“Dies.” Aphrodite’s gold eyes met mine, and I remember wondering what color they really were behind the glamour. “If your shield falters, we all do.” She’d winced when another pained cry filled the air. “Sort of. Go get some rest.”
She was right. It wasn’t fair. Being responsible for keeping everyone safe was scary, but she was right. If that shield fell, everyone I cared about could suffer a fate worse than death.
I’d just become my own cage.
I tasted salt as the words in the journal blurred, but I kept writing through the sobs, ink flowing faster and faster until it left nothing but an illegible scrawl. My hand cramped from holding the pen so tight, but I couldn’t stop writing.
My plan had been to help Aphrodite get the weapons, save her friends, all that good stuff. But I’d always known that I could just teleport the three of us away if things got too hard. But there’s a difference between leaving a group of people determined to pursue their own destruction and being the thing that destroys them.
It doesn’t matter, I tried to assure myself. We’re not staying here a second longer than we need to. Narcissus will get everyone evacuated, whether I can teleport or not. I just need to hold the island together long enough for everyone to get off it, and then they won’t be my responsibility anymore.
It’s fine. We were planning on sticking around long enough to get the weapons and find Hades anyway. I can still fix—
My fist clenched around the pen so tightly that it bit the flesh of my palm. There was no fixing this. I’d already broken everything beyond repair.
Taking a deep breath, I fought to calm myself down. Unfortunately, I caught a whiff of myself in the process. Sweat, dirt, and blood covered me from head to toe, and I’d sat on the couch bed without thinking of the mess I’d make.
Shower, I thought, moderately calmed by having a task to focus on. The hot water carrying away the dirt and grime felt so good, that I didn’t stop to ask myself how the hell it was still working. Once I got cleaned up, I began to clean the cabin. Not from the earthquake, but from my roommates. Not a single book had been knocked out of place in my cabin during the island’s breakdown. Didn’t that just figure?
I’d caused all this destruction, and not a single thing of mine was destroyed. What were the odds of that?
Humming to force my mind blank, I folded the couch bed back up so the room wasn’t so oppressively claustrophobic, then I rearranged the furniture to give us all some personal space. It wasn’t what I should have done. Cleaning my cabin was like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Pointless. But I couldn’t make myself keep still. Adrenaline, probably.
I was supposed to be resting, but how could I possibly rest? My friends were dead or dying. People I’d been really mad at and ready to leave to die had just been crushed by my ineptitude.
I’d killed Glauce.
Tears stung my eyes. I’d killed more than Glauce. Multiple demigods were now dead by my hand. No. Not dead. Something worse.
I tried to ignore all of that and focus on cleaning, but I couldn’t escape my thoughts forever. My cabin was too small. So, once everything that could possibly be tidied had been cleaned, I sat back down with my journal and gripped the pen.
I spent so much time worrying I was crazy. But what happens now that the world’s gone mad? The laws of reality have broken down. I’m more than I thought. So much more. But all that means is that I can do more damage. There are more things I can be used for.
What am I? I can shield, heal, and teleport. All things Aphrodite told me were shared, standard powers for all deities. Is there more I can do that I don’t know about? Am I already a god?
No. I’m something else entirely. I can lie. I’m not bound by their rules. If I was, I wouldn’t be able to teleport other people from realm to realm. So, what am I?
Did I make a mistake leaving him?
What happens if Otrera finds out I killed Glauce?
Am I a horrible person for not being upset over taking pills to end my pregnancy?
There is so much going on in my mind right now. So much has happened. I can’t get all the words down on paper. There’s not a book big enough. But I think at this point, I’d welcome insanity.
Maybe I’m already there.
Chapter XX
Aphrodite
WHEN USED CORRECTLY, charm makes people think they want to obey. The mind rationalizes foreign commands, thinking up a million reasons why jumping off a cliff might be a good idea. But that’s expertly applied charm. This was just a bludgeon, beating at me until I broke.
The once-open space of the hospital lobby was crowded from wall to wall with angry, golden figures. There was one thing on their mind. Blame. They surrounded me. Their yells rose to the high ceilings and bounced off the glass walls, culminating in ferocious echoes of hatred.
My fingers dug into my glamoured palms as my chest constricted. Breathe, I reminded myself, calling on every technique Athena had taught me to keep myself from breaking down. In, one-two, I coached myself. But the too-strong scent of hospital-grade disinfectant mingled with the smell of demigods caked with sweat and dirt nearly overwhelmed me.
They pressed forward, reaching for me, grabbing at me, pushing and shoving past Otrera, but she shoved right back. The athletic demigoddess angled herself in front of me, her face red from shouting. She barely knew me and didn’t seem to like me much, yet here she was standing toe-to-toe with an angry mob. Why?
Charm crashed into me over and over again. I clamped my mouth shut, tasting blood when my tongue got in the way and folded in on myself, whispering, whimpering the damning words to make it stop. To keep me from screaming them.
“Yes.” That single, whispered word answered their every question. Let them wonder which ones.
I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for the festering, golden mob to tear me to pieces for lying to them, but they just kept shouting. Demanding answers I had already given.
They couldn’t hear me over their own chaos.
“Calais, Neleus, and Zeetes, we’re ready for you.” A petite, redheaded nurse, mind-controlled into compliance by the island’s team of charmers, spoke calmly into the small, silver microphone jutting up from the desk in the center of the lobby.
She had to make her announcement several times before the crowd silenced enough to realize there was a new type of voice being added to the fray. A reminder that they were standing in the hospital lobby for a reason. Not just to scream at me.
Strange how the hottest heads all got called back at the same time.
I blinked and glanced at Narcissus, the copper taste of blood still on my tongue. The older demigod towered over the lobby on his makeshift platform, looking entirely undisturbed by the mob below. His muscular arms folded over his chest as he met my gaze with a level look. My hands shook when I realized that somehow, despite being half a room away, despite my whisper, despite the yells from the crowd, he’d heard me.
He knew.
Calais puffed up his chest, drawing in a deep breath like he wanted to object, but Narcissus held up his clipboard and handed sheets of paper to the demigods who were emerging back into the lobby after their checkup.
“We need every hand on deck to find those who are missing and to identify safe zones,” Narcissus reminded them. When the nurse led the group of demigods into another room, Narcissus raised his voice as he tried to wrest back control of the situation. “Elise?”
Mouth dry, I lifted my chin, sucking in another breath of disinfected, sweat-fumed air. My heart slammed in my chest as I wondered what he’d order the crowd to do next.
Narcissus flashed me a cold smile, his teeth glittering white. “I think it would be best if you weren’t here while we strategize. Perhaps you should head back to your cabin.”
He didn’t have to tell me twice.
>
Chapter XXI
Medea
“WHY DID YOU bring me back?” When Aphrodite threw open the cabin door, it ricocheted off the wall. The dank smell of stagnant mud followed her inside.
“What?” Startled by the suddenness of her entrance, I slammed my journal closed. I’d been curled up on the couch, writing under the comfort of a thick blanket. Every light was on, but it did nothing to combat the cloudy gray sky outside, so the room was still dimmer than I’d like.
“Would you calm down?” Otrera crossed the threshold right on Aphrodite’s heels. “Hey, Medea.”
Despite the horror of the day, I smiled. Living with them made me feel like I was just some normal person in college, dealing with fun, roommate antics. Or at least, what I’d thought was normal from the TV shows I’d watched when I was growing up. I loved every minute of it.
“You knew what I was!” Aphrodite’s voice was thick with tears. “Why did you bring me back here?”
The smile faded from my face as I noticed the way Aphrodite was trembling. She raked a hand through her tangled, golden hair, pacing back and forth.
I swallowed hard, guilt flaring up within me. “I told you, I want to join the—”
Aphrodite cut me off, her voice as broken as shattered glass. “Were you mad because I pretended to be someone I’m not? Is that why—”
“No.” I tried to exchange a worried glance with Otrera and noticed she was locking the door? What the hell was going on? “Gods, Aphrodite, you were bleeding to death. We wouldn’t have treated you if we’d known you were a goddess.” Even I would have voted against it back then. “What is this about?”
“If they find out what I am, I’m dead. You get that, right?” She clenched her fists, jagged, broken nails scraping against her palms as though she could stop shaking by sheer force of will. “One wrong move, one stupid wrong move, and they won’t hesitate to kill me. They’ll relish it. They’re halfway there already, and I have nothing! No powers, no way out. And you knew that. Why would you bring me back here? I’d escaped. We were out. Free! And you yanked me back. Why?”
“Hey.” Otrera moved closer to Aphrodite, reaching her hand out to calm the pacing goddess. “This isn’t helping.”
She jerked away from Otrera, her breath coming fast. “Answer me!”
Confrontation and I didn’t get along. When people yelled at me, I tended to get skittish. “Y-you needed to find your friends and the weapons, and—”
“I can’t do anything! I’m not—I can’t—” Aphrodite glanced up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly. “Why did you bring me back?” she asked again, breaking down into harsh sobs and collapsing onto the couch.
What happened? I mouthed to Otrera, scooting until my back met the worn arm of the couch to give them room.
Otrera perched gingerly on the edge of the cushion and shook her head.
A familiar odor struck me. Sweat, blood, and mud. Both girls were still coated in dust from their golden hair all the way down to their dirt-caked shoes.
Hesitantly, I moved beside the weeping goddess, wrapping my arm around her slim shoulders in an awkward half hug. “What if you weren’t what I thought you were, and I just left you there? Abandoned you to them. I had to know. Plus . . .” Guilt flared within me. “I needed your help.”
“I’m not help.” Her face looked drawn and pale. “I’m not—I can’t—” She gripped the edge of the couch so hard, her knuckles turned white.
“Aphrodite.” I kept my voice calm and even. “What happened?”
“It’s stupid,” she gasped. “So incredibly stupid. It’s stupid that it happened, that I let it happen, that it scared me, that I couldn’t do anything. That I’m this worked up. It’s so frickin’ stupid.” She gulped back tears and tried to catch me up, her voice raw with equal parts anger and terror.
When her voice failed, Otrera took over, heat permeating her every syllable. Her toned, golden shoulders were rigid with tension as she explained what happened in clipped, angry tones.
“He did what?” Relief coursed through me, chased closely by guilt. I was getting sickeningly used to that feeling. Narcissus attacking the gods wasn’t good, but at least the whole “people not being able to die and being stuck in their not-quite corpses” ordeal couldn’t be laid at my feet. One less thing to blame myself for. “Is he suicidal?”
“Maybe,” Aphrodite said, her voice hollow. “He’d just rather die than go back to being someone’s puppet. Who knows what the gods did to him in the past, but if he’s going to go down, it’s going to be in a blaze of glory, not under their thumb.” She gave a mirthless laugh. “Funny thing is, I get that. I get it completely. Hell, I’ve been there. I am there.” Her throat bobbed when she swallowed. “There are a lot of places I’d die before I went back to.”
Otrera and I exchanged a worried look over Aphrodite’s head.
“I think he heard me.” She buried her face in her hands, pushing a line of muck into her hairline.
“There’s no way he could have possibly heard you,” Otrera assured her. “I didn’t even hear you, and I was standing right there.”
“But when he looked at me—” Aphrodite broke off, blinking as she glanced around the room as if seeing it for the first time. “Did you rearrange the furniture?”
“What?” I asked, now thoroughly lost. “Oh, yeah.”
I’d moved some of Jason’s bookshelves into the bedroom and some to the middle of the living room, creating a kind of half wall so Otrera could have her own private space. Then I’d tossed most of the binders and papers filling up the bookshelves, and moved our stuff to the shelves. It was still cramped, but it was an organized cramp. And as an added bonus, everything smelled like lemons because of all the cleaning stuff I’d used.
“I was just trying to . . .” I trailed off, unsure how to justify such a colossal waste of time. The island was broken, Aphrodite was likely discovered, and we were no closer to finding Hades, destroying the Steele, or summoning the Pantheon.
“It looks nice,” Otrera said soothingly. “And Narcissus couldn’t have heard you, Aphrodite, okay?” She lifted her chin and thrust her shoulders back, speaking with so much authority that she left Aphrodite no room to argue. “I didn’t hear you, and I was standing right next to you. Take a breath and calm down. Okay?
Aphrodite nodded, her breath hitching. “I’m just so tired of being powerless.”
I let out a bark of bitter laughter at that, and they both shot me an odd look. “Sorry. It’s just, I feel like I’ve spent my whole life wishing I was powerless. Everything bad that’s ever happened to me is because of having power. Power isn’t freedom to me, it’s a cage.” Even now, my ability to hold the island together was keeping me tethered here.
“You’re wrong.” Otrera kicked off her dirty shoes. They thudded against the white rug in a cloud of dust.
I cringed at the imagined sensation of the grit coating me, even though I knew it was in my head. Like when someone starts talking about bug bites. You can’t help but scratch an itch.
“It’s not better being powerless.” Otrera flexed her freakishly long toes until they popped. “I’m not diminishing what you’ve gone through,” she added quickly, holding out her hand as if she could take back the offense I’d taken. “But until you’ve been on the receiving end of charm, you don’t know helpless.”
“You’re not immune?” Aphrodite sounded surprised.
“I’m a first-generation demigoddess with absolutely no powers to speak of,” Otrera reminded her. “How could I possibly be immune?”
I closed my eyes, feeling stupid. I’d let Glauce tease Otrera about her hesitance to go anywhere on this island alone, all the time wondering if something horrible had happened to spark her “irrational fear.” It never occurred to me she just didn’t have any other way to protect herself.
If a demigod charmed her into clucking like a chicken or something crazy, she’d been counting on us to intervene.
“Why in the world would you agree to come here?” Aphrodite asked after a long moment of silence.
Otrera tugged on the end of a mud-splattered box braid, looking uncomfortable. “I told you, I didn’t want to be Zeus’s next—”
“Don’t lie,” Aphrodite interrupted. “It’s not fair.”
“That was part of it,” Otrera insisted. “But the rest . . .” She glanced down, rubbing at a spot of dirt on her dusky gold palm. “I was tired of being different.
“I’m an aurum,” she said, referring to the human explanation for the unusual coloring of demigods. “My mom has no idea who my dad is. Plus, I’m not interested in guys. Those were all checks against me growing up in a small town full of bigots, and it hasn’t gotten any easier as an adult. Jason promised me a place where I belonged. Where I fit in. Almost. I mean, I’ve got no powers and I’m a demigoddess instead of a demigod, so I’m definitely still not part of the majority. But almost fitting in is better than not at all.”
I knew that feeling all too well. And from the look on Aphrodite’s face, she did too.
“But we don’t have time to feel sorry for ourselves right now.” Otrera straightened her shoulders, her voice firming with a renewed determination. “This island is disintegrating, and most of the people on it are determined to go down with the ship. We need a plan. And we need it now.”
“So let’s pool our resources,” I agreed. “Otrera, you’re strong—”
She snorted at that. “Which could be a handy distraction, I guess, but I can’t fight our way off the island. We’re vastly outnumbered, and while I appreciate your faith in me, one or two self-defense classes does not a warrior make.”
Venus Rising: Book 3 Aphrodite Trilogy (The Daughters of Zeus 6) Page 13