“Not on that dead tramp’s life.” The Imp darted past me on his way back down, winked a narrow yellow eye at me. I could see the gristle between its fangs. “You want to turn me into that lead button again!”
The carpet dipped to follow.
“No!” I yelled. “I just want to ask you some questions.” The carpet tipped sideways, wrapped around my ankles to keep me on. It followed the Imp through a series of the narrow alleys. I ducked my head before it got bashed and scraped along a wall.
“Rotten apples!” The Imp cursed. “I don’t want to go back!” The Imp’s voice trailed as it once again shot forward.
The carpet kept with it.
“You won’t!”
“Not even for killing the Green Skin tramp?”
“That’s up to the Oogaboo,” I yelled into the wind. “It’s their jurisdiction.”
“Yippie!” The Imp yelled, spiraling into a barrel roll. The Imp knew as well as I did that the only thing that brought out one of the two Oogaboo police guards was money or booze. “It feels so good to be free!”
“I’ll bet.” I pulled up next to the Imp. It sat cross-legged in the night sky, its wings humming to keep it in place. I looked below. The moon felt too large from this spot, the people too small below me. I kept my eyes on the Imp.
“You have no idea,” the Imp said. It smiled at the moon, then wiped the rest of Detrita’s blood off its chin with the back of its stubby hand.
“So you apologized to Queen Ozma?”
The Imp looked at me with mirthful eyes.
“Not.”
“Then how did you get released?”
“How do you think, Captain Jo Guard?” He leaned in towards me. “Only two people have the power to release me. One of them sucked your shaft. Oh, don’t act so surprised. All of Oz knows you were poking her with your mighty emerald dick.”
“All right, all right,” The Imp could be so crass. “So who is the other one besides the Queen?”
“Good is a relative term,” the Imp said.
I hated when the Imp spoke in riddles almost as much as when it was crass.
“Imp,” I pleaded. “I don’t have time for this. Someone or something is killing the Half-as-Talls and it’s driving them out of Munchkinland.”
“Oh that. I know about that. I’m one of them.”
“You’re eating Half-as-Talls?”
“They’re not so bad with a little green salt.” The Imp let loose with its death-rattling giggle.
“You said you’re one of them? There’s more?”
“Plenty more.” The Imp opened its narrow eyes and smiled revealing its cracked and crooked teeth, its fangs, and its bifurcated tongue.
“Why eat the Half-as-Talls? There’s food all over Oz.”
“You want answers, Jo Guard?’
“I wouldn’t be hovering over the fucking Oogaboo if I didn’t.”
“Then follow the Yellow Brick Road.” The Imp straightened itself out, getting ready to fly away home. It opened its mouth to say something when we both noticed the wisps of smoke floating out. An orange circle began to glow in the center of its grey chest. The Imp clawed at the spot with his stubby fingers. It began to tremble.
“No! No! You just let me out! I didn’t tell him anything! I didn’t speak about you!”
The carpet pulled me backwards, wrapping itself around me in an attempt to keep me away from the impending explosion. I could still feel the shock and heat as the Imp disintegrated behind me. The concussion sent the carpet twirling. Unable to unfurl, it plummeted with me wrapped inside it. I kicked and pushed at the fabric, squirming to open it up before smashing to a pulp below. I had no idea of how close I was to that very event.
Smoldering fabric filled my nose. In addition to smashing on the streets of the Oogaboo I now had to worry about burning away like the black tree bark inside Detrita’s smoker. I started rocking side to side until I felt the carpet unroll. That got it open and I crawled around slapping at the flames. The rug spun in flat circles, dropping faster and faster.
I tried to keep the panic out of my thoughts so the carpet could read my peace and straighten itself. The flames were engulfing it. I was dropping down along side of buildings and watching the pavement rising at me when I felt a heavy tug on my back. I was lifted into the air as the carpet flamed out, becoming little tendrils of red-hot glowing threads flittering to the ground.
It took me a few seconds to realize I was dangling beneath the hairy toes of the flying monkey I’d seen earlier. My nose actually cued me in before I looked up; flying monkeys weren’t known for their hygiene. When I did, I found the monkey reaching down with a paw to hoist me up into a more secure position. I crawled around and got on its back, folding my arms around his neck. I had no idea where the monkey was taking me and it wouldn’t have done any good to ask it.
Monkeys don’t talk. They fly.
He carried me far away from the Oogaboo. I was thankful for that but would be even more thankful when my feet touched solid ground. He banked in a long, effortless glide. Ahead of us was a dark valley. Atop a precipice I could pick out two flickering pinpoints of firelight. The monkey took us in that direction and soon was landing along the cliff. At the end of the ride I clapped him on the back, showing him my approval and my respect for his gallantry. The monkey turned and hooted his appreciation. He turned and ran at the edge of the cliff and floated off into the night.
For a while I thought I was alone. It didn’t take me long to realize I wasn’t. Even though I couldn’t see anyone, I had the impression there was somebody else there.
The high-pitched nasal drone of the invisible voice told me it was Mayor Gerrld of Munchkinland City.
“She sent you, I see.”
I turned in the direction of the voice and looked at a shadow under the left hand torch. Slowly the Half-as-Tall mayor’s head appeared. It was followed by his hand.
“So that’s where the Teleporting Cloak of Invisibility went,” I said. “Hiding out, Mr. Mayor?”
“For the moment. It won’t be long before she finds me.”
“Who?” I asked.
“Your whore of a queen.” He said. There was a tone of anger I didn’t know Half-as-Talls possessed.
“She sent me to find you.”
“Of course she did. She wants you to bring me back so she can kill me.”
“Why would she do that? She thought the Imp was going to get you.”
The Mayor looked around at the shadows. He pulled his hands back into the cloak.
“The Imp? What would the Imp want with me?”
“He said he was part of an army sent to kill Half-as-excuse me. Munchkins,”
The Mayor shook his head. “Glinda let the Imp loose to go after Ozma, not me.”
“Yeah, well, that isn’t going to happen now.”
“Why is that, Jo Guard?”
“The Imp is dead. Vaporized. Besides, Glinda knew the Imp could only kill Ozma once the charm she placed around her is broken. Why would she release the Imp if she’s protecting her? Doesn’t make sense.”
“It does if you understand the royal lineage.”
“Maybe you should map it out for me.”
The Mayor pulled the hood up over his head and disappeared. The wind made the torches dance. I looked around at shadows. When the Mayor spoke again, he was behind me.
“Sorry. I had to jump away and jump back. Glinda has spies. She knows where I am.”
“How?”
“Crystal ball. She’s been watching you. Certain. She probably vaporized the Imp.”
I looked around. Glinda could have seen the Imp with me. And now the Mayor? And if so, why hadn’t she zapped him like she had the Imp? I asked the Mayor.
“Pearl of Protection. Down to six charges. It’s pissing her off.”
“Why does she want you dead?”
“Emerald City is choking itself to death. Ozma needs to expand so she’s set her eyes on Munchkinland. Come on, everyone knows we Munc
hkinlanders don’t put up much of a fight. Our biggest militia is the Lollypop Guild. They might be scrappy but that’s about it.”
“The Imp told me there were others—attacking the Munchkinlanders.”
“There are. A whole guerilla unit made up Frogmen, Scoodlers, and that goat-fucking cowardly lion.”
It wasn’t making sense. Glinda released the Imp to go after Ozma. The Mayor’s story made it sound like Ozma was up to the same dirty plans as Glinda, but for what purpose?
“How does Glinda fit into this?”
“Glinda was next in line to be Queen of Oz but the powers that be put Ozma in charge. Civil war is brewing in Oz, Jo Guard. Glinda is preparing to battle her sister for ultimate control.”
“Ozma and Glinda are sisters?’
From somewhere in the valley came a loud screech. The Mayor looked to the skies.
“I can’t make it any clearer than that, Jo Guard. I have to go.”
“Wait. How do I get out of here?”
“There’s a circus balloon inside the cave. You’ll have to wait until morning to inflate it. It’s a small balloon but it’ll get you back to Oz. I have to go!” And like that, the Mayor disappeared.
The screeching in the valley sounded closer. I rolled the torches into the dirt, snuffing them. The night wrapped its cold arms around me. I slipped into the cave, moved back as far as I could. It was still cool inside but I didn’t risk making a fire for warmth. I pulled the canvas of the circus balloon over top of me.
I lay there thinking about Ozma and all the nights we had stolen away to places like this to enjoy each other’s flesh. I remembered her tear drop breasts and how soft they felt in my hands, how her back would arch as she straddled me and I let my tongue roll over her rock hard nipples. She would grind her hips with my girth deep inside her before falling down on top of me, her breasts against my chest. I always loved the feeling of being inside her and her breasts squashed between us.
It had been so good for us until Security Prime found out what was going on. If he hadn’t wielded so much power I’d still be with Ozma and she might have been there with me. Glinda could have all of Oz for all I cared. Ozma would have been much happier without it. I was.
Then it hit me with such clarity it made me smile.
The Mayor had said ‘the powers that be’ and even the Imp would have known who he meant. He meant Security Prime and the six trustees. For a group that was supposed to protect the Queen, it was doing a better job of controlling her. It made her appear weak and insecure. What better way to show her subjects she was a leader than to invade a neighboring country?
But the Mayor had said there was a civil war coming between two sisters, one of which was one of the greatest guardians in all of Oz: Glinda the Good. She was beyond wanting to be queen. And she loved the Half-as-Talls. They were like the children she never bore. It didn’t ring true with me but I didn’t have the Mayor there to ask him how he knew Glinda wanted the crown.
If I wanted to know, I was going to have to ask her.
“Glinda.” I said into the night. I closed my eyes and called out to her with my thoughts. I did this for over an hour before I heard the tinkling of bells. In between my silent calls, my mind wandered to thoughts of flying monkeys in cahoots with teleporting mayors. I was on the verge of making a connection between the two when the golden glow announcing Glinda’s arrival brightened behind my eyelids.
“Jo Guard.” Her voice was flower petals falling around my ears.
I opened my eyes. I saw her shimmering in her white body glove, the yellow diamonds scattered over the fishnet weave twinkling like the night stars. Her long blonde hair hung down over her shoulders. Her smile invited me.
“Glinda.” I said. I held out my hand and she floated over to it, took it in her own creamy hand. I helped her down under the balloon canvas. “I’m sorry. I wish had something more comfortable.”
In a blink we were in a bed of pillows, warm beneath furs. She hummed sweetly.
“Is this better?” She asked. Her fingers stroked my naked chest. Her breasts hung loosely along my side.
“Always.”
“It’s been so long, Jo Guard.”
“I know. I apologize.”
“You don’t need to apologize. I know all about what has happened.”
“It’s why I summoned you.”
She kissed me. It caught me by surprise. Tiny vibrations awakened my lips and my lust for her.
“I had hoped you brought me here for reasons you use to bring me to you.”
“Tonight I have another reason.”
“What is it you want to know?” Her voice sang. It was a series of pleasing bells, not heavy, not light.
“Mayor Gerrld of Munchkinland says you released the Imp to kill Queen Ozma.”
“It wasn’t me who released the Imp.” She kissed me again.
“Only you and Ozma have the power to do that.” I said.
“Then it was her.”
“She knows the Imp wants her dead.”
Glinda laid her head on my shoulder. Her hand tickled my chest, her fingernail traced a line down below my belly.
“Doesn’t mean she didn’t do it. And, as long as my charm lasts—.”
“So you haven’t removed it?”
She looked up at me with her probing brown eyes. They danced in the natural glow of her skin.
“Of course not. Why would I?”
“The Mayor said you were getting ready to go to war with Ozma over the rights to the crown and that you both want to invade Munchkinland. He said you’ve sent carnivorous mercenaries in to slaughter the Half-as-Talls.”
Lightning flashed all around the entrance to the cave. The rocks of the cave rumbled and reigned down around us. Glinda sat up next to me in bed, her hair billowing out behind her. Fire raged in her eyes. I had heard it wasn’t good to piss her off, that someone so gentle had a tempest raging beneath her calm demeanor.
“I control the balance of this world. Without me all of Oz crumbles and falls away. If I wanted to control it, I already would have.”
The tempest evaporated. I lay there, raised up on my elbows. Glinda smiled warmly at me.
“I get it.” I said. “So who is causing all of this to happen?”
“You already know that, don’t you?”
I nodded and lay back down.
“Security Prime. Maybe some or all of the Security Trustees. Could Prime or one of them make Ozma do something like release the Imp?”
“Who better than they to get Ozma out of the way?” Her voice carried off in a singsong way.
“It would make more sense than you.” I kissed her cheek. She turned and kissed me. Her hands went up over my chest and she pressed me down into the pillow bed. My hands traced along her ass, held her hips as she pressed into me and kissed me. I wanted her but I knew I just couldn’t have her any more.
“Glinda,” I said between rapid breaths. Her touch moved me in the right directions. My body tingled to the point I was ready to pass on, leave it entirely. “Glinda, I can’t.”
She sat up. There was hurt in her eyes.
“Because of last time?”
“You almost killed me.” True. Her orgasm had been so intense the bed ignited. I had burns on my groin for months.
“You’re back with Ozma, aren’t you?” She was looking for my weak spot.
“I’m not back with anyone. If you want to know, in the last year there hasn’t been anyone serious.”
“I waited for you to call out to me, to just think of me. When I heard you in my thoughts tonight I hoped that—.”
“I’m sorry. I just can’t.”
The warm golden glow of the room faded. The furs dried up beneath me. For a moment, my bare ass sat on the cold slab floor of the cave. Then my clothes reappeared on me. I sat on top of the canvas circus balloon and watched the light recede outside of the cave and then she was gone and I was alone.
In the morning I was stiff. Sleeping in a damp, col
d cave with nothing but a canvas circus balloon over top of you doesn’t offer much in the ways of comfort or protection.
I woke to the whistling of the northeast winds. At least they would be pushing me in the direction I needed to go. It was a bit of a struggle, building the fire to heat the tanks to inflate the balloon. Two hours after waking up and fighting against hunger and nature, I got the balloon filled and cut off the restraining ropes with a hand axe in the bottom of the basket.
The winds were strong and I was prepared for the sudden jerk of the balloon and the swing of the basket beneath it. I smashed the blade of the axe into the lip of the basket and held the handle with both hands. I knocked around inside the basket as it swung like the balls of an elephant on a hot day. Eventually I got carried into a calmer stream and the basket stopped swinging. It didn’t lessen the fact that I just simply hated my feet not being on solid ground. In the last rotation of the clock hands I’d gone over Oz on a burnt up carpet, a flying monkey’s paws, and an uncontrollable circus balloon.
The winds slowed once I was out of the dark valley. I settled down on the floor of the cramped basket, my knees up around my chin. It gave me time to think about the errand Ozma had sent me on. This wasn’t the first time there were rumors of war or usurpation in the Emerald City. Last time it came from the Oogaboo. A weak attempt by the weak queen of an even weaker army. She had tried amassing troops of some of the more eccentric citizens of the land. They marched on the Emerald City only to cower in the green shadows of the tall, glistening and glittering gem walls.
What made this war different was it sounded like it was coming from the inside out. According to Mayor Gerrld it was Ozma hoping to expand the borders, a move that seemed highly unlike her and more along the lines of the Security Council. Gerrld also believed Glinda the Good was trying to fight back by forming a band of mercenaries whose inherent carnivorous tendencies had apparently gotten the better of them and were feeding wantonly on the weak.
Shadows of the Emerald City Page 15