He withdrew and flopped down onto the bed next to us, and then Rouen rolled off me onto my other side.
My brain stopped trying to comprehend what the hell just happened and slid into blissful blackness of exhaustion.
I woke briefly to Romanus with a warm washcloth, cleaning the stickiness between my thighs, then cleaning up Rouen too.
“Hush. Sleep,” he whispered over Rouen’s soft snores. I gave him a half grin and did as I was told, snuggling back into his body as he slid back beneath the blankets.
Pressed between the two warm bodies, I sighed contentedly. I could definitely get used to this. At least until I had to examine my decisions in the cold light of day.
Romanus wrapped a big hand around my thigh, and Rouen flung an arm over my stomach, and I slid back into the contented blackness of dreamless sleep.
My body felt achy and sore, but in the fun way. I cracked open an eye and pouted a little that my bed was empty. I’d had them again and again last night, every time one of them woke, they’d roll over and be between my thighs in seconds. I barely got any sleep, but my grin hurt my face because it was so big.
Oh well. It was probably for the best. The curtains were still drawn around my four poster, and I tilted my head at the sound of angry whispers. My hearing was better than average. Actually, I didn’t want to sound too full of myself, but physically, I was superior to normal run-of-the-mill humans. You know, the type that weren’t conceived by zombies resurrected by the Devil and protected in the womb by a fallen angel. You know, that old story. I was just more. I had better hearing, better eyesight, better strength. I could still be injured but I healed with a swiftness that defied modern medicine . It only took me two weeks to heal my broken arm when I fell off Charlie's bike. I always joked that when Ace was handing out Angelic gifts, Hope got all the Angelic qualities and I got all the Fallen qualities. I was meaner, more brutal than my softer twin. But together, we were a pretty awesome team.
Until someone tried to break her. Now they’ll see just how Fallen I am.
The whispers got angrier and I tuned in.
“What’s the problem with you humans? I thought it was dragons who wanted to hoard things, but you are worse. You want to take something beautiful and wild, and cage it always. You say she’s yours, but you won’t fight for her. You’d rather have none of her than let her take what she needs from all of us. You want to tie her down. We would make her soar,” Rouen’s gruff voice sounded angry and frustrated.
“You don’t even know her,” Charlie let out his own Gargoyle worthy growl. “You don’t know me.”
Rouen laughed then. “I know everything I need to know. I can smell your longing, your lust. I can see how much you love her, but you do nothing. You can’t hide this from us. Like I know that you are scared despite your bravado.”
Woah. What? Rouen was wrong. Sure, Charlie loved me, like I loved him. It wasn’t a lusty kind of love. Was it? I remembered gazing at his bare torso yesterday in bed, and how much I wanted to curl my fingers in his chest hair.
No. Fucking Gargoyles and their sex pheromones were still messing with my brain. I shimmied into some pjs and a tank that was in a pile beside my bed. I slipped out of the curtains, and when I walked out into the open living room, they were standing side by side, as if nothing was amiss. Except the red ring on the pale column of Charlie's neck, and the fact the Rouen was completely, buck ass naked.
I squinted at them both, but kept my mouth shut. I walked to the coffee machine and pressed the buttons. When I had my java in my hands, I turned back towards them.
“Uh, morning?”
I looked for Romanus, and found him on my fluffy rug, sitting perfectly still in the sun again. At least he was wearing tight black boxers. I went and sat beside him, resisting the urge to lean into him.
Apparently, I didn’t hide my desire well enough, because he picked me up and placed me on his lap, his face still turned to the sun, his eyes still closed. I sunk in against the warmth of his chest, and realized that it felt a little like heated stone. Like lying on a sun warmed rock beside a river. I purred a little and snuggled back against him. It was nice.
I let out a long sigh. “What’s going on?” I asked Romanus.
“Your human-”
“Charlie.’
“Yes, Charlie, has a key. He came in early this morning and saw all of us in bed. He did not take it well.” His chest tensed beneath my head. “This is my fault. I should have been guarding you better but I was otherwise… preoccupied.”
I let out a little hum of appreciation. Me too.
“Charlie?” I called, my voice soft. I couldn’t forget what I’d heard. When Charlie came to stand in front of me, I looked at him with all my senses. The tightness in his body, as if it was practically vibrating with tension, his heart thumping in his chest, the desperation in his eyes that he was trying, and failing, to hide behind anger. Charlie was my best friend, but if I was honest, there was always hints that he felt something more. A touch that lingered too long, the fact he went above and beyond for me every time. Looks that I wasn’t supposed to see. I usually shut those hints away in my mind. Outside of my family, Charlie was the most important person in my life. The thought of losing that over something as stupid as a lover’s quarrel sank a barb into my heart.
But looking at him now, I knew that if I didn’t open myself to the possibility, I might lose him anyway. If I didn’t open that locked door where I kept the feelings that were outside of my life's master plan, then he might just walk away.
I reached a hand out to him, and he stared at it. With a shuddering breath, he reached out and wrapped his hand in mine, pulling me out of Romanus’ lap, until I stood in front of him, inches from his face. Instead of listening to that scared part of me, I listened to what my heart was whispering.
I reached out and cupped his cheek. “Me too. But I don’t want to ruin this. Slow okay? I can’t lose you, Charlie. I need you.”
He sucked in a breath. “Your goddamn super hearing. I forgot about that. Rella, the Gargoyles are-”
“Completely right. Don’t start lying to me now,” I interrupted.
He leaned forward and rested his forehead on mine. “I’ve been lying to you for years.”
“Years? “I squeaked.
“Since you were seventeen and punched Paulie in the mouth for talking about Hope’s boobs. Fuck, you were beautiful. Are beautiful.” The admission whooshed out of him.
When the hell did the careful structure of my life start to crumble?
“Charlie, I-” He plastered a hand over my mouth.
“I know, it’s not the same for you. I know. Let’s just forget about it until after we do this thing for Hope. Either way, you’ll never lose me. I might drink the bar dry and ball every woman that moves until I get you out of my system, but you won’t lose me. And I know you have a thing with these two,” he pointed to Romanus and Rouen, “and I’m gonna be okay with that. Because, despite what Asshole Number Two over there says, I only want whatever makes you happy, and if that’s them? I'll deal with it.”
His grin was brittle, but its presence was reassuring.
I leaned forward and kissed his cheek, and when his arms came around me, I laid my head on his shoulder and pressed my nose into his neck like I’d done a million times before. But for the first time, I analyzed the instinctual action. Why was his scent so comforting to me? Why did I always find such peace in his arms? Was it because we were best friends and knew each other like we knew ourselves? Or something more?
“I like Romanus and Rouen, I feel a connection to them that seems important. But, you know my background, Charlie, my family. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, you know.”
He tensed against me again. Our families couldn't be more different, supernatural aspects aside. His strict Catholic mob family, and my family which were the poster family for a happy polygamist relationship. We couldn’t come from two more different lifestyles. But I wouldn’t force him into
anything. I wasn’t going to make ultimatums. Not with Charlie.
He just nodded, his cheek against my hair. He let out another long sigh and straightened. “I came with gifts.”
Charlie pointed to a duffle that had been discarded by the door. He unwrapped his arms from me and walked over to get it, hefting its weight across the shiny cement floors. When he unzipped it, I let out a little whistle between my teeth.
“Uncle Joe said to tell you they are all clean, and to go and get ‘em.” Underneath several handguns was one sawn off shotgun and box after box of ammo. Merry Christmas to me, love the Mulligans.
Six hours later, we were loaded into Charlie’s SUV. I’d fed my goldfish, cancelled my cable, and prepared for the fact I may never come home. But I always felt that way before a big operation, even when I was still in the BPD.
Rouen and Romanus had retrieved their packs, which they’d stored in the basement of my building before they’d even poofed in with Luc. Cocky bastards. Well, pack might have been a bit of a misnomer. It was a backpack with a single change of clothes and more knives than a celebrity cooking show. My own pack was similarly stuffed, but with a few wads of cash and guns. Charlie had the most gear, bringing all the tech gear he would need to track down our prey.
I leaned against the window, watching the lines on the road fly pass in a blur. Romanus was in the back with me, Charlie driving and Rouen singing along to a Rolling Stones song in the front. Sympathy for the Devil. I chuckled beneath my breath at the irony.
For the first time in forever, I felt confused and almost… alone. I was floundering, but I was too stubborn to admit it to even myself. Denial was my middle name.
Warm fingers wrapped around mine. Romanus was still looking out his window, assessing for threats, his eyes never still, but his fingers twined in mine, and for some reason it made me feel better. Which was a bad, bad thing. I knew that logically. Being emotionally codependent on a demon was the opposite of healthy. But no matter how hard I rationalized it, I couldn't move my hand away. So instead I compartmentalized it, pretended my arm ended at the elbow on that side and that I didn’t feel the rough callouses of his hands or the warmth that spread through my veins, warming the chill of my fear. I desperately tried to block the memories that rolled through my head of those hands last night, running over my body.
Rouen let out a strangled noise in the front of the car, and Charlie’s eyes shot to the gargoyle then to the back seat. I kept my face completely neutral. I didn’t want to talk to Charlie about this. I needed Hope. She would know how to help. She always knew what I was feeling better than I did.
Charlie broke the silence. “So, tell me more about this whole Gargoyle pack thing? Where is your, uh, subspecies from?” Apparently, Charlie had been reading the Demon etiquette book I got him for Christmas. Not.
Rouen cleared his throat. “It’s not all that different to most pack dynamics, except a female is Queen, and we rank below her by order of dominance. She’ll have a harem of however many she likes. The women have a ranking as well, to decide which female is leader of the whole clan. Well, we did, when there were more than two of us. We were most concentrated in Europe. My pack is, uh was, from France.”
I didn’t need Hope’s empath abilities to feel the wave of sadness pour off the both of them. I squeezed Romanus’s hand. I turned toward him and met his blue and green eyes. They were perfect, deep and glinting in the sunlight, and I found it hard to look away from the resounding sadness that churned in them. I wanted to soothe his hurt. But he pulled his gaze from mine, staring straight ahead, his other hand reaching up to squeeze Rouen’s shoulder in support.
“Who is the more dominant between you and Romanus?” Charlie asked, apparently missing the memo on not asking impolite questions when the people you are talking to could pop your head off your shoulder like a child picks a dandelion.
“Romanus. That’s why he’s always top.”
“Top?” Charlie asked, and I grinned. Oh, this was going to be funny. “Of the ladder? You mean first?”
It was Rou’s turn to laugh now. “Oh, he rarely comes first. He’s too much of a control freak for that. No. I mean, he’s Alpha and I’m Beta. He’s top, I’m bottom. In bed,” he clarified slowly, like Charlie was a little dim.
I saw the moment that Charlie got it, because his face turned the brightest shade of red I’d ever seen on him, right to the tips of his ears.
“So you and he…?” He did the same pointy thing with his fingers that I did last night, and I couldn’t help the laugh that burst from my chest.
Romanus’ lips quirked, though I thought he might be smiling at my laughter rather than the actual joke. Rouen huffed out a sigh. “Humans. Yes, Charlie Mulligan, we have sex. A lot. We don’t do humans or other demons and there are no other gargoyles left, let alone females. I don’t know about you, but I find the idea of two centuries of celibacy really unappealing. Besides, in our society, it is not as taboo. There is only one Queen, and some harems had up to fourteen mates. We were all close. As close as you could get to another being, and the bond ensured that we had each others backs. Pleasing each other pleased the Queen. A well fucked Gargoyle is a happy Gargoyle. Take my word for that.”
Charlie was frowning. “You don’t do humans? I thought you and Rella-”
“She’s different,” Romanus said gruffly, and Rouen murmured an agreement, meeting my eyes in side mirror. It was my turn to blush bright red, and it was not an attractive color with the fiery auburn of my hair. Embarrassment made me try to tug my hand away from Romanus’, but he held fast.
“You will not regret what happened between us,” he declared. Declared! Like he could just choose my emotions for me. He pinned me with his gaze. “What we did was…” He struggled for a word.
“Beautiful?” Rouen supplied.
“A mistake?” Charlie countered, and the car swerved when Rouen let out an ominous growled.
Romanus shook his head. “Fate.”
Fate had always been the original four-letter F word in my family. They resisted the preordained and made their own rules. But I could acknowledge that I felt a crazy amount of attraction for the both of them, like someone had a instruction manual of all my happy buttons, and manufactured Rouen and Romanus with the ability to push them all.
Instead of answering the unspoken question that thickened the air inside the SUV, I ignored it completely and played dumb. I wasn’t ready for this conversation. Actually, I wasn’t ready for any conversation that involved my love life at the moment. I just wanted to kill the people who hurt my family.
I probably needed to see a shrink, when murdering people smugglers was more appealing than having a conversation about my feelings.
Catching the hint finally, silence fell over the car. This trip couldn’t end fast enough. I closed my eyes and pretended I was asleep, until I dozed off for real.
I woke as Charlie slowed the car, pulling into a car space. In front of me, the hospital stretched toward the sky. I felt a tug on my bond and knew that Hope was close by. We were in Manhattan.
I was out of the car door as soon as the vehicle slowed. “I’ll be back in an hour. Stay here. We don’t need to give the nurses spontaneous orgasms.”
I ignored Romanus’ shout, and sprinted through the doors. I dodged the line at the reception desk and skipped the elevator to sprint up the stairs. I didn’t need directions to Hope. She pulled at our twin bond like she was reeling in a fish. I just knew where she was. I knew when I was at the right floor, and when I was standing in front of the right door, skipping the nurses station altogether. I pushed open the door and launched myself across the room and into her arms.
God, it was awful, being apart from her when she was injured. Every part of my body was always on high alert, ready to protect her from school yard bullies or criminals who wanted to harm her. She didn’t get my physical enhancements. She still healed average-joe slow. She hugged me tight against her, whispering soothing things that eased that ache I
felt in my soul, stitched back the shredded pieces of my fragmented conscience. Her warmth pulled me back from the darkness. I sucked in a deep breath and let my body relax, moving away a little. She looked better. Her body was still patchworked with bruises and cut skin, her torso strapped to support her ribs, but she was no longer the sallow white of death.
Oh fuck, her ribs. I jumped away, and she smiled. “Don't worry, they don't hurt too bad anymore. Besides, I needed that too.”
I’d had to leave, when we first got her back after the abduction. As much as I had wanted to wrap myself around her fragile body and snap at anyone who came close, I couldn't. I’d felt the darkness rising in me, this suffocating burning in my soul, and I knew she would have worried about me too much to concentrate on healing herself. She would have tried to soothe my emotions like she’d done just a moment before. But I needed that anger, that thirst for retribution.
I caught sight of movement to my left, and I had a gun out and pointed to the corner of the room in a blur of motion.
When I saw who sat there, I didn’t know if I should lower my weapon or not. I kept my hand tense but pointed my gun at the floor.
The man sitting on the hard hospital visitor chair looked relaxed, as if he’d just been lounging there for fun. He wasn’t tall, or physically imposing, although he was still built with a lean kind of muscle that spoke of ways to take down an opponent with merely a touch in the right place. No, he wasn’t at all scary until you reached his eyes. Those eyes chilled a person to the bone. They were an icy blue, sparkling with a dangerous glint that promised death.
“Hope? Why is Blue Halloran sitting at your bedside?”
Hope let out an amused sigh. “He’s a gift, from the Mulligans. It seems they were less than enamored by the effectiveness of my last bodyguard.” We both paused to think about JJ. He’d deserved so much better than the end he’d gotten. Hope sucked in a shuddering breath. “So, they have given me Blue, like he’s some kind of indentured servant.”
Hell's Redemption- The Complete Series Boxset Page 36