by Sara Brookes
He’d sat there like some crazed, horny teenager with his dick in his hand, jacking off to the sight of people fucking two floors above him. Sex could be found anywhere in the club, but they were the ones who canted his world.
He attempted to organize his thoughts. Rest his mind. Stop the persistent, blinding arousal constricting painfully around the base of his cock. Ideally, he’d go home, stand naked under a cascade of freezing water, put a chokehold on his aching dick and jack away the discomfort. But with the persistent ache clawing at him, one orgasm wasn’t going to be enough. Coming three or four times may not even erase the tenacious need. For that, he’d have to break into a bottle of bourbon and work his way through it. He preferred not using alcohol as a crutch to escape this kind of complication, but he had to do something to get the couple out of his system.
He was pleased Ezra had found a spark after years of shunning the lifestyle he’d once loved. Ezra clearly enjoyed the mind fuck aspect of the lifestyle. Kochran admired that approach—he’d done it enough himself. But Christ, it made Kochran’s charade of having all his shit together harder to maintain. The blood hammering through his cock didn’t give a flying fuck about good sense. It wanted somewhere warm and wet to burrow inside for a few hours or feel the hard press of someone else’s cock pounding in him.
Fuck.
Nobody would ever believe Kochran liked to submit to another man. He’d built this club crafted on the fantasy that Kochran Duke bowed to no one. One slip of the truth and he risked losing everything he’d worked hard for. But the demand to embrace the submissive side of himself once again was becoming harder and harder to ignore.
He’d founded the club as a safe haven for anyone to explore their fantasies because he’d been convinced the life he craved wasn’t attainable. His friends had surrounded themselves with love and affection while Kochran had submerged himself in the world of the extreme as a way to mask his pain. No fetish was too outrageous, no partner too extreme. Somewhere along the way, life had become about keeping the customer pleased, and less about maintaining his own happiness.
He’d missed his opportunity for happily ever after years and years ago because his life hadn’t gone the way he’d expected. Instead, he’d transformed himself into something else entirely. Long ago, thanks to the one man he’d trusted, Kochran had decided he didn’t deserve a happy ending. Those memories almost erased his apprehension about exploring that side of himself again.
Almost.
Chapter Fifteen
A week later, Kochran turned away from the trio of computer monitors Saint had installed in his office when they’d gone virtual. Kochran had insisted they weren’t necessary, but he’d changed his mind when he found he turned to them more and more. If Maddy and Ezra had been together again since that night in the server room, they hadn’t played where any cameras could sight them. He hadn’t actively sought them out either, burying himself with the tasks of vetting new members, sorting out the club’s accounting and spending precious moments with Tory.
When he looked up, Ezra stood in the doorway, holding two cups of steaming coffee. Their interaction was inevitable since Kochran had asked Ezra to handle the interviews for people developing new technology Kochran wanted to introduce at the club. Though there was already more than enough variety to keep the members interested, he knew the keystone to every business was the ability to grow and evolve. While he may not fully understand the tech that ran half of his club, he knew enough to hire people he trusted to keep it going.
“So what is the verdict on the virtual reality?” Kochran already knew the answer based on Ezra’s frown.
“Not a single viable candidate in the bunch.” Ezra shrugged. “Not sure what you’re looking to do is possible.”
“Anything is possible.”
“You want to be up and running this time next year, you needed to find someone last week. There will be too much extensive beta testing that will need to be conducted to wait much longer.”
Kochran tapped his pen against the desk. Despite Ezra’s frustration, he was also clearly excited by the idea of the new project. Quite a pleasant change from the man who’d sat at his breakfast table two weeks ago.
Of course, Kochran wasn’t the only one who had a say in the matter. “What does Saint think?”
“I have a meeting with him in a few hours. I would have met with him before this, but he couldn’t get away sooner. There is one thing.”
Always was when it came to the club. Kochran loved it dearly, but it sucked money from his bank account faster than a hooker looking for her next John. “How much is this setback going to cost me?”
Ezra snorted. That soft noise wrapped around the base of Kochran’s cock and sank its claws into his need. Every time he thought he had a handle on it...he forced it down, determined to focus on the business at hand. The club wasn’t going to run itself, and if he kept getting caught up in the needs of his traitorous cock, he’d never get any work done.
“I could use a hand upgrading the system to handle the load this new stuff will add to the servers. What we’ve got is fine, so you won’t need too many purchases, but the expansion could use a second set of hands to code. Maybe even a third,” Ezra added.
Kochran knew where this was heading. “You want me to hire Maddy permanently.”
“Any programmer would work.”
Ezra’s noncommittal tone didn’t fool Kochran. Any programmer wouldn’t get Ezra excited. “That isn’t your preference.”
“She’s already familiar with the system.” Ezra shrugged. “Maybe even more so than I am, considering how she dug around in there before she even showed up. Having an expert at her level would speed the process.”
Handy excuse. Kochran had no objection to Madeline being around longer to help with the system enhancements. He suspected Ezra’s reasons weren’t entirely geek related. He may not understand all the computer shit, but Kochran knew people.
He also understood the strange phenomenon that happened whenever Ezra was around. Kochran’s dominant instincts rose to the surface, but for an entirely different reason than normal. He longed to give Ezra whatever he wanted, whatever he needed to heal, even if that included submitting. But as much as he wanted to fill the awful, glaring hole he knew existed deep inside him, Kochran couldn’t afford that choice.
Madeline’s presence would allow Kochran to fully dedicate himself to that promise he’d made to her in the stationery store. “All right,” Kochran said carefully. “If she’s agreeable, and available to extend her contract, she’s more than welcome to join our happy little family.”
The weight and meaning of that sentence hovered in the air as Ezra exited Kochran’s office in a rush.
* * *
Maddy ran her fingers across the fluid scrawl of her name on the envelope she’d discovered tucked inside her laptop bag. The paper was a reminder that over a month had passed since she’d found Kochran in Take Note. When she’d asked him if he still intended to make good on his promise, he’d only smiled and told her good things take time.
Evidently, the time had arrived.
Her heart raced as she broke the seal and pulled out the matching card. Kochran’s sweeping, perfect handwriting on that gorgeous notecard with the hearts and stars twisted something inside her as she read.
Take a sheet of your most expensive paper, and your favorite pen. Settle into a comfortable spot with a glass of wine. Write out your most explicit fantasy in filthy detail. Use your best handwriting for each and every dirty word. Deliver it to me the next time we see each other.
He wasn’t much for poetic words, but his commanding tone came through the paper. The arch of each letter. The dot of the punctuation. Exactly what she wanted—and needed. Using his methodology that good things take time, she forced herself to wait at least two days before following his instructions, to think hard about the fantasy, getting arou
sed by it. Remembering how Ezra had ordered her to seek out Kochran, explore more of what he had to offer her. The instruction had been the key that had unlocked something deeply primal inside her, as though Ezra had known her secret desires as well as if she’d spoken them out loud.
It had taken her another two days to bring herself to deliver her fantasy to Kochran in person. She stood in front of his office door, certain the carefully folded sheet she’d written her fantasy on would burst into flames. As she started to knock, she had a momentary lapse of courage. Surely a man like Kochran would have heard every filthy, dirty detail imaginable. Had more than likely helped a few submissives live out those fantasies. Nothing she could conjure could possibly compare. But he’d asked. No, commanded.
Courage shored up with that knowledge, she lifted her hand again. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him even though she and Ezra had continued to explore one another. Ezra had clearly indicated he didn’t mind her playing with someone else at the club. In fact, he’d ordered it. Wasn’t as though she wanted a relationship. It was just sex. Wild, kinky and outrageous sex.
After she’d followed Kochran’s orders, she’d replayed the video of Kochran from the night she’d broken into the Noble House servers. This time, she watched from start to finish. She’d been riveted to her seat as the scene had played out between Kochran and the submissive. Though Ezra blew her mind, she also needed what she’d seen in the video. Kochran was the one to give it to her.
With a shaking hand, she knocked softly.
“Come.”
The single word did wonderful, warm and perfect things that made her skin heat and her panties go damp.
She peeked around the door. “Have a few minutes?”
Kochran sighed as he looked up. “For you, sure.”
He looked tired and stressed. Far more than the last time she’d seen him. “Is this a bad time? I can come back.” If she had to, she’d lose her nerve. Burn the piece of paper in her hand in a fit of uncertainty and embarrassment.
“Of course not. Just stuff that will be there waiting for me.”
“Two things.” She stepped forward. “First, I wanted to know if I can revise my limitations list.”
Kochran’s eyebrows rose. “You actually filled one out?”
She shrugged. “I may be a cyber-troublemaker, but I wanted to make sure it was authentic-looking. I just randomly clicked boxes without paying attention.”
“And now you want to officially have one on record that matches your true interests.”
She licked her lips before replying, “My...situation has changed.”
Kochran smiled slyly. “How so?” Even as he asked, he turned to his spread of computer monitors without a word. For someone who had the sort of attitude toward technology that he did, it was quite sophisticated. Clearly someone else was responsible for ensuring he kept a tight rein over his club. She remained quiet while he navigated to her profile. A few seconds later, the nearby printer came to life. He glanced at her over the top edge as he read the printout. “I know, you want to remove the selection about clowns.”
“What?” She snatched the paper and scanned over it. Midway down the neat column: Clowns. “Shit. I thought you were joking.”
“There is a fetish for everything.” He took the paper from her, slipping the sheet into the feeder of a shredder.
“Um, I wanted to change that.” She pointed toward the bin, where her list was now confetti.
He handed her a sheet of cream-colored paper and the fountain pen he’d purchased the day they’d run into one another at the stationery store. “Write out what you think your hard and soft limits are, straight from the gut without a tidy list prompting you. There are no mistakes either, so I don’t want you crossing anything out.” He held out his hand. “Let me see what you wrote while I wait.”
His stern gaze arrowed straight to her heart, uncovering all her uncertainties. Compelled to follow the order, she allowed everything she’d kept locked away to pour forth. The unvarnished truth spread over the expensive sheet as though she’d opened a vein and bled on the page. He was still reading her note when she rose to get another sheet.
Without looking at her, he rolled his chair back, blocking her. “Sit down, Madeline.”
His curt tone erased any of the biting words she wanted to fling toward him. She returned to the chair and settled. She waited until he’d finished, her temper quelled enough she could reasonably ask why he’d stopped her.
Those sharp eyes pierced her as he asked, “It’s my job to see that you have everything you require, yes?”
“I didn’t want to bother you.”
“You’re supposed to bother me, Madeline. To ask me for what you need.”
So many meanings in that sentence. What you need. Like her fantasy, which he’d finished reading. And things in over half her already-transcribed list. “I’d like another sheet of paper so I can continue my list.”
With an appreciative grunt, he handed her another sheet and went back to her note. She wanted to ask why he was reading it again, but there was obviously something in it he found interesting, be it her selection of paper, her horrible penmanship—no matter how carefully she wrote—or the fantasy itself.
She thought she’d already made herself vulnerable with the note he studied so intently, but writing her limit list was soul-bearing. The words staring up at her, the loops and lines of the letters that made up the words of the list permanent. An etching of her soul. She may as well have used her body as a canvas instead of the paper. After she set the pen on the desk, she folded her hands in her lap. He’d read her letter countless times by now, but she waited patiently until he looked to her again.
“You could have altered the list on your own, you know.” His biting tone caused unexpected things to happen inside her. The elegant scent of his expensive cologne washed over her as his gaze pinned her to the seat. She fought not to squirm even though she was aroused. “The general membership can’t, of course, but you have an admin account.”
Sure, she could have. But she wanted to find out if Kochran meant it when he said he’d make her come the first time he fucked her. Revising her list this way was a convenient excuse to also deliver the letter he’d requested.
She handed him the sheets. “I have something else I wanted to discuss if you have some time.”
Kochran gave it a once over before he tucked the file into the drawer and rose. He came around the desk, leaned against the desk edge and crossed his ankles. From her seated position, she had an enticing view of his crotch. He may have been trying to appear aloof and calm, but the large bulge signaled he was anything but.
“And that is...?” He crossed his arms in front of him.
“What you said to me a few weeks back. I just wanted to know...if.” She stopped, unsure how best to phrase it. How should she remind a man like Kochran he’d extended an open invitation she now wanted to cash in?
“Go on and ask, Madeline. I’m the last one to judge you.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Of course you can. You’re trying to understand what you want. You’re surrounded by all these people day in and day out who know exactly what they expect from themselves. From their lovers. I can tell you’re brave, baby girl, but your heart and your head are at war.”
Once again, he’d pierced right through the heart of the matter. “You sound like you know exactly what I’m going through.”
“The club has been my personal hell and my salvation.” He shifted, sliding his hands into his pockets. The fabric tightened against his body, outlining his cock. The tissue between her legs swelled. She’d thought she was already aroused beyond measure, but he seemed capable of ratcheting up her desire with every passing second. “How about I confess something to you and maybe it will make you more comfortable?”
She swallowed. “Okay.”
Couldn’t hurt to try. Strange how she’d opened herself fully on those sheets of paper, but couldn’t seem to replicate the strength to speak out loud.
“I’m extremely attracted to you, Madeline. You do something to me, and it’s not entirely sexual in nature. I don’t know exactly what it is and that isn’t a usual feeling for me. I’m compelled to explore.”
She blew out a slow breath.
“That doesn’t bode well for my confession.”
“Oh! Sorry. I was thinking...how.” She paused. “I thought you said what you did that first night because you said it to everyone. That I wasn’t anything special.”
“No, Madeline, I’ve never welcomed a new member or employee that way.” He leaned closer, setting his hands on the arms of the chair to cage her in. “I would like to follow up that hot kiss with a spanking for thinking I’m so free with my greetings.”
Those words silenced every fear and doubt she’d had about Kochran. “It was silly of me.”
“It was cautious. Nothing wrong with that.”
She moistened her lips. “I want to be honest with you.”
“As I expect you to be.”
“I... Ezra and I having been fooling around for a few weeks. No intercourse, but I...we’ve been...exploring.”
“Exploring is good. You can learn a lot about yourself, and your partner, that way.”
What she’d figured out was that her dependency on Ezra—and how he made her feel when he pushed her boundaries—was astounding. He was impossible to forget. Most of the time, she was surprised she could even get any work done.
“He had me masturbate for him,” she admitted quietly. The admission gave her the strength to continue. “Several times, in fact. With and without a vibrator. Last week, while he was uploading content to the website...he saw me watching over his shoulder.” Damn him and that stupid spy mirror he kept positioned under his monitor.