Tommy reached over and laid his hand on hers. “What’s wrong then?”
The truth was usually the best route. “I’m nervous.”
“About?”
“We’re almost home, and that means the end of the date. Usually there’s a good-night kiss involved.”
His fingers stroked her knuckles. “I keep my promises. I told you I won’t kiss you until you tell me to.”
“Well, what if I’m telling you to?”
His fingers flinched on hers and the car swerved a little. He looked at her from the corner of his eye. “You should give a guy a warning when you’re going to do that. You’re serious?”
She gave one short nod so she wouldn’t chicken out.
Maybe it was her imagination, but it felt like he picked up speed down through the neighborhood. Or maybe that was just her heart.
He pulled up in front of his house and turned off the engine. “I’ll walk you up.”
She unbuckled and opened the door. He met her on her side of the car and took her hand as they crossed the street.
“I’m glad you came out with me tonight.”
“So am I.”
“No regrets?”
She shook her head. Her stomach tumbled with each step closer to her house. At the front door, she pulled out her keys and gripped them in her hand.
“No need to be nervous. We’ve done this before.” He stood close but released her hand. Then his fingers were in her hair, and his thumb tilted her chin up.
She stared into his blue eyes.
“Still good?”
She nodded and he lowered his mouth to hers. He started slow, just a brush of his lips. But then their lips interlocked and his tongue swiped her mouth. When she opened for him, he moved quickly. One of his hands still cradled her head, but the other landed on her hip and guided her toward his body. He pressed against her. She twined her arms around his neck.
All at once, her body was on fire. Her skin felt tight, and a lusty pull coiled low in her belly. Tommy’s hand moved from her hip to her bum and squeezed, and the other caressed her breast. As his thumb rubbed her hard nipple, his hips thrust forward. His hard length pressed her and she jolted.
Tommy trailed kisses away from her mouth, across her jaw, and down her neck. Her pulse spiked and her hips bumped him seeking some kind of relief.
Things suddenly felt out of control and she slapped a hand on his chest. Breathing heavily, she said, “I’m saving myself for marriage.”
Had she really said those stupid words aloud? Her heart thumped behind her breast, which suddenly missed Tommy’s touch.
He stepped back and stared at her with wide eyes. Eyes that, moments ago, had been filled with lust. For her. “Are you a virgin?”
Swallowing hard, she nodded. She’d never had a hard time admitting it before. It shouldn’t matter now. But it did.
“Whoa.” Tommy ran a hand through his hair. “But you said you wanted to . . .”
“Kiss. Yes. But this feels like it’s heading somewhere else. I’m not ready for that. I still have a boyfriend.”
A spark lit in Tommy’s eyes. “Yeah. A guy who told you to go out with me. One who probably knew we’d end up here.”
He looked angry and it saddened Deirdre. She hadn’t meant to lead him on. And now it looked like she would lose him, even as a friend. Tightening her grip on her house key, she straightened her shoulders. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to play a game with you. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
She turned toward the door.
He tugged her elbow to make her turn back. “It’s not you. I’m pissed that you brought your boyfriend into this and he obviously doesn’t care. No man in his right mind would tell you to go out with someone else.”
Deirdre was getting tired of everyone telling her that, but at the same time, she was beginning to question Rory’s motives herself.
Again, he rubbed a hand on his head. “As for everything else . . . it was just unexpected.”
She searched his eyes to try to understand where they were supposed to go from here. He looked as lost as she felt. She tentatively reached out and touched his chest, his soft T-shirt smooth under her palm, his warm skin radiating heat through the cotton. “I’m sorry I spoiled our evening.”
“Don’t.” He pressed his hand on top of hers. “You didn’t.”
She tried for an eye roll, going for sarcasm, but she was too hurt to pull it off. She didn’t even know why she was hurting. Kind of like she didn’t know why she’d blurted her sexual status. It was all too much.
Then Tommy leaned down and brushed a kiss to her temple. The action was so kind and gentle, she wanted to cry.
“Good night,” he whispered.
All she could do was nod. Then she unlocked the door and went inside.
* * *
Tommy watched the door close behind Deirdre before he turned and went across the street to go home. He walked through the house and was surprised to see Sean sitting in the kitchen, studying a book.
“Hey,” Sean said without looking up.
“Hey.” Tommy went to the fridge and pulled out two beers. He set one in front of Sean.
With the clink of the bottle on the table, Sean looked up. “What’s up?”
“So I took Deirdre on a date.” He paused to try to gather his thoughts.
“Didn’t go well?”
Tommy flopped into the chair across from his brother. “It was great. One of the best dates I’ve ever had.”
“And?”
“She’s a virgin.”
Sean twisted the cap off his beer and tossed it at the trash. He said nothing.
“I’ve never dated a virgin. Not since high school anyway. I don’t think I reacted well to the news.” He chugged some beer.
“What did you do?”
“Nothing, really. Kind of stared at her. It was a lot to take in. I knew going into this that I only had a few months because she’s going home to Ireland. Even accepted that she’s got a boyfriend. Not that that should count for shit because he told her to go out with me. But sex is off the table. What am I supposed to do?”
Sean gulped some beer. “Run.”
“That doesn’t help.”
“I get that you like this girl, but she doesn’t live here. She has a boyfriend, so she’s not taking you seriously. To top it off, she’s not even looking for vacation sex.” He drank some more. “The real question is, what’s her angle? What does she want?”
Everything Sean had said made sense. But he couldn’t reconcile the thought of Deirdre being conniving with what he knew—really knew—about her. It wasn’t like she’d pursued him. She’d just accepted his invitations.
But then, what did she want? What did she expect to happen between them?
What did he? He didn’t want to walk around with an unending case of blue balls because all he could do was kiss her like crazy and then walk away. Unless he didn’t. She’d said she was a virgin and saving herself for marriage. He didn’t even know anyone talked liked that anymore. But she hadn’t shied away from his touch.
He knew when a woman was turned on, and she definitely wanted him. Maybe she was open-minded on what constituted sex. There was a lot of space between a kiss good night and sticking his dick in her.
“What the hell are you thinking?” Sean asked.
“What?”
“You’re getting in too deep, man. Now’s the time to cut and run.”
“Like you’re one to talk. Emma’s got you so pussy-whipped, I’m surprised she lets you out of her sight.” He knew the words didn’t hold much weight, but he felt the need to slap back at his brother. In fact, he could even admit he was a little jealous of what Sean had found with Emma.
“First, not pussy-whipped. Second, we live in the same city. We have a relationship. No other boyfriend involved. And the sex is fucking phenomenal. Cupcake is going back to Ireland.” Sean tipped back his beer and drank.
“Don’t you think it’s a douche m
ove to avoid her now? I went after her and convinced her to go out with me.” And he didn’t want to cut and run. He liked Deirdre, but Sean made valid points.
“So fucking date her then. I don’t know what you want from me.”
What did he want? Someone to tell him to go out with Deirdre even though it made no sense and it couldn’t go anywhere?
Sean set his bottle down. “You like her. We can all see that. But you don’t know how to be around a girl you really like without falling for her. You can’t be her friend.”
Tommy stared at him. It was eerie how his brother could see right into his brain sometimes. “Could you?”
“Be friends with a girl? Sure.”
“One you really liked. Could you be just friends with Emma?”
Sean slouched back in his chair and kicked his legs out in front of him. “To be honest, there is no just being friends with a girl. Especially if you like her. In the back of your mind, you’re always going to be thinking about the possibility of fucking her. You might not act on it, but you’d be lying to yourself to think it’s not there.” He picked up his beer again. Before taking a drink, he said, “But to answer your question, if all I could have was friendship, I don’t know. I love her. It would kill me to be her friend and know she was out fucking some other guy.”
Tommy sighed. It was too much to think about. Why did everything have to be so complicated? He polished off his beer and tossed the bottle. “See you later.”
He went downstairs to his bedroom. He sat on his bed, and as he plugged his phone into his charger, he thought of Deirdre again. No matter where they went from here, he didn’t like the way he’d left things with her. He felt shitty about it. So he texted, Still awake?
He stripped off his clothes and crawled under the covers. When his phone vibrated on the table, he picked it up.
Yes.
Instead of responding with another text, he called. The phone rang and rang, and he began to think she didn’t want to talk to him. But then she could’ve ignored his text.
“Hello.”
“Hey.” Suddenly words left him.
“Did you have a reason for calling? Or did you just want to hear me breathe?”
He smiled. As quiet as she always seemed, Deirdre had a spark. “I’m sorry.”
He was met with silence.
“What you said took me off guard. I don’t know anyone who’s still a virgin in their midtwenties.”
“So in your bafflement, you ran away.”
“Yeah. And that’s why I’m calling. Can we try that again?”
“Try what?”
“Going out. Making out.”
“I don’t know.”
“What’s there to know? We like hanging out with each other. We like kissing each other. A lot.”
She was so quiet, he could almost hear her brain running through excuses, but what she said shocked him.
“Being with you is difficult because you make me want more.”
Tommy stopped short of a fist pump, but his chest did puff. Good to know he could still have that effect on a girl. He smiled. “I’d like to point out that I kept my promise and I didn’t kiss you until you told me to. As long as you don’t tell me you want more, I’ll keep my hands to myself.”
She groaned. “That’s what makes it hard. I don’t want you to.”
“So then do what you want.”
“What I want will make me feel like I’m betraying my relationship with Rory and everything it’s been.”
Tommy’s heart sank. In his gut, he knew things weren’t right with this other guy. She didn’t act like someone in love. And he should know; he was surrounded by it everywhere. “So it was his idea to save yourself?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure anymore. It just is.”
“Well, you know where to find me if you want to hang out.” He’d give her space to figure out what she wanted. She needed to make the next move. She’d proven she would once she knew what she wanted.
* * *
When her alarm went off at three thirty in the morning, Deirdre dragged herself out of bed. She’d tried to go to sleep early enough, but everything with Tommy kept her tossing and turning again. Since when did a guy have the ability to ruin her sleep? When she finally conked out, her head was filled with dreams of Tommy and kissing him and allowing him to do everything she’d always thought about but never done.
Now she was just irritable. So she called Rory, but he didn’t answer, which made her even crankier. She wanted to talk to him because she’d thought he could help ground her again. Remind her of the life she would have again. Calm and stable.
She bundled up and walked to the corner to catch a bus to the bakery. Most people disliked such early mornings, but Deirdre enjoyed them. Few people were out, and the buses were rarely crowded.
But the best part was being in the bakery before customers. The smell of fresh bread warmed her more than the cup of tea she held. The bus pulled up and the driver nodded at her as she got on. She smiled and took a seat by a window. The city rumbled by in the dark.
She hadn’t thought to check the schedule before leaving yesterday so she didn’t know who was working this morning. She hoped it was Brian. He was friendly and talked to her about what he was doing and why. Al was the other baker, and he always seemed bothered by her presence. Lord forbid she should ask questions of him.
If Linda was on, she wouldn’t be in until later, but Linda was an excellent teacher as well. She was the cake decorator and sometimes she would let Deirdre practice. The bus neared her stop and she stood, noticing the lights on in the back of the bakery as they passed. The bus jerked to a stop at the corner, and Deirdre nodded at the driver again. Finishing the last of her tea, she walked down the block and around the corner to go in through the back door of the bakery. Both Brian and Al had keys so she didn’t have the responsibility of opening up.
As soon as she opened the back door, warmth from the ovens blasted her. She hung up her coat and tied on an apron before looking around to see who was there. She turned the corner to find Brian standing over the mixer.
“Hey, Deirdre. How was your weekend?”
“Fine.” She didn’t know how else to categorize a weekend filled with so much.
“Looking tired.” He wagged his eyebrows at her teasingly. “For a good reason?”
“It’s a good thing you’re old enough to be my father. Other girls might take offense to such personal questions.” She peered into the mixer and then studied the ingredients on the counter.
“Harsh. I am not that old. Uncle, maybe. Big brother, definitely. Not father.”
She smiled and pointed at the bowl. “What’s this?”
“Cookie dough.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t look so disappointed.” He turned and scooped sugar from a huge bag and dumped it in the bowl.
“It’s just that cookies are so plain. They require no imagination.”
Brian shrugged. “People like ’em.”
“I’m going to get set up.” She went to the rack where the fresh coffee cakes sat, waiting to be put in the display case. This was yet another reason why she liked to be the first clerk in the shop. She was able to organize the baked goods the way she liked.
She routinely tried various presentations, trying to figure out what would best draw the customers’ eyes. As she worked, carrying trays of cakes and cookies and then bread and rolls, the sky lightened and more people began hustling outside.
She unlocked the door when she saw Mrs. Peters coming. The elderly woman stopped by each morning on her daily walk. She had been the inspiration behind Deirdre convincing David to get a coffeemaker and sell coffee. “Good morning, Mrs. Peters.”
While Deirdre didn’t love working with customers and she longed to be in the back with Brian or Linda just creating, she had a soft spot for her regulars. She moved back around the counter and waited for Mrs. Peters.
“Good morning, dear. Smells like spring in the air.”<
br />
“I wouldn’t know. When I get here in the morning, all I smell is bus exhaust and baking bread.”
“Psh. You’re young. You need to get out and enjoy the sun.”
Deirdre glanced out the window. The sun was peeking through the clouds, but the forecast had called for rain.
“Well, maybe not today. What specials do you have for me?”
Deirdre poured a cup of coffee and added a generous amount of cream before handing it to the woman.
“The Swedish flop is fresh. I’ve tried convincing Brian to add strawberry or apricot preserves, but he won’t listen. The cream, however, is heavenly.” As she spoke, she slid the door open on the case and pulled the flop out. She lifted it carefully for Mrs. Peters to see.
“That does look delicious. Can I buy half?”
“Anything for you.” Deirdre turned and set the cake on the counter to slice it.
“Can you give me one of those cream puffs for now, dear? I’ll take the flop to go, so wrap it up nicely.”
Mrs. Peters took a seat at the small table with her coffee. Deirdre delivered the cream puff on a paper plate. Mrs. Peters tried offering her a dollar tip, and when Deirdre refused, she reached over and tucked it in Deirdre’s apron.
Deirdre smiled and returned to wrap the Swedish flop. She realized that her smile and affection for Mrs. Peters were genuine, so unlike the forced smiles she offered nearly everyone at the pub. She’d always thought she wasn’t meant for customer service. Now, she questioned that.
Her time in Chicago was forcing her to question many things in her life.
* * *
For days, Deirdre played tag with Rory again. It seemed almost like he was avoiding her. While she couldn’t say the same of Tommy, he was absent as well. He’d said he would give her space, and she needed it. In that space, she wanted to talk with Rory so she could figure out what was going on and where her head was.
But all she’d gotten were a few texts telling her to have fun and not worry about him or home. Now, she was back to being irritated by the entire situation. She came home from the bakery and called Tommy before she realized it was midday and he would probably be at work. She was about to disconnect when he answered.
Through Your Eyes Page 8