by Robin Roseau
Jodie stopped back. Elisabeth asked her to box up what was left.
“Was everything okay?”
“It was fine,” Elisabeth assured her. “It’s just been a stressful week.”
Five minutes later, we were back in her car. Neither of us said a word until we pulled up in front of my apartment building. She got out of the car with me.
“You don’t have to see me in,” I said. “I know the way.”
“I’m coming in,” she replied.
“I don’t recall inviting you.”
“I’m coming in anyway,” she said. I stared at her for a moment before nodding.
Even as upset as we both were, she still put a hand on my back. It felt good, and I was going to miss it. Inside, I was dead. She was the most amazing woman I’d ever dated, and I was losing her before I really had her.
Inside, I busied myself putting my leftovers away. Elisabeth waited for me in the living room. When I finally appeared, she turned to me and pulled me into her arms.
“What are you doing?”
She tried to kiss me. I fended her off. “If you think you’re going to fix this with a booty call, you’re crazy.”
She didn’t release me right away. “You have to admit the sex is pretty damned good.”
“Yeah,” I said. “When you have time for me.”
“Is that what this is about?” she asked hotly. “As I recall, you’re the one who ran yesterday, and you’re the one who said we should go slowly.”
I pushed away from her, and she let me go, turning my back on her. “Tell me I was wrong earlier. Tell me you’re not dating down. Tell me you’re falling in love with me. Tell me you can’t envision a life without me.”
“Zoe…” she put her hands on my shoulders, but I pulled away and turned around to face her.
“You can’t say any of those, can you?” I said. “Not a single one.”
She huffed. “No. We just need more time.”
“More time for what?” I asked. “I’m not going to fit in any more than I already do. I don’t belong there.”
“You’re wrong about that. Everyone likes you. Everyone wants you there. That’s all you need to fit in. You should stop trying so hard to be a wolf and just be a human.”
“I wasn’t trying to be a wolf, Elisabeth. I was trying to be what you wanted.”
She stared.
“Elisabeth, I would do a great deal to be with you. I would put up with your job. I would ignore, more or less, your diet. I could live with knowing I wasn’t remotely your equal-”
“Zoe…”
“But there are a few things I won’t compromise about. I won’t be in a relationship unless I am both loved and respected.”
“I respect you!”
“Oh please,” I said.
“I do. You’re… um…”
“Pretty good for a human?”
“Yes, exactly!”
“For a human. Doesn’t that tell us everything we need to know?”
She huffed her displeasure. “Sit.” She pointed. “You’ve had your say, now I am having mine.”
I stared at her for a moment then moved to the sofa and sat down. She planted herself on the coffee table, facing me.
“You said last night neither of us was fully equipped to truly understand the other one.”
“I remember.”
“Well, I need to tell you more about Wolf. You will hear werewolves talk about their wolf almost as a second personality. That’s not entirely accurate. I am Wolf and Wolf is I. But in a way, it is almost like two personalities, two beings, but really it is just two facets of the same person.”
“All right.”
“But for this conversation, it is appropriate to think of Wolf as something I become, distinct from Elisabeth.”
“All right,” I said again.
“Wolf has claimed you, Zoe. Wolf claimed you in that shower, and she has no intention to be denied.”
I thought about what she said. “Is wolf a more primal facet, Elisabeth?” She nodded.
“You see?” she said. “We only need time. The rest will sort itself out. I-” she paused and licked her lips. “I’ll take some time from work. Things are calm right now. Lara, Karen, Serena and Portia can handle everything. We’ll go away, just the two of us.”
I looked down. “Elisabeth, does Wolf love me?”
“Wolf thinks we’re mated, Zoe.”
“Does Wolf love me?”
“Zoe…”
“I’ll take that as ‘no’. So Wolf is claiming me, not because she loves me, but because she wishes to possess me. I’m just the weak human, easily possessed. I comfort your body; I ease some loneliness.” I looked back up. “I’m convenient. Does that sum it up?”
“I-” she closed her mouth.
Inside, I was dying a little as I watched her work it out.
Finally, she spoke. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I said quietly. “It’s been amazing. I dated a werewolf. How many people get to say that?” I put on a smile. I’m sure it wasn’t much of a smile. “I had some of the best sex of my life. I got an amazing trip to Key West.” I looked away and blinked the tears away. “Relationships don’t have to be permanent to be worthwhile.”
“Wolf would grow to love you,” she said quietly. “I’d grow to love you. We’d take very, very good care of you.”
“I know you would,” I said. “But you would resent me. You shouldn’t settle, Elisabeth. You want more than me.”
She didn’t deny it, but finally she said, “Zoe, I think what I want doesn’t exist.”
I started to quietly cry. “I don’t want to be the consolation prize, Elisabeth.”
She didn’t say anything else, but she pulled me into her arms. I let her. I cried on her shoulder. I felt stupid for doing it.
“You’re not a consolation prize,” she murmured to me. “You’re amazing.”
Maybe, but I wasn’t amazing enough, and we both knew it.
I cried myself out then pushed away from her. I stood up. “It’s been amazing, Elisabeth,” I said. “You’re amazing. I could watch you for hours, in both your forms.”
She stood and put her hands on my shoulders. Then she bent her head and kissed my forehead.
“I’m sorry, Zoe. Should I call someone to come over?”
“No. I’ll be fine.”
I led her to the front door and again assured her I’d be fine.
Except I knew I wouldn’t be.
Part Three
Visitors
An hour later when my phone rang, I was in bed, wrapped around a pillow and wondering if I’d made a mistake.
She’d have taken care of me. That had never been a consideration for me before, and I couldn’t say why it mattered now.
It would have been exciting. That hadn’t mattered before, either.
I rolled over and looked at the phone. Michaela. I stared at it, then let it go to voicemail. I didn’t want to hear from her what a mistake I was making. I really didn’t care to get yelled at for dumping her sister-in-law.
Over the next fifteen minutes, the phone rang twice more. Michaela left a voice message and sent two text messages. “Call me.”
I deleted the voice message without listening to it. I stared at the text message for a long time then deleted that, too. Then I turned off the phone and shoved it into a drawer.
It took a long time to get to sleep.
* * * *
To some extent or another, I wallowed for another several days. I handled my photography business and did a little business for GreEN.
I left my phone in the drawer.
I couldn’t entirely ignore email, but I deleted any from the pack. In hindsight, that was probably not very wise, but I did it anyway.
Saturday night was pack play night. I didn’t go.
By Tuesday, I began to worry ignoring everyone would result in people showing up on my doorstep. And so I packed my car with my camping gear, told the guard I
would be gone camping for a few days, and then headed for Door County.
I stayed a week, taking countless photos.
* * * *
Slowly, I put my old life back together. I buried myself in my two jobs. I put my best photos up for sale on my web site and took some of the lesser photos and made them available on some of the images-for-sale sites. I never got a lot of money from them that way, but every little bit helped.
I dug around and found a few photo contests to enter. I did my submissions.
And, of course, I dived headfirst back into my work for GreEN. I had more money now, thanks to Lara’s generous donation of an apartment, and so I was able to print several thousand color flyers. I went around to various free venues around town, passing out what I had. I attended softball games, little league games, malls, and just wandered through city parks.
At one of the softball games, I got hit on. She said her name was Stef. She was a few years younger than I was and a little pushy. I thought about letting her take me home, but finally I told her, “I just got out of a relationship, and I’m not ready for anything, Stef.”
She tried suggesting a little quick fun, but I declined. She shrugged. A few minutes later, I saw her chatting up someone else.
I based out a lot of my flyers. Over the next three weeks, I also added twenty people to my mailing list, although I thought perhaps a few were fake addresses. And I recruited two new volunteers, a gay couple named Dan and Shannon. They accepted a small stack of my flyers and promised to pass them out to their friends. They didn’t recruit any new volunteers, but they did end up sending me several more addresses for the GreEN network.
In spite of what Elisabeth had said, I was doing something right.
* * * *
I probably shouldn’t have been surprised. I had thought if I ignored them long enough, they would leave me alone.
I was wrong.
It was only chance I was home. It was Wednesday, late in September. I’d just come home for a break; I intended to hit the evening softball games in a couple of hours. But I was home, resting on the sofa for a few minutes when there was knocking at the door.
“Fuck!”
The number of people who could be knocking was limited, and they were all pack. I had my phone turned back on; I’d done so for a while. But it hadn’t rung. The guard had decided not to announce my visitors. That meant whoever was at the door was either an alpha or an enforcer.
I moved to the door and looked through the peephole. Portia, Eric and Rory were standing on my doorstep, and their expressions weren’t friendly.
“Fuck,” I said again. “Oh fuck. Oh fuck.”
I was sure it wasn’t a friendly visit. I didn’t think Lara would send three enforcers on a whim. I was sure I was in trouble. I didn’t know how much, but I was convinced it would be bad.
Possibly fatal.
I panicked. I didn’t know what to do, and I reacted in panic.
I grabbed my purse, made sure I had my car key, and headed for the balcony. My apartment was on the second floor. I climbed over the railing, climbed carefully down, hung for a moment, then dropped to the grass. I let myself collapse as I landed, rolling onto my bottom, but I avoided spraining an ankle.
Normally I park underground, but I hadn’t been staying long, and it was actually a little faster to park outside. I ran around the exterior of the building and made a dash to my car.
“Zoe!” I heard as I opened the car door. “Zoe!”
I looked. Monique was standing near the front door to the apartment building.
“No, no, no!” I said. I climbed into my car and imagined the tires squealing as I pulled out of my parking spot.
All right. It was a Prius. The tires didn’t actually squeal.
I headed for the exit, but I saw Monique break into a run, trying to cut me off. I floored it.
People make a lot of jokes about the Prius, all based on the presumption it has no acceleration and a top speed of fifty. Neither of those is fair. No, it wasn’t a sports car, but it didn’t wallow, either. And while I wasn’t an aggressive driver, I knew from driving the interstates it had a top speed well over fifty and far higher than I ever drove. It handled like any other car.
But Monique still beat me, jumping in front of me with her hand out. I slammed on the brakes, barely coming to a stop inches from her.
“Are you crazy?” I screamed at her.
She didn’t answer me. Instead, she pulled out her phone, and I knew she was calling the other wolves.
I looked around wildly. I had to escape. I had to escape. I couldn’t let them take me. I couldn’t let them throw me back in that cell again! Or worse. I didn’t deserve that!
There was only one exit from the parking lot, but the lot wasn’t terribly full, and at this point, I thought the offense of driving over Lara’s grass was the least of my concerns. I put the car in reverse and hit the gas, speeding away from Monique.
She ran after me, and while the Prius isn’t as slow as people think, Monique was faster.
“Zoe, stop!” she screamed, and then she threw herself on the hood, clasping at the edge right below the windshield. “Stop!”
“Let me go! Monique, let me go!”
I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Even in my panic, I recognized that. I brought the car to a stop.
But I rolled the window down. “Monique, please, I’m begging you. Just tell them I got away. Please just let me go.”
But it was too late. The other wolves exited the building at a run, and a moment later, my car was surrounded.
Portia came to my door. “What’s the matter with you?” she asked. Then she leaned in and pressed the Park button on my car followed by the power button to turn it off. She opened my door and pulled me from the car. She turned me to face her. “What is the matter with you?” she asked again.
I gibbered in fear at her. “Please let me go. I won’t tell. I won’t tell. I won’t tell!”
“Zoe,” she said firmly. “Calm down. What are you babbling about?”
“I won’t tell. I didn’t tell. I only went camping! I took pictures. That’s all!”
She didn’t respond. Instead, she held me tightly with one hand and went digging in my pocket. I tried to squirm away from her. “What are you doing?”
“Hold still. I want your car key.”
“Please, Portia. Just let me go. I’ll go far away. You’ll never hear from me again.”
“Where’s the key?” She patted my pockets. “Someone check her purse.”
I started to cry. “Please, Portia. I won’t tell! You know I won’t tell.”
“Of course you won’t,” she said. “That’s not why we’re here.” She looked past me. “Good. Park the car, close it up, and bring her purse.”
Then she tugged on my arm.
I tried pulling away from her, but of course, I couldn’t. She didn’t even register my feeble attempt. Instead, she began pulling me towards a waiting SUV. Monique stepped up on my left, taking my other arm, and together they marched me towards the vehicle. I tried digging my heels in, but I just slid along, my tennis shoes grinding along the pavement.
I’m sure they noticed, but if they did, they gave no indication.
Eric stepped past us and opened the door of the car. I began to struggle in earnest, keening to “please let me go,” but with little ceremony at all, the three of them picked me up and stuffed me into the vehicle.
“Buckle her in,” Portia told Monique.
“What’s wrong with her?” Monique asked while following the order.
“She’s inaccurately assuming the worst,” Portia said.
Inaccurately my ass.
Once I was buckled in, they both released my arms. That was a mistake. I unsnapped the buckle and then tried to attack Portia, hoping to crawl past her and back out of the car.
She fended me off and shoved me back into my seat, capturing both my wrists. Monique buckled me back in, and then they each
held one of my arms.
Rory climbed into the front seat, and a moment later, Eric behind the wheel, we were driving away.
“Rory,” said Portia. “Call Elisabeth then give me your phone.”
I hadn’t stopped keening. “Noooooo… Please just let me go.” I struggled with the two wolves, but they barely noticed.
Portia shifted her grip and rotated in her seat to fully face me. She held my wrist with one hand and clasped my cheeks with the other. She turned my head to face her.
“Zoe!” she said firmly. “Calm down!”
“I didn’t do anything!” I wailed. “I didn’t do anything!”
“We know you didn’t.”
“Then why are you doing this?”
“If you would have answered your phone when the alpha called, we wouldn’t be. Now calm down. You’re in trouble, but not this much trouble.”
“You’re going to kill me!”
“For what?” she asked. “Do you think we’re going to kill you because you wouldn’t answer the phone? Is that what you think of us?”
“Of course not! Just let me go.”
“Why do you think we’re going to hurt you, Zoe?” she asked firmly. She still hadn’t released my face.
“It was a close thing before! Admit it. Lara nearly killed me three months ago, and I hadn’t done a thing. Now that Elisabeth isn’t protecting me, you’re here to finish it.”
She stared into my eyes. “We came to bring you to dinner,” she said. “That’s all.” She released my face and turned to the front. Rory held the phone out, and she took it from her.
I could hear Elisabeth’s voice, but couldn’t make out her side of the conversation. “Yeah,” said Portia. “She assumed the worst the moment we showed up on her doorstep.” Pause. “No, nobody hurt, but she’s clearly terrified.” Pause. “No, we didn’t get a chance. If it wasn’t for Monique, she’d have gotten clean away.” Pause. “No, we’ve got it under control.” Then she looked straight at me. “Did you want to talk to Elisabeth?”
“No,” I said sullenly. “You have no right to kidnap me.”
Portia stared for a moment then spoke into the phone. “She doesn’t seem to fully understand what it means to be a member of a wolf pack,” she told Elisabeth. “She seems to believe we turn on each other, and she seems to have forgotten her responsibilities and her position in the pack. If she was a wolf, we’d be rapping her upside the head a few times.” Then she looked at me pointedly. “But we don’t do that with humans.”