by Nicole Banks
SHATTERED
NICOLE BANKS
Copyright © 2013 by Nicole Banks. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
DEDICATION/ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
First and foremost, I must thank Carol Ann Johnson at Professional Publications for allowing me the opportunity to achieve one of my dreams. I don't know where this book would be without her guidance and help.
My Mommy and Monsta: I love you. Thank you for believing in me and for all your support.
Short Stuff and Mama Gina: You two are the most wonderful people I've ever been graced to know. Our love of books has definitely inspired me to push for this dream to come true.
We will run the world! We have scripts to follow; chop, chop ladies. Let’s make all our dreams a reality.
“In all, it’s better to be broken down to our lowest point than just broken a little. For when we are at our lowest point, we have no choice but to surge forward.”
CHAPTER 1
“Please don’t do this. I don’t want this!”
“You think teasing me for months was going to go unnoticed? You are mine!”
“Get off me. Please don’t.”
“Shut the fuck up!”
“No! No, just stop, please just stop.” Why was this happening again? “Please just let me go.”
“Never Jasmine. You’re are mine, you belong to me, now and always. Don’t you ever fucking forget it.”
“Yo, Jasmine wake up!” I jerked awake, taking a second to get my bearings. Where am I? I looked around I am in my room, safe. It was just a dream. It wasn’t happening again. He was gone and he wasn’t coming back. So why the hell did I keep having these stupid nightmares? It wasn’t bad enough I had to experience the shit, no my subconscious thought it was cute; I needed a constant reminder. “Jas why are you sleeping? It’s already ten and you’re not dressed for the party.”
Because I don’t want to go to yet another party where I do nothing but stand around twiddling my thumbs. “I’m not going Kris.”
“Um, yea you are. You’ve been pen paling my brother the four years he‘s been gone, now don’t deny it. You didn’t think I knew did you? Anyway, you’re not going to sit here and tell me you’re going to miss an opportunity to see him. So let’s go; shower time, chop, chop.
I groaned; she knew about the letters. Mental note to kick her brother later. Hope he didn’t tell her I wrote him every day since he first left. I didn’t want Kris getting any ideas. The girl would try to sniff something out that wasn’t even there.
Still, I didn’t want to go this pointless party. Besides, I could see her brother any time I wanted to, now that he was going to be home. It really didn’t matter if I went to this stupid thing. “I am not going Kristal. Give your brother my best and I’ll see him tomorrow.”
“You want to go because you need to see him now. But whatever, you say you don’t want to go, we won’t go. We can just sit here and talk about the dream I woke you up from. I’m pretty sure it’s that recurring one that you don‘t want to tell me about. But since we’re not going to the party, I‘m sure I can get you to talk about it tonight.”
I threw the sheets off myself and made my way past Kristal, who had a smile from ear to ear. Damn, lady! She was barely 5’3. But she had eyes that always saw too much. Stupid heifer knew I didn’t want to burden her with more of my shit. Though had we stayed here, I’m pretty sure shit would have slipped out somehow. I couldn’t have that. The one person who knew everything was seriously hurt from it. I couldn’t do that to someone else . . . not again.
***
Man maybe I should’ve just stayed in my room and talked to Kristal most of the night. The party was lame. Her brother wasn’t there yet, typical of him, always late. Most of the people here I didn't know anyway. Okay that was a lie. I knew everyone there. I knew everyone within a few blocks radius of this lovely town in Long Island. The other half, well, I had to give it to Kris; she made sure we knew everybody.
Kris was off being Kris, dancing her ass off in the middle of the dance floor. I was off to the side, holding up the wall. That was my duty at most parties. I never used to be like this though; only the last four years have I lived on the sidelines. I used to be just like Kris, always in the middle of everything. The “terrible two” we used to be. Now she’s just the terrible one, though she causes enough mayhem for three people.
Really should have just stayed home. I could have faked a case of PMS or a migraine. These parties are getting old. Well they weren’t getting old, I just wasn‘t enjoying them like I used to. A crap load of people poured into the party, oh joy more people to…My thoughts were completely scattered. He was finally here; the one we were all waiting for. 6'3 with emerald green eyes that if you looked deep enough, allowed you a glimpse of what he was thinking. He always held everything in his eyes.
He had light Carmel skin and had a muscular build. Muscular build was putting it lightly. He was big before he left, but now! Now there wasn’t an ounce of fat on him. He was pure muscle, power was radiating off him in waves. He was wearing an open, black button down with a wife beater underneath and a pair of light blue fitted jeans that outlined the power in his legs.
This dude was amazing. All the girls used to throw themselves at him. Though, when you looked the way he did, you couldn’t really blame them. The one thing that I thought was his best accessory was his smile. His smile could light up an entire room. If you had a bad day and you saw his smile, every worry was forgotten. It was his smile that got him into trouble and most of the time, out of trouble. He was smiling now, but you could tell it wasn’t reaching his eyes, and man did those eyes seem so haunted now. He seemed almost guarded now. I told Kris this party would be a mistake for him, especially his first night back. But Kris always did what she wanted and then some.
I saw him walk up to Kris; she practically jumped into his arms. Finally, her big brother was home after what had seemed like forever. Kris beamed with happiness at the sight of him. He was just as happy to see her. He kissed her cheek and scanned the party. I’ll bet he was taking a tally of all the girls he could bed. From his letters, the last time was a very long time for him and where he was, the girls were far and few in between.
Just then, he spotted me, his heart-stopping grin splayed across his gorgeous face. I couldn't help myself. I started grinning like a fool back. He made his way to me, smile still in place, "I see you let my sister dress you." He laughed, that sound was so beautiful. I didn’t realize until now how much I missed it.
"What gave it away Angel? It’s not like Kris would wear anything like this." I had on a tank top and short shorts. Pretty mild from what I used to wear in the summer, but definitely a massive improvement from the past years.
"Well you haven‘t worn anything like that in a while. Gotta say though, you look good"
"First off ninja man, you were gone for four years; how do you know what I have or haven’t been wearing? Second, thank you much for the compliment. I clean up nice don’t I?”
"You definitely do. I give you that.”
“Oh shit, two compliments in a row. Ladies and gentlemen hell is freezing over.” Angel chuckled. The sound was like a caress over my body and goose bumps started to appear. Angel pulled me off the wall, drawing me closer to him. His big hands cupped my face; at 5’8, I came up to his chin. I barely had to look up, but what I saw in his eyes took my breath away. There was pain and yearning, and something else I couldn’t put my finger on.
“God Jasmine, I’ve missed you.” He rested his head against mine. I haven’t been this close to someone of the opposite sex in almost four years. The
feeling was overwhelming both good and bad. I held my breath to see what he was going to do. “You still smell like raspberries. That smell has always been my sweetest sin.” Angel exhaled, shook his head and took a step back. “Come dance with me.”
Huh? What the hell just happened? Did I imagine all that? “Earth to Jasmine; I said let’s dance.” Shaking my confusion away,
“I’m sorry, you don’t dance. I don’t dance anymore either.”
Angel’s lips turned into a slow grin, “Sweetheart, you have no idea what I can and can’t do. Don’t make me beg.”
“I don’t care what you do, I’m not dancing. Go find one of your groupies, you don’t need me.”
Angel stepped back into my space, he put his hands on my hips, his eyes were locked on mine. “I don’t want them I want you, Jasmine. I’ve only seen you once in the four years I’ve been gone. It’s my first night back; one song, one dance, that’s it. Please!” He put that stupid smile on his face, the one that made him more adorable than necessary. The one always got him out of trouble. It wouldn’t work! It would not work this time, buddy! The music changed to a reggae song and of course, it would be the one song I was in love with, and one of Angel’s favorites. Ricky Blaze, Just you and I⎼ damn the stupid DJ.
Angel started moving his hips in time to the music; his hands pulled my hips closer to his. In response, I automatically stiffened. Calm down Jasmine. It’s Angel, You’re safe. I would not allow myself to go back to that time. I would not ruin this, not for him. But if I didn’t get this panic attack that was creeping its way up under control, I was going to embarrass myself and Angel. Angel stopped moving, “Hey what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just really don’t . . . I can’t dance.” His hand cupped my face, “Before I left you and my sister used to own the dance floor. I miss that. I used to enjoy watching you move, wishing I could join you. Now I can. One dance Jasmine that’s it. Whatever is going on in your head, let it go. Close your eyes and just feel the music, no thinking just feel. Let it move you.”
“Angel-”
He cut me off, “No Jasmine, you can do it. Close those pretty brown eyes of yours and let the music take you.”
What possessed me to close my eyes and listen to Angel I don’t know. I usually enjoyed defying him at every opportunity. He didn’t move and I wasn’t going to start. Surely if we stayed like this long enough the song would end, and the moment would be over. I lost a lot of those over the years; fearless Jasmine reduced to a mere mouse. My brother would have had a heart attack if he knew how I let the decisions of the past shape what I’ve become. Four years ago, I would have relished this opportunity. I would have dragged Angel and thrown him in the center of the dance floor. It was my domain, my playground. I would have owned him on the floor. But that chick didn’t exist anymore.
The song was coming to an end; yep, another opportunity gone. I began to back up, his hold on my hips tightened and I had to swallow the uneasy feeling creeping its way up on me. Angel is safe, Jasmine . . . relax.
“Tsk, tsk Jas, did you really think it was going to be over that quickly?” I opened my eyes, what the hell was he talking about? He was grinning like he was up to no good.
“What did you do Angel?” All he did was laugh and the song repeated itself. I groaned. Unfreaking believable! This was planned?
“Well if you had just danced with me when the song first came on, it wouldn’t have to be repeated. And before you ask, yes this will go on all night long if you don’t start moving. Now Jasmine, are you ready to let go?”
The guy was relentless, I had to give him that. If it wasn’t for the fact that Kris would probably beat the shit out of me for subjecting her party to this, I wouldn’t have budged. But, I’d rather deal with this for the four minutes the song lasts, then go up against her rampage. She was a pint size person but piss her off and she was deadly.
Kris
I was going to throttle the shit out of the DJ first; then my brother. Really, who the hell repeats music at a party? At my party, for heaven’s sake. With all the music in the world, there’s no reason there should be repetition. Told this daffy ass bastard, Jasmine didn’t dance anymore. She doesn’t do a lot of what she use to do. Life knocked her down and she has yet to gain her footing. Man, I swear if that DJ plays that song one more time, I am going to lose my shit.
I started to make my way to the booth when the song changed. I stopped dead in my tracks; the only way that would have happened is if Jasmine started dancing. I turned around and the sight took me back to four years ago, before all the shit happened, before life handed Jas back-to-back blows. She was moving! Holy shit, she was moving. Rusty and awkward looking, but it was a start. If my friend was on her way back to her old self, life would be great.
Chase, one of my brother’s longtime friends came to stand beside me, “I thought your brother didn’t dance?”
“He learned.”
“He’s doing good; his partner on the other hand, not so much. Damn shame too, the girl is hot.”
“Yea well duh; of course she’s hot, that’s Jas.” I giggled. Chase’s eyes damn near fell out of his head. Chase went away to school awhile back and never really came back. We kept in touch over the years, probably almost as much as Angel and Jasmine did. But Chase was only here for a while because Angel was back in town. “That’s Jasmine? What the hell happened to her? She used to be just as good as you on the dance floor.”
Life happened. No one knew what had happened to her other than her losing her brother. Though she said she’d gotten over both things, I doubted it. The fear and pain still sat in her eyes.
The beat dropped and Jasmine began to move, like really move; it was like watching poetry of the flesh. My brother was controlling the dance in the beginning but Jas took the reins from him. That’s my girl, get em’! Angel had her off the wall and in the middle of the dance floor. The crowd started to part to take in the sight before them. Little by little, Jas was letting the music take her, letting it control her movements. The music was flowing through her now. I had to smile; Angel was going to be in trouble soon, he wouldn’t be able to keep up. The DJ brought the track back. Again? I shot him an evil look. He held his hands up and mouthed a few words. I turned back to see Jas and Angel dancing. The crowd was cheering for them both. I couldn’t stop the smile on my face from appearing. Jas hopped on Angel wrapping her legs around him and started grinding. Ohhh, yea she’s on her way back!
That fucking bitch! What the fuck is she doing? She shouldn’t be touching him like that, moving her sweet luscious hips in sync with his. She’s mine. She belongs to me. Four years and she hadn’t touched another man. She was waiting for me! I was her first and I will be her only; she belongs in my bed.
But right now she is being a fucking whore dancing with this prick. I will not have this. Her pussy, her body, and her soul belong to me. No one is allowed near it. Soon, soon she will see how badly she fucked up.
***
It felt exhilarating to move like that again. I stepped away from Angel, his eyes heavy lidded and his breathing was a little uneven. I cracked a smile, “what happened Marine? Can’t keep up with a female?”
He chuckled, “I really didn’t think you were going to dance like that.”
“Yea me either.”
Kris came barreling over punching Angel in the arm. “Have the DJ repeat a song at my party again and I will beat you senseless. And you Miss “I don’t dance anymore.” What was that?”
I shrugged, “I don’t know what came over me. I really don’t dance anymore.”
“Once a dancer always a dancer, you haven’t lost a step yet. Though how anyone used to keep up with you or Kris back then is beyond me.”
A load of people came up to me, offering their ooohh’s and ahhhs about my dancing. They were extremely close. Too close, too many hands too many people touching me. Breathe Jasmine. I was safe. No panic attacks, you’re safe. Just breathe. Not now, please not now not in front of them. I
needed air, “excuse me.” I went to pull away from the crowd when a pair of hands went to my hips. The panic was coming too quickly. I turned around and swung. “Get the fuck off me.”
Angel
I grabbed her wrist, “Whoa easy there Jas.” Man, if I hadn’t seen that punch coming, I would have been devastated. Her brother and I never should have taught her how to fight. Her right cross would have hurt. There was panic in her eyes, she was trying her hardest to fight it, but it was slowly winning. What the hell happened? Why was she panicking?
“Sorry Angel it was just a reaction.” She tried to jerk her wrist free but I still held on. Her voice was a broken whisper, “Please Angel, let me go.” Full-blown panic and fear were in her eyes. Her voice, her desperate plea, I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and chase her demons away.
“Bro, let her go please.” I released her arm, and Jas all but ran out of the house.
I turned and faced my sister, “You want to tell me what the that was about?”
“Not my place to say; if she wants to tell you then that’s on her, but I ain’t telling you shit. Just know, she’s been through a lot and she’s trying like hell to fight through it.”
“Then why aren’t you helping her?” If looks could kill, my sister would have had me six feet under. “First of all douche; you’ve been gone a long time. You don’t know what the fuck is going on. Second, have you met Jasmine at all? She’s like Jay; when they truly can’t deal, then they come and ask for help. Until then, they need to decide how to handle shit. And I have been there for her, so shut the fuck up when you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I exhaled, she was right; I was gone. We wrote, but it wasn’t enough. “I’m sorry Kris, you’re right, but you need to tell me what the hell happened to her. I know this isn’t because of Jay’s death. So what happened?” Kris just crossed her arms and shook her head. My sister and her loyalty; a beautiful and rare thing in the world we live in today, but right now it was getting on my nerves. “Your loyalty speaks volumes, but if I don’t know what happened how can I fix it?”