by K. Langston
Well, if there was one person in the world I did trust, it was Holden.
Love recognizes no barriers.
It jumps hurdles, leaps fences,
penetrates walls to arrive at its destination of hope.
~Maya Angelou
Death.
It’s so final.
It was hard to believe she was really gone. I didn’t mourn for her. Not at all. I grieved for what I never had, a loving mother who cared for me and loved me unconditionally. She was my mother. And even though she hated me, I still loved her.
How fucked up is that?
They found her naked in the bathtub where she must have fallen asleep after taking a fatal combination of pills. I wish Winston were here. I needed him so badly. He was the only family I had left in the world now.
“I think you should go lay down for a while, sweetie. When’s the last time you slept?” Maddie asked, brushing the hair from my face.
I shrugged.
I’d been drifting in a daze, devastated over losing Cannon, stressed over getting my brother back, and now this.
How much could one person take?
“I think you should try to sleep. It might do you some good.”
I shook my head, staring at the rug beneath my feet. I didn’t want to sleep. My dreams had been plagued with memories of Cannon and nightmares about my mother.
Sleep was the enemy right now.
I sat there for hours or minutes. Time had become an elusive thing. I had no way of keeping up with anything anymore, least of all time.
His scent assaulted me and I closed my eyes against the memory.
“Cora.” My eyes flew open, not truly believing my ears. Cannon’s face was inches from mine. I blinked, knowing damn well this was just a dream.
“She won’t eat or sleep,” Maddie said and I blinked again.
“Cannon?” I whispered, reaching for him.
“She got any soup?” Maddie didn’t answer and left the room.
His hands cupped my cheeks. “Cannon? Is it really you?”
“Yeah…it’s really me,” he said quietly.
Tears sprang from my eyes as I buried my head in his chest, inhaling his comforting scent. That’s when I lost it, letting go of everything I’d been holding inside. I didn’t want to cry for her, but my heart wept anyway.
Cannon held me close, rocking back and forth gently. “Shh…it’s okay. Everything’s gonna be alright.”
Stroking my back, Cannon soothed me in ways no one else could. With his strength and love. He still loved me. Even after I broke his heart, he was here.
After a while, my tears finally subsided. “Sit up, babe. I need you to eat.”
“I don’t think I can.” My throat was raw and tight with emotion. I had so much to say. I just couldn’t seem to find the words.
Cannon situated me on the couch and reached for a steaming bowl on the coffee table. My stomach grumbled as the smell of chicken noodle soup invaded my nose. God, when was the last time I ate? I found out she died yesterday morning. I hadn’t eaten anything since the night before that. He held the spoon in front of his mouth and perched his lips, blowing to cool it off.
“Open,” he ordered.
I did as he said and moaned around the spoon, my stomach growling for more. After he fed me a few more bites, I felt like I finally had a little sliver of life back and reached for the bowl to feed myself.
“Let me,” he insisted and his deep voice would not let me deny him.
Once he finished, he sat the bowl down. “Where’s Maddie?”
“I told her to go.”
I wanted to cry again. “But…I don’t want to be alone.”
“I won’t leave you,” he assured, placing a hand on my knee.
“She’s gone.”
His hand squeezed, comforting me. “I know.”
“Do you know how many times I wished for her to die?”
“Babe.”
Tears began to fall once more. “I’m a horrible person.”
He pulled me into his arms, holding me tight. “No you’re not. You’re human.” His hand drifted up and down my back, and I closed my eyes as the guilt came washing over me.
“I lied to you.”
Cannon stiffened and I could feel his heart racing beneath my ear. I lifted my head to look into his eyes, and told him about the day Alexis came to see me.
“She blackmailed you?” he asked, his voice deep and deadly.
“Yes. That’s why I had to use Dent as an excuse. I had no idea what she would do. I was so scared. I’m so sorry I hurt you. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but she backed me into a corner.”
I sniffled, waiting for him to push me away and storm out the door. I shouldn’t have been such a coward. Maddie was pissed when I finally confessed what had happened. She reported the judge immediately and he’d been suspended, pending an investigation.
Cannon held me tighter, his breathing growing heavier. “You should have told me.”
“I know, but I couldn’t risk it. You know how crazy that girl is. She’ll do anything to get what she wants and I was afraid she would go above and beyond to get to you.”
“Fuck,” he muttered.
Pushing up, I wiped my eyes. “I don’t expect you to take me back, but I hope one day you can forgive me.”
Cannon cupped my face, his thumbs brushing away the tears that continued to escape my eyes. “Baby, I’m pissed you didn’t tell me the truth, but I understand why you did it.” His nostrils flared. “I knew something was up, but I had no idea she was behind it. Has she been in contact with you at all?”
I shook my head. “The only time I’ve heard her name was when someone was talking about you.” I swallowed hard, terrified to ask my next question. “Did you and Alexis…since we broke up…have you two…?”
I couldn’t even bring myself to say it. I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of them together.
“No.” He blew out a harsh breath. “I do need to tell you though, she came by the other night. I was really drunk and confused…I kissed her but that’s it. Then, after you called, she stopped by and tried to come on to me. When I shut her down, she kneed me in the nuts, she’s been stalkin’ me ever since.”
“Stalkin’ you?”
Cannon gave me the rundown of the last two weeks and the hair on the back of my neck stood on end. “Holden thinks I should get a restraining order.”
“I agree. She’s unstable. She needs to be locked up or medicated.”
“Or have her ass kicked,” Cannon added.
“I would love to volunteer, but she doesn’t fight fair. She’s dirty.”
“I’m gonna talk to her. If she doesn’t back off, I’ll go file the restraining order. Don’t worry about her, I’ll take care of it.”
“And…what about us?” I asked.
“What about us?”
I picked at the collar of his shirt while my heart ached in my chest. “Are we ok?”
He pulled me over to straddle his lap, holding my face between his trembling hands. “No we’re not ok…but we will be,” he said before kissing me softly, healing my heart and jump starting my soul.
Men would live exceedingly
quiet if these two words, mine and thine,
were taken away.
~Anaxagoras
After being apart and everything that had happened between us, we weren’t really sure where to even begin to pick up the pieces. We agreed that taking it slow was the best approach. We went back to the basics.
Friends.
It wasn’t the same. Not by a long shot. Now we had history and there was still an underlying promise of a future, but neither one of us knew how to go about making that happen, so we remained idle. We spent time together here and there, spoke on the phone often and text messaged daily.
No one had seen or heard from Alexis in weeks, which was comforting as well as alarming since no one seemed to know where the hell she was. I’d gone ahead with the restra
ining order and even told the police about the things she’d told me about her father as well.
Winters were normally mild in the south, but this one was turning out to be a real bitch. A blanket of snow already covered the ground and according to the latest weather report, more precipitation was on the way. This time freezing rain and sleet. It had already started to fall by the time I got back from purchasing a generator from the hardware store, just in case Cora lost power.
“You didn’t have to do that,” she said. “Maddie said I could stay with them ’til this thing blows over.”
“Well, now you don’t have to,” I said, pouring the gasoline into the machine so she’d be all set. I showed her how to crank it and what to do if she lost power.
“Shit, I should probably run to town right quick. I need some food just in case I get trapped. Wanna ride with me?” she asked, hope thick in her voice.
“Sure, I’ll drive.”
The roads were beginning to get slick, so we took it slow as we eased into town. As we pulled into the packed grocery store parking lot, Cora’s phone rang.
“Hello?”
Silence, then she gasped. “Oh my God! Really?” My heart seized beating when tears rolled down her face, but then she smiled. “This is the best news ever! Ok, call me back later. Love you too.”
Clutching the phone tight in her hands, she closed her eyes. “He’s coming home, Cannon. They set a date for his release. He’s coming home.”
She threw her arms around me and I pulled her over the console to sit in my lap, snow falling silently outside. “When?” I asked.
“Two weeks! My brother will be home in two weeks. I can’t believe it.”
“I’m so happy for you, babe. For you both.”
Cora nodded against my shoulder as I continued to hold her close. Damn this felt good. I never wanted to let her go.
Her wet eyes met mine. “Will you stay with me tonight?”
Jesus Christ, I’d been waiting on her to ask me that for weeks now. “Fuck yeah, I will,” I said, bringing my hand to her neck and pulling her lips to mine.
Slowly and appreciatively, I kissed her sweet mouth, dipping my tongue inside to taste her. “Damn baby, I’ve missed kissin’ you.
Cora’s laugh vibrated across my lips. “Me too.”
“Think there’s any way I can get inside you? I’ve fuckin’ missed that too,” I confessed with zero shame, slipping my fingers beneath her shirt to graze her skin. I wanted to fuck her right here in this parking lot, remind her of all that we were, all that we were going to be.
She gave me one final kiss before sliding off my lap and out the door. “We might be able to work that out, but first…food.”
The store was a mad house, everyone scrambling for necessities. People freak the fuck out when it snows in the south.
We made it back safely, a good two inches covering the ground as the snow continued to fall. “Do you wanna build a snowman?” Cora asked and I laughed.
“Fuck no, I wanna make love to my girl, so hurry up and let’s get these groceries inside where it’s warm.”
We carried the groceries inside and I noted that Cora did not use a key to unlock the door. “What have I told you about leavin’ the door unlocked?”
“Sorry, it’s a habit. Besides, nothin’ is gonna get me as long as I have you here.”
“Babe, always lock the damn door and set the alarm when you leave, please. I don’t care if we’re together or not, makes me feel better knowing the house is secure.”
Wrapping her arms around my waist, she kissed my cheek. “Sorry, baby. I’ll do better.”
I left her to put up the groceries, while I let Hope out of her kennel. She was more hyper than usual or anxious I should say, and instead of going straight for the back door, she darted to the bedroom.
I followed her, an uneasy feeling twisting my gut. “What is it girl?” She pawed at the closet door, whimpering and growling. I reached for the handle just at the power went out. “Shit,” I muttered.
“Cannon?”
“Stay where you are, babe!” I shouted.
In addition to the generator, I’d also purchased several flashlights and strategically placed them around the house. I grabbed the one on the bedside table and turned it on.
“What the hell would I do without you?” Cora asked as I walked into the kitchen.
Pulling a drawer open next to the fridge, I grabbed another flashlight and turned it on holding it beneath my face. “You’d be in the dark.”
She smiled, taking the flashlight. “Do you think it’s out for the night?”
“Who knows?” I looked outside to see the snow had changed over to sleet as it continued to fall. “Might be out for a while.”
“Hmm…wonder what we could do to pass the time?”
Wrapping her in my arms, I smiled against her lips. “I could think of a million things I’d like to do to you in the dark.” She giggled and I kissed her sweet lips, anxious to lose myself in her. It felt like forever and a day since I’ve had her.
I built a fire while Cora dragged several blankets into the living room and made a pallet on the floor. She was snuggled beneath them when I came in to join her. “Hurry up and get under here, I’m freezin’.”
Toeing off my boots, I put another log on the fire before getting beneath the covers with Cora. She pressed against me, laying her head on my chest. I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her close.
Cupping her cheek, I brought her eyes to mine. “You sure?”
She simply nodded, firelight and desire dancing in her soft green eyes. I started with her lips, kissing them with so much love and appreciation. After I removed her shirt and mine, I spent an extreme amount of time licking and sucking her nipples until she was a moaning, whimpering mess beneath my lips. Then I peeled away the rest of her clothes and mine, before I spread her wide and buried myself inside of her.
“Don’t move,” Cora whispered, and the way she said it, I thought I’d hurt her. Her eyes stayed locked with mine, her breaths coming in short soft pants. “I just want to feel you, all of you.”
Brushing my fingers across her red cheeks, I pressed my lips to hers. “Mine,” I said and she began to move her hips.
“Yours,” she whispered.
There, in front of a roaring fire, beneath a blanket of trust, we found our place in the world once more.
Together.
“Cannon,” she moaned and I knew she was close so I increased my pace, taking her over the edge with me as we fell.
Harder than we’d ever fallen before…right back in each other’s arms.
I rained kisses all over her face, her neck and chest, fucking overjoyed to have her like this again. “God, I thought I’d lost you.”
“You could never lose me, Cannon. Even when we were apart, you still had every single bit of my heart.”
“It’ll never happen again, I can promise you that.”
She held my face between her hands. “I love you.”
I hadn’t realized how bad I needed to hear her say those words until now.
Pressing my forehead to hers, I sighed with relief. “I love you too. So damn much.”
“Awe, how fucking sweet.” The hair on the back of my neck stood on end as I twisted my head to find a gun pointed at it.
Oh fuck!
I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats.
I don’t intend to waste any of mine.
~Neil Armstrong
Shaking with fear, I blinked. I couldn’t breathe past the fact that Alexis was in my home, standing over us with a gun in her hand. Cannon went to pull out of me, but she quickly squatted and pushed the barrel to his temple, pulling back the hammer. “Don’t fucking move,” she ordered.
Sweat dotted his brow and his nostrils flared as he adjusted himself to relieve me of some of his weight.
It didn’t make a damn bit of difference, I still couldn’t breathe.
The light of the fire flickered, casting
shadows across her ghost white face. “Alexis, just put the gun down before someone gets hurt,” Cannon pleaded, his voice low and controlled, considering I could feel the rage rolling off of him.
“Too late for that.” She stood up with the gun still trained on us.
That’s when I found enough air to speak. “How…how’d you get in here?”
A snide grin curled her lips. “I snuck in when you left earlier. You should really lock your door when you do that.” She leaned in with a maniacal whisper. “I told you he was mine.”
Oh my God!
She’d been hiding in my house. Never mind the fact that she’d just watched Cannon and I make love, she’d been inside my home, without me knowing.
Holy shit…is that my dress she has on?
And my…
Perfume?
Panic squeezed my lungs. I began to hyperventilate. Cannon stroked my face with his hand, trying to calm me. “Why can’t you love me like that?” Alexis asked, the desperation in her voice was terrifying. “What makes her so goddamn special?”
“What?” Cannon asked.
“I want to know what made you choose her over me.”
“Alexis,” Cannon had a hint of sympathy in his voice. “Let me up so we can talk.”
It was then I noticed the bandages on her wrists with small patches of blood seeping through.
“Tell me!” she shouted.
Cannon swallowed and closed his eyes, digging for a calm breath. “She gives me what I need.”
“And I didn’t?”
Eyes open, he looked straight into mine. “You did, for a while, but it wasn’t enough.”
When that last word left his mouth, her sanity slipped completely. “Fuck her then. Show me how much you love her.”
“Alexis.”
“Do it!”
“Just let Cora go so you and I can talk about this.”
“No. If you don’t fuck her, I’ll put a bullet in her head before I put one in yours.” She gritted through clenched teeth.
Tears poured from the corners of my eyes, pooling in my ears. “Why are you doing this?” I cried out, the fear overwhelming me.