High

by Zara Cox

  Her furtive glances showed his face set in hard lines, his eyes containing a faraway look that made her chest tighten.

  “What the hell just happened?” she blurted before she could stop herself.

  “We broke the law but didn’t get caught,” he replied.

  “I’m not talking about—”

  His grip tightened around her shoulders. “I know. I don’t have any answers, Bethany. This is a first for me, too.”

  She noted that his fingers trembled against her naked skin. It sent a shudder through her to think that whatever was happening affected him just as much as it did her.

  “That’s it? We’re both just going to flounder without talking about it?”

  His sigh held a wealth of weariness. “What do you want me say? That I don’t know what possesses me when we touch? That I crave you beyond reason? You already know that. I want you dripping in sweat, pleading for mercy, and screaming for more when I fuck you. I want you mindless. I want you insane for me. Then I want us to repeat the cycle all over again until one of us passes out.”

  An icy shiver bumped along her skin. “What I’d like to know is why that makes you unhappy.”

  “Perhaps because I’ve never felt like this before. And it scares the crap out of me.”

  Her breath caught. Pulling back she looked into his face.

  Darkened grey eyes stared deep into hers, letting her see the truth of his words. Her heart beat a tattoo far different and far more soul shaking than the sex they’d just had against the alley wall.

  Zach Savage was baring a little of his soul to her. The knowledge made her reel. “Zach…”

  He sucked in a long, slow breath. “I’ve been your slave since the moment I laid eyes on you. Nothing pleases more than to see you smile, see you laugh, see you happy. I’m sorry my thoughtlessness tonight made you jealous. But even when I looked at another woman, I was thinking about you. That’s what you’ve done to me, Peaches. And yes, it scares me like nothing ever has before.”

  That floored her. He said it so simply, so matter-of-factly. But then no one had put her first. Ever. Not when it counted and certainly not like this. And she found it really hard to deal with.

  She was still trying when he grabbed her by the waist.

  “Now you need to say something before I lose my mind.”

  “I think I’m falling in love with you,” she blurted.

  He froze and stared at her, nostrils pinched as he paled slightly. “Jesus…” he finally breathed.

  Her heart leapt into her throat. “Is that a good Jesus or a very bad Jesus?”

  He shook his head. “It’s an I-wasn’t-expecting-that Jesus.”

  Her strangled laughter made him raise an eyebrow at her. “Seriously? You’re one of the most dynamic, sexiest men on the planet. You’ve been the equivalent of a force ten gale since we met, Zach. I’ve lost several metaphorical nails hanging on for sheer survival.”

  He frowned. “What are you talking about?”

  She laughed. “Why does the fact that you don’t even recognize just how incredible you are surprise me?”

  “If you’re talking about sex—”

  “I’m talking about sex, and I’m talking about the things you say to me, the way you look after me, what you did for me yesterday. Sure, there’s a huge amount I want to know, but what I know now makes it easy for me to fall for you.”

  His eyelids swept down, shielding his expression. “Don’t fall too fast, Bethany. I may not live up to your expectations in the long run.” The hard, implacable note in his voice triggered naked fear down her spine.

  “Why do you say that?”

  He shook his head. “There are things about me, you don’t know, things I can’t tell you…”

  “You can tell me anything, Zach.”

  The SUV bumped over a pothole and he glanced away from her. She watched his profile turn remote as he stared out of the window. Jaw tight, he exhaled harshly and shook his head. “No, I can’t. I’d much rather you left me because of something I’m keeping from you than because of something that would make you despise me.”

  Her breath fractured in her chest. “You think whatever you’re keeping from me will make me leave you? What did I say to you this morning in your study?”

  His lips firmed. “That the only way I’d make you unhappy is to push you away.”

  “Yes. And if you’re already anticipating that I’ll leave, then where does that leave us?”

  He faced her again, and cradled her face in his hand as the SUV slowed to a stop. “This isn’t a small thing, Bethany. It’s fucking huge and I…I can’t risk it ending us. You mean too much for me to let that happen. And yes, it sounds incredibly selfish, but give us a little more time, baby. Please?”

  Her heart pounded long and hard. “I can’t wait forever, Zach.”

  He nodded. “I know, and I appreciate that.” Leaning forward he kissed her with deep reverence. “Thank you.”

  They went into the house and headed upstairs. In the shower, he washed her body with the same reverence with which he’d kissed her.

  But their hunger for each other raged just as strongly as it had in the alleyway and soon the atmosphere of the simple shower changed to heat and passion. Before her senses flooded with everything that was Zachary Savage, she pulled away.

  “Let’s make a deal.”

  Suspicion clouded his eyes. “Not if you’re about to try that thing you did with the belt again.”

  “How can I? You burned it to a crisp, remember?”

  “I remember. But you’ve proven how resourceful you are. Bethany, I’m pretty damn sure I’ll fuck this up in some way before I get some things right. I only ask that you don’t punish me that way.”

  The deep hurt in his eyes shocked her.

  She touched his face, loved the feel of his rough five-o’clock shadow against her palm. “It was less than five minutes, Zach.”

  A deep shudder raked through his frame. “It felt like a fucking lifetime.”

  “Oh, baby.” She started to lean down to kiss his lips. Kiss him better. His grip tightened. She raised her gaze to his and saw the determination in his eyes.

  He meant to extract the promise from her. Nothing else would satisfy this man who had everything and yet seemed to want her with a passion that swept her clean away every time.

  “I promise I’ll never keep myself away from you like that ever again.”

  His massive chest sagged with his relieved exhalation. When he grinned, he looked years younger and the wicked twinkle in his eyes made her heart catch. “Thank you. It’s for your own good, you know?”

  “Don’t get cocky, Savage. I’ve just made you a heartfelt promise. Watch your step.”

  “Yeah, but you never go back on your promises. It’s one of the first things I learned about you. And when I said it was for your own good, I meant I saw how withholding yourself from me distressed you, too. That sweet cunt of yours needs constant and careful attention. I need to know that I can give it that attention whenever necessary.”

  “Oh, what, so all of a sudden, you’re necessary for me?”

  “I’m necessary for you, just as you’re necessary for me. The thought of not having access kills me. I need you.” He kissed her.

  She lived in the world’s most cosmopolitan city, yet she’d never met anyone who could create such emotional havoc using only his words the way Zachary Savage could.

  “What are you thinking?” he murmured against her mouth.

  “I’m thinking we haven’t discussed my deal yet.”

  He pulled back and stared down at her, his eyes suddenly serious. “I know what you want, and I agree,” he blurted as if the words scalded his mouth.

  “Really, you agree to reveal one detail about yourself to me every day?”

  “You mean like my shoe size or which way I load my junk?” he teased but the wariness remained.

  She slapped his arm and earned herself a quick, hard kiss. “No, I’m pretty
sure I know the answer to both of those. I mean until you’re ready to tell me this big thing that could end us, you can tell me things like who your high school crush was, what you did with your first paycheck, that sort of thing.”

  He switched off the shower, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her. “Well, today’s answer is easy. I didn’t have a high school crush.”

  “Oh,” she murmured as she followed him back into the bedroom. “Not even a small one?”

  He looked at her over his shoulder and smiled. “Does swimming count?”

  She pouted. “No, it doesn’t.”

  “Sorry to disappoint you, baby.” He sat on the edge of the bed and beckoned her. “Come here.”

  Her heart thumped with want and need and—God, love—as she went to him. Slowly, he dried her and pulled back the covers.

  She slid in and he followed.

  Their lovemaking was slow, poignant, and so heartbreakingly intense that tears welled in her eyes. He brushed them away, murmuring soft words as he cradled her close. Sighing, she burrowed into him and let his steady heartbeat lull her to sleep.

  She woke in the middle of the night, her stomach hollow with anxiety.

  Zach’s space was empty and cold, just as it had been the day before. Trying hard not to overthink why he’d left their bed in the middle of the night, she slid out of bed and opened the door leading out of the suite.

  The hallway lights had been dimmed and no sound came from any of the rooms. Had Zach taken another business call downstairs?

  She went back to the bedroom and slipped on a dressing gown. Seeing that the door to the terrace was ajar, she went to shut it and on impulse stepped outside. Crickets chirped in the warm night and the prevailing scent of exotic spices filled the air. Wrapping her arms around her waist, she breathed in deeply and retraced her steps along the terrace.

  As if pulled by some unknown instinct, she found herself back at the spot where Zach had found her earlier tonight, staring at the mound of rocks in front of the miniature tent. As she watched, a light came on inside the tent. Her breath locked in her lungs at the familiar shadow outlined against the tent’s fabric.

  A thousand questions crowded her brain as she stared, unable to tear her gaze away from the scene.

  What the hell was he doing out there in the middle of the night?

  The anxiety in her belly mushroomed. More than anything, she wanted to storm downstairs and demand answers. She bit her lip.

  She’d promised to give him time. He’d agreed to a question a day. Demanding more might push him into clamming up altogether and that was the last thing she wanted.

  The shadow moved and Bethany stepped back from the railing. Zach emerged into the night air, his head bowed and his posture weighted in a way she’d never seen before. Beneath his white T-shirt his shoulders were tense and his movements lacked their usual animal grace.

  She quickly returned to the bedroom and got back into bed. Heart thundering, she waited. But an hour later, he hadn’t returned.

  The thought that he was out there, grappling with whatever demons haunted him made her leap out of bed again. Opening the door, she was about to head downstairs when the light from underneath the door at the end of the corridor caught her eye.

  The toy room.

  Mouth dry, she approach and turned the knob.

  Zach jerked around from where he’d been stroking one leather arm band attached to the St Andrew’s Cross and faced her.

  Chapter Twenty

  “Bethany,” he breathed.

  Pain radiated from him in waves, hitting her full in the face. Had she not been holding on to the door knob, she would’ve reeled backwards.

  “Tell me what you need, Zach,” she pleaded. “Tell me how to make it better for you.”

  His harsh exhalation shook his whole body. Haunted eyes locked on hers from across the room, communicating a thousand demands that remained unspoken.

  Earlier last night, she’d come up with the plan to use sex to coax Zach into giving her what she needed from him.

  Sex was the most precious thing in their relationship. For now. After the incident in the alley, she’d abandoned that idea because she’d believed that she would jeopardize it if she used it as leverage.

  But she realized she’d didn’t have to use it that way. She could use it to communicate with the man she had fallen for. The man she’d begun to suspect she couldn’t live without.

  Releasing the door, she nudged it shut.

  It was time to give it her all. It was time to go for broke.

  She crossed the room until she stood arms length from him. Slowly she untied her robe and let it fall to the floor.

  His pained exhalation was jagged with threads of deep arousal.

  Heart pounding, she reached out and trailed her fingers along his jaw.

  “Show me how to make it better, Zachary.”

  He swallowed hard and shook his head. “I can’t. I don’t want to lose you.”

  “You won’t lose me. I promise.”

  “No,” he snapped. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep. I’ve learned the hard way that nothing lasts forever. You think you’re falling in love with me—”

  “I don’t think. I know. I love you, Zach.”

  He jerked backward as if he’d been shot. Pale, he shook his head, over and over, denying the words that twisted like a live gauntlet between them.

  “No. What you feel isn’t love. It’s just your brain reacting to great sex.”

  This time it was her turn to jerk. Ice engulfed her and she dropped her hands from his face. “Don’t disparage my feelings.”

  “I’m stating the facts as I’ve experienced them.”

  “As you’ve experienced them. Don’t presume to tell me how I feel.”

  “Bethany—”

  “No. If you don’t want my love, that’s fine. No, actually, it’s not fine. You’ll need to come up with a fucking great reason why you don’t want it, when every time you look at me, I see how much you want me.”

  “I do,” he rasped. “I want you more than…” He shook his head.

  “And I’m here right in front of you. You don’t want me to leave, and yet you try to belittle what I have to give you. What the hell do you want from me, Zach?”

  He clenched his fist at his sides, repeating the action from when they’d first met. As if he was denying himself of her. His body burned hers, imprinting on her. “Something I don’t have the right to ask.”

  “Try it anyway.”

  “I want time. A lot of it. And your belief that no matter what happens, I won’t hurt you. Not deliberately.”

  “And what about my love? What do you want me to do with that?” she asked.

  “Use it to stay. Use it to understand when I can’t open my past up to you like an open book.”

  She trembled at the dark anguish in his voice. More than anything she wanted to step closer, take him in her arms and let the one thing that had always been perfect between them take over.

  But she needed more, just a little bit more.

  “It’s morning, another day. Time for another question.”

  He shut his eyes and his head fell back wearily. Without opening them, he nodded.

  “When you told me you had no family you wanted to talk about, what did you mean?”

  His tension escalated, his biceps bunching under the strain of clenching his fists. “My mother lives in Louisiana. I haven’t spoken to her in over ten years.”

  “Why?”

  “Because that was when I accepted that as much as I wanted to deny it, she would never be who I want her to be,” he muttered hoarsely, pain vibrating off his body, hitting her in the gut with the sheer magnitude of it.

  “I’m sorry, Zach.”

  He opened his eyes and the hard, ruthless gleam she saw amid the pain made her breath catch. “Don’t be. I knew she was toxic long before I cut her out of my life.”

  “God, what did she do to you?”

 
; “To me? Nothing. It was what she did to herself. What she let others do to her that was the problem.”

  “What does that—?”

  He stopped her words with one finger across her lips. “No, I’ve answered your question. Which means the inquisition is over for another twenty-four hours. It also means I have you for another day.” His finger slid slowly over her mouth, and she noticed it was trembling. “I need you, Bethany.” The naked plea in his voice, in his eyes, made tears clog her throat.

  “You have me,” she answered simply, hoping that the love vibrating from inside her would heal him even a little.

  His breath shuddered out. He lifted her chin with his finger and looked into her eyes. “If I take you tonight, it won’t be…I can’t promise I won’t be a little rough. Are you okay with that?”

  Excitement bubbled through the volatile emotions ricocheting in the atmosphere. “I know you won’t hurt me.”

  One arm slid around her, pulling her into his hard body. “I’ll never hurt you, Peaches. Not intentionally.”

  She nodded, and her gaze flicked to the structure behind him. “But right now you want to tie me to a cross. Am I right?” she asked, her voice husky with deep arousal.

  His smile was lopsided, tinged with chagrin. “I’d never given much thought to control or how it would feel to lose mine, until I met you. Now you touch me and I feel as if I’m losing my mind.”

  “I feel the same way.”

  He leaned closer until their foreheads touched. “Today has been…challenging.”

  “I know.”

  He turned her around until her back touched the cross. “Give me this. Help ground me a little?”

  She shivered at the sensation of the smooth iron studs against her naked skin. Heat flared anew in his face as his gaze dropped to her hardening nipples. His lips parted and his tongue snuck out to rest against his lower lip.

  Knowing he was caught helplessly in the same maelstrom of emotion and arousal as she was lent her to the power to take the final step back.

  Gratitude, wonder, and anticipation blazed across Zachary’s face as she slowly held out her hands to him.