by Anna Kashina
His eyes widened. His face showed hesitation as if he wasn’t sure he had heard her right.
“I’m very fond of Kyth,” she said. “He will always have my friendship. I greatly admire him for what he has become, and value his role in our fight against the Kaddim. But I don’t have any feelings for him beyond that.”
Mai stood so still that he appeared inanimate. Only his eyes continued to follow her, their look so intense that it burned.
“For some time,” she went on, “I have mistaken my feelings toward Kyth for love. But I now know for certain that I was wrong.”
“Were you?” Mai asked quietly.
“He… he was the first person in my life who ever made me realize that I can be more than just a prize fighter for our Guild. He taught me to see myself as a woman, as well as a deadly warrior. I am grateful to him for that. But I know for certain that he is not the man I want to spend my life with.”
She swallowed, his captivated look making her skin prickle.
“I have resolved my feelings with him. As a friend, he was very understanding and wished me happiness. I also informed him of my intention to leave the court.”
“Where will you go?” Mai asked quietly.
She met his eyes.
“I hoped you would be able to help me with that decision.”
“Me?” His widening eyes suddenly made him look young and vulnerable.
She paused to steady her voice. “Yes. Thinking about my future, I took advantage of the royal library, which apparently contains a wealth of information about the limitations – and privileges – afforded to you by your post as the Majat Guildmaster.”
He frowned, peering into her eyes, and she quivered at the hope she saw in his gaze.
“My findings surprised me,” she went on. “They also gave me hope, which prompted me to approach you with this conversation.”
He was watching her with hypnotising stillness.
“I found that the post of the Majat Guildmaster leaves a man with much more personal freedom than we have all been raised to believe. A man in this post cannot pursue any personal relations with his subordinates, or anyone whose allegiance may be exploited as a basis for a political alliance. However, nothing in the Code precludes a Majat Guildmaster from having a lasting relationship with an outsider to the Guild, who has pledged no loyalty to anyone else. This, of course, makes it nearly impossible to find a match – which is probably why, historically, the Majat Guildmaster has been perceived as a person off limits to everyone else.”
Mai continued watching her, the quiet fascination in his gaze sending her heart racing.
“I’ve even found a precedent,” she went on, “when a Majat Guildmaster married a woman from outside the Fortress. While the legality of this marriage is strongly debated in the chronicles, she shared his quarters, had full access to all the Guild’s grounds, and accompanied him on all assignments.”
“To no good end. He was unable to protect her.”
Kara’s eyes widened. She would never have found this particular chronicle if not for Egey Bashi’s tip about the secret compartment. She was certain that, even if copies existed elsewhere, the Majat would have made every effort to ensure that they would be equally hard to find. The Guild couldn’t possibly afford for such things to be publicly known.
“You read this chronicle too?”
“Do you think I haven’t considered the possibility?”
She felt as if he had just kicked the floor from under her feet, sending her into freefall.
“You have?”
He smiled. “A man can always dream. There’s nothing in the Code to prohibit that, is there?”
A thrill echoed in the pit of her stomach.
“In our conversation you just referred to,” Mai said, “I also told you about my feelings.”
“You did.” Now it was her turn to be hypnotized as the emotion she had glimpsed in his gaze earlier torrented to the surface, trapping her like an invisible bond.
“I didn’t mean to, back then. But in retrospect I’m glad it happened that way, if my confession has anything to do with your motivation to do your… research.”
She swallowed. “You never said anything since then. If you knew your post allowed it…”
He shook his head. “I said that I would never force you into a choice. I knew you had feelings for Kyth. My closeness had inadvertently confused you. I didn’t want to take advantage of it.”
Kara looked at him with wide eyes. Dear Shal Addim, up until this moment, she hadn’t fully realized the sacrifices he’d made for her. He had opened up to her down to the very core, and then quietly stepped aside, giving her all the time she needed to make her choice. He had lain down his entire self to protect her, without any intention to benefit from it.
“It wasn’t a hard choice,” she said. “And I’d made it a long time ago. You are the man I love. This is why I came to you today for a decision.”
He frowned. “A decision?”
“Yes. You can let me stay by your side. Or, you can dismiss me.”
He reached forward and pulled her into his arms.
“There,” he said. “You’re by my side. And I am never letting you go. How’s this for a decision?”
“Good,” she whispered.
His hand slid up into her hair, cupping her head, drawing her closer. Her breath caught as she lifted her face to meet his kiss.
It felt like homecoming, his taste instantly going to her head like a sip of strong wine. As he held her, she remembered the last time he had held her this way, on the eve of their tournament. Back then, it felt like saying goodbye. And now, it felt like a new beginning, the force of her happiness bringing tears to her eyes as she savored his taste, his smell, the way his arms around her made her feel so complete.
An eternity swept by in a single instant, the world around them shifting to become a brighter, better place. They spent a long time just standing there, savoring each other, immersed in the new closeness she had often dreamed of but never felt possible to experience.
She felt dizzy as he finally drew away from her, just enough to see her face. The tenderness in his gaze made her head spin.
A smile glimmered in the corners of his mouth as he looked down on her.
“Do you intend to wear your weapons all the time?” he asked.
Wordlessly, she stepped out of his arms and unstrapped her knife belt, placing it at his feet, followed by her boot dagger, her grappler hook, and, finally, her hagdala.
It looked like a formal surrender, and this was exactly how she felt, surrendering to the man she loved, body and soul. The way he looked at her made her shiver, his fascinated expression sending her heart racing to new heights. She had never imagined anyone could make her feel the way he did, like a rare treasure a man could only dream of.
All this time, they had been fighting the impossible – two people meant for each other, a perfect match. And now, nobody could possibly do anything to keep them apart.
She kept his gaze as she took off her clothes, laying them down at his feet next to her weapons, standing in front of him stark naked. She watched him a moment longer, letting the surrender settle before she stepped into his arms again.
He swept her into his embrace and carried her to his bed, stretching next to her, still fully clothed. His hand circled her wrists, holding them above her head as he leaned over to kiss her. His free hand caressed her in a long, drawn movement that made her entire body respond with arousal, his touch sending shivers down to her most intimate parts. The fighter in her felt panicked about being so helpless in his arms. With his fighting skill he could do anything to her when she lay like this in his hold, her arms over her head, his tongue claiming her mouth, his light, toned body trapping her underneath with no possibility of escape. She was amazed how this thrill of fear in the pit of her belly added to her excitement, until she felt she could release any moment, before he even took his clothes off.
She knew what he was do
ing, and how important it was for both of them to experience this in their new closeness. Despite the enjoyment he had given her before, every time she had been with him this fighter’s fear had been there at the back of her mind, driving her to match his strength, to compose herself, to keep at least partially in control even during the ultimate closeness. This fear, as she now realized, had also precluded her in the past from ever enjoying her body to the full, making her teachers in the Guild feel so exasperated with this particular side of her training, making it so difficult for Kyth to get close enough to awaken the woman in her. The only time she had been able to at least partially let herself go was with Mai during his delirium, when her belief that he was not aware of his actions had temporarily released her fear, making her feel that despite his strength she was the one in control. She remembered how this knowledge that she was letting go with full awareness of the possible consequences added to her excitement, her release that time even stronger. And now, when he was fully in control and had her in his power, the thrill of it built to an arousal she had never experienced before.
Giving in to his caress, she also realized more. She no longer felt she had to match him or maintain her own in their closeness the way she did in a fight. She was ready to give herself to him fully and unconditionally, to do with as he willed, and this was a feeling she had never believed possible for her to experience with any man.
She could sense his need that matched hers, and the way he held back, stretching the moment, giving her time to surrender completely into his control. She knew that, being a fighter of the same training, he fully understood what it meant for her, and how much it meant to him that she did. She could also sense his control slipping as his movements became more powerful, savoring her, possessing her like a prize beyond his wildest dreams.
His slow caress built her excitement to the impossible. She floated on the waves of her arousal, so ready for him as he finally released her and drew away to remove his clothes, catching her in his arms. She grasped him, her hands now free to explore him, savoring every inch of his light, toned body moving against hers. She felt carnal in her passion as she claimed him, bit by bit, losing herself in every delicious moment as he, in turn, claimed her for his own. A moan escaped her lips when he entered her, her head rolling to meet his kiss. He drove into her and she dug her fingers into his back, his powerful rhythm driving her to the edge, holding her there for an impossibly long time. She screamed and shuddered in his arms as he accelerated, his release inside her sending her to new heights which clouded her mind completely, making her feel as if it was never going to end.
Later, when she finally came to her senses enough to be aware of her surroundings, she turned to look at him, weak and lightheaded, with a tingling sensation of happiness rising in her stomach threatening to overwhelm her. He was lying on his side, leaning on one elbow, watching her. His gaze stirred with a tenderness that made her heart quiver.
“Did you mean everything you said to me?” he asked.
She smiled. “As far as I remember. It all became a blur at some point. You tend to have this effect on me...Why?”
He took a breath. “I know this is not how marriage proposals are supposed to go, but you did mention the possibility.”
She held his gaze. “I surely made it sound that way, didn’t I?”
He frowned, peering into her face. “Is it something you would really consider?”
“Is there a reason I shouldn’t?”
“You would marry me?”
“If you asked me to.”
“Will you?”
“Yes.”
His eyes widened as he held her gaze, his chest heaving in a breath that quivered like a suppressed gasp. He briefly closed his eyes. When he opened them again, she saw a smile glimmer in their depths, mixing with the same fascination she saw before.
“I did hear you right,” he said. “You just agreed to marry me, didn’t you?”
She smiled at his stunned expression. “Yes, I did. Is there something in this decision that you find surprising?”
“Everything. And no, surprising is not the word. Astounding. Unbelievable. Impossible.”
“Why?”
“This decision,” he said, “would bond you to me. In everyone’s eyes, it would give me a right to you.”
She laughed. “It goes both ways, doesn’t it? In everyone’s eyes, it would give me a right to you too.”
He shook his head. “It hardly changes anything on my part. I am bonded to you already. I have been, for quite a while. For me, there could never be anyone else.”
She melted at the tenderness she saw in his gaze. Dear Shal Addim, he had felt this way about her despite his belief that she belonged to another man, despite his certainty that they could never be together. The realization of it was so overwhelming that she felt tears in her eyes.
“I am bonded to you too,” she said quietly. “I have been, since...” She paused, suddenly unsure. When had she first realized they were meant for each other? Was it the time when he talked to her in his delirium and everything he said matched the way she felt? Or was it before, when their fighting incident got out of hand and despite the impossibility of it she felt so good about their closeness? Or perhaps even earlier, when he had put his life on the line to save hers and she first got a glimpse of this remarkable man who always did what he believed was right? She had always been drawn to him, she realized. Ever since she was a girl, watching him rise in the Guild’s ranks like a shooting star, five years her senior, so glamorous that all she could do was join the crowds of his admirers without any hope of getting close. All the time they trained together in the Inner Fortress she hadn’t even talked to him for any length of time. And now, seeing him look at her this way, she felt surreal. Was she going to wake up and realize it was all a dream?
She remembered what he had said to her when they first made love. Being together was worth dying for. She now realized that she felt this way too. If she were to die right now, she would die with no regrets.
She reached up to his chest, tracing every sculpted muscle with her fingertips, watching his skin prickle in response. It was just so difficult to keep her hands off him.
“When I think back on it,” she said, “it feels like I’ve always been in love with you. I just never considered a possibility of acting on it.”
“Neither did I,” he said, “until that time, during our fight, when I simply couldn’t help it.”
She frowned. “I always thought I was the one who took all the steps.”
He grinned. “You are so innocent.” The mischief in his eyes melted as he held her gaze. He slowly ran his fingers down her body, making her shiver with pleasure.
How could he make her feel so good with a mere touch of a hand?
“Are you sure being with me is what you truly want?” he asked quietly.
She raised her eyebrows. “Are you having second thoughts?”
He leaned down and kissed her.
Time stopped again as they lay in each other’s arms, submerged in their new closeness that went so far beyond simple desire. Even if they spent every waking moment with each other for the rest of their lives, would she ever get enough of him?
She noticed how much time had passed only when she realized that the light coming from outside had acquired a reddish tint of early sunset. She had come here late morning. Had they really spent most of the day together? It felt like only an instant had passed since she had taken off her clothes and stepped into his arms.
He drew away from her again, watching her with a mix of tenderness and laughter.
“I still can’t believe this is happening,” he said.
She grinned. “You’d better start believing it because I am not going anywhere. And by the way, with the distractions we encountered, I failed to mention that if you do want me to stay with you in the Guild, I have some terms.”
“Terms?” He raised his eyebrows.
“Yes. I’d like to have the full pri
vileges of an active Guild member, outside formal command. I did check that all this is permissible by the Code, if the Guildmaster approves it.”
He appeared to consider it seriously, but she saw the mischief in his gaze.
“I can meet those terms,” he said. “But I also have some terms of my own.”
“Yes?”
“I’d like to be the one to oversee your safety.”
“My safety?”
“Being this close to me will make you a target for all my enemies. If you did your research well, you probably realize why so few of the Majat Guildmasters have ever been married long enough for this fact even to find its way into the chronicles.”
Her eyes widened. “There were more?”
“Oh, yes – despite the fact that normally this post is expected to be filled by an older man. However, the sad ends of these marriages, the impact it had on Guild affairs, eventually led to instigating the current belief that the Guildmaster is off limits.”
She smiled. “Don’t you think, in my case, even if your enemies wanted to deal you this kind of a blow, they would find it hard to find anyone up to the job?”
He measured her with a quick, appraising glance. “True. But…”
“But what?”
“Keeping you at my side has already harmed you before. That time when you took a dagger aimed at me, you nearly died. So did I, when I thought that no matter how fast I ran I could never be fast enough to bring you to safety. And again, when I had to watch you take pain beyond any possible tolerance, which should have been mine. That healing took only half an hour, but it lasted an eternity. If you are ever harmed again because of me…”
She smiled.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that on my account. However, you must understand that you’re not alone. Once, you took a poisoned arrow for me with full knowledge that, healing or not, it meant certain death. I knew that too. Have you ever considered how it felt, before I realized you could be saved?”
His eyes widened.
“I survived.”
“So did I. And yes, sometimes that’s what it takes when two people fight side by side. I guess we’ll both just have to come to terms with it and leave the rest to our skill.”