by Sara Brookes
Kochran Duke hadn’t been giddy over partners in a long, long time. Perhaps never. Having multiple play partners had never been something he’d dismissed, but it wasn’t something he’d actively sought either. He’d left that to the resident ménage experts of the club, though Saint and Boyce had been taken off the market thanks to Grae. Because of a black mark on his past that still scarred him, Kochran had made a conscious decision to wait and see what fate brought his way.
Maddy and Ezra pinged his radar—hard. Penetrating so deep, the force had dislodged something Kochran hadn’t expected would ever rise to the surface again. A slice of his past that he hadn’t thought about in a long, long time. He wasn’t ashamed of the kind of life he’d lived in his twenties, but he didn’t talk much about it either. It suited his current path to keep quiet. The members of Noble House wouldn’t expect the fearless leader had long-buried submissive tendencies.
A soft knock sounded on his office door and he smothered a growl. He wasn’t in the mood for company. Not to mention he had a pile of paperwork so he could get to his gig at nine. It meant he had three hours. Enough time to maybe swing by the hospice to visit Tory.
The soft knock sounded again. Right. Business first. “Come on in.”
He expected a house sub or one of the cleaning staff since they didn’t officially open for another hour. Maybe even Ezra or Maddy, since they’d mentioned they were close to finishing. Instead, his sister’s girlfriend peeked around the partially open door. “Busy?”
Kochran’s heart leaped into his throat as fear churned his stomach. “Adelita. Is Tory all right?”
“Everything is fine. Don’t give me that look.” The petite brunette played with the strap of her purse as she arranged herself in one of his chairs.
“I know when someone is lying to me.”
“Just like your sister.”
The comparison warmed him. “How are you really? Not the bullshit answer you give everyone else either.”
“As you’d expect.” She brushed a shaky hand through her tangled hair. “Stressed. Horrible. Wonderful.”
“And I thought I was messed up.”
“Things are a jumble, to be honest,” she admitted. “Some days I don’t want to get out of bed.”
“But you do.” Because some days that was all you could do.
“I was all right until a few days ago.”
Kochran knew that look. That one reeking of desperation and exhaustion. He’d worn it more often lately than he liked to keep the truth hidden from the people who meant the most to him. “My mother didn’t start in on you again, did she?”
“I’m sorry.” She rose, fumbling her purse as she did. “I shouldn’t be here unloading this on you. You have more than enough to deal with.”
Kochran snapped his fingers to pull her out of her string of apologies. He was quickly losing his patience with people deciding what he could and couldn’t handle. “Adelita, sit. Tell me what happened.”
“I was fired.”
He wasn’t certain he’d heard her correctly. “What?”
She brushed a hand through her unruly hair. “Too much personal leave, they said. And most of the time, if I did manage to make it into the office, I was thinking about everything else but work.”
He examined the woman who had stolen his sister’s heart. Her normally well-put-together appearance was frazzled and messy. Her shirt was wrinkled, half of it untucked from her skirt. A long snag in her hose ran up the side of her leg. “Do you need any money for food? Rent?”
“I...hated the job, to be honest.” She offered him a weak smile as she waved off his questions.
“But it gave you something to do.”
“It made me feel productive. Like a member of society. There are plenty of other firms I could go work for, but who is going to want to hire me knowing I’m going to take a lot of time off right out of the gate?”
He studied her. She was right. Adelita was the kind of woman who would inform a prospective employer about her unique situation. She needed more flexibility.
He glanced toward his desk, at the piles and piles of paperwork he kept pushing to the side, and had an idea. “I could use someone like you. I send the club’s books to an accountant I’ve been using for years, but it’s well past time for us to have a full-time numbers nerd.”
“I’m not your charity case, Kochran.”
“You’re not. One friend to another, I’m not a fan of all this crap I can’t escape from. It’s one of the drawbacks of owning your own business. So you’d be doing me a favor. Unless you think you can’t work for a sex club.”
She snorted. “I’m not a prude. I can’t claim to understand everything that goes on here, or that I’m interested in finding out, but as long as you don’t mind someone like me working here, I’m game.”
Like her? He could only think of one thing. “A lesbian?”
“An old, boring accountant.”
“Believe me, Adelita, you are anything but boring.”
She pointed to him, the smile she aimed his way anything but humorous. “But we agree I’m old. I can start tomorrow.”
He started shuffling papers into a pile that he could sort through later. Relief he would be free of that particular pain in the ass eased some of the ache pounding behind his eyes. “You can officially start when I say.”
“I told you I’m not really into this whole dominance thing.”
He came around the desk, crouching beside her. He gathered her hands in his, noting how cold and dry the woman’s fingers were. She was too busy taking care of Tory to bother with basic necessities for herself.
“I’m saying this as Tory’s brother. When you’re completely available, you can start.” He pulled her to stand, already thinking about what he could clear out on the third floor in order to create an office for her. Hopefully, he would have some time before she needed it. “What do you say we pick up some Thai and pay a visit to my stubborn sister?”
They arrived at Tory’s room, arms laden with takeout, an hour later. Kochran frowned, setting the bags on a stand as he spotted his mother standing by the bed. He ignored her, brushing a kiss to Tory’s cheek.
“Warmer than usual.” He set a hand on her forehead, concerned. “Not running a fever, are you?”
“Hot ’cause my fucking gorgeous girlfriend just walked in,” she said as she struggled with the sheets Noelle kept tucking around her frail body.
“Victoria, watch your language. And stop fidgeting, you need to conserve your energy.”
“For what?” Tory rolled her eyes as she slapped Noelle’s hand away. “The marathon I’m going to run later? The only activity I want right now is for Adelita to share her nam tok mu with me. Okay, that’s a lie. I want her to share her grilled pork and then let her feast on my pussy. Dinner and dessert.”
Kochran snorted at Noelle’s horrified look. He dug through one of the bags, pulling out a container of pad thai, and a set of chopsticks. He handed them to Tory’s other visitor, Grae. “Soy sauce and extra shrimp.”
She accepted them with a grateful smile. “Thanks, I’m starving. Worked all day and came over for a visit before heading to the club.”
“New movie?”
The redhead’s eyes sparkled as she gestured to the screen where two people were locked in a passionate embrace. “Just finished up the dailies on my latest project and thought Tory would get a kick out of it since I signed her on as my official test audience.” Grae had become a good friend to both Tory and Adelita since she’d come back into Saint and Boyce’s life. The two had bonded over the blockbuster movies Grae performed computer graphic work on and cheesy one-liners that most people rolled their eyes over.
“Will you turn that obnoxious mess off? No one wants to see that man’s butt.” Noelle made a tsking noise as she wrinkled her nose. “Shameless Hollywood filth.”
An annoyed expression flicked across Noelle’s face. “They had to force Tory to take her medication again today. Since she won’t listen to me, Kochran, you talk some sense into her. She needs to take better care of herself.”
Tory’s gaze cut sideways. “I’m trying, Mom. But you keep having your lackeys tie me down. I’m not the one who gets off on that kind of thing.”
Kochran’s vision sheeted red. Not at the comment about his sex life, but on the insinuation his mother had taken matters into her hands once again. “What the fuck is she talking about, Mother?”
“Watch your language, young man.”
“Did you have the nurses restrain her?” The image of Tory pinned to the bed with wide leather straps, struggling with a man three times her size who forced pills down her throat, tore through his mind.
“She needs her medication,” Noelle scoffed as she tidied the sheets again. “I know what’s best for her. I’m her mother.”
“You’re an overbearing tyrant who is pissed someone doesn’t want to fall in line. And despite what you believe, you don’t have her best interests in mind.” He didn’t bother to modulate the menace in his tone. “Only yours.”
Noelle’s eyes flashed hot, her voice low. “You will not disrespect me, son. Especially not in public. If you can’t respect my decision, you will leave.”
He lifted a brow. “You can’t respect Tory’s decisions, so why should I respect yours?”
“This conversation is over, Kochran.” Her voice had gone up an octave, becoming almost shrill.
The tone triggered a shudder through his gut, a violent urge to cut Noelle Duke to the quick. “Do you even hear how fucking selfish you are? Or are you just so blind that you don’t see what you’re doing to your daughter? What she’s going through? Those choices are for her to decide, not you. As much as you hate to hear it, this isn’t your life.”
Noelle bristled at Kochran’s outburst, the shock of his words reverberating between them. “I have entertained both of your whims long enough and it’s high time it stopped. I know what is best for Tory and that’s the end of it. Now, I’m going to start the process to move Tory out of this festering mount of dirt they called a hospice and transfer her to the facility in New York where they can properly care for her. When I come back, I expect you gone.” Her jaw tightened as she gave a pointed look toward Adelita. “All of you.”
“Tory needs me, so with respect, Mrs. Duke, I’ll be here as long as I damn well feel like it,” Adelita said quietly, never taking her eyes off Tory.
Grae turned the volume up on the television and reset the video to the beginning.
Noelle squared her shoulders. “Think long and hard about the consequences if you all continue to cross me.”
Kochran swore he felt the room give a sigh of relief as his mother left. He shouldn’t have taken it that far, but he was beyond rage that had goaded him into the argument. The New York facility named after his grandfather was Noelle’s pride and joy. More so than her children. He reached for Tory’s hand. “I won’t let her move you anywhere.”
“She’s got a fight on her hands if she thinks I’m going anywhere. I know she means well, but Mom is... Mom.” Tory’s voice broke over the word. She cleared her throat, forcing a smile. “Now, my hot girlfriend is going to feed me some of that delicious smelling food and we’re going to watch this couple covered in fake sweat get busy.”
It wasn’t often Tory had an appetite anymore, so he was pleased to watch her take a small bite of the sliver of meat Adelita offered. He watched them for a time, marveling at how Adelita expertly balanced the caretaker and girlfriend roles. Thinking about how she’d stood up against his tyrant of a mother for the woman she loved.
Grae touched his arm. “You need to eat too.”
He wasn’t hungry, but he accepted the plate piled high with food because of the stern look she shot his way. “Thank you for all you’ve done for Tory, Grae. You’re a true friend to her.”
“She likes my jokes. I like making sure she’s happy.”
“Unlike some,” he muttered grimly, his gut a hard, aching ball. His mother was going to give him an ulcer.
“Your mom will come around.”
“Want to bet?” They fell silent for a time, eating while the food was still hot. He thought of the care Grae took with Tory. The way she’d insisted he eat when he was too wrapped up in the fight with his mother. “Saint and Boyce are lucky to have you.”
“They are, aren’t they? Seems like you’ve had a run of luck in that department yourself.” She ate for a few minutes, as though waiting for him to respond. But he didn’t know how to. What could he say when each day was a struggle where he was convinced he couldn’t be what everyone needed?
“I don’t know what’s going on, but I know when I see someone I care about in pain.” Grae gave him a searching glance as she set her hand on his cheek. “Don’t hide it from yourself. Or from whoever it is you’re torn up about. Just...be yourself. I had to learn that the hard way. Because of my past, when something upset my stability, I bolted. Saint and Boyce called me out. Forced me to face it. Them. I thought I was trying to protect myself, but really I was just running from the truth.”
Grae reset the video again and joined Adelita and Tory on the bed. They immediately fell into absurd critiques about the sex scene, each one trying to outdo the last with their comments.
Kochran wished he could open a valve and let all his insecurities and feeling gush forth in a rush. Confess to Grae how he constantly thought about Maddy, how those feelings consumed him. How he wanted to stitch up Ezra’s wounded soul.
But as convinced as he was that they were exactly what he needed, he was also convinced he couldn’t take the risk. The general membership of Noble House expected him to be every bit of the sexual Dominant he displayed during his shows. They didn’t want to know their fearless leader was madly, desperately in love with two people who had the power to destroy him.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Kochran pinwheeled the drumstick for a few beats before banging it against the membrane of his drum. Duality had just started the last song of their first set, and from the sound Kochran was getting through the feed in his earpieces, they were rocking a house full of tourists celebrating Labor Day.
Screwdriver was one of Kochran’s favorite places to gig because the owner was also a longtime member of Noble House. Oz had booked the band to play once a month for a year in advance, so Kochran gave him a break on the membership fees. It was a mutual agreement that suited them both, but also allowed a steady place for Kochran to delve deeper into one of his favorite activities. Because of the arrangement, and the close proximity of the town to the club, a hefty portion of the crowd at the bar were Noble House members. Which also meant the playlist could be tailored for the more open-minded clientele where they could experiment and test out new songs.
For the show tonight, they were debuting a song Kochran had been working on for the past three months. As the tune moved to the refrain, he lost himself in the throaty notes Charlie sang about the delicate balance between pleasure and pain. Charlene Husk may have been the most vanilla person Kochran knew, but she also trusted him not to steer her wrong when it came to songwriting. She also had a remarkable stage presence that said she was every bit the lead singer of a kick-ass band. She cocked her head to the side, her hair falling across one eye as she crooned about being the light of the sun and the moon. This song in particular had an ethereal alternative melody that was tempered with a gnashing, guttural distortion delivered toward the end. It wasn’t often Kochran added more than a masculine layer under Ch
arlie’s voice as backup, but this song in particular belonged to him.
Losing himself to it, he closed his eyes and allowed the music to carry him away. Some nights, playing was a euphoric experience nearly as intoxicating as Domspace. He drifted along with the melody, his arms and legs moving on muscle memory from hours and hours of rehearsal.
When the time came, Kochran joined Charlie, his voice layering with hers, further adding to the smoky quality as they sang about someone being alive when their weakest pleasure was pain. Her voice faded off on cue, giving Kochran the stage front and center. While he was no crooner, he had a decent voice with just the right amount of whiskey and smoke. As he sang about being aware he was a vicious tyrant who unapologetically took what he wanted from his partner, he scanned the crowd.
He made eye contact with a few patrons closest to the stage, the overhead lighting positioned in such a way that he couldn’t see more than the first few tables near the riser. Didn’t matter. He knew the place was packed, he just wondered if the two faces he wanted to see the most were out there somewhere. Then again, he would have had to invite them in the first place. Maddy wouldn’t have known the band’s schedule. And Ezra...the last time they’d played at the bar hadn’t gone well for him.
As he broke off, turning the song back over to Charlie saying they were one in the same, he sank back into the raw, feral power of the last beats. By the time the set ended, Kochran was a wild, sweaty mess. His arms and legs burned as sweat dripped into his eyes. He grinned as the four of them stood to bow and Charlie invited everyone to stick around for their second set in twenty minutes.
“Really rocking it tonight, boss.” Jolie, the band’s bass player, doled out towels and bottles of water to the others. “Totally on fire.”
“Thanks,” he replied as he took a second towel from her and slung it around his neck. “Sounding good yourself.” She was still struggling with the bridge of one of the newer songs that had just made it into regular rotation, but it wasn’t the time to point it out to her. He made a mental note to discuss it during their next rehearsal as he stepped off the stage. Ever the perfectionist, Kochran was just as critical of his bandmates as he was himself. He believed in giving the audience a good show.