The Wandering Inn_Volume 1

by Pirateaba

  Oh no. Oh shit. I didn’t—he’s human? But I thought—

  “Hmf. Humans are so violent.”

  And then the old man in front of me wavers, and vanishes. The blood, the odor of his body, even the presence of him, the faint sense that something is there all vanishes in an instant.

  And then I see the Dragon.

  There are no words. It’s a Dragon. What else can I say? And yet, and yet…how insufficient the word is for him.

  A Dragon. A wyrm. A being of scales and fire. An immortal creature or at least an ancient one in most mythoi. Ostensibly a large lizard with wings when you get right down to it. But the reality of one is different.

  The Dragon lounges in the cavernous cave, the place that could hold a military aircraft hangar with ease, and makes the room feel cramped. He stretches out, serpentine tail coiling around some of the magical artifacts piled up in his room. He’s not sleeping on a pile of gold a la Smaug—rather, he’s just lying on the ground, using his claws as a pillow.

  Yes, he looks more like a dragon depicted in Western culture than an Oriental dragon. But instead of horns on his head he has a mane that looks like someone’s taken molten bronze and turned it into some kind of living hair.

  Oh yeah. His scales are bronze. A deep bronze—and let me be clear, when I mean bronze, I don’t mean the color people think of as bronze. I mean bronze as it truly looks when it’s worked properly:

  Golden.

  The light. Oh, the light. Even the sun doesn’t look as beautiful as this color. The faint light in the cavern reflects off his scales and turns the entire cavern a slightly odd shade. He glows in the light, and his mane is luminous as the rest of him.

  And now the Dragon—Teriarch raises his head. When I first saw him he looked almost as if he was sleeping, but now he sits up, and spreads his wings slightly. I step back and stare up, up, up, into two mismatched eyes that pierce me to the core.

  This is a Dragon. This is Teriarch’s true nature, in front of me at last. He still defies words. We have so many, but what could really describe what I’m seeing?

  Serpent. Wyrm. Drake. Arach. Naga. Ormr. Tann—

  Wait a second, I’ve done this before.

  I break out of the spell. I’ve done this before. Yes, I’ve seen Teriarch before. And I could stare at him forever, but I don’t have time for that. I clear my throat.

  “Uh—”

  “Human.”

  The word makes my bones vibrate. Teriarch’s voice—his true voice shakes me to the core. Remember that bowel movement I talked about? I’m one second away from actually making good on that threat.

  Teriarch lowers his massive head and suddenly he’s only twenty feet away from me. Twenty feet, but his head—I’m fixed in place, like a mouse staring at a cat. Or a mouse staring at a jumbo jet that smells like brimstone. When his mouth opens I can smell fire.

  “So. You have uncovered my true form. I suppose I should congratulate you. But know this: your error was not in bringing this secret to your grave. Whatever paltry treasure you have imagined obtaining, know that I will not part with a single fraction of my wealth. If you are wise, you will—”

  “I don’t want any treasure.”

  He pauses. The sight of a puzzled Dragon is something I’ll take to my grave.

  “What?”

  “I don’t want any treasure. I’m not here to try and extort something out of you. I don’t have any desire to tell anyone that you’re a Dragon.”

  Pause. The huge eyes sweep over me like spotlights.

  “Oh.”

  Blink. Even that’s scary on a face as huge and terrifying as his.

  “Then why are you here?”

  Stay calm. Be cool. He might be a Dragon, but he’s still Hu—he’s only mort—he’s uh, he probably has the same emotional wavelength as I do. He’s acted like that so far, anyways.

  I clear my throat nervously.

  “I…need help.”

  “What?”

  One eye stares at me. My mouth is dry as the Sahara in a heat wave, but I speak anyways.

  “My friend is missing. I need you to help me find her. I need your magic. I ask—humbly—for your aid.”

  Stare. The Dragon’s just staring at me. I mean, Teriarch’s just staring at me. Is this a lizard thing? My back is already sweaty, but then he turns his gaze away. Teriarch stares at the ceiling and starts talking to himself.

  “First Reinhart, and now a random Courier. Do I look like I enjoy entertaining such…?”

  It’s a mumble, but coming from a Dragon, it’s quite, audible. Teriarch seems to realize this, because he shuts up and fixes me with another glare.

  He looks…grumpy. The massive Dragon exhales a plume of smoke as he stares at me.

  “Why should I use my vast powers for you?”

  Okay. Time for reasoned arguments. That I didn’t prepare. With a Dragon.

  I gulp.

  “Magnolia Reinhart knows my friend. If Erin Solstice dies, she will be upset.”

  I can only tell the truth. Or maybe he can sense it? Did he cast that spell on me this time? But it’s sort of true, right? Erin did mention that. It’s not a lie, not a lie, not a lie…

  Teriarch eyes me.

  “So? Humans are always upset.”

  Is that a bluff? Call it.

  “Oh really?”

  I try to smile at Teriarch, but my lips barely work. I feel like I made a really stupid face, but I press on.

  “That’s an interesting perspective. Would you like to talk to Magnolia Reinhart and explain how you knew Erin was about to die and you let her? I’m sure she’d love to hear that.”

  He twitches. I’m on the mark, or close to it.

  “Reinhart doesn’t have the power to order me about.”

  Now he really does sound like he’s grumpy! I take a deep breath. Flatter. Dragons. Pride. All that.

  “I don’t mean to offend you. It’s just that I really care about my friend, and I know she’s important to…Magnolia Reinhart. I need your help. I’ll do anything for it.”

  “Huh. What would I need from you?”

  Teriarch draws back and stares over my head. He looks at something on the ceiling. I look up too.

  Oh shit. The Frost Faeries are flying around the ceiling, laughing and then shrieking as Teriarch stares at them. They don’t look intimidated at all, but the Dragon looks pissed.

  “Hrm. Let me see. You come here, bringing these pestilent beings with you, bleed in my cave twice, inflict that foul potion upon my senses, extort me for more money than your services are worth, and then you demand my help after insinuating that Reinhart may order me about?”

  Uh oh. When he puts it like that…yeah, maybe I should have reconsidered.

  And to make matters worse, the faeries seem to have understood his reference to them. Some of them fly around Teriarch’s face, shouting shrilly.

  “Pests! We aren’t the pests, you bag of scales, you!”

  “We do not fear you, old fool!”

  “Indeed! Just the other day we slaughtered a score of bees!”

  “Begone.”

  It’s only a word, but it sends the faeries flying away in a panic. Okay, local chain of authority established. I gulp, as Teriarch looks down at me.

  “I know it’s presumptuous, but—”

  “No.”

  The word rocks me on my feet. But I hold my ground. Not for my own dignity; I think I did pee a bit there. But Erin—

  “Fine. No favor. But I still need your help.”

  “Indeed?”

  Now he’s mad. Teriarch stands up for the first time and holy crap is he huge. He takes one step towards me and I flinch. His head lowers further until I can stare down his nostrils. They’re like the muzzle of a cannon.

  “And what will stop me from erasing your small mind and sending you out of my cave to be torn apart, Human?”

  Yeah, he’s mad. I gulp, but I’m out of saliva.

  “I—I challenge you, Teriarch. I cha
llenge you to a game of riddles.”

  He blinks. Overhead, the faeries blink. I can practically see his brain working.

  “What?”

  This was a stupid idea. This was the kind of stupid idea I could only have while running through the snow at freezing temperature and high velocity. But it’s all I’ve got.

  “You heard me. I said I challenge you. To a game. Of riddles. It’s customary, isn’t it?”

  “It is?”

  “It is!”

  “The game! She challenges him to the old game!”

  Overhead one of the faeries shouts jubilantly. Both Teriarch and I look up.

  “Haven’t—haven’t you heard of that? Uh, riddles? You don’t—don’t do that?”

  Teriarch looks miffed.

  “Well, I suppose I have enjoyed a riddle or two. But are you implying some play this game as a way to win…favors?”

  “Yes…?”

  I really shouldn’t base all my ideas on The Hobbit. Teriarch just stares at me for a while. I try to explain.

  “Uh, well, I thought it was considered a sacred game that not even the most horrific of monsters would dare to violate. You could—uh, use it to wager things like life, magic rings—it’s a contest—”

  “I am familiar with how games work.”

  I shut up. Teriarch stares at me, and then flicks his eyes to the faeries above. Then he sits back.

  “Riddles? A game? How…intriguing.”

  Oh, be still my beating heart. Seriously, be still. I think I might be as close to a heart attack as I’ve ever come. But then Teriarch looks at me, and I don’t need to worry about that heart attack. It’s already happened.

  “But why would I want to waste my time playing a game I know I would win?”

  Good question. Excellent one. Do I have an answer? I scramble.

  “Well…because it’s a challenge.”

  “So?”

  He looks nonplussed. And then I get a bit annoyed. My mouth opens, and it takes charge instead of my fumbling brain.

  “So? Are you a Dragon or a lizard that likes to hide under rocks? It’s a challenge, idiot. What part of that don’t you get?”

  Teriarch gapes at me. The faeries gape at me. My mouth continues as it shoves my brain into the backseat.

  “Are you really as stupid as you look? A challenge isn’t meant to give you something. It’s an attack on your authority! If you think it’s so easy to beat me, why not prove it rather than act like a coward and stall? Bring it!”

  I’m pointing at Teriarch. His eyes fix on my finger. Above me I hear cheering. I see massive teeth draw back into a snarl, and then I hear the voices, at the edge of my hearing.

  “She dares! She dares!”

  “Let havoc cry and slip loose dogs!”

  “‘Tis the moment! It is upon us!”

  I hear something, or…feel something from overhead? Even Teriarch looks up.

  “What are—?”

  Then something hits me, and I feel…different. But I can’t wonder what I’ve done. Something about faeries? But Teriarch is staring back at me, full of rage.

  I meet the Dragon’s eyes, and bow my head. I need to say this right. I’ve only one shot.

  “Know now I only seek to make things right!

  Oh temper’d Dragon take heed of my request.

  Put back your ire as in my hour of plight,

  I do beseech thee at one other’s behest.”

  Wait, what did I just say?

  —-

  Oh fair readers let us set the stage and bring you sighs and words unseen. For this cavern where Dragon waits and Human does set the fates, the faeries dance and laugh and dream above. Nothing but such words and plots will inflame few thoughts.

  And so they gather closely and listen well; is this Ryoka’s triumph or her death knell?

  The Dragon laughs and breathes brimstone’s glare. Sure to sizzle the Human fair. He mocks and talks; she stands firm. Determined to trick this ancient wyrm.

  “Your riddle game insults my name.

  I am Teriarch; by what dare you to my time lay claim?”

  “I dare for friendship and pride and all these things;

  I challenge you to an ancient game played for things like magic rings.

  It’s fun and daring; a game of skill.

  Unless you fear you lack the will?”

  The Dragon blinks and the faeries cheer. It has been too long since they have seen a mortal without fear.

  “Hm. Well I suppose I could indulge your request

  —understand it is not at your bequest.

  But any game must wager meet.

  If I would win, what will I keep?

  You have nothing to offer—you there in bare feet.”

  She speaks before him brash and bold; she does not fear to not grow old.

  “I offer my life to serve until I am old and lame.”

  “A spell will do the same.”

  “My soul?”

  “What need have I for souls, I, a Dragon, the lord of flame?”

  She thinks then, and ponders long, knowing her next answer must not be wrong.

  “Then I offer what you do not know, the secret of my name;

  the one thing I offer that you have to gain.”

  A moment’s pause and the faeries wait. To see what will be decided of this amusing Human’s fate.

  Then the maw opens and a deep voice speaks. The words of one neither small nor meek.

  “Very well I accept your bet. But beware—would you lot stop that?”

  —-

  I see Teriarch raise his head up towards the ceiling, and my body throws me to the floor a second before he spits fire. I hear screams and then the faeries are flying around in a panic. Are they dead? No—just on fire. Literally.

  The Dragon harrumphs as the smoke and water cascade from the ceiling around me. I get up, shaking a bit as the faeries hide in a corner of the cavern behind some valuable-looking objects, shouting insults.

  “Oafen clod!”

  “Foul breath! Stupid snake-with-legs!”

  “Fat old one!”

  “Pests!”

  Teriarch bellows and the faeries scatter again. He snorts and glares at them as they decide to hide behind me.

  I stagger. And put a hand to my head. And hold my stomach so I don’t vomit. What happened?

  “What the hell—”

  Was I rhyming? Why did I say—it seemed so natural—

  “They have an odd sense of drama.”

  Teriarch glares at the faeries as countless icy pinpricks freeze my shirt to my back. But his tone is more conversational.

  “They alter the sense of—well, I suppose you would call it your perception of reality. It gets quite tiresome after a while. Still, it is rare to see them do that.”

  “Oh.”

  My knees are weak. Teriarch blinks a few times at me. His anger is—gone. He’s just looking at me now.

  “Curious. This has been an odd day.”

  You’re telling me? I knew I was going to be facing down a dragon at some point, but this—

  “Well, I have accepted your game one way or another, so let us begin.”

  “What?”

  Hold on, just like that? But Teriarch is moving. Is he…sitting? No; he can’t really do that, or if he could it would be really awkward. He lies back down like a cat, pointing his head at me.

  “A game of riddles, is it? I still have doubts about your intellect. You clearly cannot be that intelligent if you believe you have a chance of succeeding.”

  “And you don’t seem that intelligent since you keep claiming you’ll win without any evidence. Would you just shut up and ask me a question? Or I’ll go first and—”

  My hand cuts off my incredibly suicidal mouth and muffles the rest. I can hear the faeries laughing and exclaiming on my back.

  For a long minute Teriarch stares at me and I imagine what would happen if he breathed even a bit of the fire he hit the faeries with. Let’s see. Dea
th would be instantaneous unless the flame wasn’t that hot, in which case my eyes would melt and I would die in painful agony as every part of my body literally caught fire or just evaporated—

  “Fine. As you wish.”

  The Dragon snorts and smoke makes me cough. He frowns at me and then rolls his huge eyes and stares at the sky.

  “Then, here is a question half of you Humans get wrong. Answer me in ten seconds or I will erase your memory.”

  Shit. I think I pissed him off.

  Teriarch pauses. Wait a second, does he not have a riddle ready? His mouth moves as if he’s thinking to himself. Is he really—?

  “I am that which grinds down mountains and fells even the greatest of structures. Kings cannot ignore me, and yet all things will eat of me until I devour them in t—”

  “Time.”

  The Dragon pauses. He fixes one eye on me.

  “What?”

  I’m shaking, but again, my mouth is moving faster than my brain. I’m all instinct right now, and I blurted the answer.

  “The answer is time.”

  First he doesn’t know about the riddle game, then he pulls one right out of The Hobbit? Holy crap, I’m glad I watched the movie this summer. But is that really a normal riddle? It’s so…easy.

  Teriarch looks put out. He harrumphs, and the wind nearly makes me lose my balance.

  “I see this riddle has been told to you before. Well; it is a simple one. Ask your riddle, then.”

  “Ooh! Is she going to ask her riddle?”

  “How exciting!”

  “That last riddle was awful.”

  Okay, ignore the peanut gallery that’s perching on my shoulders and head. Teriarch is glaring at them or me, I can’t tell which. I gulp. This is all moving very fast. But it’s time. He wants a riddle? I’ve got one for him. Albert Einstein, don’t fail me now.

  “Ahem. Uh, in a village there are five houses. Each one is painted a different color, and in each one lives a different species. The five people who live in each house each eat a different kind of food, practice a different kind of magic, and own a different kind of pet.”