“So she won’t know that her mother’s been out all night?”
“Yes.”
“Hypocrite,” he teased.
“You bet,” she retorted.
He was silent for just a moment before his deep, sexy voice came over the wire again. “I really hoped you’d want to stay, at least until dawn.”
“I couldn’t. I have to be here in the morning.” Her hand tightened on the receiver. “By the way, I told your driver to go home and get some sleep.”
“I’m sure he didn’t mind waiting in the driveway. He gets paid by the hour.” Before she could respond, he asked, “When will I see you again?” Once more, he sounded like a little boy.
She pressed her fingers to her eyes, willing away the headache that was quickly forming. She realized she was crazy about him, and that getting into this relationship was taking her way over her head. “I can’t think right now, Pete. Maybe we can see each other next week.”
“Don’t put me off, Carly. Even if you wanted to, you can’t go back in time and pretend nothing happened. We’ve just made love and you feel overwhelmed and want to run and hide.”
She refused to admit he was right. “Oh, really? What makes you think you know me so well, Dr. Freud?”
“I don’t. I just know how you reacted, Carly,” he replied. “Although I can’t say the same for myself.” His voice sounded faintly puzzled.
His last words hit her. “You mean you think you’re sure about my emotions even when you haven’t got a clue about your own?” If she wasn’t whispering, she suspected she would sound as if she were shouting.
His sigh echoed across the line. “Something like that. It’s always easier to figure out the other person than it is yourself.”
“I imagine,” she murmured dryly. “So what are your emotions all stirred up over?”
“You,” he said in a clipped tone.
“I thought we agreed to keep this on a business level.”
“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think? “It looks like we’re in phase two of this relationship, whether we like it or not.”
“Which is?”
“Much more than the business relationship you asked for.”
“But not traveling down the path toward marriage?” she asked sweetly.
“Never down that path, but there are plenty of other roads through the woods.”
“Really? Name one.” She gritted her teeth.
“We could be companions for a very long time, honey, and I think both of us would be happy with that relationship.” His voice was liquid honey, thick and sweet and sexy as hell.
“If you need more privacy,” he continued, “I could set you up in a home in the neighborhood, and hire a housekeeper to help you with your daughter.”
She was insulted, but at the same time knew he didn’t mean to offend her. He was just letting her know how far he was willing to go to have her near him. But she had to let him know how she felt. “So I could be at your beck and call, like all good mistresses?”
His tone turned cautious, indicating he realized he’d walked into a baited trap. “That’s an old-fashioned word.”
“But descriptive, don’t you think?” she asked, brittle amusement lacing her voice. “Or would the phrase ‘kept woman’ be more fitting?”
“That’s a little old-fashioned, too, don’t you think?” he questioned evenly. “After all, just because I happen to be a man helping you out doesn’t mean that I’m keeping you.”
“No? What does it mean, Pete? Tell me so I can become better informed.”
“You’re angry about my bluntness.”
She clenched the receiver tighter so her hand wouldn’t shake. “You’re right.”
“Carly—”
“No, don’t,” she interrupted. “My head is aching, and my mind is so tired from arguing with you that I don’t feel I’ve got any strength left.”
“We can’t leave it like this. Let’s talk this out, Carly, so we both understand.”
She rubbed her temple and wished she was anywhere but here, talking to the man she’d left in bed just minutes ago. “I understand that you don’t want any complications in your life. You’d already set up those rules, Pete. I also understand that when I accepted your invitation to be your escort, I sanctioned those rules.”
“Does this conversation mean that you won’t join me Monday night for another function?”
She gave a laugh. “You’ve got to be kidding!”
“Not at all. Look, neither of us was prepared for tonight. Despite what you may think, Carly, I didn’t plan it. I’m not the ogre you’re making me out to be. It just happened. I’ll take partial responsibility for it.” His voice lowered but remained firm. “But I won’t take all the blame.”
Carly leaned back against the doorjamb. “No, you’re right. I was as much to blame as you were. You set it up, and I walked in with my eyes open.”
“Then let’s try again, Carly. Let’s try one more time and see if we can salvage our friendship.”
He was getting to her again. Against all reasoning, she realized that she wanted it as much as he did.
“One more time,” she agreed. “But if it doesn’t work, we call it off with no hard feelings.”
“Right. I’ll call you tomorrow and confirm the time.”
“Good night,” she whispered softly before replacing the receiver in its cradle.
Closing her eyes, Carly tried to get a grip on her emotions. The problem was all too obvious. She had fallen in love with a man who wasn’t willing to put his emotions on the line. It wasn’t his wealth that attracted her, because she certainly wasn’t starving. It wasn’t his good looks; she’d been asked out by plenty of good-looking men. It wasn’t his personality, although he could probably charm foxes from their lairs if he put his mind to it.
No. It was all those things and more. It was everything that was Pete Cade.
Carly walked into the bedroom and let her dress glide to the floor, then slipped a long T-shirt on and climbed between the cool, percale sheets. Her daughter, lying in the twin bed against the far wall, sighed and rolled over, still heavily asleep.
Staring up at the ceiling, Carly willed herself to forget what it felt like to lie next to Pete and feel his heat enfold her like a warm blanket. She pretended that they hadn’t made love, hadn’t shared the wonder of a one-of-a-kind experience.
But it didn’t work.
Carly Michaels loved Pete Cade with all her heart.
* * *
PETE STARED AT THE PHONE he’d just replaced on his nightstand. He felt drained.
But the feeling he had now was nowhere near what he’d felt when he awoke and found her gone from his bed. Sheer panic had flowed through his veins before he had thought to pick up the phone and call her private number. It wasn’t until she answered that a surge of relief had flowed through him, loosening tight muscles and even tighter nerves.
His first thought had been to curse her for being careless enough to go out alone in the middle of the night. While her phone was ringing, he’d walked to the window, realized that the limousine was gone, then breathed a small sigh of relief. At least she’d had the sense to ride home at this time of night.
But his anger returned because he hadn’t wanted her to leave his bed. And his anger wasn’t that simple. He wasn’t sure who it was directed at: himself or Carly.
He didn’t want to want a woman in his life again. He craved the calm, unruffled existence of a man without a serious relationship to hinder him. No emotional ups and downs. No worries about right and wrong things said and done. No expectations and none to live up to. No complications.
Satisfied with all his reasons for not wanting to care, he closed his eyes and pretended to go back to sleep. After all, he’d slept soundly with her beside him; he should be able to sleep just as well without her there.
It took dawn peeping through the curtains to make him face the fact that he couldn’t lie to himself forever. Something was
missing from his life and, as much as he liked to ignore it, he knew it well.
There was never a time that he didn’t miss his kids, but this feeling gnawing away at his gut wasn’t related to them. And although he missed regular sex with a woman, that wasn’t the problem, either.
When realization of what was missing from his life came to Pete, it was so simple that he automatically rejected it. But there it stayed, like a neon sign in his mind. He missed the easy intimacy of living with a woman who loved him. He missed the openness of sharing with someone, trusting someone.
Oh, he knew it was probably a pipe dream for most couples, and he certainly hadn’t had it for longer than a year with his wife. When he’d realized that she couldn’t be trusted to keep his secrets, doubts or fears, that she blabbed everything they discussed to all his friends’ wives and lovers, the honeymoon had been over.
But every time he thought that the magical connection between a man and a woman was only the stuff of romantic songs and fiction, he’d meet a couple who seemed to have found that very thing. Of course he knew better than to believe they really had it, but he could never shake the feeling that for some, it truly existed.
“I’m damn well going crazy,” he muttered to himself as he turned over and pounded the pillow into submission. “Get some sleep, Cade. You’ll need it.”
But his mind had other ideas, and throughout the rest of the early morning, it taunted him with dreams that would never come true about a girl who would never completely become a part of his life.
* * *
CARLY HAD PLENTY TO KEEP her busy during the hectic November leading up to the Thanksgiving holidays. Aside from preparing exams for mid-semester, she had to grade all the homework that comes regularly with high-school chemistry classes.
As she usually did late at night, she gave herself a treat and went walking under the star-filled sky. Fallen leaves still rustled comfortingly under her sneakers as she took her favorite path among the hills and slopes of the sprawling neighborhood.
Carly reflected that Karen was as busy as her mother. Her viola classes took up two afternoons a week, Girl Scouts another evening. The rest of the time was spent studying, or playing with friends. After dinner, both Carly and Karen would pull out their books and papers. Knowing that each understood how hard the other was working made their evenings together sweeter.
The aunts, too, were as busy as ever. Fall and winter were the months most charities pushed the hardest for volunteers, and each of them enjoyed the socializing involved in their hobby. As Christmas drew closer, Carly realized how many such organizations needed the hard work these women contributed. Major charities called several times to ensure that the aunts would be available to help recruit other seniors. And the aunts loved it. Everyone needed to feel useful, they said. And apparently they were right, because they were very successful. They even enlisted Carly on occasion. Her job was usually something simple, like an hour of driving to seniors’ homes and dropping off hot meals. It always gave her a warm feeling to do so. On many of those occasions, she brought her daughter along to help hand out the meals. She felt it was important for Karen to see all facets of life. Surprisingly, what had begun as a lesson turned into a treat. Karen loved the older folks as much as they enjoyed having the youngster visit.
But those times were reserved for evenings during the week, for early on Saturday morning every second week, Ken, his wife, or both of them picked up Karen and kept her until Sunday. Of course, it had become habit for all of them by now. But it was at those times that Carly realized just how lonesome she was for a family. Without Karen around, the house was too quiet, too empty. Someday her daughter would be grown and gone but Carly didn’t have to wonder what it would be like. She’d already had enough of a taste to know: it would be lonely.
Yet none of those things bothered Carly as much as the thoughts about Pete that continuously entered her mind. She would be working away when suddenly she’d realize that she’d just spent the past fifteen minutes daydreaming about the man. It was unfair. If she wasn’t busy every minute of every day, he would invade her very being, robbing her of other thoughts.
They had gone out to charity events three times since the night they’d made love. At first, she’d been awkward around him, unable to think of anything other than the touch of his hands on her skin, the rough feel of his cheek against her throat, the pulse of his body as they made love....
She’d give herself a mental shake, and chide herself, Enough!
But the thoughts didn’t disappear for long. Like water seeping through an earthen dam, they remained just below the surface. After several weeks, however, she’d become accustomed to thinking, dreaming, and wondering about Pete. It was a new habit.
Carly scuffed another bank of leaves. She looked up and noticed that a man stood under the light of a dim streetlamp farther down the road. He wore a dark warm-up suit and baseball cap and was leaning against the post, as though waiting. But for what? It wasn’t a bus stop.
Her steps faltered slightly and she cursed herself for coming out with her keys and not her pepper spray. In this day and age it was foolish not to be prepared, and she slowed her pace in order to think through her mounting panic.
As she got closer, the man stood and lifted his brim. “Going my way?”
The lamplight streamed across the strong, male features she knew so well. Carly gave a sigh of relief. “What are you doing here, Pete?”
When she reached his side, he turned and walked with her. “I’ve seen your routine often enough that I took a chance you’d repeat it again tonight. You should be more particular about where you walk.”
“When I feel the need for a lecture, I promise I’ll call you.”
He glanced at her “Sorry. overprotectiveness is a habit I acquired when I was an active father.”
She answered with a light laugh. “I know those feelings. I just don’t want to be the recipient of them.”
As they walked in silence for a few minutes, Carly realized every pore in her body was aware of the man striding beside her.
Pete’s voice broke into her reverie. “I really care, you know.”
Hope surged through her veins like a stream of liquid gold in bedrock. But she forced herself to remain calm. Caring wasn’t even close to loving. “For anything in particular or everything in general?”
“Don’t play dumb, Carly. It doesn’t become you.”
“I’m not playing, Pete. I’m just unwilling to put my own interpretation on your words. If you’re going to say something to me, then you’d better be prepared to explain it.” She looked at him with a raised brow. “Just so I don’t misunderstand.”
He sighed. “I’ll never marry again. I’ll never try to find a replacement for my own family.”
The words hurt, but she didn’t let her pace falter. “I don’t recall asking you to do either of those things.”
“No, but the implication is there. I’m just letting you know that my feelings about families and children haven’t changed.”
She forced a nonchalant tone into her voice. “Why, Pete, watch out or someone might think you care.”
His sigh was heavier this time. “That’s what I just said.”
Carly stopped, a frown creasing her brow as she stared up at him. “What exactly is it that you care about?”
“You.” It was said calmly, clearly, and without hesitation.
She gave a nod and turned to continue walking. “Okay. Now I’m supposed to say thank-you, I guess.”
He shook his head. “Now you’re supposed to stand still long enough for me to kiss you.”
“You can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not taking any chances on crossed signals,” she explained. “We agreed that we wouldn’t get involved again.”
He stopped her with the light pressure of his hand on her arm. His fingers slipped under her chin and lifted her face to his. “No. You agreed with yourself. I just listened.” His voi
ce dropped. “But I’m tired of staying away from the very thing I care about. I’m tired of dreaming of what we had together and waiting for the magic to happen again. Instead, I’d rather try for it once more.”
Before she could protest, his mouth came down on hers, claiming her attention and branding her as a treasured possession. His hands slipped to her waist and pulled her closer to his rock-hard form. She felt every muscle, every nuance of his body as it touched hers, and her emotions reacted just as they had the night they made love. Her fingers sought the back of his neck, and she thrilled as her palms met the coarse texture of his hair.
She was where she dreamed of being, where she wanted to be. No, this was where she needed to be...to find happiness.
Carly dragged her mouth away and stared up into eyes that were as dazed as hers. “No. You can’t do this again.”
“I just did.” Once again he stole her breath by kissing her, but this time he was more gentle, seducing nectar from her mouth one drop at a time. Once again she succumbed to the overwhelming feelings that he caused within her.
This time he broke away, but his arms tightened around her waist as he pulled her in against the heat of his chest. “Lady, you’re amazing.”
“It’s my job,” she answered, trying to keep a thin hold on her sanity by being flippant. As long as she could wisecrack, he wouldn’t know how deeply she loved him, and she wouldn’t lose face.
“Come over tomorrow night.”
“Why? For what?”
“For me. For us.” He suddenly smiled. “We could watch a movie.”
It took everything she had to draw back. “Sorry, buddy. No dates, remember?”
“How about a pajama party?”
“I don’t think so,” she said slowly, sounding so prim and proper she could hardly stand it—especially when what she really wanted was to strip off his clothes and lie in the leaves with him then and there. “I think it’s time for me to go home.”
“Why?”
“We both know the reasons. You don’t fall in love and I want a relationship. You don’t like kids if they aren’t yours but I love kids, have one, and want more. You’re looking for a sophisticated woman who can handle all the ins and outs of your business, I want a man who handles all the ins and outs of a family.”
The Twelve Gifts of Christmas Page 8