They didn’t talk on the way to the lab. She grew increasingly nervous, which didn’t help him any.
Jordan directed him to lie in a tube that smelled of salt water. It seemed obvious the tube normally held marine life, and not an air breather like himself.
“Okay, you ready for this?” She stood at his side, the injector in hand.
“Not really, but you’re here.”
“Your arm please, sir.”
The injection didn’t hurt, and there were no immediate results. She closed him into the tube and stood at a panel near his shoulder, staring intently at a screen. Slowly his anxiety leeched out of him. The aroma of fish and brine made his stomach roll. After minutes passed without anything changing, the tube depressurized and the top slowly lifted. He pushed it up and swung his legs over the side.
“How do you feel?” She bounced on the balls of her feet, looking like a kid at Christmas.
“Fine.” He thrust his hand through his hair.
“That’s great. It worked.”
“What?” Freezing, he ran through a mental checklist. He felt fine. He reached for Jordan, but she sidestepped him.
“No, we need to test it. No feedback unless you need it. This could be it.”
“Great,” he replied without enthusiasm.
“I want to run some more tests, so go stand over there and let me scan you.”
He did as she asked, keeping his opinions to himself. He could still sense her across the lab, but he didn’t need the feedback.
Jordan continued to dance away from him, keeping space in the lab while she ran tests and synthesized more of her magic cure. His hands itched to touch her, to hold another person but she never gave him the chance, even after they returned to her quarters. Long after he should have needed some feedback, he was fine, but his insides were hollow.
He stood at the window, gazing out onto the reef. Jordan’s smiling face reflected at his shoulder.
“You should need another dose by now.”
She made the mistake of coming within snatching distance. Turning, he grabbed her by the arm and hauled her against his chest, the feedback so intense it swelled the glands at his jaws.
“Cai, what are you doing?” She pressed her hands against his chest, but he didn’t let her go. He’d allowed her to push him around, but he wasn’t going to stand for it anymore.
“The serum works. I don’t want to take it.” His voice sounded raw to his own ears.
She blinked. “But, why? I thought you wanted it.”
“It works, but it’s like eating sweets instead of real food. It fills you up.” He ran his fingers over her cheek. “But it doesn’t satisfy you.”
Jordan gaped at him. “What do you want me to do? I don’t know–”
“The serum works, Jor. But just because it works doesn’t mean it’s a substitute for the real thing. It’s fine as it is. Leave it alone.”
“I don’t understand.”
He tucked her closer against him. “Jor, you don’t want a relationship because to you it’s everything you’ve left behind. I don’t even know if you realize it, but you lump me in with the asshats who hurt you when you were younger. You think of being attached to people as a curse. I see it differently. I want that. You might not, but I do. There’s no substitute for a living, breathing person. You can’t bottle it, you can’t hug a holo or talk to a shark, because they don’t talk back, they don’t care about you.”
For a long moment neither said a thing.
Anger flared hot and spicy on his tongue. Jordan planted her hands on his chest and shoved. He stepped back, giving her space he didn’t want to grant.
“Where do you get off saying that?” Jordan balled her hands into fists. “All I’m trying to do is help you.”
Shoving his hands through his hair, he pulled the elastic band free. A face-off with her was not what he wanted, but ne needed to feel something. “And I’m trying to show you that you’re wrong, but you don’t listen.”
“You don’t even know me.”
“You don’t know yourself. You hide from yourself.”
“I do not.” She tossed her hands up. “You think that just because you can tell how I feel, you know everything about me? Well you don’t.”
“I understand a lot more than you realize, Jor.”
“Jordan. And what do you understand?” She rolled her eyes.
“More than you want me to.”
“That’s vague.” She crossed her arms. “Look, you think my life is terrible, that’s nice, but this is my life. I like it. You don’t? So what. I filed for an annulment. You can leave.”
Cold shock slapped him in the face. “You don’t mean that.”
“Why not?” She shrugged. “You’re on your way out anyway. It’s not like you’re planning on staying.”
“When did I decide that?”
“The first day you were here. I booked a shuttle for you tomorrow.”
“You what?” Anger was gaining traction. Why did she think she could make his decisions for him? Did she care for him so little? Was he not owed some kind of decency? “I don’t even get a say in this?”
“I thought I was doing something nice for you.” Her voice rose higher.
“You just want me gone. Do you like being alone that much?” He shoved a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean that. Fuck. Jor, you make me crazy.”
Silence.
“Jor. Jordan.” He grasped her arms when she tried to walk away from him.
“Incoming communication,” a computerized voice announced.
Jordan jerked out of his hold. “Sender?”
“Identification, parents.”
She glared at him on her way to the comm panel near the entrance. “Connect me.”
The elderly valet appeared on screen. The corners of his mouth turned up, the most expression Cai’d seen on the man’s face. “Lady Amelia for you, ma’am.”
“Hi, Jerry. What does Mom want?” She scrubbed her hand through her hair, tension radiating off her in waves.
“I’m not privy to that information, ma’am. Allow me connect you to her?”
“Thanks Jerry. Happy holidays.”
“Happy holidays, ma’am. Here is her ladyship.”
The screen blipped, resolving into the elegant image of Lady Amelia. “Jordan, darling. Happy holidays.”
“Hi, Mom.”
Amelia’s sharp gaze went past her daughter to him. Her delicately arched brows lifted. “Whatever are you doing there?”
Jordan glared at him over her shoulder.
“My stasis malfunctioned, Lady.” He inclined his head to show respect. Though Lady Amelia and her consort hired him, they were also his in-laws for the time being.
“That’s a pity. I wanted you to be a surprise. I guess we can plan a reception then, hm?”
His body tensed. Talk about bad timing. Jordan gripped the bottom of the console.
“A party? Mom, I think you’re getting ahead of yourself.”
Lady Amelia’s attention turned to him. There was no feeling in the woman. She was beautiful, but none of it touched her eyes. “Cai, if you wouldn’t mind giving my daughter and I a moment?”
He didn’t want to leave. Jordan and her mother held his fate in their hands. Jordan was a missing part of him, but he didn’t think they would fit if she were forced. But he couldn’t deny a direct request. Bowing his head, he excused himself.
* * * *
Jordan never defied her parents. She hadn’t acted out. She rarely got into trouble of her own making. She’d gone to great efforts to make herself as forgettable as possible. And it worked. For over ten years she’d faded into the background of her parent’s lives.
“Is he gone?” Amelia leaned back into the throne like chair. Though Jordan couldn’t place the furniture, she knew the view behind her mother was the one from her personal office.
“Yes, mother, he’s gone. How could you send me a husband?” Her voice cracked. She hadn’t allowed
herself to think about how her parents presented Cai as a pleasure slave. It infuriated her.
“It was the most comfortable way to transport him. I assume he’s enlightened you about his particular needs?” There was no innuendo implied, her mother was too proper for that.
“I figured out a serum which resolves that issue. I’m sending him away tomorrow, and I filed for an annulment.”
Her mother didn’t even lift a brow. “Jordan, be reasonable. It’s Christmas Eve tomorrow.”
“He should be able to be with his family. He should be able to choose what he wants to do.”
“Darling, Cai chose you. He had his pick from more than a dozen offers. He picked you, sight unseen. No one made him go to you.”
“That’s not a good enough reason to be with someone, mother.”
“Jordan, Cai will die without someone he can depend on, someone who won’t take advantage of him.”
“There’s got to be someone of his own race–”
“Cai is not allowed back to his planet.”
“What?”
Amelia folded her hands on her desk and leaned forward. “When the males are turned over to their off-world brides, they are not brought back unless by request of the matriarch of the family.”
Her jaw dropped. “That’s unfair.”
“That’s their culture,” Amelia said with a shrug.
Shaking her head, Jordan reminded herself of the other benefits of her serum. “With my cure he doesn’t have to go home. He can go anywhere he wants.”
Amelia studied her for a moment. “Do you dislike him so much?”
“What?” She shook her head. “No, he’s nice.”
“Then why are you refusing him?”
“It’s not about refusing or liking him–”
Her mother sighed. Actually sighed. The sound silenced her like few things would. Sighing was an unrefined habit her mother tried to train out of her. “Jordan, I need to dress so let’s make this quick. You are, socially speaking, on the shelf. As my child, once you reach thirty you will join the rotation pool, legitimacy of birth aside, and a husband will be chosen for you. Since no one has vied for your attention to date, and you have not shown interest in someone else, we made this gesture hoping to settle you happily. Matches will not come favorably. They will wait until you are in the rotation, and marry you without conditions or provisions for your wants or desires. You’ve lived a free life, within reason. We’ve allowed you all the room to be happy, but you have ignored this protocol. Think about it. I would love to see you happy.” Her words and tone didn’t match up. No warmth reached her eyes, and Jordan didn’t believe her mother cared about her happiness.
Jordan’s brain reeled. She knew the law about rotating the blood among the peers, but she’d been sure it didn’t extend to her. “But–”
“Think about it. Cai is a charming young man. He is also dependent on his arranged mate. He won’t take advantage of you, your children will be out of the peer rotation and you can make a life that pleases you. He has the necessary training to also keep you safe from the riffraff. Angelique, you remember her? She was kidnapped weeks ago; the end did not go well. There are many things I did for selfish reasons. One of those was having you. The price you’ve paid, being my daughter, is unique. But, you can form your future. You’re strong enough, I think.” Leaning back, she glanced off screen. “Now, I must dress, darling. Let me know what your decision will be. Happy holidays.”
The screen went black, just like Jordan’s mind. Her thoughts refused to gain traction. She wheeled around, only to stop and gaze at the tree. The tree Cai purchased for her, so she could have Christmas. She’d thought she escaped the life her family led, only to learn she was still on a leash. Marrying Cai would provide her with an out, but she couldn’t rope someone else into the their circus.
She didn’t want to spend her life alone. It hadn’t been a conscious decision on her part. But forcing Cai to be that person was wrong, regardless of how much she cared for him.
Standing next to the tree, with the miniature sharks suspended on the boughs, backlit by the lights and the ocean beyond, Jordan could see her life slipping out of control. She couldn’t blame her ignorance on her parents. They’d provided her the opportunities to learn, to know the rules and she’d ignored them. She’d always slacked when it came to studying law.
Tomorrow she would say goodbye to Cai, and while she still had time, she’d make a plan. She wouldn’t turn thirty for another year. She could work with it. But she wasn’t going to use Cai.
Chapter 10
Jordan focused on her prioritized to-do list, and didn’t allow her troubled emotions to get in the way. She glanced at a string of lights hung in a window as she strode down one of the main corridors, and her will faltered. It didn’t feel like Christmas Eve. She’d been fine with sending Cai away yesterday, but today reluctance had her dawdling. Her gaze dropped from the lights to the reef beyond the windows.
If she were honest with herself, she didn’t want to send him away, even though it was the best thing for both of them. But if she didn’t let him go, he’d be like one of her sharks. A creature living in pseudo-freedom. She couldn’t save her sharks from an ecosystem unable to support them, but she could give Cai a chance for something more. It was the only present she had to offer him.
“There you are.”
Startled, she turned to face Cai. He had the pack she’d dug out of her closet slung over his shoulder and bulging at the seams.
“I was on my way to get you,” she said, sliding her hands into her pockets. She wanted to touch him. To be held. She’d grown accustomed to his touches. But she couldn’t allow herself to depend on him. “Ready?”
“Yup.”
His eagerness to leave surprised her. They hadn’t spoken more than a few words since their argument and she’d expected him to refuse to go. Maybe even change her mind, but instead he had a bag slung over his shoulder and wore more clothes than she’d seen him in at one time.
Her heart withered a little. Nodding, she turned and began striding to the shuttle bay.
Last night, she’d fought off sleep for as long as possible, so she could enjoy the feel of him holding her. She’d slept soundly, only to wake up alone. In the span of a couple weeks, he’d brought her so much happiness.
Their footsteps echoed with forlorn sadness as they left the corridor and entered the vaulted shuttle bay.
She couldn’t take the silence from him. Before, even when they weren’t speaking, they were still connected through touch.
“When you decide where you’re going, let me know and I can ship your stasis chamber to you, and more serum, okay?”
Cai grunted and gestured for her to enter the shuttle.
She didn’t want to leave off this way, but neither did she know how to fix them. She hoped some day he understood.
Strapping in at the controls, Jordan tried to not flinch when Cai closed the door separating the cockpit from the lounge. She could open the comm, but putting the barrier between them was his move, not hers. She needed to respect his boundaries.
The trip to the station was only forty-five minutes, but she spent that time in silence, staring out at the star-strewn sky. This far out there wasn’t any traffic or shipping lanes, and while she could have put the shuttle on auto, it was good to have something to do with her hands. After all, she couldn’t go back to the lounge and take the chance she’d ask Cai to spend Christmas with her. They would always be friends, but sharing more intimacy made him all the more dangerous to her heart. She needed to search for a suitable husband with a clear head after the New Year.
By the time she thought of something to say to him, she was communicating with the station and getting docking orders. The few times she’d been to the station, she’d been directed to a secure dock. This time, due to the holidays, their orders were changed to one of the lower, public docks. Except for the different location, docking went smoothly. She went through the entire check
list before clearing the doors for opening.
Pushing open the cockpit door, she pasted a bright smile. “Here we are.”
Cai straightened from the chair nearest the door, the pack already sitting on his shoulders. He didn’t acknowledge that she’d spoken. She missed the quick-to-smile man she’d grown to know. The person standing across from her was a stranger.
“Okay then,” she said when she couldn’t think of anything else. She keyed in the disengage order for the shuttle door. “If you need anything, let me know. We’re still friends, Cai.” She wanted to be something to him, not just his soon to be not-wife.
Turning, she gasped. She hadn’t heard Cai move.
He cupped her face with both hands, and she could have cried from that gesture alone. She missed the little ways he touched her, caressed her face and held her hand, and it hadn’t been a full day. She gripped his forearms as he kissed her, thrusting his tongue into her mouth, nipping her lip and trapping her body against the plas panel with his body. She forgot how big and imposing he was most of the time. She wanted more of this, more of him, but it wasn’t right. Cai broke the kiss, removing her hands from his arms, though she tried to hold on longer and draw their last kiss out as long as she could.
“See you,” he said against her lips, and stepped away.
The loss of his hands, the contact, even the heat from his body made her shudder. Leaning against the bulkhead, Jordan sucked in a breath.
He was gone.
Cai left, just as she’d arranged for him to. From the station he could catch a transport going anywhere. She’d set him free, but why did it hurt?
Sinking down into one of the chairs, she leaned forward and cradled her head in her hands. She’d done the right thing, she was certain. She needed to move on to her own problems.
Footsteps brought her head up and her heart tried to leap out of her chest. Was he coming back?
A deckhand stepped into the doorway. “Excuse me?”
She blew out a breath and leaned back in her seat. “Yes?”
She could have her breakdown later, in the comfort of her own quarters. She’d give herself until everyone was back from the holidays before figuring out where her life was headed.
A Kiss For a Cure Page 9