gazi stupidly, and then realized she was still holding her frying pan. Lamely, she put it on a table.

  “Um, thanks. Really. You saved us there.”

  Gazi flicked her hand dismissively.

  “I merely prevented them from causing more trouble. But you would have handled them most admirably had I not been here.”

  Her smaller eyes moved around the room.

  “Still, I see that they have caused much damage. I apologize. I should have forced them to repay you for the damages.”

  “Oh it’s nothing—”

  Erin broke off. Rags limped over to her, clutching at her stomach and poked her in the side. The Goblin offered Erin a bag of coins.