Cry. For the love of fuck, cry. Steve’s mind was screaming at him. Not a few minutes previously he had been blubbing like a child and now … now, he just sat there holding Maggie and the tears wouldn’t come. What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to feel?
She pulled away from him, shrugged off the purple throw and got to her feet, all in one smooth motion. ‘I’m going back,’ she said, tear-tracks gleaming in the ochre glow from the skies above, ‘I’m sorry, Steve.’
He got up, pursued her as she walked away. ‘Maggie, wait!’ he said. ‘I don’t care about having kids. It doesn’t matter!’
She kissed him, unexpectedly, passionately. He returned it. When the kiss broke he could see from her expression that she wasn’t doing this to be cruel.
‘Yes it does,’ she said. ‘You’ll make a great da, and you know it. You have the best heart of anyone I have ever met, and I love you for it. I won’t let myself be with someone who’s going to look at me and see the kids he’ll never have. Neither of us deserves that, Steve.’
‘So you’re going to leave me, here? In this world?’ he said.
‘I can’t stay.’ She shook her head, wriggling free of his grasp. ‘I can’t, Steve. I can’t do this.’
Before he could say anything else, she was gone.
BELGRAVIA AVENUE, BELFAST / OTHERWORLD, NOW
He was sitting on the front step, as Danny had known he would be. Larka was there too. Dismounting, Danny patted Wily’s flank and the two wolves retreated to a discreet distance. Danny sat down beside his oldest friend, the light from the front porch throwing their shadows onto the street.
‘You were gone by the time I looked for you,’ Danny said.
‘I asked Larka to go. I didn’t want to stay there,’ Steve replied. He looked over at Danny and smiled weakly. ‘I don’t have much time left.’
‘But you weren’t dead. Carman didn’t have to bring you back,’ Danny said. ‘I don’t understand–’
‘Carman didn’t. Larka did,’ Steve said. ‘Before we came to the circle, I was dying. She saved me. I knew there was something more to it, I just … I never guessed it would be this.’
‘I had to be brought back too,’ Danny said. ‘I was ripped apart, Steve. Limb from limb. They threw me in that fuckin’ Cauldron–’
Steve barked a mirthless laugh. ‘Bit different for you, isn’t it mucker?’ he said. ‘You’re the Morrigan. You’re special. The way your da tells it, no one brought you back; you brought yourself back. So I don’t think all this election shite applies to you.’
Those words, you’re special, could have been dripping with bitter sarcasm – Danny almost wished they had been – but there wasn’t a trace of it to be found.
‘Well if I’ve got powers, maybe I can use them,’ Danny said, desperately. ‘I can bring you with me. I can, I don’t know, I can bring you up there myself. If it takes,’ he inhaled, still forcing down the sense of embarrassment at even saying it, ‘magic to make it work up there, maybe I can provide it. Fuck’s sake, it’s worth a try!’
Steve smiled faintly. ‘Think you can provide enough for my ma and da too, lad? And my sister?’
Danny closed his eyes. ‘They were …?’
‘Brought back? Yep. Them faerie cunts really did a fuckin’ number on the city. Nice of them to leave the phone lines workin’ though,’ and Steve held up his mobile. ‘I finally caught up with my text messages. Just off the phone there with my da before you showed up, in fact. Most of my family was done in and brought back,’ and he let out a long breath, ‘Which, I mean, if it wasn’t for you they’d have stayed dead. That cunt said as much when she put those fuckin’ words in all of our heads. So, Jesus, I owe ya, lad. Practically everyone on this fuckin’ island owes ya.’
At some point, Steve had started to cry. Danny sat there helplessly.
‘I’m sorry,’ Steve said. ‘I’m sorry about Ellie, man. I’m sorry I–’
Danny cut him off with a hug. Years of friendship went into that hug – years of meaning more to each other than almost anyone else ever had, or likely ever would.
‘Maggie’s not staying,’ Steve said, when the hug ended.
Danny said nothing.
‘D’you remember the day you left here? To move in with Ellie?’
‘Course.’
‘I wanted what you had. I was so jealous of you. And there was you, mopin’ about, face trippin’ ye. I wanted to give ye such a good slap.’
‘I’d have deserved it.’
‘I wonder what I’d have been like. As a da,’ Steve went on. He didn’t seem to be talking to Danny so much now as to the world, trying to fill up the silence of the city.
Danny didn’t tell him that the hug they’d shared had filled in the gaps, whether he’d wanted it to or not. He knew. He knew about Maggie’s abortion, and everything else. He knew the depth of his best friend’s pain. What he didn’t know was what the hell he could do about it, and it was killing him. Tears stung his eyes.
‘Same as me,’ Danny said. ‘Fuckin’ clueless. Terrified. Fumbling about in the dark hoping you’re getting it right.’
‘You talking about being a da or how you became a da?’
‘Sir,’ laughed Danny. ‘I am in awe.’
He studied his oldest friend. Something had happened to Steve over the course of this insane night; he had a new sureness about him. It suited him down to the ground.
‘Anyway,’ Steve said, making a conscious effort to move on. ‘If the situation in Belfast is any guide, near half of Ireland is going nowhere, and that’s not including the volunteers. So it’s not like we’re gonna be on our own down here, is it.’
A shadow fell across them.
‘No,’ Larka said firmly. ‘You won’t be alone.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Wily apologised. ‘She insisted on coming over. Relentlessly.’
‘What will it be like?’ Danny asked the leader of the wolves, as Steve placed his hand gratefully on Larka’s pelt and patted her and she, in turn, settled one of her paws down on his shoulder with deceptive grace. ‘Down here, I mean. What will it be like for the ones left behind?’
There was only flint-hardness on Wily’s face. ‘Difficult,’ was all he said.
NOWHERE
It’s over, Mother. You lost.
Dian’s words hung in the empty, shapeless infinity that persisted inside the Dagda’s Cauldron. He had come here, been drawn here, as he often was when he was without body. He knew Carman’s essence was here also, squatting in the void; he could feel the weight of her presence warping the non-space around him.
Now who’s sulking?
He had done as she had asked; leapt into the body of his own son, brought about the death of Tony Morrigan, and in so doing, acted as the catalyst for Danny Morrigan’s part in the Merging. He had seen the look on the elder Morrigan’s face as the thin blade of the letter opener had ended his life, the betrayal. It had been sweet, for a moment.
Now, Dermot was gone. His little boy, lost.
Why did I listen to you? he sent the bitter words into the nothingness.
It was hard for emptiness – by definition lacking in colour – to darken, but darken it did, as Carman’s presence made itself known, surrounding him from every side. He did not try to withdraw. There was little point, and he lacked the energy. Oblivion – if she could provide it – would have been welcomed.
I have lost nothing. Danny surprised me, true. I respect him for that.
He got you to swear an oath, Dian reminded her. You cannot break it. You’ll stay down here forever. So you have some human subjects to toy with. You’ll tire of them, just as you tired of your own children. You’re a monster, Mother. You claim to want only Ireland, but the truth is, you wanted Greece and you weren’t powerful enough to take it. You thought you could come to a lesser Pantheon and assume control, gain worshippers, and come back to Grecian shores as the Milesians came here – at the head of a conquering army. I knew it then and I know it now.
/> You are courageous indeed, agoráki mou, to speak to me in such a way.
I have nothing left to lose, was his reply.
Something parted in the nothing. A tiny little spark in the centre of Carman’s bloated mass. He recognised the shape of it immediately. Dermot!
She closed herself over the spark of Dermot’s life-essence once more. I brought everyone else back, she said. Did you really imagine I wouldn’t do the same for family? Admittedly, he took a little more work. He was at – I believe the term is ‘Ground Zero’. Thankfully, he has his father’s heritage. Lack of a physical body will be no issue for him.
Let him go! Dian screamed, and threw what he had against her. It was like trying to take on a mountain. Her coils wrapped tighter around Dermot’s fragile essence, the ethereal equivalent of strangulation.
You were right, she said airily. The oath is an issue. I need it removed. Danny must be motivated to seek my assistance. Tighter and tighter she squeezed. The little spark flickered, a whisper of a flame in this endless black.
Make your old Mitéra proud. Play the villain one last time.
GRIFFIN STREET, BELFAST / OTHERWORLD, NOW
Should he even be here? He’d been asking himself that question at least once every few seconds in the time it had taken to cross Belfast and come here. How tempting it had been to simply wait it out, and then discover what the future held.
No. He owed her more than that.
Drawing a deep breath, Tony Morrigan opened his front door.
‘Linda?’ he called.
No reply. He tried to quell the anxiety rising in him as he called her name, over and over. He’d tried to phone her several times, of course, so had Danny, but neither of them had received a response.
He found her in the kitchen, lit by candlelight and by the glow of a cigarette she was holding in her mouth. Judging by the ashtray, she’d been sitting there for some time, and had been through a few packs. For a heartbeat he thought she had died and that her body had remained propped up in some grotesque pose, but no; as he watched, she raised the cigarette to her lips. He hadn’t seen her smoke in years. She’d given up when they’d been trying, without success, to conceive – before he’d made the deal that had finally given them Danny.
‘Love!’ he said, throwing his arms around her. ‘You had us all worried to death! Why haven’t you answered your ph–’
Crack.
His cheek smarted from the slap and he stepped back in shock and disbelief. She’d dropped the cigarette, the light on her face now seemingly coming from the simmering fury in her eyes.
‘Hurts, doesn’t it?’ she snapped. ‘Losing contact? Goin’ out yer head with worry?’
‘You decided now was a good time to get even for me leaving you?’ Tony said, not quite able to believe what he was hearing. ‘Have you fuckin’ seen what’s going on out there?’
She sat down, trembling. ‘Seen?’ she echoed. ‘I don’t know what I’ve seen. I have memories … memories that don’t make a bit of sense, not one bit. Grandsons that came and went, and one minute they’re called Luke and one minute something else. I’m losing it. Then tonight – things coming out the fuckin’ ground, the dead coming back to life, that voice in my head–’
The phone rang and Linda had risen to pick it up before Tony could ask her to ignore it. They had so little time left.
‘Hello?’ she said, before shaking her head, and putting the phone back down.
‘Listen to me,’ Tony told his wife. ‘Listen to me, Linda. You’re not going crazy, do you hear me? I know the last few days have been crazy, but, well, there are things going on that you don’t understand–’
Something entered his stomach. Something incredibly, shockingly cold. He gasped at how cold it was, and how familiar the sensation was.
Tony met his wife’s eyes. That light of fury lit them still, even as she pushed the kitchen knife further into his stomach.
‘Try me,’ Dian said.
REGENT STREET, BELFAST / OTHERWORLD, NOW
Ellie was making herself a cup of coffee. Her son was in the living room; she knew because she had checked he was in there six times since the kettle had started to boil.
It was the best feeling in the world.
Her phone rang. She frowned in surprise at the caller ID. ‘Maggie? You okay?’
‘I said goodbye to Steve.’
‘Mum told Dad the same thing,’ Ellie said. He had called her to tell her so. She hadn’t even had time to process what that meant. She had watched him die in front of her, and now he had been brought back … only to be taken away again. Unless she ‘voted’ to stay down here with him; but then what would happen to Danny and Luke? Her father had forbidden her from doing so anyway, had made her promise. It was all too much to process. Hence, coffee.
Maggie was silent. ‘How’d he take it?’ she said eventually.
Ellie sighed. This conversation was tiring her out and it was only twenty seconds old. ‘How do you think he fuckin’ took it?’ she replied.
‘Some of us just aren’t strong enough,’ Maggie said.
‘Or that some people give up on themselves too early.’
‘Meaning?’ Maggie’s voice was clipped with annoyance. Ellie felt her patience shed another few pounds.
‘Meaning that Mum’s decision didn’t come as a huge surprise to me, and I don’t imagine it did to Dad either, although that’s not going to help him feel any better right away. Those two weren’t in love, Maggie. Oh they might have been, once, but all I can ever remember is this attitude from them both that they’d “outgrown” love or something. That oul “ach wise up” sort of attitude when it came to it. Like love is a fucking coal seam that can run out once you’ve mined it too much. That’s a load of shit.’
‘So what is it? Big dramatic sacrifices? Pain? How’s that fair?’
Ellie actually laughed. ‘My mistake,’ she said. ‘I thought you were in love with Steve, and so you were going through hell or something.’
‘I am going through hell!’ Maggie spat angrily.
Ellie spoke into the phone very slowly, as if she were talking to a complete moron. ‘Then what the fuck are you asking if it’s fair for?’
Letting that sink in, Ellie calmed herself down with some effort and spoke a little more gently, but only a little. ‘Love isn’t fair, Maggie. It’s hard fucking work and it’s long nights. It’s arguments, it’s passion, it’s lying there watching soaps on a rainy Tuesday night and being content doing it. But it never has to be fair. If you’d any brains in your pretty, selfish little head you’d realise that. You know what? Steve deserves better than you.’
And with that, Ellie hung up.
GRIFFIN STREET, BELFAST / OTHERWORLD, NOW
Light rushed toward him.
Tony coughed, violently, over and over again. There were spots of blood in his hands when he brought them away from his face, but when he patted his stomach urgently, he could feel no wound. His wife. Linda. Linda had stabbed him. Linda, who was standing over him now.
‘Drop of Gaviscon?’ she asked him.
Tony scrambled away from her, getting to his feet as quickly as he could. This only made Linda roar with laughter. She was still holding the kitchen knife she’d stabbed him with, and it dripped with blood – his blood – as it rocked in her grip.
‘You killed me,’ Tony said, as though saying it would make it any easier to contemplate.
‘I did,’ she said, and the face he’d loved all these years contorted in savage pleasure.
He felt as though he were about to throw up, as though his stomach, currently healing from this most recent fatal puncture, was about to heave.
‘I thought it might jog your memory,’ she went on. ‘Not often you get to kill someone twice in the one night.’
‘What?’ he choked.
Her eyes seemed to glitter in the light of the single candle on the table. She looked less than human …
‘When I heard you’d been brought back, I knew
you’d come here, to her. It was just a question of getting the timing right.’
Tony gaped. ‘You … you’re not Linda?’
His wife made a growling noise of impatience that was not native to her own larynx. ‘Quick on the uptake, aren’t you? Think back, Tony. You and your darling daddy, a few decades ago … your first big-boy mission.’
‘Dian?’
‘In the flesh,’ Dian responded, bowing with Linda’s body. ‘Well, in the flesh you and your father have forced me to resort to, at any rate.’
‘You? You’re the reason Dermot killed me?’
Dian advanced on him, knife gleaming. ‘No, Tony,’ he said. ‘What you did to me is the reason Dermot killed you. I was merely the push he required.’
‘Dermot would never–’
‘Tell yourself that if it helps,’ Dian shrugged.
‘GET OUT OF MY WIFE!’ Tony roared.
Dian giggled. ‘That sounds a little rude, don’t you think?’ he said, and started running his, Linda’s, hands all over her body.‘So nice inside your wife, Tony. She’s still in here, you see. That’s why I wanted to live inside brain-dead people, can you remember that, you little prick? Brain-dead people are gone. No-one cohabiting. But when I jump from human to human – they’re in here. Mind to mind. It’s so … intimate. I can see every thought, every memory, your wife ever had. And when I flick my finger across them,’ he shivered with pleasure, ‘ohhh, your honeymoon. Tony, you stud.’
Almost blind with anger, Tony’s hands balled into fists. ‘I’ll kill you,’ he said hoarsely. ‘I’ll fucking kill you. I swear I will …’
Dian laughed again. ‘Ah, but you won’t! How can you? Kill me by killing Linda? Go ahead!’
‘Nobody dies down here. She’d come back. Just like I did.’
Dian inclined his head thoughtfully. ‘That she would,’ he allowed. ‘That she would, at that. But, and correct me if I’m wrong here, wouldn’t her coming back entail her having to stay down here? Forever?’
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