by Speer, Flora
* * * * *
Janina came unwillingly to the grove, with her heart in torment. In just a little while she would stand in the temple naked and cleansed, awaiting examination. Tamat and Sidra would join their minds to hers and both would learn how impure she was, how undeserving of the tattoo and the golden bonds of a priestess. They would know how unfit she was for a life of purity and service, and how reluctantly she took her vows. She had failed Tamat yet again, for while her body remained unchanged by her desire for Reid, her mind and heart belonged to him alone.
Would Tamat understand how determined she was to be a worthy priestess, to fight her feelings for Reid, to do battle with them and win? She knew Sidra would not.
The grove was lighter than it should have been. Janina knew she had dawdled too long on her way, and the sun had risen too high. Unless she hurried, she would be late for her own purification. She washed her hands and rinsed the water jar in the separate spring where the tunnel opened into the grove, then went quickly to the pool to fill the jar.
Every time she came here she remembered the first time she had met Reid. This morning, a day when she ought not to think of him at all, he filled the sacred grove with his strong yet gentle spirit. Telling herself to shut him out of her mind, she lowered the clean jar into the pool and began to fill it.
“Janina.”
At the sound of Reid’s voice, she almost dropped the jar into the deep pool.
“Go away!” she cried, lifting the filled jar to stand it carefully on the moss before she stood to face him with heart-broken defiance. “You should not be here. You know that. Tamat told you never to come here again. You will be severely punished if anyone discovers where you have been.”
“It won’t make any difference,” he said, catching her hands and then her shoulders, pulling her to him with rough tenderness. “I’m not going back to the village, and neither are you.”
Janina was so surprised by his unexpected appearance in the grove and by his sudden action that she made no protest, nor did she struggle when he lowered his mouth to hers. He was all she wanted, all she could think of, and it did not matter if he had lent himself to every woman in the village. She cared only that he was here now, holding her, setting her afire with a passion that did not abate when he lifted his head to look into her eyes with an intensity that almost frightened her. And she knew, all her lifelong training told her just how wicked her feelings for him were.
“You know you don’t want what they will make you do today,” he said urgently, his words echoing her own early-morning thoughts. “You aren’t meant to be a priestess. You aren’t even a telepath. You can be of little use to them.”
“I have no choice. It was decided long ago. Please, I can’t bear this,” she cried, tears rising in her eyes. “Reid, leave me alone. Go away. Don’t cause me any more pain than I’m already feeling. The things I’ve done with you before this day were a violation of my primary vows. I’m unfit, impure. When her thoughts touch mine, Sidra will challenge my bonding. Why can’t you understand what you are doing to me?” she shouted at him in anguish.
“You do have a choice. I’m giving you one.” In her emotionally tormented state she heard his words as a temptation beckoning her away from the path of duty. “Come with me, Janina.” When she would have continued her protests, he took her mouth again, silencing her desperate words with his lips.
“Reid, Reid.” She moaned his name between hungry kisses. Beside herself with fear and longing and unpardonable guilt, she clutched helplessly at his shoulders and threw her head back to let his mouth sear her throat with yet more kisses.
“Tamat won’t live much longer. Anyone can see she’s growing weaker every day,” Reid murmured, his voice muffled against her soft skin. “Sidra and Osiyar have been doing obscene, disgusting things together. The temple is no place for you now, if it ever was. Come with me, Janina. We’ll go back to headquarters by the same way I came. We’ll find my friends. We can be free. Free. Don’t you realize what that means?”
“I cannot,” she cried. “I can never desert Tamat, and I can’t abandon the Chosen Way. I know nothing else, no other way to live. Reid, please stop kissing me and tell me you understand.”
“Listen to me,” he said, lifting her off her feet and then sinking to the ground with her locked in his arms. “I promised Tamat I would protect you with my life.” He broke off his explanation to kiss her again.
Janina knew she should tell him that the best way to protect her would be for him to stay away from her. It was sacrilege for him to embrace her on this special day, when she should be thinking only of the vows she would soon profess. But the place where he had laid her down was next to a khata bush covered with flowers. The sweet fragrance released by those crimson blossoms made her dizzy. She put her arms around his neck and pressed her cheek to his so he would not see how close she was to breaking into helpless tears.
“Janina, come with me,” he murmured into her ear. “If we stay in Ruthlen, Sidra will destroy us both as soon as she is High Priestess. I know we can escape through the ravine, but I won’t do it without you.”
She had her mouth open to tell him she could not, must not even dream of escape, but before she could say the words his lips were on hers again. His tongue filled her, and she felt his hands on her breasts as he pressed her back against the soft, golden-green moss.
She thought with sudden wry humor that if he wanted to escape he was wasting precious time, but the scarlet khata flowers spread their perfumed magic through the air and all rational thought fled from her mind. Reid’s hands burned on her breasts.
“Reid.” She could say nothing but his name, over and over again. Suddenly she was beyond argument or resistance. Reid was all she wanted or could think about. He was the world. He was her heart.
Quickly, he removed her robe and sandals, then his own clothing. She moaned and called his name again when she felt the hard length of him against her, but she made no further effort to fight him. How could she resist something she wanted so badly? His large hands caressed her trembling body with surprisingly gentle strokes, moving from shoulders to breasts to hips to thighs and then upward across her abdomen to capture her breasts again. His mouth and tongue followed the trail warmed by his hands. Janina awakened into passionate awareness at his touch, knowing without conscious thought that Reid was her destiny.
She was pure feeling now, wild, passionate sensation and need, with no room for concern about consequences. So skilled was Reid, so attuned to each other were they, that when he began to push against her she quivered into deep, rapturous pleasure. She accepted his body with intense joy. There was no pain, there were no regrets. She and Reid were one being, as they had always been meant to be, as they would be throughout all eternity. And eternity was this moment, this instant of glorious, total union.
“Separate them!”
Before the angry words had fully penetrated a consciousness directed solely toward Reid, he was torn from her arms. Janina cried out in loss, reaching for him, to pull him back to her.
Someone caught her hands, jerking her to her feet to stare uncomprehendingly into Philian’s shocked face. She saw Reid standing next to Adana, and she knew by his blank expression that Sidra was using her mind to hold him immobilized.
“What are we to tell Tamat?” Sidra demanded of Janina. “When Osiyar found Reid gone, I knew he would be with you, you disgusting creature. You and he were planning to escape, weren’t you? But first you had to desecrate the grove and the sacred pool with your filthy lust. See what you have done! You have so angered the presence who lives here that the very Water boils in outrage.”
Janina saw to her horror that the pool was bubbling and steaming, while miniature waves splashed onto the moss at its edge. At first she thought Sidra was somehow controlling the Water, until she realized that Sidra, too, was frightened by what was happening.
“Empty the jar into the pool,” Sidra said to Adana.
“No,” Janina
cried. “I just took it out for my—”
“For your purification ritual?” mocked Sidra. “You can never be purified now, Janina. You are no longer even a scholar-priestess. Pour out the Water, Adana.”
At Sidra’s command, the young woman picked up the jar and dumped its contents back into the pool. The Water continued to bubble.
“We must return to the temple at once,” Sidra said with obvious unease. “Tamat and Osiyar should know about this.”
Philian picked up Janina’s white robe and would have handed it to her.
“Put that down,” Sidra commanded. “She may not wear it now.”
“But Sidra,” Philian protested, “she can’t walk naked through the village. Everyone will stare at her.”
“Let them stare,” Sidra said. “Reid will go naked, too.”
“No,” Janina begged. “Sidra, have pity. Let Reid at least put on his trousers.”
“Why?” asked Sidra. “Don’t you want the village women to gaze upon what should have been theirs to use, which you have unlawfully taken for yourself? There is blood on your thighs, Janina. There will be no doubt what you two have done.”
“Release Reid,” Janina pleaded. “He will go away. He’ll go back to the forest the way he came and cause no trouble for the village or the temple. I’ll take the punishment on myself. Let him go, Sidra. Please.”
“Let him go?” Sidra’s mocking laughter stabbed through Janina’s shame to make her tremble in sudden terror for herself and for Reid. “He would never leave you, Janina. Indeed, he cannot. You and he are bound together forever. I know that, if you do not. You will therefore die together.”
“Then if you will not let him go,” Janina begged in desperation, “release him from your control. Let him walk back to the temple under his own will, like a man.”
“He is too dangerous for that,” Sidra insisted. Then, with a last worried glance at the still-boiling pool, she headed for the tunnel, calling over her shoulder in a falsely sweet voice, “Come along, Reid, follow me. And don’t trip on the steps.”
Chapter 9
Never in her life had Janina known such humiliation as she felt during that walk from the sacred grove to the village and thence to the temple. When the villagers had seen Sidra earlier heading for the grove flanked by Adana and Philian, they must have known something was amiss. Now they lined the streets to watch the fallen scholar-priestess and her lover being marched back to the temple in unclothed shame.
Because it was a festival day, there were more people than usual who were free to stare. The fisherfolk had not put out to sea, and many of the farmers had come into town with their families for the festivities. All were in their brightest holiday clothing. Every house in the village had been decorated with sheaves of grain and late-season flowers. Through this cheerful, sunlit scene Janina walked in despair.
Certain that Sidra would stop the procession in the middle of the village in order to publicly subject her to scathing verbal abuse if she demonstrated the least hesitation or failure of dignity, Janina tried to keep her chin up and her eyes straight ahead. For the same reason she held her arms stiffly down at her sides, instead of using her hands to cover her nakedness as she so desperately wanted to do. She knew this parade through Ruthlen was Sidra’s cruel revenge against her for all the years during which Tamat had protected her when Sidra would have seen her banished from the temple, and she wanted to give Sidra no opportunity to enlarge upon that revenge.
Behind her set face and stiff yet steady forward motion, Janina’s every instinct cried out in rebellion against Sidra’s callous disregard for common modesty. Reid had held and touched her unclothed body. It should not now be revealed to all these uncaring people. She tried to remember how it had felt to be loved by Reid, to become one with him, but all she could feel was horror at the way they had been found, with Reid still deep inside her and no doubt at all as to what they were doing, no possibility of excuse or explanation. And now she would have to face Tamat.
“Were you jealous of me?” From the roadside Senastria’s familiar voice broke into Janina’s thoughts. Senastria yelled again. “You heard me boast how wonderful he was, so you had to try him for yourself, was that it? You fool, now you’ve spoiled it for all of us.” She threw a rock, which grazed Janina’s right cheek.
More stones followed. Several hit Reid. Being still under Sidra’s control, he gave no sign that he felt or heard anything, but walked through the village like someone already dead. Yet Janina knew he was fully aware of everything that was happening to them.
The onlookers began to follow Sidra and her little group, enlarging the procession with crowding, taunting people who loudly declared their outrage and their determination to see justice done to the false would-be priestess who was no telepath as every priestess should be, and equal justice meted out to her monstrous alien lover.
Eventually they came to the decorated tables being prepared in anticipation of the feast that was scheduled to take place after Janina’s binding, the feast at which she was to have been guest of honor. Those who had been working on the tables gave up what they were doing to follow the crowd to the wall surrounding the temple complex. As the group led by Sidra approached the entrance, Janina realized with a stab at her heart that she could never again walk through the opening in that wall.
The noisy, shoving procession stopped between the feasting area and the temple wall. Sidra sent Adana to the temple with a message. After a while Tamat appeared, supported by Adana and flanked by Osiyar and his two scholar-priests. Janina could see by Tamat’s drained expression and Osiyar’s scowling face that Adana had informed all of them of what had happened.
When she first saw Janina naked between Sidra and Philian, Tamat reeled backward. Osiyar caught her, holding her upright until she recovered from the shock. Janina wanted to run to her, to throw her arms around Tamat and comfort her, and be comforted in turn. But there was no comfort any longer, not for Tamat or herself, and worse than the punishment she was certain awaited her was the pain of what she had done to Tamat.
“I found them locked together beside the pool, beneath the khata flowers, which they were shamelessly using to enhance their sensations during lovemaking,” Sidra proclaimed loudly, so all who had followed them from the village would know the full extent of Janina’s crime. “Even now the Water in the pool boils in protest at the desecration.”
This announcement brought a murmur of fear from the onlookers.
“As the pool boils, so the mountains smoke.” Osiyar added his verbal blow to Sidra’s account. He lifted an arm, pointing to where two of the mountains behind the village were belching much more steam than usual. Again the villagers whispered and muttered their fearful concern.
Janina felt the familiar prickling of Tamat’s mind touching hers. She did not resist. She wanted Tamat to understand how she felt about Reid. And she filled her thoughts with all the love and respect she felt for Tamat, the gratitude for Tamat’s care of her. All of this she combined with a regretful farewell. She knew she would have no other opportunity. When Tamat’s touch withdrew, Janina felt like weeping. She had sensed no understanding from Tamat. She did not know if that was because of her own lack of telepathic ability, or if Tamat was so angry at having her plans for Janina thwarted that she could not forgive what Reid and Janina had done. Very likely there was no forgiveness possible. Janina pressed her trembling lips together and waited.
“Sidra,” Tamat said, “release Reid.”
“He is dangerous,” Sidra objected. “He might try to hurt you.”
“Reid will not harm me,” Tamat replied. “Release him.”
Janina saw fear on Sidra’s beautiful face, an emotion quickly smoothed away, but it puzzled Janina, even in her own fear and shame. Why should Sidra be afraid of Reid?
Janina saw her lover slump a little as Sidra relinquished her control over him. He straightened at once, then stood flexing his hands as though they hurt.
“You have broken our
laws, Reid,” Tamat told him. “You knew the grove was forbidden, yet you went there. The first time you set your feet in that sacred place was a mistake. At that time, you were a stranger and knew not our laws. You were forgiven because of your ignorance. But the second time you entered there, you went with knowledge of what you were doing. You deliberately broke our law. And for what? To meet a woman untouchable by men. You have therefore erred doubly. And she, who is sworn to death rather than break her vow of perpetual virginity, knows what the punishment is.”
“It was entirely my fault,” Reid interrupted. “I seduced her. Don’t punish her for my error, Tamat.”
“Punishment is not mine to give or withhold, Reid,” said Tamat. “Janina, proclaim your own punishment, and his.”
Janina’s mouth was dry, her tongue immovable. She tried to swallow but could not.
“Say it, Janina.” Osiyar spoke with the sad dignity befitting the occasion.
“Say it!” Sidra’s voice was full of triumph.
“Adrift,” Janina whispered.
“Louder,” Sidra demanded. “Let all of Ruthlen hear your own admission of guilt.”
“I shall be set adrift.” Janina had found her voice again. She said the awful words of the Ultimate Verdict in hot defiance of Sidra, who had never loved her, who felt no sorrow at this terrible ending, who would not pity Tamat’s grief at what had been done this morning. “Forbidden to return to Ruthlen under any circumstances, without food or water or clothing, without sail or oars or rudder, I shall be cast adrift to face the elements and the monsters of the deep, until I die.”
There was a soft murmur of respect from the villagers for one who could so bravely accept that most dreadful of all fates, who could speak the proscribed words without weeping or pleading for mercy. The murmuring stopped abruptly when Janina fell to her bare knees before Tamat.