“Oh, baby,” she says, but doesn’t lose the firm grip on my shoulders. “You can, and you will. Your fiancé needs you right now.”
“Fiancé?” Brad asks in confusion.
“He asked her last night,” Jenna says, not looking away from me.
“Bastard didn’t say anything,” he mutters. “The car’s running, girls.”
“Come on,” she says, taking my hand and leading me out to the car, parked just outside the back door of the shop. She guides me into the passenger seat, and when both Jenna and Brad are seated, we zoom off toward the hospital, Brad flipping on the siren.
“You have a siren in your personal car?” I ask.
He doesn’t answer. He’s too intent on getting to the hospital, and I just feel numb.
What will I do if Max is gone? How can this be happening to me again?
***
“Concussion,” the doctor says grimly. I’m sitting next to Max, who has a bandage wrapped around his head. He’s sleeping. He hasn’t woken up since the accident. “He’ll be here for a couple of days while we monitor. I don’t like that he’s still unconscious.”
The doctor says more things, but I tune him out, staring at Max as I hold his hand and will him to wake up.
Wake up.
Jenna and Brad are both with me, and all the others are in the waiting room, anxious to hear how Max is doing.
“I’ll go tell the others,” Brad says. “Can I bring you two anything?”
I don’t reply, but I hear Jenna say, “Just some water, please.”
The door closes behind Brad, and Jenna sits across from me, taking his other hand.
“He’s ruined your wedding,” I whisper.
“Christian’s already called the vendors, and they’re on standby for an alternate date,” she says easily. “That’s the thing about a simple wedding. It can be changed.”
“I’m sorry,” I say and lay my forehead against the back of Max’s hand.
“What are you sorry for?”
“That I’m so weak.” It’s barely a whisper. “I’m scared out of my fucking mind.”
“Hey, that’s normal under any circumstances, but with your past? Willa, of course, you’re terrified. But you heard the doctor, he has a concussion, and he’s going to be okay.”
I swallow hard as Max shifts on the bed and briefly opens his eyes, looking around the room as if he’s drunk out of his mind.
“There she is,” he says, but falls back to sleep.
“The doctor said he’s been doing that off and on,” Jenna says.
Brad comes back with water. “Mom and Dad are here.”
“They were going to surprise you all tomorrow at the wedding,” Jenna says with a shrug. “So it’s good they came today. They should come in.”
They do. I’m hugged and fussed over. I don’t really pay too much attention to what’s said. I can’t breathe well. I’m having the longest anxiety attack on record.
Finally, everyone leaves for the night, and I’m left alone with Max, still sitting in the same chair by his side, willing him to wake up.
The sun set hours ago. Jenna checked in with my mom to give her an update on Max and to make sure Alex was okay.
The only thing I’ve been able to think all day long is, I can’t do this.
There’s shuffling behind me, and I turn to find Cary’s dad, Dan, standing in the doorway.
“Hey,” I say, standing and stepping into the hallway with him.
“I just wanted to stop by to see how he’s doing.” The strain on his face is heartbreaking. This has to be like deja vu for him, too.
“He’s going to be okay.” I let the tears fall now, splashing on my cheeks. “But I’m so damn scared.”
“Hey there,” he says, pulling me in for a hug. “This is different from before.”
“I guess.” I swallow. “I just don’t think I can do this. He asked me to marry him, Dan, but how can I do that when I’ll be terrified every day that something like this will happen again and he’ll leave me?”
I back away and wipe at my cheeks.
“Willa—”
“I know, it sounds ridiculous, but I can’t help it. I would rather end things on my terms than have him ripped out of my life.”
“You listen to me, little girl,” he says firmly, catching my attention. “I’ve never known you to be a selfish coward.”
I flinch at the words.
“If you love him and you want to be with him, you march back in there, and you stick with him. Through this and any other hard times that come along. Because I promise you, there will be hard times.”
“He could die.”
“We all could,” he says. “Or he could live to be a hundred and four. Do you want to miss out on all of those good years? Whether it’s two days or into your nineties, you love him. That’s how it works. You don’t get to run away.”
I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath.
“No one except for Jenna and Brad knows that he asked me to marry him.”
“I’m happy for you,” Dan says kindly. “You’re good for each other. He’s great with Alex.”
“But Cary—”
“Is gone,” he says. “As much as I wish I could change it, Cary is gone, my dear. You have to live your life.”
“You and Jean have both said that to me.” I sigh again. “I just wish I could shake the guilt.”
“You have to,” he replies. “Or it will fester and steal your joy. Don’t let it do that. Are you going to be okay here? Do you need anything?”
“No.” I glance inside the door to find Max still sleeping. “I’m okay.”
“Just call if there’s anything I can do.”
With another hug, Dan leaves, and I return to Max’s side. I’m not a coward. And I’m not selfish.
I’m scared.
With Max’s hand in mine, I lean on the bed, just to rest for a few minutes.
“It wasn’t his fault,” Cary says. He’s sitting across from me in my living room, but it’s not my living room. It’s the way it used to be when Cary and I were first married.
“Whose?”
“Max’s. It wasn’t his fault today, and it wasn’t his fault back when I died.”
I frown, and everything comes back to me. The funeral. The flowers. Max. Alex. Jenna’s dress, and Brad telling me that Max was hurt.
All of it.
“I’ve been angry with you,” I admit, watching his face, soaking him in. He’s still twenty-three, and handsome. So young.
“I know. I was stupid that day, Wills. I shouldn’t have skied that run, but I was showboating, showing off for Max because he’d been gone so long, and I was trying to show him that I was cool. I got the girl, I was having a baby, and I was still cool.”
“You hurt him. Hurt us.”
“I was a selfish idiot,” he replies with a grin. “And I paid for it.”
“We all paid for it.”
I want to slap him. And I want to hug him. So, I do. I walk to him and climb onto his lap, hugging him close. But it feels so foreign, from a time long ago.
“Doesn’t fit anymore,” he says as I pull back. “And it shouldn’t.”
“I carry a lot of guilt,” I admit. “I know you’re gone, and your dad is right, I need to move on. I deserve that. But—”
“No buts,” he interrupts. “And stop it with the guilt, Wills. You haven’t done anything wrong. Do you want my blessing?”
I shrug.
“Well, you have it. Max is my best friend, and if he’s the one for you, I want you to be with him. Live your life, Wills. Enjoy it.”
“Alex loves him, too.”
Cary grins. “That kid is a firecracker.”
“He’s got so much of you in him.”
“Just don’t let him forget me,” he says and looks to his left as if someone just walked up.
“Who’s there?”
“It’s nothing,” he says. “I want you and Alex to be happy. That’s all I’ve ev
er wanted. You’re doing a great job at the mom thing, just like I knew you would.”
“You would have been a good dad.”
“Maybe,” he says with a nod. “But you know who I know is going to be an awesome dad? Max.”
“Yeah.” I nod, thinking about the man who’s gone above and beyond to make sure that Alex and I are safe, taken care of, and loved. “Yeah, he’s going to be a great father. If the mountain doesn’t kill him.”
“The mountain didn’t kill me,” he stresses. “I did that myself by being dumb. And today, Max was just standing at the bottom of a run, minding his own business. Some stupid tourist who didn’t know what they were doing ran smack into him, knocking him out cold.”
“You saw that?”
“I see a lot.”
I stare at him, mortified that he might see Max and me when we—
“No,” he says with a laugh. “I don’t see that.”
“Well, thank goodness. Am I going to see you again?”
“Someday,” he replies and leans over to kiss my cheek. “But not for a long time. Go enjoy your life, Wills. Marry Max, have more babies. Just don’t forget me.”
“Never.”
Chapter Twenty
~Max~
“I WANT YOU TO be happy.”
I’m standing in a living room, watching Cary and Willa have a conversation. She’s sitting in his lap, which I don’t like at all. Cary turns and glances at me for a moment, then looks back at Willa. She asks him who’s there, but he brushes it off, and they continue their conversation.
They’re talking about me.
I try to speak, but they can’t hear me. Or Cary’s ignoring me.
Finally, Cary kisses her cheek, and she disappears into thin air. Cary stands, walking to me.
“This was our living room.”
“That’s where I recognize it from,” I say.
“I guess you heard that. It was all my fault, man. All of it. But the way it all went down, well, it’s held Willa back from being able to live guilt-free. To heal from the grief.”
“And now?”
“She’s going to be okay,” he says with a smile. “The skiing still scares her.”
“I’m not the biggest fan now either.”
He laughs but shakes his head. “You’ll get back up there. That’s how it works, remember?”
He’s echoing the words I said to Alex that day on the sledding hill.
“He loves you,” he says, his face sobering.
“I love him, too. Both of them. Cary, I asked Willa to marry me.”
His face lights up in a bright smile.
“Good for you. You got the girl, after all.”
“It was never a game for me,” I remind him.
“I know that. I guess my sense of humor isn’t as good in the afterlife. You’ve been having some monster dreams, man. You need to let go of all the guilt and anger. You didn’t kill me. You love Willa and Alex, and they love you back. Enjoy them.”
“Thank you. For your blessing. I know it means a lot to Willa, and it means the world to me.”
“I love you. All of you. Take care of them for me, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“All I ask is that you don’t let Alex forget about me. Tell him about me. Max, you knew me better than anyone. Share that with him.”
“I promise.”
He reaches out to shake my hand, and I pull him in for a fierce hug.
“I’m going to leave you be,” he says. “No more dreams. I’ll see you later. Much later. But you might see little hints that I’m around from time to time.”
“Good. Because I’ll miss you, man.”
He nods and smiles. “Go. Willa needs you.”
My head is fucking killing me. I feel like I got hit by a freight train.
Someone’s holding my hand. I open my eyes to find Willa next to me, but she’s sitting, not lying in our bed. I’m in a hospital room.
The last thing I remember was skiing, and now…I’m here?
Shit.
Willa opens her eyes and immediately looks up at me. “You’re awake?”
“Hey.” My head is going to split open. “Whisper, okay? Head hurts.”
“I’m sorry.” Her eyes fill with tears. “Max, I dreamed about him. About Cary.”
“I did, too.”
She frowns. “Was he looking at you?”
“Yes.”
“I couldn’t see you.”
“I know. But I could see you, and I could hear you, too.”
She swallows and kisses my hand. “He said goodbye, and he asked me to be happy. To live my life, with you, and enjoy it.”
I want to hold her so fucking badly, so I find the bed control and raise my head more, then pat the bed next to me. “Come here.”
She readily complies, gingerly sitting next to me where she can still look at me.
“After you left, he said the same to me,” I say and reach up to brush a piece of hair off her cheek. “He gave us his blessing, Wills.”
“Yeah.”
“He just asked that we don’t let Alex forget him.”
“We won’t,” she promises. “I have a confession.”
“Okay.”
“I almost left. Today, after the accident. I almost ran away from you because the thought of losing you tore me up inside.”
“If you left, I’d follow you and find you.”
“Stalker.”
“No, I love you, and I know you love me, too. You don’t get to leave me, Wills.”
“Back at you. No more scaring me like this.”
“Deal.”
“Are you going to ski again?”
“Oh, yeah.” I grin at her and squeeze her hand. “And maybe, one day, I’ll get you up there, too. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
She nods and then purses her lips as if she’s thinking about something serious.
“What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?”
“You’re an intimidating man, Max. What can I possibly give to you that you don’t already have?”
I smile. “A daughter.”
***
“I can’t believe that Jenna and Christian got married on a Wednesday,” Alex says. “I mean, who does that?”
“They wanted to be unique,” Willa says.
“It’s cool that I got to stay home from school so I could go to the wedding.”
The reception is over, and everyone has left, including the crew that came in to clean up.
My sister and Christian got married today, only four days late, exactly the way Jenna wanted. At the property in the park, with a small reception after at my lake house. We’re going to stay here tonight and move back to the farmhouse permanently tomorrow.
“Bubba, we have something to talk to you about,” Willa says as she joins us in the living room, bringing us each a cup of hot cocoa. “How would you feel about Max and me getting married?”
Alex’s head whips around, and he pins me with a hopeful stare. “Did you ask her?”
“I did. I’m sorry, I should have asked you first if it was okay, but I got carried away.”
“Do we have to get rid of Rocky?”
I scowl. “Of course, not. I love Rocky.”
“Focus,” Willa says with a sigh. “We need to know how you feel about this.”
“I think it’s good,” he says, staring at his cocoa. “I have lots of questions, though.”
“Ask all of them,” I say and rub his shoulder. “We’re happy to answer them.”
“Are we gonna move in here?”
“No,” Willa says, and Alex’s face falls in disappointment. “Wait, do you want to live here?”
“There’s a whole movie theater,” he reminds her.
“We plan to build a new house,” I reply. “One that you can help design your own space in.”
“That’s cool,” he says, then gets super serious. “I want to ask Max a question, but I don’t want to make Mom sad.”
&n
bsp; “You’re fine, Bubba. What is it?”
He looks up at me nervously. “After the wedding, can I call you Dad? Since you’ll be Mom’s husband and stuff?”
I take a deep breath, my eyes finding Willa’s. She gives me a nod, and I pull Alex into my arms, giving him a big hug.
“Is that what you want?” I ask him.
“Well, yeah. I mean, I know I have another dad, but I just think it would be cool to have you as my dad.”
He knows how to reach in and tear my heart to smithereens. I cup his face and smile at him. “Yes, you can call me Dad. Nothing could make me happier than that.”
“Cool.” He smiles at his mom, then scowls when he sees her tears. “See? I didn’t want to make you sad.”
“You didn’t.” She laughs and swipes at the wetness on her cheeks. “These are tears of happiness. I think that calling Max Dad is really great.”
“I have one more question,” Alex says.
“Okay,” Willa says.
“Can we have a baby?”
***
“Is our wedding going to be like Aunt Jenna and Uncle Christian’s?” Alex asks the next night as he sets the table for dinner. He’s started using aunt and uncle when referring to my siblings and their spouses now that we’re getting married. Alex might be the most excited of all of us.
“No way,” Willa says, shaking her head as she sets mashed potatoes on the table. “I do not want to get married in the snow.”
“Where would you like to get married?” I ask her, burying my nose in her neck.
“Maybe the beach?” she says. “I know a great resort in California.”
“You don’t want to get married here, with all of your friends and family?” Alex asks with a frown.
“We’ll fly them all there, if that’s what your mom wants,” I reply. “But there’s still time to talk about it.”
“In the meantime,” Willa says as we sit down, “we are doing something new tonight.”
“Pot roast is new?” Alex asks. The kid makes me smile.
“Listen to me, please,” Willa says, and Alex makes the motion of zipping his lips shut and throwing away the key. “From here on out, Thursday nights are date nights. Dad date nights.”
“Every Thursday,” I continue when Alex frowns, “we will talk about your dad, and you can ask about him, too. We’ll tell stories, look at pictures, and eat some of his favorite foods. Sometimes, we’ll have others over who knew him, and sometimes, like tonight, it’ll just be us.”
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