Ethan is sitting on the steps on my apartment. His hands rest on his knees as he watches me carefully. My heart tugs in my chest and I feel more tears swell in my eyes.
He stands and walks over to me. I wait in silence for him to speak as I’m afraid I have no strength left in me.
“I can’t let you go.” His voice is hoarse and I know from years of loving him that it is laced with pain.
“Ethan.” I shake my head.
“Don’t, Leslie.” He steps forward and takes my hands in his. “We aren’t broken. On the contrary, what we lived, what we’ve experienced, it’s what makes us whole.” I feel my lips quiver and Ethan frames my face. “The best part of me has always been you. I can’t lose you again. I refuse to let you go.”
I pull away from his hold and look to the ground. “I can’t do this again. I’m sorry but I think it’s best you go home.” I don’t look at him as I gather my belongings and head toward my front door.
He doesn’t stop me.
He doesn’t follow me.
He let’s me go inside.
I sit in my house for two days drinking my pain away and eating Ramen. By Monday morning I’m dressed and ready to head to the office. I’m not due back for another few weeks but I figure making an appearance around the new bosses will be a good idea. I grab my keys from the hook near the door and head down the stairs. When I pull the door open, Ethan is sitting on the top step. I gasp when he looks up at me.
“What are you doing?” I can’t hide the surprise in my voice.
“I told you, I’m not letting you go.” He stand ups and brushes his hands to dust off his jeans.
“So, you’ve been living on my doorstep like a bum?” I say and close the door behind him.
“I have no choice, it’s not that easy to climb into your bedroom.” Ethan gives me a boyish grin. “You look nice.”
“Thanks.” I say nervously and look down to the ground. “I have to head into the office.”
“I see.” He shoves his hands in his pocket. “I’ll be here.”
“Ethan.” I say and pause before exhaling. “I’m not changing my mind. You should go home, Charlie needs you.”
“I need you more. I’m not leaving Leslie, not until you forgive me for being an asshole.”
“Don’t hold your breath.” I pull the straps of my purse higher on my shoulder and head toward the train station.
I arrive in the office at a quarter to eight. Though I should feel excited to be back, I can’t shake the knowledge that Ethan spent the night on my steps. The thought is quickly brushed away when Chloe comes out of her office to greet me.
“Oh, thank heavens you’re back.” She says and gives me a tight embrace. “I have missed the living hell out of you.”
I laugh and hug her back. “What’s new here?” I ask as I follow her inside her office.
“Girl, it’s crazy.” Her eyebrows furrow together. “I know you and I don’t have anything to be worried about but there will be a big budget cut and a lot of people will be losing their jobs.”
“That sucks.” I sit back on her chair and sigh in relief that at least I’ll have a job.
“I have so much to catch you up on, are you staying for lunch?”
“Yeah I have a meeting with HR in a few. Want to go to River Roast? We can sit outside.” I smile remembering the taste of their infamous cocktails.
“Oh, that sounds good, but it’s supposed to pour soon. Maybe Marty’s?”
I don’t answer her question; instead, my mind is invaded with Ethan sitting outside in the rain. “Yeah,” I nod uncertainly. “That’s fine.”
The dark clouds loom over the skies, that warm crisp spring air has vanished and is replaced with a chill. I arrive home by two in the afternoon, though I skipped lunch with Chloe, my meeting with HR ran late. I’m sprinting down my block, my shoes soaked from the torrential down pour as I try to find Ethan.
I tried to force him out of my mind, I tried to get over what we shared but as Lisa, with human resources went over the new company’s policy all I could think about was a life with Ethan. A home we could share together and love that we could mend and fix.
My heels splash through the puddles and when I reach my steps I’m gasping for air.
“Do you want kids?” I mutter out desperate for air to fill my lungs.
Ethan, who is soaked even though his body is covered with a plastic poncho looks deep into my eyes. “With you?” I nod before inhaling. “I want a whole team of kids with you.”
“Would you mind living in Chicago or do you want to live in Arizona?” I say as my soaked hair sticks to my face.
“Freckles,” He stands and takes my hands with his. “It doesn’t matter if we live in the desert or the Antarctic. I will follow you to the moon. I will sit out here for the next ten years if I have too. I will do whatever you want until you realize that in this world you were made for me and I’m never letting you go.”
I lace my hands around his body and bring my face to his chest. I tremble from the cold but also from the fear that I’m throwing caution to the wind to be with him. “I was pregnant and I lost the baby.” I whimper and I feel his hands tighten around my body. “I found out the day you went crazy on Michael.”
Ethan pulls away and locks his surprised gaze on mine. “When?”
“That night,” I confess on a sob.
Ethan shakes his head and pulls me into his embrace again. This time we stay that way for a few minutes crying over the pain that will forever live inside of us. “I’m sorry, it’s all my fault.” He whispers and I can feel his body shaking.
This time I pull away and frame his face. “It’s not your fault.” I say and I can honestly believe it with everything inside of me. I know now that God had a different plan for Ethan and me; that I needed some time to forgive him, and forgive myself before we could move forward. “Sometimes shit happens. Sometimes the universe makes choices for us because it sees the potential we still have. I don’t blame you. I don’t hate you. Forgiving is what makes us grow. It’s what soothes our souls.”
“I’ve never deserved you.” He shakes his head.
“And no one has ever loved me like you.” I feel a smile grow on my face. “We may not be perfect and it will take some time for us to ever be the way we were, but I’m willing to try.”
“Leslie Sutton,” he says and frames my face with his hands. “I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. I promise to love you, and cherish you every single day for as long as you’ll let me.”
Gently, Ethan leans in and kisses me like he has done a million times before. It’s a kiss filled with love, hope and a chance of forever. Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom, shatter your dreams in order to create new ones.
When I first left to go to Arizona, never did I imagine my new dream would be to run a ballet studio or have a family. But now with Ethan in my arms, it’s the only dream I wish to have come true.
Epilogue
One year later.
My fingers quickly move against the keyboard as I type out emails to my friends. One to Lyra that’s filled with stories about her mother and me in college. The second to Chloe. And the last email is to Stephanie. Though I stayed in Prescott with Ethan, she ventured off with Bruce and they currently resided in Savannah.
Dear Steph,
So, I just left your mother’s office. My heart is pounding. I’m both fearful and excited to tell Ethan. I really should learn to take my pills at the same time every day so this doesn’t happen. Anyway, how’s Georgia? And Bruce? I can’t believe you guys spent a weekend in the Bahamas because you were bored. Must be nice! Your mother misses you, of course, and I miss you tremendously. I can’t wait to see you at Thanksgiving!
Love, Les.
“Babe?” Ethan’s voice bellows through the house.
“Babe?” Charlie repeats after Ethan.
Smiling, I close my laptop and head out to the living room. “Yes?” I say when my eyes land on Et
han.
“Gray or Taupe?” he asks before placing a small kiss on my lips. From the corner of my eyes I see Charlie scrunch his nose and I smile.
“For what?” I rest my hands on my hips. Over the last few months, Ethan and I decided it was time we got a place that wasn’t in the center of town. It wasn’t that I didn’t love his apartment. It made my commute to work a hop and a skip across the street. But living over a restaurant and bar meant that falling asleep at a decent hour was nearly impossible.
“Tiles in the master bathroom.” He opens up the cabinet and pulls out three plates.
“Neither. I would like to have an all-white bathroom.”
“Told ya,” Charlie says, and opens the white paper bag that is sitting in the center of the island. “Leslie said that two weeks ago.” I hadn’t noticed the food earlier but the second Charlie’s hands pull out the tray of food my stomach turns and I’m gagging.
My hands rush to my mouth as I sprint to the bathroom. Once I’ve emptied out my stomach and rinsed my mouth, I find a concerned Ethan waiting outside the bathroom door. “You okay?”
A grin grows on my face. “I wasn’t going to tell you till later.”
“Tell me what?”
“I’m pregnant.” I watch Ethan’s eyes widen.
“Does that mean you’re having a baby?” Charlie asks, and I nod.
Unable to pull my gaze away from Ethan, I watch his every move. We’ve talked about having kids. We both want them but we’ve talked marriage first, a home, and then kids. His Adam’s apple bobs and he shakes his head.
“No.”
My lips pursed in confusion. “What do you mean, no?”
“No, you can’t be pregnant.” He walks over to the console table and grabs his keys.
“Are you serious?”
He turns back and a grin grows on his face. “You can’t be pregnant unless you’re my wife.” He drops down on one knee and presents me with a ring.
Butterflies flap their ginormous wings in my belly. Ethan always seems to amaze me. “Leslie Sutton, my best friend, love of my life, mother of my child. Will you do the honor of being my wife?”
With a few short strides I’m standing before him. Tears fill his eyes and I nod. “A million times yes.”
Four years later.
Warm water trickles down my leg. The feeling is all too familiar. Standing in Logan’s bedroom, I wince from the pain that shoots around my large belly.
“Mommy, Mommy, are you okay?” He looks up at me with his daddy’s green eyes.
“Yup, honey, everything is fine. I’m going to need you to be a good boy, okay?” I tell him as pain shoots straight through me. “Can you grab, Mommy’s phone?” I ask and point to it on the other side of his carpet.
“Okay.” He nods and walks it over to me.
Breathing in slowly, I unlock my phone and call Ethan. “Hello?” I can hear screaming and crazy fans all around him. He’s taken Charlie to see the Arizona State Sun Devils play UCLA.
“Hi. I’m so sorry to bother you.” I wince from another contraction. “But it’s time.”
“Fuck!” he screams.
“Ooooh, Daddy said a bad word,” Logan says, pointing to the phone.
I quickly smile and take in a deep breath. “Language.”
“I told you I shouldn’t have come to this game.”
“It’s okay. I’ve done this before. I’ll call my mom.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Ethan says and I hang up the phone before he has a chance to argue about me forcing him to take Charlie to the game since I was thirty-nine weeks pregnant.
“Hi, Mom. My water just broke. Do you think maybe you can take me to the hospital, and Lindsey can stay with Logan?”
I feel another contraction coming and slowly let out a breath. Tiny hands find mine. As I open my eyes, I see perfect green eyes staring at me with concern.
“Yes, of course. I’ll be right over,”
I thank my lucky stars every day that Ethan took the time to teach her how to drive again.
Tossing my phone to the side, I grasp Logan’s hand. “You don’t need to be scared. Mommy is okay. It’s just your little sister throwing a fit.” I kiss his forehead and run my hands through his light ash brown hair.
“Was I throwing a fit when I was in your belly, Mommy?” he asks
“Oh, yes, except you decided to do this to Mommy at two in the morning.” I walk over to my bedroom and pull out my hospital bag along with Logan’s book bag. It was then reality set in—our little family was gaining one new member.
I make my way up the maternity wing. My mom is at my side as I’m greeted at the nurse’s station. They wheel me into my room. Aside from the contractions every once in a while, I feel fine. There is pressure but nothing too painful.
“Are we ready to do this again?” Mrs. Carey says as she walks into the room.
“It was a long summer. I’m so very ready.”
Mrs. Carey examines me. “You’re about five centimeters. This one might be faster than Logan,” she jokes. When I came into the hospital to give birth to Logan my labor from beginning to end lasted eight hours. Ethan and Charlie were two hours away.
“Can we slow it down? Ethan’s on his way. He took Charlie to an ASU game.”
“That depends on your body,” she says before checking my blood pressure. “I’ll make my rounds then I’ll come back to check on you.”
I nod, unable to speak as another contraction curls up my stomach.
At the six-hour mark, I was ten centimeters dilated and ready to push.
“Wait, I’m here!” Ethan runs into the room.
Finally,” I say as I gasp for air. “I’ve been holding this baby in just for you.”
Ethan places a sweet, wet kiss on my lips and grabs my hand. “I’m here now. How about we go and have us a little girl?”
It takes five pushes after her father arrives before Loren Joyce Prescott is born.
Like Logan, her name symbolizes the flower we’ve tattooed on our body along with a grandmother’s name. Mrs. Carey places her on my chest and Ethan cries as he kisses me. She’s perfect with ten little toes and ten little fingers, and a full head of chocolate brown hair.
“You did good, Freckles,” Ethan says as he brushes my hair back.
When we’re ready for visitors, Ethan steps out and brings Logan in to meet his baby sister. I hold her as Ethan sits on the bed with Logan in his arms. “Logan, this is Loren, your baby sister,” I say to him.
“Hello, Loren. I’m your big brother,” he say and gently touches her hand.
A tear drips from my eye and I’m filled with joy. This is the family I have always dreamed of having.
The End
Acknowledgments
My third grade teacher taught me to always K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Silly)
So here you go. To my team. Argie Sokol, Jennifer Roberts Hall, Brenda Letendre, Shawna Gavas. Thank you for making my words so beautiful.
To my beta readers, Jennifer G., Luna, Jess, could;t have done it without you.
To my test readers. Thank you for reading Broken Dreams, your feedback made this book great.
To my SFab, as always you ladies are wonderful.
To Give Me Books, I adore working with you.
To my family, I love you.
To my readers, I’m so happy each day I get to interact with you. I love you, always!
About the Author
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AuthorCallieAnderson
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ALL BY THE AUTHOR
TORRID AFFAIR
Callie Anderson
Part I
My life was a black hole.
Trapped in a loveless marriage, I was empty, numb. Oblivious to it all.
Until him.
He was the spark that brought me back from the abyss. He was my fire.
But our love was forbidden.
Between the lies, that fire began to take over my soul. That need to feel wanted had me escaping my life, running toward him no matter the consequences.
They say you shouldn’t play with fire.
But I needed to feel the burn.
CHAPTER one
Brielle
Present
I sit on my king-size bed and stare at the dull white wall. It’s the only surface in my bedroom I haven’t decided what to do with. When we moved into this apartment, Julian and I couldn't agree what to put there. At the time, I thought it was a perfect spot for a bassinet. Now I shake my head at the memory. Eight years have passed. Ten since he first knocked on my door.
I draw up my legs and rest my chin on my knee, the empty wine glass held up by my fingertips. My gaze is still glued to the two coats of eggshell paint that cover the drywall. My throat suddenly tightens and I blink as a lone tear falls down my cheek.
He’s late.
Again.
The sad part is that I don’t have to look at the clock. I know it's past midnight. I feel it deep in my gut. Something is off. Something's always wrong when he’s late.
My heart races as I contemplate all the places he could be at this very moment, but the fading purple bruises on my arms and the scar on my left cheek remind me why I no longer let my mind go there.
I learned not to ask questions.
I glance down at my large diamond engagement ring that sits next to my wedding band and I lower my chin to my chest, swallowing back a sob. How is this a better life?
He came back for me. He was here when I needed him most. And I made a vow. So I look at my blank wall. It's a reminder of what I am. Empty and alone. Perhaps that’s the reason I choose not to do anything to it. It’s depressing, like my life.
Misery loves company.
My stomach churns. I’m desperate to know the time, so I pull my gaze away from the wall and over to my clock.
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