With Abandon: With or Without, Book 4

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With Abandon: With or Without, Book 4 Page 16

by J. L. Langley


  “Why do you think something’s wrong?”

  Letting his hand drop, Aubrey arched a brow, daring Matt to deny it. “Because I know you.”

  He sure seemed to. It was neat but a little vexing because he couldn’t read Aubrey as easily. Shrugging, Matt unwrapped the candy and popped it into his mouth. He took his time chewing. He didn’t want to bother Aubrey with his problems. He’d just come off as whining.

  Aubrey took a piece of candy from the bag, still watching Matt. The way his neck muscles moved as he chewed drew Matt’s gaze. Aubrey had a sexy neck. This morning seemed like so long ago. It was amazing he could even walk with the amount of sex they’d had in the past three days, but the newness and excitement didn’t seem anywhere near wearing off. Oh boy, the memory of this weekend had him hard in seconds flat.

  He had to get his mate naked again. Chocolate and family could wait. Matt scooted forward. Unbuttoning Aubrey’s crisp dress shirt revealed hard muscle and soft, curly blond hair. He hadn’t spent near enough time exploring his mate’s body. They kept getting too caught up, and without meaning to Matt lost himself in the pleasure.

  The tie. He had to get the tie off first. He grabbed it and tugged. He wanted skin.

  “Hold on a minute, sugar. You’re choking me.” Chuckling, Aubrey stilled Matt’s hands. He undid his own tie and drew it off.

  Matt chuckled too and nudged Aubrey backward, making him lie down. He continued on the shirt until it hung open. Aubrey’s chest was wide and strong. There was just a bit of hair, all blond and not real visible, but nice feeling. Matt ran his hands down the rippled planes, marveling at the way they trembled under his touch. He drew circles on Aubrey’s chest. When he brushed against one hard nipple, Aubrey made a small sound. Oh, he liked that. Matt pinched the same nipple, and Aubrey writhed a little.

  Stretching his arms over his head, Aubrey smiled at him.

  It encouraged Matt. He bent and licked one nipple before sucking it into his mouth.

  “Ungh.” Aubrey rested his hand on the back of Matt’s neck.

  Pleased with the reaction, Matt sat up. His sight blurred, but he squeezed his eyes shut, willing them not to shift. He didn’t want to miss this. He usually didn’t care much about seeing in color, but he wanted to see his mate as he was. The pale stomach and trail of blond hair made a sharp contrast where they disappeared into the dark waistband. “I like touching you.”

  The proof of Aubrey’s desire tenting his slacks had Matt’s eyes blurring again. He traced his fingers down that column of hair until he reached the fabric. Skipping over the belt buckle, he gripped the big cock taunting him.

  Aubrey groaned and bucked into the touch. “Good, because I like you touching me too.” Aubrey began unbuckling his belt.

  Oh yeah, Matt wanted to see him. He squeezed Aubrey’s prick. His stomach muscles contracted. Matt unbuttoned and unzipped the pants just as Aubrey got the belt undone. Before he could reach in and wrap his fingers around the hot piece of flesh, Aubrey lifted up and shoved his pants and boxers down to his thighs. His erection came free, bobbing against his abdomen for a few moments. As Matt watched, it flexed, and a clear drop seeped out of the slit. What would it taste like? Matt licked his lips.

  “Damn, sugar.”

  Beckoned by the drop and the unknown, Matt dipped forward and swiped his tongue across the head. The tangy taste was different but not bad. What would a lot of it be like? He had no idea what to do, but he wanted to try.

  Aubrey’s cock flexed. He moaned. The sound was rusty and sultry.

  Again, Matt had to close his eyes to keep them human. His heart hammered at the thought of taking Aubrey into his mouth. He wanted to. He was kinda nervous though. What if he messed it up? Can you mess that up?

  Aubrey sat up. “Come on.” Grabbing his pants, he hitched them up a little and stood. He helped Matt up and led them to the living room. Letting his pants drop, he toed off one shoe. He pulled his leg free of the pants and boxers before sitting on the couch. Spreading his legs, he gave Matt a great view of hairy muscular thighs, taut balls and long, hard cock. Aubrey held out his hand.

  A frisson of anticipation and nerves had Matt’s pulse racing. He’d loved when Aubrey used his mouth on him this weekend. He wanted to experience it from the other side of things. Taking the offered hand, he let Aubrey tug him down until he was sitting on his knees in between Aubrey’s outstretched legs.

  The back of Aubrey’s knuckles brushed his cheek. “I couldn’t see as well lying down.”

  Matt groaned and rested his head against Aubrey’s thigh. Aubrey loved to watch. That had become apparent this weekend. Everything he did to Matt, he wanted to see. And oh the pleasure in his eyes when he watched… The pinch of Matt’s jeans on his cock grew unbearable, and he had to reach down and adjust himself. Aubrey’s balls were begging for his attention. Matt stuck his tongue out, licking, testing the feel on his tongue. He grabbed Aubrey’s cock and held it up straight as he continued.

  Aubrey’s thigh muscles jumped.

  Raising his head, Matt caught Aubrey’s rapt gaze and closed his mouth over the tip of his mate’s cock. It was wide and stretched his mouth, but soft. No, not soft, smooth and hot too. He closed his eyes and learned by doing. Without going too far down at first, he explored. The head caressed his tongue as it came out of his mouth. The ridge slid past his lips. He was so horny. With his free hand he mashed his palm against his cock, rubbing a little.

  Aubrey’s fingers tickled his cheek. “That feels wonderful, sugar. Can you go down farther?”

  Could he? Matt opened his eyes and glanced up.

  The intense pleasure in Aubrey’s gaze was almost his undoing. He wanted nothing more than to please his mate. He’d put that look in those blue eyes. It was humbling. Matt went down farther, taking as much of Aubrey’s dick into his mouth as he could. Only when it became too much, like he was going to gag, did he stop. Slowly at first, he continued up and down, letting the hard flesh slide over his tongue.

  The whole time Aubrey watched him. He never stopped caressing Matt’s face. “Use your hand.”

  Matt did. His palm moved easily in the spit that had escaped his mouth. He set up a quick rhythm. That sexy stare felt utterly naughty and sensual. Being watched made it more real somehow, more intense. Matt was close to coming. He closed his eyes and pressed his hand harder against himself. Aubrey’s arousal fed his, and he gripped his own cock, squeezing. He wanted his pants out of the way, but he didn’t want to stop to remove them.

  After a few minutes, Aubrey laid his hand on the back of Matt’s head and lifted his hips. The tip of his cock hit the back of Matt’s throat, making him choke.

  Matt tried to recover and close his lips around Aubrey, but it was too late. Hot spunk flooded his mouth, and the sound of Aubrey’s hoarse groan fell on his ears. He managed to take the shaft and close his lips some, but the salty liquid surprised him and most of it ran right down his chin. The shock of it didn’t hamper his own excitement though. He kept rubbing himself through his jeans. Matt tensed at the incredible friction on his prick. Intense pleasure swamped him, and he joined Aubrey in climax.

  His eyes finally shifted, and his gums tingled. He jerked away from Aubrey, letting the still-hard prick spring free. The come dribbled down his chin onto his neck. As semen filled his jeans, his fangs dropped.

  “You okay?”

  Holy cow. Slumping against Aubrey’s leg, Matt used the back of his hand to wipe his mouth. He probably looked hilarious. Yep, there was a big stain on the crotch of his pants. He grinned. Stupid fangs. That was supposed to happen before not after. He couldn’t help but giggle. Leave it to him to get it backward and flub up the ending. He’d been doing pretty danged good too, or at least he thought he had. He really liked doing that. It was…intimate, forbidden kinda, and a huge turn-on.

  “Matt?”

  “Huh?” Matt rolled his head on Aubrey’s knee until their gazes locked. Aubrey’s blue irises shrank until they were fully human.
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  Aubrey smiled and there were no fangs. “You okay?”

  Matt nodded.

  “Sorry, I got carried away. You just looked so damned sexy.” He used the tail of his shirt to clean up the mess on his prick. He dabbed at Matt’s chin with it. Finally, he leaned forward and kissed Matt’s lips.

  Grinning, Matt pointed to his teeth. “I made a mess.”

  “I’m not complaining at all. That was awesome.” Aubrey pressed his lips together to keep from laughing and nodded. “The teeth and eyes are hot. A little ill-timed but hot. Definitely hot.”

  Chuckling again at the picture he must have made, Matt closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Aubrey’s knee. He concentrated on making his eyes and teeth go back to normal. He’d have to try that again without the shifting.

  After a few moments, Aubrey lifted Matt’s chin with his finger. He looked as relaxed as Matt. “Now are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

  His family had slipped his mind. Matt sighed and presto, just like that, his eyes and teeth returned to normal. He didn’t want to think about his family right now, but the problem wasn’t going to go away for good. Maybe it’d help to talk about it.

  Talk about screwing up an afterglow though.

  Matt considered going to change his squishy pants, but instead he gave in. He wanted to tell Aubrey. “My mom threatened to divorce my dad again and almost hit my brother with a fork trying to throw it at my dad.”

  Aubrey’s eyes widened, and he brushed Matt’s hair off his forehead. “Again?”

  “She does that every now and again. It’s just that lately it seems more frequent. My parents don’t like each other.”

  Aubrey shrugged. “Maybe they aren’t mates.”

  “Nah…” But it sort of made sense. He didn’t know any other mates who acted like his parents. Their animosity did seem a little extreme. Maybe there was an underlying reason. Perhaps they were once like all the other mated couples. “Can you imagine ever hating me?”

  “Hell no.” Aubrey scowled, looking half-confused, half-offended. “I guess that’s why I thought they might not be mates. The longer I’m around you, the more I like you, the more I find we have in common. I even like our differences.”

  Matt nodded. “Me too.” The immediate reaction from his mate made him all warm and fuzzy inside. Truthfully, he was halfway to being head over heels in love with Aubrey. Which made his parents’ relationship even more puzzling. All the mated couples he knew were good to one another. Mates were a perfect match. Keaton and Chay, Jake and Remi, Chay’s parents, Aubrey’s parents, all of them were deeply in love. Not only was there an unmistakable physical attraction—his parents had that at least—but mates were friends too. His parents truly did not like each other, and they had nothing in common except their kids.

  Oh no. No, no, no, no. Matt stared up at Aubrey, not really seeing him. A deep, empty feeling settled in his chest. “You’re right. They aren’t mates.” The sense of betrayal washed over him. Logically, it had nothing to do with him, unless— Matt gasped in air. He couldn’t breathe. Aubrey’s face blurred, and Matt’s nose started running. There was a lump the size of Texas in his throat. “They got married because she was pregnant with me.” He tried to blink back the tears, but failed. His entire life was one giant lie.

  Aubrey dragged Matt up into his lap and pressed his face up against Aubrey’s neck. He rubbed Matt’s back, rocking them side to side. “Shh… All couples fight, even mates. My parents have arguments. Hell, I’ve thought Chay was actually going to strangle my brother a time or two. Can’t blame him, but still… Mates fight just like every other couple. They even pick fights occasionally. God knows Keaton does.” He kissed Matt’s temple, his cheek and his ear.

  Matt shook his head and buried it farther into his mate’s neck. His hand touched the bare skin where Aubrey’s shirt hung open. “But mates don’t hate each other.” This was all his fault. It made sense now. His mom seemed to distance herself from Matt more so than the others. She blamed him…resented him. And his dad? Now the talk about how they should save themselves for their mates made sense. It wasn’t some romantic notion. It was to keep from knocking up some bimbo and being stuck with her. Their dad didn’t want them making the same mistake he had. Not that that would ever be an issue for Matt, but it certainly shed light on Dad’s irritation over Logan’s never-ending sexual conquests.

  “No one made them have eight other kids, Matt.” Aubrey caught Matt’s face and forced eye contact. He wiped a tear away with his thumb and kissed Matt on the lips. “Even if they got married because she was pregnant with you, no one forced them to bring eight other children into their lives and bind them further together. That’s what’s bothering you, isn’t it? You think it’s your fault that your brothers have had to suffer through your parents’ rocky marriage.” He kissed Matt again and brushed away more tears. “You and your brothers are the innocents in this.”

  Taking a deep breath, Matt tried to calm himself down. It was his fault his brothers had to deal with constant tension. He didn’t want to be upset over this, but— “They never wanted me.”

  “They did want you. They just didn’t want each other. If they didn’t want you, they wouldn’t have bothered getting married so they could both raise you.”

  But that didn’t sound right. Maybe his dad had wanted him but his mom didn’t. Guh. This sucked. His nose was all snotty, and now he was getting a headache. And he couldn’t do anything about the actual problem. Matt sniffed. “Why do I feel so betrayed? Why does it bother me? It shouldn’t.”

  “Ah, sugar, of course it should. As deeply as you care about people? You’re the most affectionate person I’ve ever met.” Aubrey smiled. It wasn’t just a normal smile. Or maybe it was, but the look in his eyes said a lot more than the smile. He cared. A lot. He liked that Matt was affectionate. He liked Matt.

  That gaze got through to Matt. It was like the rest of the garbage got pushed into the background. Aubrey’s heart beat strong and steady against his palm, grounding him a little more. The turmoil was still there, but now there was something else too. Matt snuffled. The tears had stopped flowing finally. Now if he could get the snot to quit running out his nose… The pain in his chest eased, enough so he could breathe again. He felt like an idiot for bursting into tears, but he was too enthralled with the glint in Aubrey’s eyes to be embarrassed.

  “It’s one of the things that makes you special.” That tender expression never left Aubrey’s face. He stared at Matt fondly.

  That look did funny things to Matt’s insides. His body got all tingly and hard again. Wait. Aubrey thought he was special? Matt clutched Aubrey’s face and mashed their lips together so hard and fast it surprised both of them. A gasp pushed out of Aubrey’s mouth into his.

  It was nice, freeing in a way. He really did love Aubrey. It seemed wrong, but the thought of his parents not being mates made his feelings for Aubrey clearer. His life with his parents was over. This one with his mate was just beginning.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Matt stared into the mirror. He was going to have to leave the bathroom sooner or later to go get his tie tied, but he was nervous. He’d never been to a fancy party like this before. He wanted to go, was excited even, but there was still the fear of the unknown. The crowd at this party would be sophisticated and rich…glamorous. He was none of those things. What if he did something stupid, like trip—he was always tripping on stuff—and embarrassed Aubrey?

  “Sugar? You ready?”

  Glancing toward the bathroom door, he hesitated. He picked up his color identifier off the vanity and pointed it at his jacket.

  “Black,” came the disembodied mechanical voice.

  “Matt, you know you’re in all black and white, right?” Aubrey’s voice held a hint of amusement.

  Matt sighed, feeling silly for getting caught using his color identifier on a tuxedo. “Yeah, I know. I’m just playing.” It made him feel more secure. He hadn’t worn pink or lime green
since he got the thing. He’d become dependent on it. And right now he needed all the surety he could get.

  “I promise it’s all black and white, sugar. Come on out here.”

  Resisting the urge to use the thing on his shirt, Matt set it on the vanity and gave it one last longing look. “Please don’t let me screw up tonight.”

  “What was that?”

  “Nothing.” Matt checked his appearance once more, smoothing down the jacket. There was no time like the present. He snatched up the bow tie and went into the bedroom. His stomach was queasy.

  Aubrey stood in front of their bed—when had he started to think of it as theirs?—watching the stock-market ticker scroll across the bottom of one of the news channels. He was watching the stocks because the volume was off. He did that occasionally, and it still baffled Matt. All those numbers and letters made no sense to him at all and after a while they all blurred together.

  “Are you—?” Aubrey turned and froze.

  Oh no. Matt’s stomach clenched, and his breath hitched. He looked down at himself, but didn’t see anything wrong. He hurried back to the bathroom to check the mirror. Nothing jumped out at him. He seemed okay. At least he thought he did. Frowning, he glanced over his shoulder at his back.

  “What are you doing?” Aubrey stepped into the bathroom and took the forgotten tie from Matt’s hand. He positioned himself behind Matt and began putting the tie on him.

  “You looked at me funny. I was trying to figure out what I screwed up.”

  Fussing with the collar, Aubrey chuckled. “Relax. You’re about to jump out of your skin. I was staring because you look amazing.”

  “I do?” Matt cocked his head at the mirror. Amazing? He saw the same reflection he always saw and…did he look pale?

  His tie was starting to take shape beneath Aubrey’s slim, elegant fingers. Matt followed those fingers to the arms and the face just behind his shoulder. Aubrey was the one who looked amazing. He belonged in that sleek black tux.

 

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