She spread her arms. “And meeting them, what I saw was that they wanted the life they believed I had. I’m not saying that young girls should stop dreaming about falling in love and wanting the fairy-tale ending it brings, because that’s what being young is about. But to see love as rescuing them from life’s trials isn’t realistic, not when real love is about endurance and trust and working together to make that love the best it can be.”
Lacey rubbed her forehead pensively, wondering if she should go on, but needing to, more for herself than anything else. Because she’d seen Jenna Barlow’s face this afternoon as she’d gazed up at the two of them, arms wrapped around each other’s waists in a pose of seeming devotedness. In Jenna’s eyes, Lacey had seen confusion—and disappointment.
She’d been feeling disappointed in herself ever since—for letting herself fall into being rescued again.
“What’s really bothering me is that getting this center here up and running isn’t going to be enough. I want so much to show these girls that before they go looking for love, they need to learn how special they are. Because it’s only after they’ve realized they deserve the respect and best effort of everyone around them, and that they shouldn’t accept one bit less, that they’ll find the real love waiting for them, the h-happily-ever-after kind, where they can just b-be accepted for being themselves—”
To her confusion, her voice broke on her last words, and for a moment Lacey struggled to compose herself, wondering madly what was wrong with her this evening, and if she had again made the mistake of revealing too much. Trusting too much.
She dared a look over at Will. His face was partly in shadow, setting his features into relief and more than ever making them appear carved in stone, and she realized suddenly she’d been going on as if lecturing him, for he had gone very, very still.
“So it’s as simple as that?” he said in a strange voice. “That what girls—and women, for that matter—really need is as simple as acceptin’ them and respectin’ their feelings and choices, and having the people in their lives give their best effort to them?”
“I can’t speak for everyone, of course,” Lacey said slowly, “but I think...yes. I know that’s what I need.”
He actually looked as if he struggled to control himself. Was it to keep from coming out with one of his terse comments meant to jerk her back to reality? Somehow she didn’t think she could take that right now, and she set her jaw against the inevitable impact, against the fear...before saying, “Well that, I definitely can do.”
And he reached across to take her hand to draw her onto his lap and into his warm, strong arms.
The closeness was exhilarating and death-defyingly frightening at once, like balancing on a high wire. But she couldn’t let go and free-fall. Not yet.
Maybe not ever.
For when he lifted her chin with one finger and bent his face close to hers, Lacey’s head snapped back reflexively, as if from a slap in the face.
Will dropped his hand and sat back slowly. Too slowly, as if he’d taken a blow himself. Well, her reaction had been extreme, considering that just a few hours ago they hadn’t been able to let go of each other!
“Is there a problem?” he asked.
“Y-you don’t have to k-kiss me,” she stammered. She flashed a glance at his face, then quickly away again. How was it he could get her as agitated as a hen with a coyote in the coop in a matter of seconds! “I mean, there’s no one looking.”
“That’s why I thought this’d be a prime time to give it a try,” Will drawled. “Just the two of us, you know what I mean?”
His voice was pitched right between sexy growl and persuasive whisper. Lacey swayed toward him perilously before she caught herself at the last second. She set her palms on his chest. “And what I mean is we don’t have to pretend right now. You know, that we...that it’s more than...”
“More than a mighty case of the hots for each other?” he asked, blunt as always.
“Well, yes!” She blushed furiously. “Really, Will, just because we have this attraction, there’s no reason to let ourselves call these emotions...more than they are.”
She looked at him pleadingly, wanting him to understand this about her above all. “I—I can’t do that, Will. Not again.”
But it seemed on this subject he wasn’t as sympathetic. In fact, his face turned to stone. “Of course. Better not to confuse this feeling for something more.”
He released her, and she stood so quickly she almost lost her balance.
“If you don’t mind my givin’ you a little unsolicited advice—” he said.
“I have a feeling you’ll give it even if I do mind,” she interrupted, feeling more vulnerable than she had since that day beside the barn, and just as scared out of her wits.
He evinced no reaction but went on quietly and with conviction, “I can’t deal you the aces, Lacey, until you let go of that hand you’re holdin’ on to. No one can.”
Lacey stared at him. Was he right? Were her own fears stopping her and not the damage wrought by her marriage?
In her confusion, she lashed out.
“That’s easy for you to say,” Lacey retorted. “I bet you’ve never been at the mercy of another’s power over you, even after they’re no longer a part of your life! Or had the choices in your life taken away from you! I mean, look at what happened today! Suddenly I’m in this make-believe engagement to a man I’m not in love with, and he’s telling me how to live my life!”
Will rose slowly, the stare of those wolflike eyes was as frightening as ever. “Pardon me, but you made the choice today to pretend we were engaged, and if you’re not happy with that decision, you’ve got no one to blame but yourself.”
Though her arms remained crossed defiantly, she was forced to consider his words. Yes, she had no one to blame but herself for being in this predicament. At the time, she’d believed she had been listening to her instincts, but who knew what had influenced her? Here she’d been so wary of not trusting Will, and now it seemed the real culprit was herself.
It struck at the heart of her, making her disoriented within her own head. She’d had a measure of faith in her instincts, but now she wasn’t so sure what she was listening to.
Or perhaps she was listening, and what her intuition was telling her was to protect herself from this man.
When after a long moment she’d said nothing, Will muttered an oath and picked his hat up from the patio table, fitting it on his head with a rocking adjustment. “I get the picture, Cinderella. You can rest assured this Prince Charming’ll know his part from now on.”
Immobilized by her fear, she watched him go, wondering why this time following her instincts made her feel so desperately unhappy.
* * *
LACEY HAD TO DRAG HERSELF out of bed the next morning, which was definitely not like her. She’d tossed and turned half the night, and spent the other half in dreams about Nicolai, her parents, Jenna Barlow—and Will. In all her reveries, she’d been caught between trying to please everyone and trying to do what she needed to do to follow her heart. It had become a mantra she’d repeated over and over.
Still feeling cotton-headed and worn-out, she descended the stairs to the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee, hoping the jolt would revive her. Idly, she paged through the newspaper on the table and winced at the item headed “It’s Out for the Count; Cinderella Opts for Lone Star Prince Charming.”
Reading the article and seeing her name linked with Will’s in print gave her a jolt like nothing caffeine could achieve. How could she have agreed to such a plan? she wondered for the hundredth time. Because the way it looked in hindsight was that she’d not solved her problems but rather compounded them, in spades.
To have her instincts so fail her terrified her.
“There you are!” her mother said brightly, com
ing into the room carrying a bouquet of fresh-cut roses from her garden. “I was out front talkin’ to Ida Thornton, and she said to give you her best wishes on your engagement to Will.”
“That was nice,” Lacey said in monotone as Rachel, humming, filled a vase and began arranging the roses in it.
At least someone’s happy this morning, Lacey thought with yet another twinge at her subterfuge. She hated misleading her parents most of all.
“Ida wanted to know if you and Will had set a date yet,” she continued, bringing the vase to the table and setting it in the center.
Lacey pressed her fingers to her eyes. “No, we haven’t set a date, Mother.”
“Well, Ida was askin’, I know, because the church gets booked up earlier and earlier these days.”
She couldn’t take it anymore. Lacey set her forearms on the table, palms pressed flat. “Mother, I need to tell you something.”
Rachel glanced up from her fussing with the flowers. “Yes?”
Her mother’s face had lost that pinched look she’d worn since Lacey returned to Abysmal, she noticed, surprised. Rachel looked cheerful and happy—and young—for the first time in ages.
“Oh, nothing, I guess.” Lacey dropped her gaze. She couldn’t tell her mother the engagement was a sham, not yet. Somehow, some way, she would think of how to tell her in a way Rachel would understand—and would make Lacey feel she hadn’t sold her soul to the devil.
As to whether it was to the devil she knew or the one she didn’t, she’d yet to figure out.
Then she spotted the yellow invoice lying on the table.
“Oh, did the computers finally come this morning?” Lacey asked, her own enthusiasm jump-starting at last. Except—
“Why is ‘Refused’ written at the bottom?” Lacey said. Her mother’s signature was below it.
“It just seemed to me you wouldn’t be needing that equipment right now, so I told the delivery man to take them back.”
Lacey gaped. “You didn’t! Mother, we need those computers as soon as possible. It’s going to take weeks to get them set up with the right software, and we’re already a week behind schedule!”
“Oh,” her mother said in a puzzled voice. “But I was thinking now you’d finally be able to stop workin’ so hard on this resource center.”
Lacey couldn’t believe her ears. “Of course, I’m going to continue working on getting the center up and running! Why on earth wouldn’t I?”
Rachel met her eyes defiantly. “Well, for one you’ve been wearin’ yourself to a frazzle over it! It’s got you worried sick, and don’t tell me it hasn’t! And all I’ve been thinking about is that thankfully now you can relax, now that you’re gettin’ married.”
Sinking back in her chair in bafflement, Lacey stared at her mother. For a moment she was at a complete loss. Then she became indignant, even as she realized she had no one to blame for this turn of events but herself. “Believe it or not, Mother, I’m not doing this just to keep myself occupied until some big strong man comes along to take care of me!”
“Don’t you take that tone with me, Lacey Jane! I’m only trying to help!”
Lacey crushed the invoice in her fist. “What I’m saying is, even if I did marry Will Proffitt, I’d still be committed to this center.”
Her mother looked at her sharply. “What do you mean if?”
Beyond overwhelmed, Lacey silently cursed her slip of the tongue. Obviously, her mother was no longer happy—and it was all her fault. Again.
“I...meant...when I marry him,” she whispered the lie, despising herself for doing so. How had things gotten so out of hand, and so fast? Had she actually believed she could play Nicolai’s game and come out ahead?
That old bromide about weaving webs to deceive flitted briefly through her head before the doorbell rang, and rang again.
Why did she have the feeling that the news behind it wasn’t good?
With a weariness that had nothing to do with lack of sleep, Lacey rose and went to answer the front door. Will stood on the stoop, looking grim as she’d ever seen him.
“I came to tell you as soon as I heard,” he said.
Her first thought was that Nicolai had counterattacked. But no—
“Jenna Barlow’s run away. Her cousin in Houston is getting married, and Jenna’s gone to be her maid of honor. She left a note.”
“And?” Lacey asked, expecting the worst. It came.
“She said she was going after her own fairy tale,” Will answered. “Just like you.”
CHAPTER TEN
LACEY SPENT THE BETTER PART of the day in a whirlwind of talking to Jenna’s father, the sheriff, and a few of Jenna’s friends.
The story they pieced together was no fairy tale.
Jenna’s cousin Carla had apparently been calling her, trying to entice her into coming down to Houston. As Jenna’s friends told it, she’d refused, going on about how she had been helping the ex-countess Laslo get a girls’ resource center up and running, and how she was going to learn about all sorts of things. Once she did, not just Houston but the world would be her oyster.
Carla had countered with how she was doing just fine without “broadening her horizons”—how else could she afford a new car? In fire-engine red, no less.
Still, Lacey learned, Jenna had stood firm—until Carla had dropped a bombshell: her boyfriend had given her a diamond engagement ring for her birthday. Yes, she—Carla Hayes—was getting married! It’s what she and Jenna had dreamed of since they were little girls.
As fate would have it, Carla had told Jenna her news in a telephone conversation which had taken place the evening before the little drama with Nicolai had ensued. According to Jenna’s friends, although she had kept the matter from Lacey up until then, wanting to handle it herself, this development had made her question why she was waiting to go seek her own happiness. Still, she had wanted to talk the matter over with Lacey. Unfortunately, Jenna had had no opportunity, since the very next morning Lacey and Will had announced their own engagement.
That evening, Jenna was gone.
The news devastated Lacey.
“She left because of me, Will,” she said, her arms wrapped around herself as he ushered her into Lee’s office at the tack and feed, the closest place around for her to find some privacy in which to come to grips with this calamity.
Even though the early evening sun filtering through the blinds warmed the room, she shook as if from a deep cold. All she could do was stand in the middle of the room, feeling impossibly hopeless and so very alone.
“Now, it’s not your fault,” Will said, coming up behind her. He didn’t touch her, but Lacey moved away anyway, out of range of the energy which radiated from him like a force field. It was too close right now, too tempting to let herself become swept up in his presence again. She had to think. Think of what to do to bring Jenna back.
“But it is my fault!” she declared. “Jenna looked up to me as a role model, and what did I do in her eyes but jump from one marriage into another!”
She was struck afresh by her culpability in this matter.
“I’m going to get her, Will,” she said definitely, turning toward him. “I’ve got to. She wouldn’t have done this if not for me. I’m the only one who can convince her to come back, and I won’t leave Houston without her!”
“Really?” Will drawled. “Now doesn’t that sound just like me talkin’. I’m flattered, Lacey. I didn’t know I held that much sway with you.”
She recognized the old ploy of his. “Don’t do me this way right now, Will, I’m warnin’ you.”
His eyebrows drew together. “All right, then. I’ll lay it on you straight, even though you’ve had all kinds of objections to that approach, too.”
Those gray eyes glinted. “The fact is, you can’t make
Jenna come back. She’s eighteen, for starters.”
“She’s just a girl!”
“She’s a young woman old enough to be on her own and makin’ her way however she chooses. And goin’ to Houston is what she chooses.”
“No, it isn’t!” Lacey cried, turning on him as if he were the cause of this mess. “She wants an escape from her problems! She wants to get out of Abysmal and away from her father!”
“You’ve just to say the word and I’ll fetch her back here,” Will said calmly. “Or fly you down to Houston to talk her into coming back—but only if that’s what you want.”
“Yes! No.” Lacey shook her head in confusion, her hand to her throat, which ached with unshed tears. “I wanted so much more for her, that’s all! That’s why I’m starting this center for girls. Because of Jenna.”
He took her by the upper arms, shaking her gently. “But it’s not about what you want. It’s her choice, Lacey. Hard as it is, you’ve got to let her make it herself.”
“But don’t you see, Will? There is no fairy tale. She’s looking for something that exists only in her mind. And when she finds that out, I’m afraid the disappointment will destroy the best that’s in her—her innocence and hope. A-and trust.”
Will hesitated a moment, seeming to take in what she’d said. Then he took her by the shoulders and unceremoniously set her on the leather sofa like a little kid.
He sat down next to her and faced her squarely.
“All right, then. Let’s take a look at the facts,” Will said, businesslike. “Now, from what we heard today, Jenna was pretty dead set on pursuing some kind of fairy tale. You even told me once it was touch and go gettin’ her to buy into what the center was about, and not just lookin’ at it as a way of gettin’ to bask in the glow of an ex-countess.”
“I really did think I was making progress in that area, though,” Lacey said. “And that’s not just wishful thinking talking. I could get through to her every once in a while. She was a smart girl, a thoughtful girl.”
“But still a teenager. So the way I see it is, you’ve given her somethin’ to think about. Maybe that doesn’t seem like much to go on, but it’s got to have its effect as time goes by and reality sets in.”
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