by Pirateaba
“You’re wrong.”
“What?”
Erin crossed her arms. She felt like a small bug in front of Relc. His rage seemed to be coming off him like heat. He loomed over Erin, but she refused to take a step back.
She saw the small bodies, held the severed heads of the dead Goblins in her hands. She saw the child looking up at her with hate in her eyes. Never again.
“You will not hurt them. Not here, and not anywhere. Do you understand me? They are under my protection. If you hurt them, you will be my enemy.”
Erin’s chest was tight. The air felt hot, but now she felt like her entire being was being poured into those words. She stared at Relc and felt something alive around her. She pushed, and he narrowed his eyes.
“You’ll regret it, Human.”
“Maybe I will. But until then, I’ll do what I think is right.”
The air was hot. Erin met Relc’s gaze for a long time, an eternity. At last, he looked away.
“Okay, you know what? I’m fine.”
Relc raised his hands. He sat back down. He grabbed a piece of meat and turned back to his plate as if nothing had happened.
The sudden lack hostility nearly made Erin stumble. She stared at Relc’s back and then got angry. Just like that?
She couldn’t let it go. Not like this. Erin’s pulse was thundering, but she felt oddly calm, as if she was standing on the brink.
“No. Get out.”
Relc paused as he reached for another piece of meat.
“What?”
“You heard me. Get out. You’re not welcome here right now.”
“I’m not going to pester your little Goblin friends.”
“It doesn’t matter. You said—you made yourself clear.”
Erin bit her tongue as she stumbled over her words. They sounded stupid in her ears, but her chest was still tight.
“You were nice to me. But if you can’t tolerate my guests, then you’re not welcome in my inn. Go away, and maybe I’ll let you come back later. But not now. Not tonight.”
Relc’s eyes narrowed.
“You sure you want to do that? I’m a guardsman of the city. You can’t just—”
“Relc.”
Another voice interrupted him. Klbkch spoke. His voice was dry and calm as ever, but there was an edge to it.
“Do not use your position as a guardsman here. Erin Solstice has spoken. She is within her rights. I will testify to that if need be.”
Relc’s head turned. His tail was very still as he looked at his friend.
“Stay out of this, Klb.”
“The [Innkeeper]’s word is law here, guardsman. Don’t push it.”
Now Halrac spoke up. From his chair he stared at Relc. His hands weren’t quite at his belt, but Erin could see a dagger at his side. Relc stared at him.
“You think a dagger will scare me? I could take both you and Klb together. Want to see?”
“No one’s fighitng anyone.”
Erin raised her voice. She felt the pressure on her intensify as Relc shifted his gaze her way. But she was also pushing back, and she felt the air around her growing solid. It was like she was pushing down on the entire inn.
“Didn’t you hear me, Relc? Leave.”
He stood up fast. Erin didn’t move, but both Klbkch and Halrac did. They walked forwards but Relc stepped towards Erin.
“Do you think I’m scared of you?”
“No.”
Erin’s eyes were locked on Relc’s. She felt her pulse racing, felt every floorboard and chair in her inn. She pushed harder and Relc gritted his teeth.
“This is my inn, Relc. Get out or face the consequences.”
“You’re just another stupid Human. You don’t understand anything, do you? ”
“I understand right and wrong. You can’t kill people, Relc.”
“They’re monsters!”
He roared it in her face. Erin felt spittle strike her cheeks. She felt Halrac shift, but she refused to move. Relc drew in another breath and then Erin heard a quavering voice.
“Erin’s right, Relc.”
The Drake turned, incredulous, as Selys stood up. The younger Drake looked a lot smaller and she was shaking with her nerves, but she found the courage to look him in the eye as she spoke.
“Erin’s right. You’ve got to leave. This isn’t right. I’ve seen Rags and she’s never—”
Relc whirled and Selys flinched. He stared around the room. All his furious eyes met were cold stares, and two pairs of crimson eyes. Rags stared at Relc coldly, and the other Goblin…smiled.
The Drake guardsman turned back to Erin. But now both Halrac and Klbkch were blocking Relc’s way, and Garen was still sitting at the table with Rags. Smiling. Just smiling.
Relc’s eye twitched. He took a deep breath, and then turned. Slowly, he walked towards the door. Relc opened it, and turned. His eyes—Erin felt her heart breaking when she saw the look in his eyes.
“I hope your damn tails fall off. All of you!”
He slammed the door so hard that Erin felt the thump from where she was standing. She wavered, unsure, and then heard the angry roar as Relc stomped back towards the city.
All the strength went out of her legs. Erin sat down, and found that Selys had put a chair underneath her bottom just in time. The other Drake grinned at Erin weakly.
“That was exciting, wasn’t it?”
Erin looked back. Selys’s smile faded. After a moment, Erin put her head on the table. She didn’t cry, but she was terribly, terribly sad.
—-
It was quite a while before anyone began eating again. Halrac and Klbkch returned to their seats silently without more than a word, and only Selys tried to fill the awful gap in the room with words.
Erin had to go upstairs to find Lyonette. The girl was hiding in her room, under her bed. She only came down when Erin reassured her that Relc was gone, and then she grabbed a plate of food and barricaded herself in her room.
It also took Erin a while to remember she’d told Toren to stand still. The skeleton was frozen in place until she told him he could go, and then he seized a bucket and walked out of the inn. Erin almost wondered if he was mad—but Toren didn’t have emotions, did he?
At their table, the two Goblins chattered quietly. Neither seemed disturbed; Rags actually looked cheerful, and her companion kept shooting glances at Erin.
And Erin herself? She felt awful.
“He was nice to me. He was the first person I ever met. The first one that didn’t try to kill me, I mean.”
“I know.”
Selys patted Erin on the back sympathetically. The two stared at their meals, neither one hungry anymore.
“That was amazing how you faced him down, though. No one picks a fight with Relc in the city when he’s mad. Even Watch Captain Zevara is careful. Relc once beat up over forty people in a fight, did you know?”
“No.”
“And that Skill! It was a Skill, wasn’t it? When you were staring at Relc, everything suddenly grew really heavy. It was like the air was trying to crush me.”
“It just sort of came out. I don’t know how I did it.”
“Well, he’s gone.”
“Yeah. But he might not ever come back.”
Selys had nothing to say to that. After a while, Erin stood up and went over to Klbkch and Halrac and thanked them for helping. Klbkch nodded and told Erin he’d speak with Relc, although she wasn’t sure that was such a good idea. Halrac just nodded.
“You’re an odd person. Brave.”
It was a compliment, Erin supposed.
It was quiet dinner, but at least it was a somewhat pleasant one. Erin chatted with Selys and Klbkch, and occasionally approached the table with the two Goblins. They just stared at her when she came over the first time, and Rags had just shrugged when Erin apologized for Relc.
Something was up with them. They kept watching Erin, but apparently they were too busy chattering in their own language, so Erin left
them be.
After a few hours, Selys left. She had to go to work tomorrow, and Klbkch left too, to escort her back. Halrac lingered for an hour longer before he left, muttering about dig sites and mages.
Rags and her mysterious Hobgoblin friend left as well. Erin sensed his eyes on her as they left, but she wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or bad thing.
And then Erin was alone. She sat in her inn, listening to Lyonette moving around overhead and wondering where Toren had gone. Her heart still hurt.
What should she do? Goblins. She felt bad at kicking Relc out but—no, she had meant every word. But Magnolia’s words still echoed in Erin’s mind.
She was weak. All those grand things the woman had talked about—Erin really was incapable of doing anything without help. She couldn’t even face Relc without everyone’s help.
So. Then. What could she do?
“Level up.”
That was her only option, wasn’t it? Erin sighed. Stronger. She had to do something. She had to make something. Somehow. Some way.
“Well, I have one idea.”
Tomorrow she could—
Someone knocked on the door. Erin frowned. A late night visitor? She wondered if she could say they were closed. But then the door opened and Erin froze. And then she smiled, her face lighting up with joy and relief.
“Ryoka?”
—-
I am angry.
I think I’ve always been angry. Ever since I found myself disappointed by the people I looked up to. Ever since the day I stopped believing in heroes.
It’s a long story. And I guess a lot of it was my fault. Once upon a time, there was an angry girl lashing out. Rebelling.
We all go through that phase. But I never quite got over that sense of fury when I learned the world wasn’t fair. That, somehow, while I’d been handed a great life, there was still so much injustice.
At times I forget. I run and run to forget, and I ended up running into another world where I thought I could be happy.
But now it’s back. The same old fury, a snarling beast in my stomach, pounding rage seething in my heart.
The kind of emotion that would lead me to murder. And there are people in this world that are worth killing. No—not people.
Monsters. Just monsters.
The snow crunches under my feet. I walk forwards, a small Gnoll cub awkwardly padding alongside me. My stomach is empty, and I feel lightheaded.
At the end of my rope. Far past it, in truth. My two stumps on my right hand ache. I’m exhausted, hungry, injured.
And so angry.
Even now, the rage threatens to consume me. I—
I’ve never been this angry before.
I’ve felt anger before. Hot and seething. And I’ve felt fury, deep and coiling, building like a pressure cooker, ready to explode outwards with a good spark. And I’ve felt all-consuming rage, burning a hole through my mind, eradicating common sense. But this—this is different. This feeling frightens even me.
This is black fury, terrible madness that grips me. And with it, I hear the little voice I thought I’d buried. It whispers to me.
Kill everything. Kill everyone. Stab them. Gouge their eyes out. Rip them to shreds.
Let the damn world burn.
I can’t stop looking at my hand. The place where my fingers should be. And memory. I can remember Urksh and the Stone Spears tribe.
All dead.
All because of me.
Goblins. I woke up screaming two nights in a row, hand burning, infected. I scared Mrsha. Even now, the Gnoll cub is following me, but a ways away. She fears me and maybe, hates me for what I did.
The price paid for her life, and mine come to that.
I look down at her, and the Gnoll looks up at me. Her fur is so white now, the color of fresh snow. She’s almost invisible if she stops, and her brown eyes are the only real color on her body aside from her claws and nose. She is…silent.
She’s always been silent. But now Mrsha walks like a ghost. She has lost her tribe. Her family, her friends…
All because of me.
Even now I see the faerie hovering overhead. I hear Urksh, hear his voice over the sounds of his tribe dying around him.
“We offer everything.”
Did any of them survive? Any of them? Or did the entire damn army die as well? What was the price?
Mrsha stumbles, tripping over something in the snow. I stop, and she slowly gets to her feet.
She’s tired. And hungry. Neither of us have eaten.
“It’s only a little farther. Can you walk?”
She nods. I nod back. There’s nothing more to say. If I carried her I would fall within a mile.
“I’m sorry.”
How many times have I said that? How many times did I saw it when I woke and remembered? Mrsha just looks up at me silently, her young eyes judging. But she can’t tell me how she feels.
It doesn’t matter. I know. I know what it’s like, to lose faith in someone you admired. I failed Mrsha. I brought her stories and then death. I gave her a small dream and then took everything she had.
I…this is all my fault*.
*Of course it isn’t. I know it isn’t. I’m not responsible for all of it. I didn’t force armies to fight or make the Goblins kill. But it is my fault. Mine alone.
Too late to go back. Too late to offer something else. She is all that remains, and I must take care of her. So I turn and look across the snowy plains.
Something flits down into my line of sight. A body made of crystal and ice. Immortality frozen into the shape of a small faerie. She looks at me.
“Yon city is but an hour’s journey away. Do not stop now.”
It almost makes me laugh. The faeries are worried about us. About me. I look at her.
“What was the price? What was paid, and what was lost?”
She looks at me in silence. It’s the same question I’ve asked every time one of them comes near. Silently, the faerie flies back up with the others.
They’ve been avoiding me. Can’t they answer?
“What did we pay? Was it really that steep a price!?”
I shout up at them. Mrsha hunkers in the snow and covers her ears with her paws. The faeries look at me, silent judges.
“Do not ask, mortal. What is done is done. Only regrets can come of knowing what might have been.”
I snap. I don’t remember seizing the rock in the snow and hurling it up at the faeries. I scream at them, my voice raw and furious.
“Fuck you! Give me a goddamn straight answer for once you bitches! Tell me! Damn you all, you traitorous conniving demons! What was the price!? Tell me or—”
Something. I see a shivering ball of fur cowering on the ground beside me as I hurl snow and scream at the retreating faeries. I halt, stop.
Mrsha is cowering in the snow, away from me. She’s shaking so hard that it looks like she’s vibrating.
All at once, the anger goes out of me.
“Mrsha. I—”
I step towards her. She flinches away. I stop.
“I’m sorry.”
I sit in the snow, flames gone. Embers remain, but they smolder on. Yet guilt and sadness are in me now, too strong to ignore.
I’ve really made a mess of things this time, haven’t I? I thought a few potions and some alchemist’s tricks would change things. But I—
I was arrogant. And now that arrogance has cost lives. If I had levels, maybe I would have gotten to Mrsha sooner, or maybe I would have been able to fight. Maybe—
But now it’s too late. Far too late.
Ever since that night, the voice of the system or whatever it was has stopped speaking to me. Usually, every night, really, I’d hear some kind of notification in my head and cancel it. [Barefoot Runner Level 1!], or [Disciple Level 3!] after the fight I had with Calruz. Yet now that I’m waiting for it, I hear nothing.
Nothing at all.
I guess it just gave up on me. Or that was part of the price I
paid? I don’t know. I only know that I got away from certain death and paid for that miracle with two fingers. And I know that Mrsha survived, at the cost of her entire tribe.
Maybe they were fated to die, and this allowed one to live instead of others. Or maybe the faeries altered destiny so the tribe died instead of just Mrsha. I guess I’ll never know.
But I remember the Goblin Lord. I remember his eyes, and his damn army.
I clench my fists as Mrsha slowly stops shaking and looks up at me. I force myself to smile unconvincingly at her. But inside, the madness rears up again.
I will never forgive them. They will die. I swear it.
I am no killer. That’s when Erin told me. But those monsters deserve to die. And I will kill them, even if it means I can never go back to who I used to be.
For now, I look at Mrsha and try to make my voice soft. Reassure her. I wish I knew how. She’s just a kid. She needs an expert to help her with the trauma and loss. But I’ve been marching her relentlessly.
“I’m sorry for shouting, Mrsha. We’re nearly there. Once we get to the city, we can eat and sleep, okay? We’ll be safe there.”
I point and Mrsha squints. Liscor is visible across the rolling plains of snow in the distance. She looks uncertain.
“We’ll be safe, I promise.”
What a lie. And how could I promise that to a kid who’s just seen her family cut down around her? But Mrsha nods, trusting me and so we walk on as knives of guilt cut my stomach to ribbons.
On and on, in numb silence.
It feels like a second before I’m staring at a wooden door. I look around and blink. It’s night time. Mrsha leans against my leg, too tired to do anything else. The faeries are gone. I look around, but their glow is nowhere to be seen.
Good. I guess. My head is full of fog. I raise my hand and hesitate.
That’s right. I’ve lost two fingers. Better not agitate the wounds. I raise my left hand and knock.
For a minute I think no one’s coming. But there’s light in the windows. Please let her be there. Then I hear the scraping of bolts in the lock and the door opens.