Doppelbanger

by Heather M. Orgeron

  My fingers dig into her ass as I rock against her. The heat that’s building in my stomach begins moving lower, filling my cock. “That’s so good, Tink. So. Fucking. Good,” I growl.

  She lifts herself higher, sinking back down on my dick, taking it to the hilt. “Oh, Jeffrey,” she gasps. Bracing her hands on my shoulders, she bounces up and down, her perfect tits brushing against my lips with every stroke.

  Gina arches her back, riding me harder. She reaches between us to rub her clit while I suck the nipple of one of her breasts into my mouth, rolling my tongue around the hard bud. When her body starts to quake and I know she’s almost there, I bite down gently, sucking hard as she explodes on my cock.

  I’m dying to touch her, but my hands are occupied with holding her up. I’m completely at her mercy. “Tink,” I rasp when I’ve reached the point of no return. “I’m gonna...” With a groan, I bite down on her shoulder, jerking my hips, and everything goes black as my release shoots out, filling her pussy.

  §

  “That was a long shower,” Evangeline notes, eyeing me funnily as I take a seat at the table, preparing to eat my now ice-cold breakfast.

  “Mmm,” I garble over a mouthful. “Got caught up talking with Gina. What do you girls think of a movie night?”

  Willow looks over her shoulder from the play kitchen across the room, beaming. “Oh, yes, Daddy. I wuv moobies!”

  “Good morning,” Gina singsongs as she strolls into the kitchen, giving a little twirl in the center of the room. She’s so girl-like. I can’t think of a better word to describe what I mean. She’s all woman in the areas where it really counts, but there’s this happy-go-lucky aura that surrounds her. It just makes you feel good to be in her presence. Gina’s hair is blown dry and in loose waves down her back. She’s wearing a short floral sundress and not a drop of makeup. The sun seems to highlight the faint dusting of freckles on her cheeks. How haven’t I noticed those before? I want to kiss each one.

  Dear God, I can’t stop staring.

  Scrubbing a hand over my face, I try to regain my wits. “Look who decided to get out of bed,” I tease, attempting to throw Vangie off our scent. I’m sure it’s just my paranoia that’s getting to me, but she seems a little suspicious, and I’m staring like some lovesick fool. Get it together, Jeff.

  Tink heads straight for the Keurig to brew herself a cup of coffee, and my girls flock to her sides. A pang of guilt strikes my chest. I wonder what Jessica thinks of the relationship she’s building with our girls. Of the relationship I’m building with this woman. My breath starts coming in shallow pants. It’s only been three years. Is that enough time? Am I a horrible man for feeling...feelings for another woman? If I truly loved Jessica, the way I know I did—how? How can this be happening?

  “Hey, girls,” I say, my chair screeching across the floor as I spring up, unable to stay still. My forehead breaks out in a cold sweat. “I’m gonna go run to the store and pick up a movie candy buffet and something to cook for dinner tonight. I’ll be back.” Their responses barely register in my addled mind. I hope they didn’t ask anything important, because I’ve just completely missed it.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  GINA

  “Hmm,” Vangie mutters watching her dad rush out of the door without a backward glance. “That was weird.”

  “Him didn’t even ax me what I want. How rude,” Willow complains, resting a hand on her hip and cocking it out to the side. Little Miss Thang.

  Jeff’s rapid departure has me feeling all sorts of insecure. He went from appearing happy and content to full-on panicked. Maybe what just happened in the shower was too much? I shouldn’t have thrown myself at him while the girls were home. I knew he wasn’t ready. Shit. “I’m sure he just had something important to take care of, girls. Maybe a work call or something on his way out. Who knows?” I’m trying to sound cool as a cucumber as to not worry the kids more than they already are, but I’m secretly burning up inside.

  To pass the time, I decide to give the girls makeovers. We start with manis and pedis. Then full makeup and hair. By the time we finish, he’s still not back. It’s been hours, and the store is only a few miles away.

  “It’s not like Dad to be gone so long and not call. You think he’s okay?” Evangeline asks, clearly upset by her father’s odd behavior.

  “I’m sure he’s fine. Why don’t you go put Willow down for a nap, and I’ll clean up this mess?” I wave my hand, gesturing to the lipsticks and polishes littering the counter. Willow really had a field day with my Kaboodle.

  Once the girls have disappeared up the stairs, I grab my phone, and with my heart lodged in my throat, call him.

  “Hey, Tink.” Jeffrey answers on the second ring. His voice is strained. I can tell he’s trying to sound like nothing’s wrong, but he fails miserably.

  “Jeff?” I hate that my voice cracks when I say his name and I absolutely despise feeling vulnerable. “Is, umm. Is everything okay?”

  After a slight pause, he sighs. “Yeah...I just needed a minute to clear my head. I’m sorry for leaving like that...I uh—I went to visit Jess at the cemetery.”

  “Because of me?” My heartbeat is drumroll in my chest as I await his response.

  “I’m not sure how to answer that.”

  The back of my throat begins to burn. “The truth, Jeffrey.”

  “The truth is that I miss her.” I know this already, but hell if it doesn’t hit me like a hammer to the chest. “And I’m struggling with the feelings I have—for you,” he adds, sounding completely defeated.

  “Do you want me to go?” I don’t want to, but I don’t want to be an added source of pain in his life either. This isn’t supposed to hurt like this. My heart shouldn’t feel so tight in my chest. I shouldn’t feel so afraid.

  “No.” His answer is brief, but immediate, and said with enough conviction that I believe he really wants me here. I knew this wouldn’t be easy. It’s not realistic for me to expect his feelings for his wife to just disappear because I’m in the picture. So, I stay.

  “Okay,” I whisper, squeezing the phone tightly in my palm. “See you soon.”

  “Was that my Dad?” Vangie asks, sneaking up behind me, nearly scaring me half to death.

  “Yeah.” My hand draws to my chest in surprise and I take a few deep, soothing breathes, and force myself to smile. “He said he’d be back soon...What do you say we get started on this movie marathon without him?” I ask, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and pulling her toward the living room.

  Vangie and I watch the new Jumanji movie with Jack Black, Kevin Hart, and The Rock, since it’s not at all appropriate to watch with Willow. I try really hard to focus on not thinking about Jeffrey, which is totally counterproductive. This sick feeling in my chest just won’t go away.

  Midway through the movie, Evangeline gets a bad case of cramps, so I fix her up with the heating pad and some meds and curl up beside her on the couch.

  “Did you talk to my dad yet about taking me to the doctor for birth control?” Vangie asks.

  “No. I didn’t get a chance, but I’ll talk to him soon, okay?”

  “Birth control?” Jeff’s voice roars from behind the couch.

  Evangeline and I both jump up, staring at each other with stunned faces. I didn’t even hear him come in. “It’s not what you—” Oh, God. That sounded so bad. So, so, so bad.

  “She’s fucking fourteen, Gina!” Jeff’s eyes are hard and accusing. “Who gave you permission to talk to my little girl about getting on birth control? That shouldn’t even be a thought in her head at this age.”

  “I wasn’t—” I try to defend myself, but Jeffrey is pissed beyond reason.

  “Don’t!” he shouts, cutting me off again. “I know what I heard. Don’t even try to convince me otherwise.” He runs a shaking hand through his hair, glaring at me. And it hurts. Dear God does it pierce my soul to be sneered at with such derision by the man who’s come to occupy my every waking thought.

&nbs
p; “Just listen to her, Daddy,” Evangeline begs with huge tears pouring down her face. She looks like a little doe caught in headlights. No clue where to turn or what to do.

  “Go to your room, Evangeline.”

  She hesitates, looking to me with helpless bewilderment.

  “Now!” he shouts, stomping his foot. I have never seen him so angry, and as much as it hurts that he’s yelling at me, it pisses me off to no end to see the way he’s breaking his daughter’s heart.

  “Just, go, baby. I’m fine.” I kiss the side of her face, breathing in her sweet scent. I try to commit it to memory, knowing this will be the last time I ever see her. My heart splinters in two as I watch her run off sobbing. I will not be the source of this kind of pain in his children’s lives. They don’t deserve this.

  “I knew I couldn’t trust you.” His words are knives, cutting me deeper than I think he even realizes. He was already having a rough day and I know that he’s looking for any reason to explode, but I can’t do this. I won’t do this.

  “Did you?” Crossing my hands on my chest, I stare into his eyes with a heavy swallow.

  “You’re not her mother. You had no right...” His head drops, shaking side to side. Then he points roughly up the stairs. “They had a mother. They had an amazing mother.”

  “I’m aware,” I say, clearing my throat, fisting my hands at my sides to absorb some of the tension running through my body.

  “Of all people to bring around my girls, I choose you?” He begins pacing the room. “A woman with no morals. A fucking sex therapist!” He spits my title out like it’s something dirty—something to be ashamed of, and I stand there with tears building in my eyes, too shocked to do more than take it. “I should have known with the way you reacted when I told you about them kissing on the cruise.” His head shakes at the memory, and he exhales a humorless laugh. “With the way you threw yourself all over me. My God, Jessica is probably turning in her grave.”

  That does it. “If she’s turning in her grave for any reason, it’s for the way you just treated her daughter,” I say, finally catching my wits.

  “Don’t you dare talk to me about how I raise my daughter. You have no fucking clue how to raise a child. And if that wasn’t obvious before, it is blatantly so now.”

  I scoff. “You called and practically begged me to help you with her, and I came. Then, you called me again, and here I am. You obviously didn’t think me too bad of a role model then.”

  “My mistake.”

  I nod, staring right into his eyes as tears fall from mine. “Make damn sure you never make that mistake again.”

  He snorts. “No worries. From now on, we stick to the original arrangement.”

  Is he fucking insane?

  “No,” I counter with a shake of my head. “From this moment forward, there is no arrangement.”

  He has the audacity to look hurt. “What are you saying, Tink?”

  “You told me to let you know if it became too much,” I say, slipping my feet into my shoes without losing eye contact. “This, Jeffrey, and you...it just became too fucking much.”

  He follows me to the bedroom, watching me throw all of my things back into my bag, and he’s seething. It’s like there’s a raging bull in the room, sucking up all of the air. It’s stifling.

  “I can’t believe this shit.” He runs his hand over the top of his dresser, knocking all of its contents to the floor. “You’re really going to punish me for being upset over what I just walked in on?”

  “Jeffrey.” My voice is eerily calm. I just don’t have it in me to fight with this man. My heart is already breaking, and I haven’t even left yet. It’s taking all I have to keep from falling to pieces in front of him. “You’re not a child, any more than I am.” I give him a pointed look. “And I would never do anything to punish or hurt you. But this,” I say, eyeing his still-shaking form, “this is more than I can handle.”

  “Don’t do this...” He grips my wrist, his face softening. And I want nothing more than to melt into his arms. For him to take it all back and kiss it better. But, I’m not naive enough to believe this won’t happen again.

  “I didn’t,” I say, yanking my arm out of his hold and throwing my purse over my shoulder. “Goodbye, Jeffrey.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  JEFFREY

  SHE’S GONE.

  This splintering pain in my chest is forcing me to face what I’ve been fighting to admit to myself—I’ve fallen in love with her. The guilt I was drowning in suddenly takes a back seat to the realization that I’ve lost her and likely, for good.

  Oh, I’m still mad as fucking hell. Furious even. With her. With myself. With life.

  “Gigi, I waked up!” The sound of Willow’s bare feet slapping the wood steps echoes throughout the house.

  Shit. Suddenly, I’m feeling so ashamed.

  “Hey Daddy-oh,” my little girl chirps, a grin from ear to ear. “Where Gigi? It’s moobie time!” She breaks out into a little jig, half Cabbage Patch, half Carlton.

  My heart screws up tight and I feel hot all over. Tugging the collar of my shirt away from my neck, I try to find air. “She uh...she had to go, baby.”

  “Huh?” Willow’s smile vanishes, and her pretty blue eyes well with tears. “Her leaved already? Before moobie night?”

  When the tears start to flow, I pick her up, holding my little girl tightly to my chest. I don’t know whether I’m trying to comfort her or myself as I smooth my hand in soothing circles over her back.

  “But, I was gonna sweep wif her tonight, Daddy.” Her face lifts from my shoulder, and she stares right into my eyes. “Her promised.”

  “It’s not her fault, Willow. Dad made her leave.” Vangie’s arms cross on her chest, and the eyes I’m met with hold nothing but disgust.

  “Don’t do this, Evangeline,” I beg. “You don’t have to hurt her because you’re angry with me.”

  “You telled Gigi to go home? Why?”

  I feel like I’m stuck at the bottom of a ravine with no way out. There’s nothing I can say to make her understand. She’s three.

  “Because he’s jealous, Willow. He doesn’t want anyone else to love us.”

  Tears burn the backs of my eyes, and bile rises in my throat. Is this what my daughter truly believes? My head shakes side to side—in disagreement or denial? I’m not even sure I know the answer to that. “That’s not true,” I argue, wanting to believe I’m not that egotistical.

  “No?” My daughter huffs out a long breath. “She was the best thing that ever happened to this family since...since...” she stammers, tears lining her cheeks. “Since Mom died. And you just threw her away.”

  “You tan tall her back and say sowwy, Daddy.” Ah, the innocence of a toddler.

  “It’s more complicated than that, princess. Grown-up stuff.”

  Vangie snorts, and I get that she’s upset, but so am I, and this is not the time to have this discussion.

  “Evangeline Elise, I understand you’re angry, and we can talk more later, but you will not discuss another word of this in front of your sister. Do you understand me?” It pains me to yell at her. She’s already looking at me like she despises the ground I walk on.

  “Whatever, I’m out.” Who is this child? I think to myself as I watch her storm off, back to her room.

  “I really yike Gigi, Daddy,” Willow whispers. “Her painted my nails and my toes, and her tisses and snuggles me yike a real momma.”

  And the hits just keep on fucking coming. “I’m glad you like Gigi, honey. But, you know she’s not your momma. Your momma’s in heaven with Jesus.” I smooth the hair back from her face, wiping her tears away with my thumbs. “And I know that Mommy wishes more than anything to be able to kiss and snuggle you.”

  Willow groans, exasperated by my response. “I know dat hers not my momma. I said her wuvs me yike a momma. Yike a tend one.”

  “I’m sorry, princess.” I don’t know what else to say. I should have never brought her around
my kids. It’s one thing to hurt myself, but to know I’ve added more grief to their lives unnecessarily...I hate myself for it.

  “I wuv you, Daddy.” Her little arms latch around my neck, offering me comfort when I need it most.

  “I love you too, Willow Jane.”

  Evangeline remains in her room for the remainder of the evening—not even coming down when I call her for dinner. Willow and I hang out in my bed, watching movies and eating our feelings, as Gina would say. The great thing about three year olds is their short attention span. Once I distract her with junk food and cartoons, she’s all about it. Her sister, however, will be a lot harder to win over.

  When she finally passes out, a little after nine, I head up to Evangeline’s room. I feel like I’m walking into a snake pit.

  Tap. Tap. Tap. I knock, softly, not all that confident she will even respond.

  “You were dating her, weren’t you?” Vangie asks, pulling the door open. My little girl is more observant than I give her credit for.

  “Yes.”

  She nods, moving aside so I can walk past.

  Vangie plops down on the edge of her bed, so I turn the desk chair to face her and settle in for what I’m sure will be a grueling conversation.

  “Just so you know,” Vangie starts, pulling her pillow into her lap and hugging it tightly to her chest. “She wasn’t trying to get me on birth control because I want to have sex.”

  My eyes widen.

  “I don’t want to have sex, Dad.”

  “Oh, thank God.”

  With a roll of her eyes, she continues. “She said she was gonna talk to you about taking me to a gynecologist because my cramping is really bad, and sometimes they can put you on the pill and it helps.”

  Gina wasn’t trying to undermine me. She wasn’t encouraging my daughter to explore her sexuality. In a moment of clarity, I can’t even fathom how I ever thought that’s what she intended in the first place. Gina was only concerned about my daughter’s well-being. Doing exactly what I called on her to do. If I’d listened. If I’d allowed her two fucking minutes to explain...