On the lowest end, we were more than likely nothing to each other. Fucking and getting a release from each other was all it was, was all it could be. I had problems and issues galore, and Jaxson didn’t need that in his world. There was no reason for him to get involved with me. I was more trouble than I was worth.
Out of each of those options, I knew without a shadow of a doubt what I wanted to be, but realistically, I accepted the second was more than likely the one I was going to have. I would have to be okay with it. Carrying the memories around like a badge of honor, I would be happy with it.
Turning the volume as loud as my factory radio and speakers would allow in my piece of shit car, I drove to work and let the music push out all other thoughts. I would have to deal with all that shit soon enough, but, for now, I would take the fifteen-minute drive to rest in peace without any worries.
Normally, I loved the fact that I lived close to work, considering I couldn’t afford gas on good days, and my car was finicky for long-distance rides. Today, it was undeniably an exception to that rule. Before I was ready, I was parked behind the building, debating on whether I should have called in or not. That was stupid. Not only was I acting like a coward, but I was also a broke coward. I couldn’t afford to call in. Not to mention, I was sure someone saw me pull up.
Big girl panties on, I got out of my car and sashayed through the employee entrance with a fake as fuck smile on my face. The dread knotting uncomfortably in the pit of my stomach was utterly ridiculous. It was obvious I was not cut out for casual sex if I was this worried about seeing Jaxson.
Walking into work, my nerves were jittery and all over the place. Was there a certain protocol to follow after sleeping with someone? I should have Googled it. I really should have. Maybe I would have some fucking clue about what to do.
On the other hand, this was Jaxson we were talking about. I had absolutely no damn clue what he would do or say. He was a player. I saw girls leave with him from the bar, and every one of them was completely different compared to me.
He was more than likely grateful that I disappeared before he could kick me out. Last night, I felt as though somebody took control of my body and left me needy and wanton. For the first time in my life, I went after something I wanted, something I craved.
Even if he was done with me after our one night together, I would never regret it. It was physically impossible to regret sleeping with Jaxson. He made me feel precious and cherished, as well as turned on more than I had ever been before, and I was fully sated after.
There was something to say about orgasms that were not self-induced. I felt as though my world had been altered in a way I wasn’t sure I could come back whole from. Honestly, I didn’t want to. All the porn and Google sites I’d visited over the years never prepared me for what actually happened.
I’d heard a lot of stories about disastrous first times for many girls. They complained about how much it hurt, or how their partner got off, and suddenly, it was over. Jaxson was a species all on his own. He was as gentle as could be and made sure I came many times.
And the bath after, that meant everything. He took care of me. I idly wondered how many women he had done that for but quickly pushed those thoughts away. It didn’t matter. None of his past conquests mattered.
The way he was with me was the only thing I concentrated on. He ruined me for anyone else in the best possible way. In the future, he would be the one I compared everyone to- there was no other way.
For my first time, I thought I scored gold. Jaxson was everything I could have dreamt of for losing my virginity. I didn’t leave disappointed. Just thinking about all of the things he did to my body had a blush rising to my cheeks.
“Hey, girl, you okay?” a voice startled me out of my naughty thoughts.
Turning, I saw Maya watching me with curiosity and maybe a little concern in her expression.
Clearing my throat, I nodded my head and probably resembled a bobblehead. “Yeah.”
“You sure?” She tilted her head, studying me carefully. “You’re looking a little flushed.”
Forcing a laugh to hide my embarrassment, I responded with a small, “Yeah.”
With an impressive eyebrow lift, I knew she did not believe me at all, but fortunately, she nodded and dropped it. Ignoring her lingering stare, I forced myself to clear away dirty plates while checking on my tables. One thing was for sure, I had to stop thinking about him. I had no idea what last night meant, and I couldn’t fantasize about the future. Jaxson wasn’t a future kind of guy.
Feeling heat hit my back, I glanced over my shoulder toward the bar area, afraid of what I would find. Memorizing his schedule, I knew he would be in a couple of hours after me, but it was still a shock to the system to find those tumultuous ocean blue eyes trained on me.
Forcing myself back to my tables, I spotted a booth that had just been seated in my section. Withholding the complaint that wanted to escape, I squared my shoulders and approached the table.
“Welcome to Left Turners,” I greeted four guys. “What can I get y’all to drink?”
“Coke,” guy number one responded.
“Bud Light,” guy number two said.
“Whatever’s on tap,” guy number three said.
“We have a Bud draft, that works?” I asked.
“Sure,” he said with a shrug and a calculating stare that kind of freaked me out. “Are you available?”
“No,” I answered simply.
I couldn’t count how many times I got hit on while working. It was ridiculous and pretty damn sad. I was a waitress in a bar and grill for goodness sake. I mean, it shouldn’t have been that bad, but sometimes it got to the level of stupid.
“Come on, sugar,” dumbass said in what I assumed he thought was a seductive tone, taking my hand in his. “I can make you forget about him, guaranteed.”
Extracting my hand, I asked the fourth guy what he would like to drink without responding to the flirting. This one seemed slightly familiar, which was not surprising considering we had our fair share of regulars in and out of this place.
“Dr. Pepper,” the last guy answered with a friendly grin.
Pasting on my fake it until I make it smile, I nodded. “I’ll bring those right out.”
Heading to the drink station, I filled two glasses with soda, prolonging the time until I had to go to the bar for the orders I needed to be filled. There simply was no preparing for my reaction to Jaxson.
“Hey, beautiful,” his husky voice slithered down my spine, making my thighs clench reflexively.
“Hey,” I whispered, not capable of more.
His stunning, intense stormy gaze bore into me as though he could see straight to my soul. Scary didn’t even begin to cover the feelings that look evoked in me. Getting lost in that gaze, I was worried drool would drip down my chin. His red uniform polo clung to his muscled chest and arms. I knew what all of those muscles felt like under my hands.
“Evyn,” he called, seemingly not the first time judging from his questioning expression.
“Hmmm?” I mumbled.
“Are you okay?” he asked, a concern stamped on his face.
“Fine,” I answered quickly.
“Are those guys bothering you?” he asked with a jerk of his chin toward the booth I was serving.
“No,” I denied. “I got it covered.”
“I have no doubt, but I’m here,” he stated seriously. “I got your back. Let me know if they become too much.”
The heat to my face and my sweaty palms had nothing to do with the assholes sitting in my section. Okay, they weren’t all assholes, but the others were guilty by association. No, my eyes locked on those plush, soft, hard lips. I knew exactly how that mouth felt on my skin.
Those hypnotizing lips were moving, but the words coming out of them warmed my heart.
Dealing with
douche canoes became the norm since I started working here, and I was more than capable of getting this particular one out of my space. However, that didn’t mean I didn’t find it sexy as hell to have Jaxson backing me up. Warm tingly feelings floated in my stomach as I smiled at him.
“Hey,” the nice one of that particular table stopped me by the bar. “I would apologize for his dumbass behavior, but it’s a waste of time.”
“It’s not your fault anyway, but thanks for the thought,” I replied quickly.
“I’m Caleb,” he introduced himself with his hand stretched out between us.
Acutely aware of Jaxson watching and listening, I took his hand and gave a little shake before quickly letting go. “Evyn,” I replied with a slightly shaky smile.
I was surprised I could speak coherently with the weight of Jaxson’s gaze boring into me and this very attractive guy standing in front of me. Of course, I didn’t feel anything when I was looking at the stranger. The stare on my back felt like the warmest, most realistic caress I’d ever had, and I knew his touch.
Caleb’s eyes lifted over my shoulder briefly before returning to mine with humor shining and mouth tipped up at the edges. With a nod, he walked away, but not before tossing a wink at me. The growl in my ear had my body shivering and my eyes closing tightly.
Soft, firm, warm, wet lips hit my neck in a barely-there kiss that locked my breath in my chest and had my eyes flying open. Before I could react, Jaxson’s heat was gone, and I was left wondering if I had imagined that tickling sensation, but I was too chicken to turn around.
The yearning for that possessive touch was a physical weight on me. Finding out it wasn’t what my mind wanted it to be would crush me. Not for the first nor the last time, I wished I wouldn’t have left his bed. Things would seem more real if I had woken up next to him this morning instead of twisted up in my sheets from tossing and turning all damn night, replaying every single thing I did with Jaxson.
Chapter Eight
Jaxson
Watching Evyn get hit on was never fun, but the motherfucker who touched her was lucky his friend kept his ass in check. Evyn could take care of herself, there was no doubt about that, but that didn’t mean I had to like the fact she had to.
Then, if that wasn’t enough, the friend followed Evyn and introduced himself like he was getting ready to get her number or some shit. Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen. Work was not the place to stake my claim but drastic measures and all that shit.
Holding the harsh laugh that wanted to escape, I realized I didn’t have a claim to stake. Evyn made that clear when she’d left my bed like a thief in the night. I wasn’t the smartest guy in the world, but I knew it didn’t bode well for me.
She had me twisted in knots, and my mind asking questions like I was a chick craving a label. I was known as a player. Working as a bartender, you tended to make a reputation for yourself. Different women from all walks of life sat at my bar, and I could pick a different one each night of the week.
I had a role to play. Bartending was more than mixing drinks. Tips were a big part of my pay, so I did what I could to ensure I got good tips. I wasn’t ashamed. I’d hooked up with some of them in the past and flirted with others.
Bailey had called me out on my interest in Evyn as soon as she noticed. I liked that Bailey looked out for Evyn because she needed that, but damn, that stung a little. Evyn was different from anyone I had met before. She made me feel things I had no name for and wanted something I saw from afar with all the couples around me.
Tempted to sink my teeth into the soft, smooth flesh covering her fluttering pulse, I managed to hold onto my restraint. It was a close call, but freaking her out even more than she already was wasn’t on the agenda.
Forcing myself to step away, I made my way back behind the bar. Ignoring the questioning look from Ross, I made my rounds to the few people occupying the stools. Using work as a distraction from reality usually worked, but I was coming to understand nothing erased Evyn from my mind.
Hopefully, Ross was the only one who witnessed my lapse in judgment, with the exception of the douche bag the move was intended for. Motherfucker needed to understand who she belonged to. This girl had me fucked up.
I’d spent months around Evyn, and I was gone after one night of sex with her. It was way more than that point-blank period. There was no rhyme or reason to the feelings rioting around me, but there was also no denying them.
“What was that?” Ross asked, coming to stand next to me.
Barely glancing in his direction, I continued scrubbing glasses a little too hard as I made a concentrated effort to not glance at the table of douches. I didn’t need to see what they were doing, and I sure as fuck didn’t need to see one of them touch my girl. I would lose my shit if they laid a hand on her again.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” I muttered.
What the hell was I thinking kissing her like that while we were working? It was as if I had a flashing sign to tell everyone we hooked up last night, but that wasn’t right- I had no clue what the previous night was considering she’d left me.
I did not need rumors flying around when I had no clue what we were, so Ross better keep his mouth shut. Working in this environment was ripe with gossip, and the need for scandal fed these hustling kids.
A sweet laugh reached my ears, and I couldn’t stop myself from seeking it out. Evyn was beautiful no matter what emotions flowed through her or shined in her eyes, but a happy, carefree Evyn was a sight to behold.
Maya had a smile on her face as she continued a conversation with Evyn, which had giggles erupting from her small frame, and her face lit up with happiness. I felt my lips move in reaction to the cute as fuck flush covering her cheeks. Witnessing that joy radiating from her made me a little jealous that Maya was the one causing it.
Now, I knew that made me sound like a selfish asshole, but I finally got to taste all that was Evyn, and I wanted to be behind her every emotion. I wanted to own her smiles and swallow her tears.
An amused grunt had me glancing over at Ross in surprise. I’d completely forgotten where I was for a minute there because I was lost in her. Confused, I blinked and blinked some more, trying to make sense of what I was seeing.
“What the fuck you eating?” I questioned in disgust and slight apprehension.
“Grapes,” he mumbled with juice dripping down his chin.
“They look like baby dicks,” I observed.
Ross looked down into the bowl he had his hand in and slowly pulled back with a curious expression on his face.
“Hey,” that sweet, sexy voice whispered behind me.
“What do you need?” I asked gruffly.
Internally, I cringed. I sounded like a douche, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. Last night meant a lot to me, way more than any experience I’d ever had before. She gave me something precious, and I was in awe that I was lucky enough to receive it. But then she took it away like it meant nothing… like I meant nothing. I couldn’t say I was mad at her, but I sure as fuck wasn’t happy.
Acting like a pussy-whipped, hurt lover was not the way I wanted to go, but that was exactly the way I lashed out.
Without looking up from my task, I listened to her drink order and mixed them up faster than I’d ever mixed before. Placing them on her tray within minutes, I was grateful she took it and left. I needed her to get away from me before I seriously embarrassed myself.
Man, I was salty as fuck.
For the rest of the night, I maneuvered it to where Ross filled her drink orders while I avoided her. A conversation needed to be had, but it wouldn’t include any prying eyes or ears. No, Evyn needed to hear me and me alone.
As soon as I was able to, I clocked out and headed to my truck. Seeing Evyn’s car parked a couple of spots down from mine, I decided I wasn’t leaving yet. I leaned against my truck, staring
up at the sky, waiting for her to come out.
She didn’t know it yet, but she was coming home with me. We were going to get shit straight tonight and go from there. I needed to understand why she ghosted me and figure out a way to get past all her walls.
I couldn’t claim to know women, but I knew enough to understand that since I was her first, it meant something. Now, I had to find out if that something was enough to move us forward. I wanted her, needed to be a part of life, and wished to share my life with her.
Never experiencing these strong feelings before, I was flying a little blind here. I’d learned early on that if you found something valuable, you should hold onto it with everything you had in you. That was what I planned to do with Evyn.
She was so fucking special and unique. Meant to be mine. I had to find a way to make her see it, too. I worked hard every day to ensure I earned everything I had and made sure no one could come and take it from me.
My life was no fairy tale, but I strove to make it better, to make a better ending than my beginning. Nobody ever wanted to keep me, and my biggest fear was Evyn would feel the same way. I wouldn’t survive it if she turned me away.
However, no matter what I was, a coward was not it. I met each challenge head-on, and this would be no different.
“See you tomorrow,” Evyn said, exiting out the back door with Maya before darting her eyes to me.
“Sure thing,” Maya said with a smile.
As soon as our eyes met, I understood with a hundred percent clarity, I was not making a mistake. I was not exaggerating the connection we shared.
Evyn and I were right and real. She was so damn beautiful even after working a long shift. When Evyn hired on, she was the only one I could see. At first, I attempted to continue being the playboy everyone thought I was. I went out with other women, made sure I was seen with them, but nothing further than that.
Bailey lectured me about staying away from Evyn when she first walked into Left Turners, but I couldn’t heed the warning. There was absolutely no fucking way I could let her go. I might not have been what she needed, but I would learn how to be.
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