by Yasmine Nash
So, on the morning of Mrs. Cassidy’s arrival, Louisa took extra care to dress respectably, ensuring her hair was put up in a tidy bun. Jon still hadn’t managed to find another lady’s maid for her since Sarah had run off on the way to Devonshire, but Louisa wasn’t entirely sure he even remembered he was supposed to. At any rate, she had been managing just fine dressing and undressing herself on her own. And if she needed help tightening her stays or buttoning a gown, one of the maids would oblige her.
Well, Louisa had thought she was managing just fine, until she met the governess and saw the older woman’s discerning eyes scrutinize every inch of Louisa’s appearance. So much for the kindly, motherly figure Louisa had secretly hoped for. Mrs. Cassidy was a stout, no-nonsense kind of woman with gray hair but a remarkably youthful face. Were it not for her hair, she could have passed for being 10 years younger. Too bad her personality wasn’t as youthful.
Mildred did her best to make the older lady woman feel welcome, and Louisa attempted to emulate her, thinking it would be unwise to alienate the woman who would have such a large role in determining Louisa’s future freedoms. Even Jon joined them in the drawing room for a few hours after the governess’s arrival, making polite conversation—and by now, Louisa had learned how little Jon liked social gatherings, so she knew he must truly be invested in seeing Mrs. Cassidy be satisfied at Longfield for him to put forth so much effort.
Louisa sighed internally. Mrs. Cassidy didn’t seem very lively, but she supposed it could be worse. After all, anything was better than finishing school.
* * *
Since the card party, the Pettyfers and Louisa had spent more and more time together. Louisa went riding with the siblings twice and was invited for tea at their home once before she received another invitation. Jon had been dropping hints that he would like to see the governess give Louisa music lessons, a subject which did not hold her interest at all. She had begun using the siblings to sneak away from Mrs. Cassidy on those times when Mildred was otherwise occupied.
This afternoon, Jacob and Mariella were hosting a picnic, with the entertainment being a competition of riddles. Each guest was to come with a riddle prepared especially of the occasion, with one to be designated the winner. The duke, despite his evident disdain for Jacob, had come with her. Louisa couldn’t begin to understand why, because he was clearly taking no pleasure in the outing, if his furrowed brow was any indication.
“I don’t think His Grace cares for me much,” Jacob confided to Louisa in a low voice several weeks later when the households had gathered once more.
“Don’t be silly. Why do you say that?” Louisa asked, though to be honest, she had received the same impression. When she had asked Jon a few days ago why he had been so cold to Jacob during their card party, after it had been his idea to invite the Pettyfers in the first place, the duke had simply said, “The man is a moron,” before he strode out the door.
Jacob was sitting a little closer to her than was proper. He had been paying Louisa little attentions all afternoon: helping her down from her horse, fetching her a shawl at the slightest sign of a breeze, and even making her the judge of the riddle competition.
“Miss Kellynch is our guest of honor since she is still so new to these parts. I declare that her judgment alone shall determine the winner,” Jacob said grandly, before the other guests.
He and his sister had invited several other families Louisa had only become very vaguely acquainted with: the clergyman and his wife, several pretty young daughters whose father was a very respectable gentleman farmer, and Captain Brandon.
Louisa smiled awkwardly and thanked Jacob for such an honor, but internally she wished he hadn’t made so public a display of preference. For one thing, several of the other young ladies were now glaring at Louisa with decidedly unfriendly looks. For another, although Louisa enjoyed the flirting, she had no real interest in Jacob as a suitor.
What if he were really growing in love with her? She would have to put him off now, before any attachment of his grew too strong. Perhaps she’d be able to pretend she’d come down with a severe cold that would prevent her from seeing him for several weeks. Maybe by that time, he would have moved on from her.
Louisa chanced a glance at Jon to see what he thought. The duke’s eyes were narrowed and the look he was giving Jacob was one another person might give to an annoying fly.
“I shall go first,” Jacob said, before launching into his riddle.
“What is sweeter than any fruit
Lovelier than a flower
More innocent than an angel
And yet teases men more than any puzzle?”
Jacob was speaking to the group at large with a wicked smile on his face. A few of the guests attempted answers, but none were correct.
“God’s love,” replied the clergyman confidently. Jacob shook his head and the clergyman’s face fell.
“Perhaps music?” one of the farmer’s pretty daughters guessed. Another shake of the head. When it appeared that no one else had a guess, Jacob grinned.
“The answer,” said Jacob, “is a woman.” He stared at Louisa as he spoke, the smirk on his face saying that there was one woman in particular whom he had in mind. She flushed, unsure what to say, and hoping no one else had seen the pointed stare he had given her.
From behind Jacob, Louisa noticed Jon looking at the other man with the utmost hatred. So one person, at least, had noticed. It seemed as though the duke was about to open his mouth and say something, and judging by the expression on his face, it would not be anything good. Hoping to stave off the public argument she could feel was coming, Louisa spoke up quickly before Jon could speak.
“Well I would not have guessed that,” she said in an artificially cheery voice. “Well done, Mr. Pettyfer. Who shall go next?”
“I have one I’ve come up with myself,” said the captain proudly.
“My second syllable is also a name for the value of a thing.
And my first is made of the letters that form on a page.
Together they create one of the great poets of our age.”
Louisa thought over the clues to herself. Value could also be a belief. Or the worth of a thing, perhaps? And letters on a page form words, sentences…
“Wordsworth,” Jon said.
The captain looked a little put out at his riddle being solved so quickly. “Quite so,” he admitted with some sullenness.
Louisa felt a little annoyed with the duke for solving the puzzle before she had. Time to put him on the spot. “Since you had the correct answer, I think you should go next, Your Grace.”
He still seemed to be in a bad temper, but Jon complied with her request. “It so happens the subject of my offering is also a woman.
Beauty of legend
Hair of gold and eyes of blue
Heart that is pure and true
Men go to battle for her hand
Queen of an Ancient land”
All the guests’ eyes had wandered to Louisa as Jon had spoken. She felt her cheeks flush pink. So she hadn’t been alone in imagining there was a resemblance between the duke’s riddle and herself? Unlike Pettyfer’s allusion, however, Louisa found she did not mind this one so much.
“Well?” Jon asked impatiently, waiting for the others to guess.
“Are you speaking of Miss Kellynch?” one of the farmer’s daughters asked with a breathless giggle.
Jon looked utterly taken aback. “What? Miss Kellynch? Why ever would you guess that?”
The girl responded less confidently than before, “Well her beauty, for a start.” Louisa felt momentary gratification overcome her embarrassment. “She has blond hair and blue eyes,” the girl went on. “And…” Her eyes darted back and forth between Jacob Pettyfer and the duke, her mind clearly thinking of the battle referenced in the last line. She was wise enough not to finish that thought aloud though.
Louisa had never seen Jon blush, but she thought she could detect faint traces of redness on the tips o
f his ears now. “I most assuredly did not have Miss Kellynch in mind. Not that she’s not…but there are plenty of other women who are…” He cleared his throat awkwardly and most definitely did not meet Louisa’s eyes. “Any other guesses?”
The others were silent for a moment, then Louisa hazarded a guess of her own. “Helen of Troy,” she said more confidently than she felt. The duke looked at her then, appearing pleasantly surprised.
“Yes, that’s right.” He smiled at her briefly, but quickly turned his gaze away, seeming not to want to draw any more attention.
The rest of the party presented their riddles over the course of the afternoon, but none were memorable and many Louisa had heard several times before. When it was time for her to crown a winner, she pondered for a moment. She could play it safe and choose one of her new acquaintances, but something prompted her to be more reckless.
“The superior riddle of the afternoon belonged to Mr. Pettyfer. Well done, sir.” She kept an eye on the duke so she could gauge his response. He seemed grumpy, but no more than usual. Louisa felt oddly let down.
When Jacob leaned his head in to whisper conspiratorially to her a few minutes later, Louisa began to regret her choice. It seemed that, rather than making the duke jealous, she had just encouraged Jacob even more than he’d been already. Drat.
* * *
Mildred left them the following Saturday, abandoning Louisa in the clutches of Mrs. Cassidy.
“I can rest comfortably knowing that you’re now well settled here,” Mildred had said to Louisa the morning she left. “And now that you are, I don’t feel guilty leaving. Although I dearly hope you’ll come to visit my husband and me soon?”
“Of course,” Louisa assured her. “And in the meantime, would you write to me? I have no hope of any other correspondence, as you’ve probably realized by now.” Mildred smiled warmly at Louisa and agreed, her blue eyes bright.
For several days afterward, Louisa’s spirits were very depressed. She thought even the duke seemed more reticent than normal due to Mildred’s absence.
And Mrs. Cassidy had become much more difficult to shake than Louisa had expected. The woman followed her around like a hound, giving Louisa barely a moment’s peace. And unlike with Mildred, Louisa could not feel comfortable around Mrs. Cassidy. At this point, Louisa didn’t even care about investigating Jon’s papers; she would just settle for a few moments of solitude.
It seemed as though the only time she’d had to herself the last few days was when she was sleeping or taking Peppercorn for a ride. Mrs. Cassidy was not much of a horsewoman; consequently, Louisa found herself taking the gray mare out for long stretches whenever she could manage it. The feeling of being constantly watched was suffocating.
At Haverton, Louisa had had all the freedom and space she could ask for. Jon could never understand what it was like for her, when he came and went whenever he pleased. And yet, even more than the freedom, she missed the companionship she’d felt with Mildred now that the other woman had returned to her own home. It had made Louisa forget that she was in a new place, surrounded by relative strangers. But now that Mildred was gone, the loneliness echoed back up, threatening to swallow Louisa whole. Jon wasn’t ignoring her as he had before, but there still seemed to be an awkwardness between the two of them.
Louisa simply couldn’t figure the duke out. She had tried flirting with Jacob Pettyfer the other night, hoping to make her guardian jealous, but Jon hadn’t displayed any outward reaction. He’d simply kept his cool gaze on their party, his thoughts impossible to guess from his face. Meanwhile, Jacob seemed interested in her, and he wasn’t afraid to show it. He and his sister had come over for supper last night and by the end of the evening, he and Louisa had been blatantly flirting, with Louisa ignoring Mrs. Cassidy’s disapproving glares.
It was a fun distraction, but nothing more. Jacob was good-looking, that was true, but his delicate beauty and slender figure did not appeal to Louisa. She preferred a more masculine handsomeness.
Like Jonathan.
The thought floated into her head from nowhere. She tried to swat the idea away, but Jon’s face stuck in her mind. His firm jaw, broad shoulders, and tall figure were just what a man ought to be. She could admit that. He was objectively handsome, after all. Louisa was sure anyone would think so. It didn’t mean anything that he had come to her mind.
Even so, her distracting thoughts coupled with the lack of freedom stuck with Louisa until long after she’d gone to bed, interfering with her sleep.
Louisa had always hated being cooped up inside. Maybe a little fresh air would make her feel better. The time was past midnight and Louisa would have to be very quiet so as not to wake Mrs. Cassidy. Tiptoeing, she made her way down the hallway, then stepped carefully on each stair so it wouldn’t creak. It was with a sigh of relief that she opened the doors leading out to the garden. Despite the darkness, there was no chill in the air. Thousands of insects were singing a chorus in the distance. A full moon was shining bright in the sky, casting its soft glow over the sculpted shrubbery and flowers. It put Louisa into a strange mood.
Scarcely even thinking, Louisa broke out into a run, her bare feet slapping against the soft, grassy earth. She opened her mouth wide to let the humid night air into her lungs, running until her limbs began to feel heavy, then she dropped down to the grass where she stood, arms splayed out flat watching the stars sparkle in the black night sky. She felt invigorated, as though she could dance or shout into the breeze.
The green scent of grass and the sweetness of budding flowers was momentarily overtaken as another scent wafted over her. She closed her eyes to breathe it in. It smelled like cinnamon and warm brandy. Mm. That was nearly as good as the smell of chocolate cake. Eyes opening to search for the source, she found herself gazing right at Jonathan. He was in shirtsleeves, but other than that he was perfectly composed, and there was nothing to indicate that he wasn’t out for a normal daytime stroll.
“Your Grace!” she exclaimed in a muffled yelp. Louisa scrambled to her feet, fruitlessly running fingers through her now-tangled blonde curls. “I didn’t hear you.” She braced herself for his inevitable scolding, but it didn’t come.
If anything, he looked…amused. “No, clearly not,” he said wryly.
“What are you doing out here?” Louisa asked, looking around and wondering wildly if he would begin running around as she had.
“You can imagine my surprise when, upon hearing a noise from the window in my bedroom and coming down to the gardens to investigate, I find it is not a bandit or a rabid animal, but my ward, dancing with the trees.”
Louisa hoped her blush did not show in the moonlight. “And so what if I was?” she said defiantly. “Have you never felt possessed by an urge to let loose and hand your body complete control?”
Something strange passed in Jon’s eyes, making them appear black in the moonlight. It occurred to Louisa that the last time Jon had let himself loose, it had been with Louisa’s body on his lap and his lips on her mouth. His gaze flickered over the lower half of her face for a few seconds. Was it possible the same memory was passing through his mind right now as well? Her breath hitched.
For the first time, she was very aware that she was standing in close proximity to a man wearing nothing more than a light cotton shift. Now it wasn’t just her face; Louisa’s entire body felt warm and flushed all over. She deliberately turned her head away and looked back at the sky.
“I was overtaken by the beauty of the evening,” she said by way of explanation. “A perfectly timed distraction.”
“And why do you need distracting?” he asked, his dark eyebrows slightly furrowed. She appraised him, gauging how much she wanted to say. Finally, she decided on the truth.
“Sometimes it’s hard for me to forget the things I’ve lost,” she said softly. “My parents. Home. But thinking on these matters makes me gloomy. Hence, the occasional need for distraction.” She chanced another look at Jon, but this time, he was the one who�
��d turned away.
“I fear I’m much to blame,” he said finally. “I haven’t done all that I could to ease this transition for you. And I should know better, for I have experienced some of the pain you’re now feeling.”
Louisa was shocked. She’d never heard him speak in this confiding manner, and it seemed he hadn’t finished.
“My mother passed away in childbirth with me,” his voice rumbled in the darkness. “Mildred was 10 years old at the time, and she became something of a second mother to me. Then, when I was 15, we lost our father to a fever. It was difficult. I’m sure many people thought me indifferent at the time, or perhaps even grateful, for I threw myself into managing the affairs of the estate. In reality, it was the only method I found for coping.” He was turned so she only saw his profile, but Louisa was sure she caught a glimpse of pain flash across his face.
Louisa felt a hot rush of shame mixed with pity. He had been so young to suffer such losses! She had often thought him unfeeling on many occasions, but was it possible she had misjudged Jon? Perhaps he had grown so used to hiding his emotions after so many years of suffering that he did not express them easily. If so, she was grateful to him for trusting her with this confidence now.
Somehow, Mildred had never thought to mention this in their conversations. Perhaps because she hasn’t wanted to burden Louisa with her own pain. “How spoiled you must think me,” she said softly to Jon. “When you have been through such hardship. I, at least, had 18 years with both my parents before I lost them.”
“Not at all!” he said, turning to face her once more, his expression more full of openness than she’d ever seen. “Quite the opposite; I feel even more ashamed for not treating you with more kindness.”