Deirdre smiled and wiped her hands. “I have to go set up. Thank you for the chance to work and learn.”
Linda’s head tilted. “You look less uptight than usual. Whatever you’re doing, keep it up.”
Deirdre swallowed a giggle. Keep getting orgasms. That would surely be wonderful. She grabbed the rack of coffee cakes and moved to the front of the store to organize. While she set cakes in the window, she thought of Linda’s words. Follow your gut.
Deirdre rarely did that. She was so used to being told what to do that she didn’t have to consider her own instincts. But, here in Chicago, she was discovering herself. Everything from developing her own recipes to initiating contact with Tommy and following him home were things she’d never have done in Ireland.
A knock on the door startled her and she realized she was late in unlocking the store. She waved and rushed to open the door. Mrs. Peters was front and center.
“It’s not like you to be daydreaming behind the counter, Deirdre.”
“Just lost in thought is all.” Behind the counter, she shoved the half-full rack of cakes to the side. “What can I get for you?”
“I’m not sure, but I think I’m in the mood for chocolate today.” The elderly woman looked through the glass, but waited for Deirdre’s suggestion.
Leaning against the counter, Deirdre said in a low voice, “We have a new pastry that we’re testing out. It’s cream-filled, but instead of the usual Bavarian cream, it’s wonderful chocolate.”
The woman’s eyes lit. “I’ll try that.”
Deirdre placed one on a plate and poured a cup of coffee to take to the table where Mrs. Peters was already sitting.
Her instincts served her well in taking care of her customers at the bakery, but she hadn’t felt that way at the pub. She’d always done her job, but she never had the satisfaction of giving someone something that would give them a moment of happiness.
Or maybe it was that she was always dodging offers of dates and drinks and time alone. Every man thought he was charming and funny with a few pints in him.
She went back to work, vowing to spend more time listening to her gut instead of what people said.
* * *
Days passed, and although she hadn’t seen Tommy, they spoke for long hours on the phone when she should’ve been sleeping and he sent random sexy texts throughout the day. She was having more fun than ever, but the nagging need to talk to Rory hadn’t gone away and he still hadn’t returned her call.
After dinner with Aunt Eileen, she stood at the kitchen sink washing dishes. Rory always called her back and she was beginning to worry. She checked the time and knew that he’d still be at work at the pub, but maybe he’d answer. After drying her hands, she picked up her phone and it rang with a text.
Rory. Finally. He wanted to Skype. She dropped the towel on the counter and ran upstairs to her computer. She texted Rory back. I’m ready.
A moment later, she was staring at his face on her laptop.
“Deirdre, love, how are you?”
“Me? Where have you been? You’ve not called back and I feel like you’re avoiding me.”
“Always to the heart of things. I have been avoiding you.” He looked down and rubbed a hand across his jaw before meeting her eyes again. “I’ve been thinking a lot. Things to sort in my own head. Having you away helps.”
That stung more than she wanted it to. She and Rory talked about everything together. Or so she’d thought.
“I’m setting you free, Deirdre. That’s the real reason I bought you the ticket. You don’t belong with me.”
Tears welled in her eyes and she blinked rapidly. “You’re so much a coward that you had to send me thousands of miles away to break up with me?”
“Yes. Because here, you do what your family expects and they expect you to be with me. And you want more. I thought I could do it. Thought we could do it. But I can’t lie about who I am anymore.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m going to tell them all. Your family and mine. I’ve met someone.”
Now it all made sense. Everything Maggie had warned her of. He’d wanted her gone so he could be with someone else.
“His name is Michael and I’ve never felt so completely whole.”
What? She shook her head. “Did you say his name is Michael?”
“Yes.” He stared at her for what seemed like forever.
She couldn’t even process that. Her boyfriend was leaving her for a man?
“Love, you know this about me. This shouldn’t be a shock.” He continued to stare.
“But why? All these years . . .” The tears fell in earnest now and she covered her mouth.
“Please don’t cry. I never wanted to hurt you. We fit together so well and you were settling for me. I know you can see that. Being with me allowed you to hide from the world. That’s why I wanted you to go back to Chicago. You’re a different person there. A better person without your family telling you how to think and feel.” His eyes became teary.
She thought back to the conversations they’d had since Christmas. Rory had been pushing her to do more for herself, things she wanted. When he told her to go out with Tommy it was because he knew he was already looking for someone else. Someone, not another woman. He’d been cautious with his words.
“I’ve been afraid my whole life, Deirdre. We’re alike in that way. Never wanting to disappoint those we love. But it’s time to be true to yourself.”
Her anger rose quickly now. “Be true to myself? You’ve been lying to me our whole lives. I thought we were best friends. Never once did you mention you were gay. Not an important enough detail?”
“Love—”
She pointed a finger at him. “Do not call me that.”
“I know we never discussed it, but I thought you knew. Thought you were okay with it. I never suspected you had no idea. Especially with our lack of chemistry.”
It was easier for her to think through the fire of anger than the burn of hurt. She knew what he’d said was true. Comparing her chemistry with Tommy to what she’d had with Rory was ridiculous. It all made so much sense now.
“I have to go, Rory.”
“Wait.”
She paused with her hand on the top of the computer, ready to close it.
“I’ve come to you first, and I know it’s unfair of me to ask more of you, but please don’t say anything to your family or mine until I’ve broken the news. I’ll take the full blame for this and I feel as though my life is about to implode, so if you could do me this last kindness.”
Seeing the fear and uncertainty in his eyes, she held up a hand. “Rory, this was a crap way to break up with me, but I’ll always love you. I’ve barely spoken to my family since I’ve been here, so take your time.”
He nodded and then the screen went black. She closed the computer and sat in stunned silence. She’d been feeling so guilty for being with Tommy. For wanting Tommy, and this whole time Rory had been falling in love with a man.
This was too much to handle right now. She needed to get out, so she called Maggie. Doing her best to steady her voice, she said, “Rory broke up with me and I really need to drink, but it’s not something I do alone.”
“Oh my God. He was cheating, right? I was right. Douche. I have plans for a girls’ night, so you’re just coming with us. I’m going out with Shane’s sisters. You’ll like them. Dress sexy. We’re going to have fun tonight. I’ll be there in an hour to get you.”
Deirdre opened her mouth to say something, probably to decline the invitation to intrude on Maggie’s plans, but Maggie had already hung up. Then she realized it was a good thing. She needed to go out, talk with people who might understand what she was feeling. People who would let her cry and not make her feel a fool.
She stood and scoured her dresser for something sexy. She didn’t own anything sexy. She texted Maggie and asked her to bring a top. She had one skirt that, while decent, at least showed off her legs. She sent a
picture of it to Maggie so she could find something to match. Then she washed her face and applied her rarely used makeup.
When Maggie arrived carrying a blouse that was sheer and soft and had an open back, Deirdre once again had doubts.
Maggie thrust it at her. “Put it on. Then tell me what happened.”
Standing there in her bra, she took the blouse, then realized she couldn’t wear her bra with it. She undid the clasp and tossed the bra on the chair and shimmied into the blouse.
“Wow. I think men will be lining up to check you out tonight.”
“The last thing I want to think about is men.”
“Tell me.”
Deirdre looked past Maggie to the open door. She walked over and closed it and then sat on the bed. “Just between you and me.”
“Of course.”
“Seriously. You can’t tell a soul. Not Moira, not Shane, not your girlfriends. And definitely not your mother.”
“I can keep a secret.”
“Rory called to set me free.” The words were hard to say even though she tried to be snarky. “He found someone else.”
Maggie pounded a fist into the mattress. “I knew it.”
“His name is Michael.”
Maggie’s eyes popped wide. “What?”
“See? And he thought I was the only clueless one. Yes, my boyfriend is gay. And he neglected to tell me. He thought I knew and we were on the same page.”
Maggie sat with her jaw hanging open.
“Now you know why I need a drink.”
Maggie closed her mouth and then reopened it. “You must’ve suspected.”
Deirdre looked at the ceiling to gather her thoughts. Ever since disconnecting from Rory, she’d been ’round and ’round trying to figure it out. “I don’t know. I mean, he’s Rory and I’ve always loved him. I can’t say I’ve ever thought, ‘Hmmm . . . I think he’s gay.’ But at the same time, as he pointed out today, we lack chemistry. I don’t know. It’s just too much on my brain right now and I want to forget for a while.”
Maggie slapped her thighs. “Well then, let’s get you drunk.”
Deirdre stood and looked at herself in the mirror one more time. She had a lot to think about and sort through, but it had to wait. Tonight she just wanted to laugh and drink and have a good time because she knew that as difficult as Rory’s revelation had been to hear, the fallout for both of them would be devastating.
* * *
Maggie drove them to a nightclub. Really, you’d think that her cousins, whose family owned a pub, would find other things to do than drink. But for tonight, she was glad Maggie already had plans with girlfriends. As nice as Shane, Maggie’s boyfriend, was, she didn’t want to look at any men tonight.
Maggie led her straight to a table where two other women waited and pulled out a chair. “Hey, guys. Sorry I’m late. I brought my cousin Deirdre. Hope you don’t mind. She’s had a really shitty day and can use some girl time.”
The one with dark hair and red-slicked lips smiled. “The more, the merrier.” She reached out a hand. “I’m Cara, and this is my big sister, Alyson.”
Alyson was busy tugging her light brown hair free from a bun at the back of her head. “Hi,” she said with a smile.
Deirdre took a seat between Maggie and Alyson. “Thank you.”
“Oh. You have an accent.”
“I’m from Ireland.”
“Well, damn, Maggie,” Alyson said. “If you’re going to bring a friend, she shouldn’t knock the rest of us out of the running with guys.”
“What?” Deirdre asked.
“Come on.” Alyson swirled a finger in her direction. “Between the big blue eyes and the Irish accent, you can get any guy you want. But then you added in the sexy top. We don’t stand a chance.”
Deirdre smiled. “Trust me. You have all the chances. The last thing I want is the attention of men. My boyfriend of five years broke up with me today.”
“Oh, honey.” Alyson’s face crumpled with sympathy.
“Over Skype. From thousands of miles away,” Maggie added.
Cara raised her arms and yelled. “Woo-hoo! Men suck drunk! Haven’t had one of those in a while.”
Deirdre’s gaze shot between the sisters. “I’m sorry. I don’t follow.”
Cara explained, “When you get dumped, you spend the night drinking everything in sight and saying, ‘Men suck’ until you’re drunk. It’s a Callahan sisters tradition.”
Deirdre pointed at her. “That sounds like an excellent plan.”
“First round’s on me,” Alyson said and jumped from her seat to grab the attention of a waitress.
Moments later, something pink and frilly was placed in front of her. “Should I ask what this is?”
“Nope,” Cara answered. “For tonight, you just drink whatever we put in front of you. Forget everything else.”
Forgetting sounded good. She still couldn’t quite wrap her head around everything that Rory had said. He was in love with a man. Had he ever loved her?
“Oh, no. Not already.” Alyson leaned across and pushed her drink closer. “You have the sad puppy look. That’s not forgetting. Drink up.”
Deirdre took a sip of the drink. It was too sweet for her liking, but she drank anyway because she really wanted to forget.
Cara touched her arm. “So why are you here in Chicago? Just visiting?”
“Yes and no. I’m visiting, but while I’m here, I’m working at a bakery.”
Cara narrowed her eyes. “I believe we have a criminal in our midst, ladies. You’re not supposed to work on a visa.”
Deirdre swallowed another sip of alcohol. “Actually, coming from Ireland doesn’t require a visa at all.”
Of course, she still wasn’t supposed to be working. It had just never stopped her.
Alyson gave her sister a shove. “Don’t listen to her. She’s studying to be a lawyer. She isn’t planning on reporting you to anyone.”
Deirdre eased her muscles. She hadn’t thought about getting reported for work. If something like that happened, she’d probably be sent home, which was the last place she wanted to be right now. “As much as I love to visit my family, I can’t sit around and do nothing. I’m supposed to be working at the pub.”
“You are?” Maggie asked.
Deirdre shrugged. She might as well come clean. “When Rory bought me the ticket, my family assumed I’d come for a week and then be back home. When I explained I planned to stay for a while, they began talking about how much I’m needed at our pub. Rory stood up for me. Now it seems I know why. Anyway, it was his idea to suggest that I could learn from my very successful American cousins about better ways to increase profits.”
“You little sneak. You haven’t worked at the bar at all.”
Deirdre raised her glass. “Not true. I worked St. Paddy’s Day.” She sipped. “And hated every blessed minute of it.”
Cara burst out laughing and Alyson shook her head. “Well played.”
“What do you do?” Deirdre asked Alyson.
“Computer software.”
Cara held up a hand. “Please don’t ask her more. She’ll launch into complex code talk and put us all to sleep.”
“Whatever,” Alyson said with an eye roll.
Deirdre finished her drink, and the women decided that it was time for a dance. They all went to the dance floor, and Deirdre was immediately reminded of dancing with Tommy. As they moved to the beat, a few men wandered over and surrounded their little group, obviously looking for some hint they were welcome.
Her newfound friends closed in on her while shooing the men away with a flick of their eyes. She wished she had the ability and power to do that. She was more of a mumbled “No thank you” girl, and hoped to escape without any further pressure. And if that failed, she’d dance with some guy she had zero interest in before looking for another way to escape.
When they were done with the dance, and ready for another drink, they migrated back to their table. Cara ordered, an
d when they sat, Deirdre asked, “Where did you learn to do that?”
“Do what?”
Deirdre looked at Maggie. “Give a man a look that makes him scurry off.”
Alyson said, “What do you mean?”
Was it possible they were unaware of what they did? Cara leaned closer. “She’s playing with you. It’s about control. Every guy likes to be in charge. They think they get to choose when to pursue. It’s our job to make sure they realize we’re in control of ourselves.” She tilted her head. “You’re out of practice. It’ll come back.”
Deirdre shook her head. “No. I never had that power. To shoot a man a look and have him know whether to advance or retreat was never a skill I developed.”
Maggie slid another drink in front of her. This one a light brown color. “Are you sure about that? Tommy was chasing after you months ago, and now that you’re back, it doesn’t look like he’s let up.”
“I know. But that was him pursuing me. I never told him to.” As the words tripped off her tongue, she realized they were wrong. He might have initiated the first contact, but she’d made every move since.
“Ha! See? You do know.”
Deirdre licked the whiskey from her lips. “I know how to be blunt. Not hint. I told Tommy I like kissing him, so he did. I couldn’t give him a look and have him know. I can’t do that.”
“Who’s Tommy? I thought your boyfriend’s name was Rory,” Alyson asked.
“Tommy O’Malley. He lives across the street from my mom. He’s Moira’s fiancé’s brother.”
“Oooo . . . you dirty girl. We thought you were all sad about Rory, and here you already have someone else.”
Deirdre held up a hand. “It’s not like that. I told Rory about Tommy asking me out. He told me to go out and have fun. There were no lies between us.” At least not on her end. The thought of the guilt that had stomped on her after messing around with Tommy brought a new surge of anger.
She gulped her fresh drink. No Rory. Not tonight. Tomorrow, she’d think about it and process it and figure out what to do next.
Through Your Eyes Page 11