by T. S. Ryder
Benjamin stopped. For a moment her heart rose with hope. Maybe, just maybe, he could forgive her. Those hopes were dashed when he turned. There was no forgiveness, no softness in his eyes. Sheer anger exuded from him and she knew it was useless. He'd never forgive her for what she had intended on doing.
"How did she die?"
Julia took a deep breath and recounted how it had happened. How Cynthia had suddenly gone into labor in the middle of a storm, and the truck that had caused her to lose control of the car.
Benjamin's shoulders sagged. "But that wasn't your fault. If the truck was in your lane, then how could you have stopped it?"
"I.. I could’ve . . . Maybe . . . "
He reached for her and for a brief moment she thought it meant he was softening, but then he drew back and his expression hardened again. "You still had no right to keep the truth from me. Henry is my son."
"Yes."
"My son," he repeated, stepping a little closer. "Mine. Not yours."
Her blood turned to ice.
"He is going to stay with me in the palace as my son. You . . . you will be dismissed from your duties. As soon as it's safe for you to leave, you will. Do you understand me?"
Julia shook her head. Her heart slammed into her ribs as bile rose in her throat. This was worse than anything she had anticipated. After everything she had done to keep him, to give her baby a good life, the prince thought he could just steal Henry way? Never. Her hands balled into fists and she narrowed her eyes at him.
"You are not taking Henry from me."
"You're the one that stole him. He should have come to me from the start. If Cynthia was alive, she'd live in the palace in a place of honor, but you are not his mother."
Julia's hand flew before she could stop herself. Her fist collided with the Dragon's jaw. He grunted, backing up a step, but otherwise seemed unaffected.
"I am his mother! You can't take him from me. There are assassins after me because I slept with you. I'm not going to put him in danger too. We're on the brink of war—"
"And having a child, an heir will strengthen my position. He'll strengthen the kingdom and that war you're so worried about? It will be avoided."
"You aren't using my boy as a pawn in your politics," Julia spat back. "He's a tiny, innocent, helpless baby and deserves a proper chance at a normal life. Not to be taken in because you want to spit in my face or to parade him around like a trophy. He's my son—"
"He's my son!"
Julia shook her head. She breathed in deeply, attempting to calm herself even though it was difficult. Cynthia's parents had put her through this as well, and she wasn’t going to just give up. "He's my son. I will fight you with everything I have. I won't let you take him away."
Benjamin barked out a laugh. He dragged his hand through his hair, then shook his head. A brief look of pain flashed across his face but it hardened again quickly. "If you want to stay his guardian, his mother, then I guess you'll just have to marry me."
"What?"
Was he serious? After this huge fight they were having, he still said something like that? Was he trying to back off, to let Henry go without a fuss? Or – her eyes narrowed again – was it just because of his position? He needed a queen to strengthen his rule. Was this the only way he was going to get one?
"And why would you want me to marry you?" she asked him coldly.
He was just as cold as he replied. "Because a public fight over custody would only further weaken the kingdom and marry you would give me the queen that everybody thinks I should have. It's too late to start trying to court a woman, so I've got to get somebody I don't care about anyway. At least with you, I'd know exactly what I'm getting into."
"If you think I'm going to let you use me—"
"Oh, you mean like how you were using me?"
She couldn't reply to that. Her heart was somewhere down near her toes, all her limbs feeling heavy. "You're not seriously thinking that I would actually marry you."
"I suppose not. After all, a liar and a con as the queen? I'm surprised that being queen doesn't appeal more to you. Or is it that you want to destroy the kingdom?"
Julia stared into Benjamin's angry eyes and said nothing. She struggled to keep a lid on her own anger, though her blood rushed in her ears and her hands trembled with the desire to claw out the prince's eyes. He was hurt like she had been. He was lashing out as she had. Once he calmed down, maybe they would have a chance to talk this over. Maybe he would regret the things he said. Maybe. Or maybe she should have just kept her mouth shut, instead just disappearing from Benjamin's life.
"What? Nothing more to say?"
"I love Henry," she whispered. "More than anything."
Benjamin's nostrils flared. "Yeah. But I'm his father. I'm a prince. You're a servant. Who do you think the courts will give him to?"
"I didn't have to tell you. I didn't have to tell you anything."
"Yeah? Well, it's too late to change your mind now."
He walked away without another word, leaving Julia behind. A sob ripped up her throat and she turned back to her room. Henry started to cry and she went to get him, all the while wondering what she would do if Benjamin made good on his threats.
She couldn’t give Henry up. She had to find a way to soften Benjamin . . . somehow.
Chapter Fourteen – Heavy Hangs the Head
By the time he got to Maria's bedside, Benjamin's anger had melted away into something else. Despair. It wasn't bad enough that the other kingdoms were rising against him, but now the woman he had been falling in love with revealed that she was not the person he thought she was. Everything between them was a lie. It hurt far more than he cared to admit and even though he wanted to still be angry with her, all he could feel was a pain.
His mother was sleeping when he sat beside her. She was still hooked to a ventilator most of the time. Allergies didn't hit Dragons the same way as humans, and in her condition, the effects were lingering. A burst of anger towards Natalie filled him, but it was quickly overshadowed by guilt. If he had stepped up to his responsibilities, then she wouldn't have thought she had to take action. In her own twisted way, she thought she was being a patriot.
"I wish I could get your guidance, Mother," Benjamin whispered. "These days have been all wrong without you here to help me through. I don't know if what I'm doing is helping or making things worse. But I'm going to do the best I can."
He sighed, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. She didn't stir and he didn't expect her to. The drugs that she'd been given to counteract her allergies were immensely powerful and put her to sleep as soon as they were administered. There were signs of improvement, though, and perhaps there was hope.
"Julia told me everything," he whispered. "It hurts. It really hurts. But hearing it, I've realized there is only one way to ensure that this doesn't end in total war. I'm not angry at her anymore, just . . . just sad. I'm going to marry Caitlyn."
There was no point in dawdling around. His mother used to tell him that when you knew what you had to do, you went ahead and did it. Well, he knew what he had to do. He pressed a kiss to his mother's forehead and left the room with a heavy heart. It felt like going to the gallows, but if it would protect his kingdom, what choice did he have?
He returned to the palace quickly and called Nicolas. His PA blinked blearily when he arrived a few minutes later, yawning. He'd forgotten his time, but being called this late at night would do that. His eyes were questioning as he entered Benjamin's study. Where he and Julia had first been together. The prince allowed himself to indulge in the memory for a moment before shaking it off.
"Send a message to Caitlyn," he said. "If she wants to marry me, then we will have to negotiate the terms of our relationship."
Nicolas's jaw dropped. "You can't be serious!"
"I am. Now draft and send the message. This is getting out of hand, there needs to be an end to it."
His PA hesitated only a moment longer before nodding. Benja
min hunched over his desk, resting his elbows on the smooth, polished wood. Would it work? Did Caitlyn still want the power and glory that would come from being the queen of two kingdoms? With any luck, she would. Although how Benjamin felt at the moment was far from lucky. He had no prospects for a mate now that he knew that Julia never loved him.
Caitlyn had plotted it right. She hadn't engaged in any overt hostilities herself, but the stage was set in her favor. Now he was coming back to her begging and she could do what she wanted. It made Benjamin feel sick, but he had to protect his kingdom. Even if it meant sacrificing himself.
***
No word from Caitlyn. It had been two days and although she had sent back a message saying she would consider his offer, she was leaving him in suspense. Probably to make him even more desperate when she came back with outrageous demands. But that didn't matter. Benjamin didn't really care what demands she had as long as it wasn't one of her children who ended up ruling his kingdom.
Benjamin stepped out of the shower, unhappy to see that the cold water and thinking of Caitlyn hadn't shocked away the effects of the dream he'd had the previous night. Of Julia, her arms and legs around him, a smile on her face and I love you on her lips. He'd woken to find the blankets tented over his lower region and it hadn't yet gone away. Snarling under his breath, he dressed, trying to put Julia from his mind.
His son would be the king after him. Henry.
He needed to start the court proceedings to claim custody of his boy soon. But Julia clearly loved the baby. Benjamin could see it every time she looked at him. He could see utter devotion in her eyes like she'd give up her whole world for him. And she had, in a sense, when she had entered such a massive debt fighting Cynthia's family for him. What right did anybody, even Henry's father, have to take him from such a loving, caring home? Julia gave Henry everything he needed and more.
And what sort of father would he be? More to the point – what sort of step-mother would Caitlyn be? Could he really subject his son to grow up with that harpy as the woman he called mother?
The prince shook his head as he dressed, then went in search of Julia. Like usual, she was in the room he had provided for her, holding Henry close. She shrank back from him when he entered, eyes going wide. Looking at her made his heart clench.
"I've decided something," he started roughly. "You will remain Henry's primary guardian. But he is going to be named my son and heir and I will have partial custody. We won't live under the same roof, but you'll be close by and attend public events as though we are friends."
She was silent.
"That's the best you're going to get. I don't want to take Henry from his mother, but if you plan to fight me on this—"
"I'm not. Thank you. I wasn't planning on keeping Henry out of your life anyway, but thank you for letting me keep him."
Her voice, soft and cowed, so unlike her normal confidence, made Benjamin wince. He ran a hand through his hair, trying not to think about his dream last night. It wasn't happening. She didn't love him and he needed to get over her if worst came to worst. "I sent a marriage offer to Caitlyn."
"I heard. I had hoped it wasn't true."
Why? Was she hoping . . . He shut down that line of thinking. "It's true. She's the one who instigated all of this, so she's the one I have to placate. Besides which, I need a queen. She's got the proper training and everything, so . . . "
Julia brushed her hair behind her ear and shrugged. "You're not afraid she'll stab you in the back on your wedding night?"
Wedding night. The thought of being physically intimate with Caitlyn left him cold, but he brushed away the feeling. "No. It would just put her back in the same position, looking for a new mate and the rumors surrounding my death would be enough to cool the heels of prospective mates. But I have to protect my kingdom by any means necessary."
"I know."
Benjamin twitched. There was nothing else to say here. He should leave . . . but he didn't want to. He swallowed hard. "Julia . . . I'm sorry that I reacted as badly as I did when you told me the truth. That doesn't mean that I've forgiven you, but I do wish I hadn't been as explosive."
"I understand. I wish . . . I wish I had told you earlier. Actually, I wish I'd never come up with that stupid plan to begin with. You're nothing like what I told myself you were. And I am sorry for hurting you."
"That doesn't make it hurt less."
"I know."
Benjamin held out his arms and after a moment Julia passed Henry to him. The baby snuggled into the crook of his arm, utterly relaxed. The prince smiled softly. If he hadn't met Julia, would he have ever met his little boy?
"Cynthia . . . I wish I could remember her. Why didn't she tell me?"
"I don't know. But she had a terrible life. The people she cared about most were always hurting her or putting her down. Her parents . . . they didn't deserve to be called parents. I think she was just afraid that the pattern would hold and you'd end up hurting her more. And then she died before she could tell you." Benjamin looked up. Tears glimmered in Julia's eyes. "I'm sorry that I hurt you."
"You could have never told me. So why did you?"
Julia shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself. "It's because I . . . I've fallen in love with you."
Benjamin's jaw dropped. The air left his lungs in a whoosh. "What?"
"I love you."
Chapter Fifteen – Healing
Would he believe her or think she was lying? Julia twisted her hands, willing herself to be strong and steady – to tell the bare truth and accept whatever came after. He had no reason to forgive her or take her back. Claiming love wasn't a reason for him not to be angry with her anymore. It didn't excuse what she had done.
"Are you being serious right now?" The prince was tense, making her want to take back Henry before they woke him.
Instead, she nodded. "I know it doesn't excuse anything. I just . . . I just wanted to tell you. I fell in love with you a little at a time and by the time I realized what I was doing, it was too late."
Benjamin grinned. Then he laughed out loud. Julia frowned, pulling her arms tighter around herself. She supposed she deserved it after what she pulled. Now he could gloat about it all he wanted. The confession burned her tongue, his laughter making her face burn. She reached for Henry, muttering about putting him down for a nap, and fled to the bedroom. There, she settled him into the bassinet and took deep gulps of air to calm herself down.
She fully expected that the prince would have left in the meantime, but when she stepped into the den, he was there. He grinned at her, his eyes soft and warm. Her heart jumped to her throat at the sight, but she forced herself not to react. It didn't mean what she thought.
"You love me, huh?" Benjamin reached for her, though she stayed stiff. "Well, I guess that means I might just have to marry you."
That again. Julia pulled away, hands clenching. "You don't have to mock me. I know what I did was wrong and I'm sorry for that. But I'm not going to let you treat me like I'm expendable. It was a mistake and I'm trying to make it right and I understand you can't forgive me, but you don't have to be cruel."
"Who said I can't forgive you?"
Julia gasped as his hands ran down her sides, ending on her hips. He pulled her flush against him, grinding against her. Heat rushed through her body as she felt him, already hard, through their clothing. Her cheeks flushed and her chest started heaving as much as she wanted to stop her reaction. Her jaw hung slack as she stared up at him.
"But . . . but . . . What I did," she choked out. "You can't be serious right now."
Benjamin dropped a kiss to her mouth. It made sparks burst under her skin, traveling to every part of her. Her lips tingled and something tightened inside of her.
"I am serious," he whispered. "Marry me, Julia."
Her body ached to say yes, but Julia shook her head. She had to think rationally. Had to stay in control. This wasn't going to end well, no matter how strong her feelings were. Yeah, she loved hi
m, but she had also treated him horribly. He couldn’t just forget that, could he? Her fingers curled into his shirt, wanting to pull him closer but not daring to do so.
"I can't get married for political reasons," she blurted out.
"Then don't. Get married because you love me and I love you."
Tears flooded her eyes. Seriously? "But how can you love me after what I did?"
Another kiss had her blood firing. Her eyes drifted closed as Benjamin teased her mouth open. This wasn't an answer but she didn't care. With a moan, her hands drifted over his chest, beginning to unbutton his shirt. Her fingertips brushed over his hot, smooth skin.
"I love you," he whispered. "And maybe forgiveness will take a little while. But Julia? I'm well on my way there already."
It was all she needed to hear. Her arms wrapped around him as though moving of their own accord. The sound of their kissing filled the space between them. Benjamin's hands wrapped in Julia's hair, pulling her closer as he teased her mouth open, still grinding against her. She grasped his hips to bring herself against him as tightly as she could, desperation and warmth filling her.
Her heart felt like it was going to burst, it was so full of happiness and relief. She swung one leg over his hip and Benjamin caught it, then lifted the other. Holding her tightly, he carried her to the couch and set her down on it, kneeling between her legs. There were a tearing noise and the sound of buttons popping off as he ripped off his shirt before reaching for hers. Julia lifted her arms above her head so he could remove it more easily.
"No bra," he growled, both of his huge hands fondling her breasts. "Good. Don't need it. Love the way you look. So beautiful. So big."
Julia laughed. "So big that I need a bra or else they're bouncing all over the place and giving me a backache."
Benjamin shook his head. "I love watching them bounce all over the place. But I guess you can be on your back this time so you don't get a backache."
"That's not what I meant—"
His head dropped, mouth seeking out first one nipple and then the other. Her breasts tightened, shooting zings of pleasure down her spine and into her core. Julia's back bowed as she let out a throaty moan. The prince pulled her pants off before moving back to her mouth and giving her a slow, deep kiss that had her heart pounding.