by Cassie Miles
Their lips met.
She had been kissed like this before. Exactly like this. Every night for five years, she had dreamed of this moment. She knew the pressure of his mouth, his taste, his smell.
It was him.
“Joe?”
Chapter Fourteen
Tess kept her eyes closed. She had no idea how or why this miracle had occurred, but she didn’t want it to end.
His voice was a whisper. “Tess, I need to—”
“Don’t talk.”
Blindly, she rubbed her hands on his chest as though reassuring herself that he was real and not a ghost. The material of his sweater bunched under her fingers and she pulled him closer. Her fingers slipped past the collar of his shirt and rested at the base of his throat. She felt his pulse and the heat from his body. Is this really happening?
For five long and desperate years, she’d been alone. She was a widow, a single mom. Those years were a famine. And now, she was hungry. She wanted to touch every part of him—on the inside and on the surface. He was back. Joe had come back to her.
Am I losing my mind? Logically, this could not be. She reached higher until she was holding his face in her hands. Eyes still closed, she kissed him again. Oh my God, it was him. She knew. Without the slightest doubt, she knew. He was the love of her life, her soul mate, the father of her son.
Too much, this was way too much. She couldn’t take it. She leapt to her feet. “Stay here.”
“What are you doing?”
“Just stay.”
She ran into the adjoining bedroom and closed the door. Settle down, Tess. Get a grip. The inside of her head was whirling like an insane carousel with flashing lights and screeching music.
Leaning against the door, she tried to steady herself. Her breath came in shallow gasps; she couldn’t get enough oxygen to her brain. Darkness pushed at the edge of her vision, threatening to overwhelm her. She was on the verge of fainting dead away.
He tapped on the door. “Are you all right?”
“What do you think?”
She’d just experienced the shock of a lifetime. The world had turned upside down. He was alive, but that was impossible. Joe Donovan was dead. Reputable sources confirmed his passing. She’d stood before his grave marker at Arlington. She’d mourned until her lifetime supply of tears had been spent. Every fact and circumstance underlined his death.
But she knew in her heart that the man who had kissed her was her husband. Go with that. Go with him. Clumsily, she unbuttoned her blouse and unfastened her belt. As she undressed, she folded her clothing and made a neat pile on the polished surface of the dresser. Being tidy with her clothes gave her a sense of control in a situation that was beyond comprehension.
Naked, she crawled between the smooth sheets. Her dizziness was gone, replaced by a firm resolve. A kiss had been her first clue. Making love would confirm his identity. She called to him. “Please come in.”
The man who entered was Nolan Law. He was scarred. The bone structure of his face was heavy and rugged. His body was more muscular and well-developed than Joe’s had ever been.
“Tess, I’m sorry if I upset you.”
“Stop.” She threw up her hand like a traffic cop. “No words.”
“Okay.”
“Make love to me.”
He closed the door and turned out the light. A comforting darkness surrounded her. It occurred to her that she was asleep and this was only a dream. If so, she didn’t want to wake up.
She heard him taking off his clothes. Zippers unzipped. His boots dropped to the floor, one by one. Without seeing him, she felt his presence as he lifted the covers and slid between the sheets.
And then he touched her.
His hand brushed her cheek. In a light stroke, he traced the line of her throat all the way down to the valley between her breasts. She remembered the first time they were naked together; he’d been so gentle and sensitive.
His lips trailed kisses along the path of his touch, and she felt herself coming to life. Her body had been dormant, but now her blood rushed. Sensation rippled across the surface of her skin. He hadn’t forgotten how to excite her.
She reached for him, feeling him instead of seeing him. Her fingers explored the raised scars on his left side. His body was different, but she knew him intimately. She knew that he was ticklish on the right side, knew that he liked when she nibbled his earlobe.
A low groan rumbled through him. His rasping voice might be different from the clear tenor she remembered, but that feral growl was exactly the same. When it came to lovemaking, her Joe was a tiger. His gentleness was a teasing prelude to serious, ferocious passion. She knew what was coming next, and she couldn’t wait.
The tempo of his kisses turned fierce. His hands were aggressive and demanding as he yanked her against him, taking her breath away. The full length of their bodies collided. Their legs entwined.
Reaching down, she grasped his erection. Oh, yes, this was her Joe. She giggled.
“What’s so funny?” he whispered.
“If you’d been naked when we met, I would have known you in a minute.”
“I’ve missed you so much.”
“Don’t tell me.” She didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to think about anything but the sheer joy of being with him. “Show me.”
“I don’t have a condom.”
As if that mattered? “What’s the worst that could happen? That we’d create another Joey?”
“I’d like that.”
She grabbed his chin and kissed him hard. “Make love to me now.”
Swept away, she gave up any attempt at conscious thought. Each touch drove her higher. She clutched at him. He held her so tightly that she couldn’t breathe. Her lungs throbbed. Muscles she hadn’t used in a long time were aroused to action.
She heard herself crying out, demanding more.
His growling response sent wild shivers through her. She wanted him inside her, needed him. They joined in hard thrusts. Waves of pleasure rocked her body, rocked her world.
When she separated from him, she collapsed onto the pillows. Every cell in her body was vibrating. As slowly as a feather on the wind, she floated back to earth where she reveled in pure contentment.
He kissed her cheek. “Tess, I love you.”
“Hush. Don’t speak.”
“Why do you keep telling me to be quiet?”
“Because…” She wanted to stay in this moment, clinging to this precious dream before she had to wake up and face the real world. “When I start talking, you’re not going to like what I have to say.”
“I know you’re mad, and I don’t blame you.” He kissed her again. “You can’t be angrier at me than I am at myself.”
Oh, I doubt that. She pushed him away. “You were always impatient. Do I have to explain the difference between boys and girls? You might be energized, but I like to lie back for a few minutes and enjoy the ride.”
“It was a good ride.”
“The best.”
She lay very still, trying to recapture the sensation of purely physical pleasure and deep relaxation. She and Joe had always been good together. Their sex life was more than satisfying. She and Joe… His name ricocheted inside her head. Joe, Joe, Joe, where have you been? Why did you leave me? She had to find out, but she wasn’t ready to hear his story. And she damn sure wasn’t ready to forgive him.
He fidgeted beside her on the bed and cleared his throat.
Before he could speak, she turned her back to him. “I don’t want to get into this. Not now.”
“We have to talk. Come on, Tess. I want to work things out.”
“Just like that?”
He wasn’t talking about a minor relationship issue like forgetting their anniversary. This was a five-year separation. He’d faked his own death. If he thought he could toss out a quick apology and expect her to forgive, he was clearly insane.
She sat up and snapped on the bedside lamp. For a moment, her anger was derailed
by the sight of his thoroughly masculine body. His arms were huge. He had washboard abs. The scars and blotched skin from where he’d been burned didn’t make him less appealing. Before he was injured, Joe had been nearly perfect. And that was how she still saw him. Perfectly infuriating.
“You broke my heart. I was in so much pain. You can’t imagine what it was like. There were plenty of times when I didn’t want to go on. If it hadn’t been for Bart, I would have taken a swan dive off a tall building.” The truth splashed in her face like a bucket of ice water. “Bart was in on this.”
“He made it possible for me to die.”
“You’re not dead.” She yanked up the sheets to cover her breasts. “Damn it, Joe.”
Lying back on the pillows, he grinned. “You don’t know how good it feels to hear you say my name, my real name.”
“I wept at your grave. You had a hero’s funeral. Oh my God, this is so wrong. Who the hell is really buried at Arlington?”
“That was arranged by Bart through the CIA.”
“Isn’t that fraud?” She hadn’t even begun to consider the legal ramifications. “I’m receiving a widow’s benefit. And an insurance payout.”
“Bart, again,” he said. “Those checks come through a trust he set up. I wanted to make sure you and Joey were well taken care of.”
“While you played dead.”
He winced. “When you put it like that—”
“How else could I put it? You let me think that you were dead. You weren’t there for me. I was pregnant, Joe. Pregnant with your son, and I was a widow.”
“Do you think I wanted that?” He sat up and confronted her. “You’re everything to me, Tess. The only way you and Joey would be safe was if I was dead.”
She stared into his gray eyes, looking for the truth. He was sincere, but that didn’t assuage her anger. She looked away from him as she pieced together the bits of the story he’d told her. “This is about Greenaway.”
“The man who tried to kill you this morning,” he said. “He’s been watching, waiting for his revenge.”
“But he still thinks you’re dead.”
“You’re the only one who knows Joe Donovan is alive.”
He reached toward her and glided the back of his hand along her cheek. His touch sent a little tremor through her, and she pulled away. She didn’t want to be distracted.
“Five years ago in Afghanistan,” she said, “you revealed Greenaway’s plans to the CIA, even though you knew you were signing my death warrant.”
“It wasn’t like that. After I got hit by the IED, I didn’t expect to survive. Greenaway had no reason to go after you if I was dead.”
She understood that he’d been faced with a terrible choice: protecting her or doing what was right for his country. But there was so much that couldn’t be explained. “When you knew that you were going to make it, why didn’t you contact me?”
“I was pretty much out of it for a month. Bart told me that when I could talk, it was always about you. I wanted to get back to you, Tess. The reason I survived was for you and for my son.”
“But you didn’t come back.”
“When I was finally coherent, Bart had already arranged for me to be dead. The deed was done. We didn’t think Greenaway was interested in coming after you.”
“And still,” she said, “you didn’t come back.”
He looked away from her. “I was in no shape to protect you. Never mind that my face looked like Frankenstein’s monster, I couldn’t walk. Hell, I could barely move.”
Did he think she was so shallow that she would have rejected him? “I would have done whatever it took to be with you. I would have nursed you back to health.”
“And you would have been in danger.” He shook his head. “I couldn’t do that to you.”
“That should have been my decision.” She hated that he and Bart had made their plans behind her back. “You lied to me.”
“I’m sorry.”
When he reached toward her again, she slapped his hand away. She wasn’t ready to forgive, might never be able to forgive. Wrapping a sheet around her like a toga, she climbed off the bed, gathered her neat pile of clothes and stalked into the bathroom.
She hadn’t decided where she was going or what she was going to do, but staying in bed with him was out of the question. Naked, she was vulnerable. Her body was already yearning for his touch, and she would not allow herself to be seduced.
Joe Donovan was a part of her life; they would always be connected. But she couldn’t pick up where they left off and pretend that nothing had happened.
From the other room, she heard his cell phone ring. The sound annoyed her. He hadn’t even muted the phone while they were making love, and that was rude. If she ever allowed him back into her life, there was a lot he needed to learn about relationships.
She came out of the bathroom while he was ending his call. He wore only his black boxers, and she had a clear view of his injured left leg. The scars were pretty horrific, and she understood what he meant when he said he wasn’t expected to walk again.
She was so drawn to him. And so angry.
He held up the phone. “That was Coltrane. He located the guy Roxanne mentioned.”
“Elliot.”
“He was a janitor at the private school Victor went to. And he still lives near Bethesda. Coltrane found his house. He’s waiting outside for me to join him.”
“What about me?”
“I can arrange for Soarez to come here and pick you up.”
That wasn’t going to work for her. She refused to be shuffled out of the way. “I’m coming with you.”
“Too dangerous.”
“The way I see it, Greenaway could kill me whether I’m with Soarez or back at Pierpont House or anywhere else. You’re not leaving me behind.”
She was making the decisions, now. And it felt good.
Chapter Fifteen
He still thought of himself as Nolan Law. Even though Tess knew who he was, he hadn’t earned the right to reclaim his identity as Joe Donovan. Joe died a hero. Nolan came back as a flawed survivor.
Tess hadn’t spoken to him since they left the hotel suite. She was mad, and he couldn’t blame her. It was bad enough that he’d put her through five years of mourning, but even worse was the deception. He’d lied to her, created an elaborate ruse. Clearly, he was at fault.
He accepted the regret and the shame. Yes, shame. Never before had he felt less than honorable. Nolan usually took the moral high ground, usually knew the difference between right and wrong. He was the kind of man who faced up to his responsibilities. But he had lied to the woman who was more important to him than life itself.
In the elevator, other people boarded, and the silence between them seemed less weighted. But as they walked through the parking garage under the hotel, the sound of their footsteps echoed. Though they walked side by side, they were alone, trapped by their own private agenda.
The only reason he kept walking instead of cutting his own damn throat was their lovemaking—the relevant word being love. She couldn’t deny her visceral response to him. The minute they starting kissing, they connected on a level that went deeper than her anger and his regret.
He got behind the wheel of the Hummer. Before he put the key in the ignition, he looked toward her. “It’s not like you to use the silent treatment.”
“I’ve changed,” she said.
Not in any of the important ways. She was still gentle, caring and smart, but he wasn’t going to argue. “Got it.”
“But you’re right. I’m not a child, and I won’t act like one. I was quiet because I was considering the task at hand.”
His natural inclination was to keep her out of the loop so she’d be safe. But he was done with deception. “What do you want to know?”
“How did Coltrane find Elliot so quickly? It’s only been a couple of hours since we talked to Roxanne.”
“We have a secret weapon at the CSaI offices, and her name
is Amelia Bond. She’s the office manager, but she does more than answer the phone and sort through files. When it comes to uncovering information, she’s a genius.”
“A computer expert?”
“An electronics wiz, and she also has a web of contacts. It’s strange because she doesn’t seem to have much of a social life. When she’s not at work, I never see her.”
“Sounds exotic,” Tess said. “A woman of mystery.”
“Amelia is the farthest thing from a femme fatale. She hides behind her glasses, wears baggy clothes.”
“But she gets the job done.”
“Without fail.”
Tess raised an eyebrow. “Does Amelia know you’re Joe Donovan?”
“No,” he said with certainty. “When Bart was pulling strings and changing me into Nolan Law, he used his top secret clearance and called in a lot of favors from the CIA. For all practical purposes, there’s no record.”
The dim light in the garage came through the windshield and barely illuminated her face. Still, he noticed her tension. Her jaw clenched. Her brows pulled down and deepened the crinkles at the corners of her eyes.
“I don’t know what to call you,” she said.
“For now, I’m Nolan Law.”
She nodded. “I won’t be telling Joey. Not until we have things sorted out.”
That hurt. After meeting his son, Nolan was eager to step up and become part of Joey’s life. “I don’t want to rush things.”
“Again,” she said, “not your decision. I know what’s best for my son.”
He started the engine and plugged the address Coltrane had given him into the GPS navigation system. At this time of night, the drive shouldn’t take more than half an hour.
Tess asked, “Should we expect to find Elliot at home?”
“Coltrane has been watching the house. He has infrared, heat-sensing equipment.” Nolan drove toward the garage exit. “That equipment is used for—”
“I know about infrared heat sensors. You can see through walls and get images of life forms inside.” She shrugged. “I use them in a computer game.”
“You play fantasy war games?”