by Emma Harley
The pain was unbearable, as fresh as it had been when she laid her mother into the ground. Raina let her tears run down her face until she had no more left to give, her throat burning and torn from the strain. A soft hand on her back wrapped around her, and Taranis pulled her weeping mass into his arms. She sobbed into his chest as he held her tightly, stroking her hair softly down her back.
“I didn’t get to say goodbye again,” she wept, a fresh wave of tears flowing down her face. Taranis pressed his lips to the top of her head.
“I know Raina,” he whispered gently. She worked to bring her breathing under control as best she could, soothed by his rhythmic breathing and citrus scent. The screaming had completely worn her out, she dozed off against him and he lifted her into his arms, striding through the forest with her.
Logan stood a way down, staring at them both as Raina slumbered against the general’s shoulder.
“How is she?” he asked. Taranis gazed down at her unconscious face and frowned.
“Seeing her mother was the worst thing she could have done right now, but maybe it won’t turn out to be so bad. Eliza has been watching over her from the start and now she knows. At least she got some closure.” Logan nodded as he brushed a strand of hair back from her tear-stained face.
“I have never seen her break like that before,” Logan confessed quietly, “she knows something we don’t. And Eliza knows too, but she is determined to keep it to herself.”
Silver eyes flashed in the moonlight as he stared into her sleeping face.
“Raina is terrified of losing someone she loves like she lost her mother,” the general muttered, “when she pushes everyone away that is her fear overriding her love for them. Including you. I could almost hear her heart breaking a moment ago. I do not blame her for keeping others at a distance.”
“I think she has fooled herself into believing that will work. If one of us died, she would be just as hurt, except she will be crushed with the guilt of never reconciling.”
A small sob leaked from Raina’s lips, as though her dreams were filled with the torment she had just gone through. Taranis brushed a thumb down her cheek as Logan stepped away, pain lashing his features.
“You should let the queen know what happened, but don’t tell Raina I was watching. I just wanted to make sure she was okay.” The general nodded and made his way back to the palace, leaving Logan standing in the forest with nothing but his thoughts.
∞∞∞
Raina awoke the next morning in her own bed, completely confused and unaware of how she got there.
“Malakhai carried you home last night.”
Aija sat on the chair by her bed, and by the state of her hair and makeup, she had been awake all night watching her.
“That’s what happened then,” Raina mumbled, peeling back her bedcovers. She padded through her room looking for a towel and clean clothes.
“He told me what you did last night,” Aija offered softly. Raina nodded.
“The oracle gave me a gift. It let me talk to my mom again,” she confirmed. The finality in her tone should have made it obvious that she didn’t want to discuss it, but Aija pressed further.
“So how did it go?”
Raina’s fist balled around the towel and she thrust it onto the bed.
“Oh you know, the usual. She loves me and she’s watching over me. I only got seven minutes with her. Not a lot can be covered.” She grabbed clean underwear and stormed off into the bathroom to shower and change.
Aija was still sitting there when she came out, twisting her hands awkwardly.
“I was just wondering what you talked about in that time. She was my best friend after all,” she stammered. Raina scoffed and spun to her.
“Well she was my mother, and I’d like to keep something in my life private. If you want to talk to her, go visit the oracle and ask for the spell,” she snapped. Aija’s face dropped and she scurried out of the room, leaving Raina to wallow in self-loathing and prepare herself for the rest of the day.
Tomorrow was her wedding day, and she needed to have everything prepared as soon as possible.
∞∞∞
Aija didn’t join them for breakfast, but the cold stares from Alexei suggested he was aware of Raina’s temper towards her that morning. Taranis hadn’t mentioned last night, but he had told her that training was suspended for today. He didn’t want to leave her covered in bruises on her wedding day. The usual bubbling conversation drew to a halt as Alexei stared down the hall.
“Good morning captain.”
Raina turned to spot Logan in the doorway, his hair ragged and shadows forming under his eyes. He mumbled a good morning and sat down beside Alicia, settling for juice instead of anything to eat. She looked carefully at the captain before returning to her breakfast.
“You look like shit Logan.”
He glared at her, grunting a sarcastic “thanks” at her smug face. He looked around the sea of faces before settling on Raina.
“I’m guessing you haven’t told them your little plan since they don’t look like they’re about to rip you apart.”
The squad looked between then as Raina narrowed her eyes on the captain.
“Perhaps I wanted one meal without someone yelling at me,” she scowled. Davin leaned back in his chair, ready to start yelling at her anyway. She sipped at her juice before clearing her throat and looking at each of them in turn.
“I was considering opening a portal to send you home again.” Alicia set her glass down forcefully as JJ muttered a string of swear words under his breath.
“And when were you going to ask us?” Alicia forced a sickening smile on her face, “Before you pushed us through?”
“I wasn’t going to ask. This world is about to go to war against demons and it is far too dangerous for any of you to be here. I understand we have our loyalty, but my loyalty extends as far as making sure you aren’t killed. I can keep you safe by sending you home again,” she informed them quite matter-of-factly. JJ grimaced, excusing himself as he left the table. Alicia got up to follow him before turning back to Raina.
“You’re a bitch sometimes Phoenix, but since you became a Fae you’re been a downright asshole to us. I can’t speak for the others, but I am done trying with you.” Kalen offered her his usual sympathetic expression, but Alexei looked furious.
“Is it your intention to push everyone out of your life before your wedding or is it just a coincidence?” he growled, his voice dripping with anger. Raina shrugged.
“I wasn’t going to say anything to them yet, but Logan here just can’t help himself. I’d imagine it has something to do with the fact that I rejected him yet I’m marrying a male I barely know.”
“It has nothing to do with that and you know it,” Logan snarled, storming off in a huff after the squad. Kalen shook his head sadly and stood to go after him.
“You need to back off Raina,” he sighed, “you’re becoming unbearable.”
“Wow, coming from you that’s really saying something isn’t it?” she sneered. Kalen swept off after his friend, leaving Raina with the king and his general.
“What in the Undersphere has gotten into you Raina?” Alexei asked, his eyes mirroring the anger in her own.
“Nothing. I need some air,” she snapped, her chair scraping as she got up to leave. Most of the dining hall had been blocked off to be decorated for the ceremony and she had to shove her way through crowds of gathering servants to escape.
Happy now? Taranis’ voice rang through her head as she cleared into the library.
Not yet, she replied, I need you to mention something to the king.
∞∞∞
Raina sat in her room, scribbling notes that she carefully placed into envelopes and tucked under her mattress. She was supposed to be getting pampered with the bridesmaids, but she had successfully fallen out with every single person in her wedding party, and instead spent the night focusing on the ceremony. Kade wasn’t allowed to be seen with her bef
ore the wedding, so she had sat on the call-ball thing with him instead.
Her wedding dress hung across the room from her like a silent ghost. She hadn’t shown any interest that day when Aija had arrived with Kade’s mother, Lila, to help her pick a dress. It had taken her less than five minutes to choose one with no frills and only a little bit of lace before she sat down and let a handmaiden try out different styles with her hair. Aija had explained to Lila that it was just nerves, and she wasn’t usually that stand-offish. She peeked out her window at the waning moons, before nestling down into a restless sleep.
∞∞∞
Raina stared at her reflection as Aija pinned a diamond tiara on top of her wavy curls. She looked stunning, but she couldn’t take the time to appreciate it. The sooner this day was over, the better.
“You look beautiful,” Aija offered, hoping for some sort of response. Raina ignored her and reached into her drawer, pulling out her mother’s necklace.
“Is that important to you?” she asked softly.
“It was my mothers. Makes me feel like I have her here with me,” she mumbled. It was a low shot, and she knew it. But it was necessary.
Raina gripped the bouquet of flowers from her handmaiden as she left, making her way down the stairs to the foyer. Taranis stood in his finery waiting patiently for her, extending his arm as she reached the bottom step.
“You look lovely Raina,” he smiled, a tad too forced. Aija stared around.
“Where is Alexei?” Taranis gulped and nodded in the direction of the throne room.
“He’s already seated and waiting Your Majesty.”
“He’s supposed to be here to walk Raina down the aisle,” she hissed. Raina shook her head.
“Why would he do that? I asked General Taranis to give me away, because my mother isn’t here to do it.” Raina’s self-loathing grew considerably when she saw the pain lance through Aija’s face.
“Of course. This is your day.”
She rushed off to the ceremony room as the entrance music started. The bridesmaids started making their way through, accompanied by their groomsmen. Ceressa glanced back at her with an encouraging nod as she went in. Taranis took a deep breath and looked at Raina.
“Is it too much to say I’m starting to hate you too?”
“No,” she whispered, feeling smaller than she had ever felt before. He led her down the carpeted path and the wave of guests stood as she entered. She plastered on a fake smile as she made her way to Kade at the altar, not a doubt in her mind that his smile was as fake as her own. She handed her bouquet to Ceressa as the officiant began his long spiel about loyalty and love, committing and cherishing. He wrapped a braided ribbon to join their hands and offered them wine. After their false vows and promises, they exchanged rings and gave each other a reluctant kiss before the cheering crowd.
The newlyweds signed their marriage contract after the crowd had dispersed between the ballroom and the dining hall, carefully reading over to ensure that their agreement hadn’t been changed without their knowledge. The pages glowed as Raina scrawled her name, disappearing into thin air with a snap.
“Where did they go?” she demanded. Kade chuckled and patted her arm.
“It’s enchanted paper. It ensures that the original copy can’t be altered or destroyed by anyone but the ones who signed it. All contracts are sealed in a vault within the council’s tower.” Kade led her through their first dance, laughing heartily as she tried her best to follow him despite never having learned how to dance.
“I’ve been learning to use a sword but I can’t move my feet to a rhythm,” she chuckled. Kade kissed her forehead in a display of affection meant only for their guests.
“You’ll learn eventually. I’m not such a fan of dancing myself,” he remarked.
After their dance, they sat down to finally get a bite to eat, but were consistently interrupted by well-wishers and nosy family members giving Raina unsolicited advice on how to get pregnant quickly. She cringed at the comments, but accepted them with an awkward thanks. As the night dragged on, Raina began to yawn heavily. Kade was expected to leave with her, and his gratitude for her excuse was badly misinterpreted as eagerness for other activities by his mother. She led him to her room, where Ceressa sat patiently waiting.
“What took you so long?” she frowned, rushing to lock the door after them.
“Well it was our wedding. It would have been rude if we left immediately,” Kade grinned. Raina rolled her eyes and tugged the curtains closed.
“Please tell me you both are ready for tomorrow,” she pleaded. She perched herself on the bed beside Ceressa and began unpinning her hair.
“The official story we’re using is that Kade is taking you on a trip around the world as a wedding present. You're new and unfamiliar with the countries and cultures, so it sounds like a wonderful and thoughtful gift. Your family and friends don’t know anything yet, so when they ask, we will cover for you,” Kade confirmed, sounding as though he was reciting it from memory. Ceressa stared at her curiously.
“Where are you really going?”
Raina sighed and shrugged. “I need to summon the Erinyes, and figure out how to kill this god. Unfortunately, some other news has come to light, and it turns out I might not survive the battle with him.” Kade’s mouth dropped open.
“Is that why you rushed the wedding?”
Raina nodded grimly. “I needed security for my country. My death would have thrown the line of succession into turmoil, and we wouldn’t have had the armies to defend our lands if I hadn’t married and named an heir. But the thing is, if it goes the way I’m expecting, I will die destroying Erebus. So his army will be powerless and weakened, and your victory will be secured.” Ceressa shook her head vigorously.
“But you’ll be dead Raina.” Raina swallowed hard and shrugged.
“I know. But at least I’ll go down fighting. This conversation does not leave this room either, no one can know about this. I only told you because I need your help with the cover story.” Ceressa nodded, but Kade stayed silent.
“I know your country is benefitting from our alliance, and now I will become king and be able to live happily with my mate, but it seems like you’re getting the rough end of this deal,” he grimaced, rubbing his neck.
“Well I’m not thrilled about it. But there’s nothing I can do about it. All I can do is make sure the people I love are cared for and protected once I’m gone. And it won’t be long before they realise that I’m not on a trip and they’ll come looking for me. I’ll need a pretty good head start on them.” Kade gripped Ceressa’s hand as her eyes watered. Raina smiled at them both as they took her hands in theirs.
“When Malakhai’s mating bond was broken, he said it was the most painful thing he had ever experienced, and death would have been kinder. What happens if your mate dies and the bond isn’t broken?” she asked curiously. Kade’s eyes darkened slightly and a frown spread across his face.
“I’ve heard of some killing themselves after their mate died. Others have went mad. The pain is unimaginable, but I’ve never personally known anyone who has went through that. Why do you ask?”
“No reason,” she sighed, “You both just seem so complete with each other. When I lost my mother I thought I would die from the pain, I don’t know if I could ever cope with something worse than that.”
Raina set about gathering the few things she had forgotten to pack, pushing away the thoughts in her mind. Ceressa pointed out that they would need to share the bed for the night, since servants had an annoying habit of bursting into rooms in the mornings. She would be going to her own room down the hall, and it would seem more convincing if their scents were mingled. After giving her mate a swift kiss, she slipped out, and Raina and Kade laid down to sleep for the night.
No matter how hard she tried Raina couldn’t close her eyes for the worried thoughts in her mind.
“Is there no other option for you?”
Kade’s voice shattered the da
rkening spiral of thoughts as she turned towards him.
“No,” she whispered softly, “When the oracle told me I was the weapon, she filled in a lot of blanks in my knowledge. I will not come back from the battle with Erebus.”
Kade gripped her hand gently, a small offer of comfort.
“If I could, I wish I could take this fate from you. You are still a child by Fae standards. This should never have been thrust upon you.”
His anger laced the words with venom, the silent hatred for the gods that doomed her becoming wildly obvious in the silence.
“When I die,” Raina started, her voice choking on the last word, “I will make sure you all know. Every ounce of power I have will be poured into my last moments. I will go out in a battle worthy of song. And my family will be safe, they will grieve together, and they will move on. If I ever lost them, I know I couldn’t do it. That’s why it’s so important that they do not follow me or try to intervene. I love them all too much to subject them to this fate.”
Kade squeezed her fingers, sniffing gently.
“We don’t deserve you Raina,” he chuckled, “I can only hope you return to us someday. Maybe then you will consider living your life for yourself and doing what you want to do.”
Raina’s chin wobbled as tears sparkled at the corners of her eyes.
She couldn’t let herself imagine that life. She had only done so once. When she learned that a weapon was created to destroy Erebus, hope for a future had almost blinded her. She believed she could walk away from the battle with him. No more curse, no dark god looming over their heads, no demon war. She could have spent time with her parents, getting to know them and letting them know her. They could have had another child for the throne, leaving her free to pursue her own life. Training with her squad and Fae guards, learning how to safely wield her magic. Maybe even being able to have a relationship with the male she loved instead of constantly rejecting him for fear of what her death would do to him.
Merely imagining the pain of losing them made her grit her teeth. Bearing the weight of her destiny would be kinder than suffering through loss.