by Lexi Blake
She knew how he kissed and what it felt like when he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, the embrace promising protection. She knew he was a liar of the highest order. “I don’t know how much I can help you. He didn’t tell me anything. You should know that up front. If that changes Ms. Solomon’s offer of cash and safety, then I should leave now.”
“I told you she was touchy,” Solo said under her breath.
“Whatever Solo offered you, she’ll come through,” Taggart explained. “She’s a woman of her word. Mostly. If she doesn’t, I can assure you my firm will take care of it. The Garden is the safest place I know of in Europe. If you want to come to the States, I’ll make sure you’re safe there, too. You and your daughter.”
A chill went through her. She turned on Solo. “There’s one promise broken.”
Solo sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. “I didn’t tell him anything, but I should have known he has someone watching me. Whoever it is, he’s good.”
“She,” Taggart said with a smirk. “Nina Blunt is one of Damon’s new hires. She’s former Interpol. It was a team effort, though. Hutch caught you going into Germany and Nina did the groundwork.” He seemed to sober. “This is too important to me and my men to leave this all in your hands, Solo. You’ve got people to answer to, people who might not do the right thing with the information if they got their hands on it. Ms. Croft, Solo didn’t tell me about your daughter. Is the older woman traveling with you your mother?”
She nodded, not sure how she felt about anyone knowing about her baby. Maybe that was one of the reasons she was scared of going home. She wouldn’t be able to hide Violet. “Yes. When my sister was murdered, she came over and she’s stayed with me.”
“I stashed them at my place in Kensington,” Solo explained. “It’s not far from here. I think they should be moved to The Garden, but Veronica wanted to check it out first. The mom is actually pretty badass. Former Army.”
Taggart’s brow lifted. “Good. Then we’ll speak the same language. I’ll want a dossier, but she’s more than welcome.” He glanced down at his watch. “We’ve got the group meeting in twenty. If you don’t want to see him, how about we make our way to the conference room and we can start to get some details worked out.”
Did she want to see him? Was she stepping on a land mine and praying it wouldn’t go off? He was alive. She’d been numb up to this point, and there was a lot of comfort in that detached feeling. Would she be able to keep that distance if she looked at him, if this became real?
She stared at the door for a moment but then the choice was taken out of her hands. The door flew open and a man with reddish hair stepped out, a wild look in his eyes.
“Rebecca!” He yelled out the name and Roni could hear the thick Scottish accent even in the single word. He looked to Taggart. “I need Rebecca. She went to grab some coffee before I left for the meeting. I don’t know what happened. Something’s wrong with Tucker.”
There was a beeping sound, the one every doctor in the world knew meant trouble.
She pushed past the Scottish man and into the room because either something was malfunctioning with the equipment or the man on the bed was dying.
Steven. He was right there. He was starker than he’d been, thinner, and his hair longer. But this was the man who had held her all night long, the man responsible for her pain, for the last few years of hardship.
For her daughter. God, was she going to watch her daughter’s father die in front of her?
Taggart had the defibrillation unit in his hand.
She grabbed it and got to work.
Chapter Two
Tucker was in hell. Or heaven. He couldn’t decide which.
The dreams shifted in and out. Dreams? He wasn’t sure if they were dreams or reality bleeding into this place he found himself in. There were times when he could hear his brothers talking. Jax would be joking with Owen about some football match they were watching, the TV volume low in the background. He wanted to open his eyes and join them. They would be passing each other beers and munching on whatever snacks they could find. It would be nice and normal and he could pretend nothing had happened.
Or Robert would read aloud to him. The freaking news. Why? Tucker had asked inwardly. He was stuck in his body and Robert wanted him to keep up with current events? The least the man could do was read him something interesting.
Other times he was stuck in moments. Those were the times he wasn’t sure about because it seemed real to him. He was there. He could see and hear and smell and touch. The best of times was when he was with a woman. Not some random woman, a very specific one. Veronica. Roni. He called her Roni right before he cupped her face and kissed her. He was so close. The feeling was there in his heart. He was close to having everything he wanted, and she was part of it. If he could get away, they could have a life together.
All he had to do was…
What was he supposed to do? He had something to do, something that would make everything else okay. Something that would give him back his life.
He had to remember. Had to remember. Had to remember.
The pain started. It flashed through him with white-hot agony that threatened to melt his bones and leave him ravaged. He screamed out, in pain, in rage, because he’d been so close. The memory was right there, right on the edge. It was a shadow he couldn’t quite catch.
“I need you to stand back,” a female voice said.
Familiar. Haunting.
So close. She was in his arms. She’d felt right in his arms and then he was running. Running from her but not the same her. There was an angel and a devil in his dreams. He ran from one. Ran to the other.
Why did the devil have to catch him? Why couldn’t he have stayed in bed with his angel? Would that have fixed things? Or would it have gotten her killed, too?
He’d been killed. He was a dead man walking, moving through his days without a past to animate him, to show him the path. So many people depending on him and he couldn’t remember his own fucking name.
Lightning flashed through him and he felt his whole body go stiff.
“Charging,” the voice said.
Darkness. He was used to the darkness, but now there was a bit of light.
Did he want to find that light? The darkness wasn’t so bad. He got to see her here, flashes of a time when he’d seen the possibilities laid in front of him. If he left, she would be nothing more than a flicker at the back of his head, something he tried to catch but couldn’t.
He would look for her in every woman he met. When the tension got to be too much and he had to have a woman, he would pick one who looked like her, instinct leading him when memory could not. She was every woman he’d gone to bed with in the last few years.
But if he stayed here, he could be with her in those last few moments before the world had exploded. Time stopped here. He could choose again.
Another jolt of lightning and he realized he wasn’t going to have a choice. He was being thrust into the light and there was no way to stop it.
But then he hadn’t had a choice since the day Levi Green had walked into his life, had he? He’d been set on a path and nothing would take him off it. Not even falling in love with Roni.
Levi Green. He’d been there. He’d been with Levi Green in some city that wasn’t his home. His home was green fields and mountains. His home was the river winding through the valley, but he’d been born again in a city awash with lights. And yet again in that lab, harsh light welcoming him into a world of pain and misery.
“I’ve got a rhythm.” The voice sounded closer now.
“What happened?” Rebecca. He knew her voice. “Oh, my god. He was fine when I left.”
“He had a cardiac event, an acute coronary syndrome. Has he been having trouble with his heart?”
He wanted to open his eyes because that voice was so familiar. Where had he heard it before?
“No. He’s been solid,” Rebecca said. “But we don’t know what t
hat damn drug did to him, and according to Levi it was the only dose so I can’t even test it to figure out what was in it.”
“He’s telling the truth about that.” The husky voice belonged to Kim Solomon.
“How can you be sure?” Rebecca asked.
“Because I was pretty much twisting his balls off his body when he told me,” she replied. “Trust me. He would have given up anything to get me to stop. Is Tucker okay? Should we get him to a hospital?”
“Stephanie is on her way up,” Owen said.
Owen. His brother. One of them. He had brothers not born of blood but of suffering and sacrifice.
Sasha had sacrificed to save Owen. He was down a brother.
He owed his brothers everything. The darkness would have to wait.
He blinked and stared up at the light.
He hated that fucking light. That light had always signaled another procedure, another dose of McDonald’s medicine. Medicine to make her boys behave.
“Tucker?” Owen stared down at him, moving in front of the light and blocking it out. “Tucker? You’re awake, mate?”
Rebecca was right at his side. “How are you feeling? We need to run some tests.”
“I’m okay.” He wanted to sit up but he was so tired. “What happened? Where am I?”
“You’re at The Garden,” Rebecca said. “You’ve been in a coma for three weeks. I need you to go slow. I still don’t completely understand what’s going on. You’ve just had a cardiac event. I’m going to have to study the reports to figure out exactly what happened. Ian, I need to clear the room. Steph and I will check him out and decide if we need to transfer him to the hospital.”
“You know why that’s a bad idea,” Ian replied.
“I don’t need a hospital.” Hospitals asked questions and checked records and tended to let Interpol know when a red notice walked in. Besides, he was feeling stronger already. “Levi Green gave me a drug.”
“Yes.” Owen stood behind his girlfriend, nodding. “That fucker put you in a coma, but apparently Solo’s been playing with his balls in a not-good way.”
He’d always liked Solo. God, it was starting to come back to him. They’d been in trouble. Munich. He’d been in Munich at Kronberg and everywhere he’d looked he’d seen ghosts.
Robert. Robert had been with him. All of his brothers had shown up. Robert and Jax and Owen and Theo. Dante. Dante, the betrayer. Dante had been McDonald’s attack dog, hiding in plain sight, pretending to be one of them. Dante had killed Sasha and Ari had killed Dante.
And then he’d felt the burn of the drug entering his system. Yes. He remembered. He’d been caught by Green. Green wanted the information they’d broken into Kronberg to retrieve—a list of all of the people who worked with McDonald. Green wanted the list so he could get his place at the CIA back. The Lost Boys wanted it because it might help lead them to figuring out who they’d been before McDonald had erased them from the world.
“Are you really okay?” Owen asked.
He would be if Rebecca would stop examining him. He’d passed out and stayed out for three weeks. His head was foggy, but he needed some answers. “Is everyone okay? The last thing I remember…Ari killed Dante.”
“Yes, she saved Rebecca, but I’m so sorry we couldn’t save you.” Owen had gotten to one knee, giving Rebecca space to work, but it was obvious he wasn’t going to leave. “But we didn’t let that bastard get away.”
“Hey, maybe we should let Tucker rest.” Ian stood at the back of the room. “He’s been through a lot and I want to make sure he’s all right before he gets out of that bed.”
He wanted nothing more than to get out of this damn bed. He had a million questions. “I want a debrief. I want to know what’s been happening. Everyone got out of the building okay?”
He started to try to sit up.
Rebecca put a hand on his chest. “No. You stay where you are until I’m satisfied.”
Normally a gorgeous woman telling him he couldn’t leave the bed until he’d satisfied her would be a good thing. Not today. “I want to stretch. Let me get up and walk around. I don’t feel weak.”
“Well, you had a cardiac incident, so I disagree.” Rebecca wasn’t backing down.
“Besides, if you get up now you’ll have to carry your pee bag with you unless you plan on ripping the catheter out,” Tag said. “I know that sounds manly, but the girlie scream that will come from your mouth when you rip it out of your dick will be anything but.”
He stared at Tag. Naturally his boss was here to add much needed sarcasm to an already surreal situation. “What?”
Tag shrugged. “You were in a coma. Rebecca here thought you still needed fluids. I personally would have taken a Darwinian approach and set you outside to collect rainwater, but she had to be all technological. When you’re hydrated you pee. Again, I was willing to buy some puppy pads…”
Sometimes he hated his boss. “I get it. I’m going to need someone to very gently remove that. Not Rebecca.”
She was like his sister. She’d probably seen him naked at this point if she was doing all the medical stuff. Yes, she was a doctor, but she was also living with his brother and that meant she shouldn’t know what his penis looked like, much less have intimate knowledge of how to thread a tube through the tip of it.
He was going to fucking murder Levi Green.
“She’s very gentle, mate,” Owen offered.
Rebecca rolled her eyes. “I’m very professional, and you get to pick between me and Steph. We’re the only ones I trust to do it.”
“I could do it,” Tag offered.
“I’ll do it. After all, I’m a professional, too,” a voice from behind him said.
The world seemed to stop at the sound. He knew that voice. Where did he know that voice from? It had seemed so clear only moments before. When he’d been in the dark place, he’d known more than he did in the light.
She stepped into his line of sight. She was petite, no more than five foot three, but she had curves. Rich brown hair skimmed the tops of her breasts, though he couldn’t exactly see those because she was wearing a sweater. Wide eyes and generous lips. She was exactly his type. This was the type of woman he sought out again and again.
But she was frowning at him and he so wanted to see her smile. It was what he always wanted. He hated it when she was sad. But he couldn’t be overt about it. He couldn’t simply walk up to her and do nice things because he had a job to do and…
Pain struck his head, hard and fast. His vision went foggy as he tried to hang on. He’d seen it when he was dreaming. He’d seen her.
“Damn it,” Rebecca said. “Tucker, I need you to stop thinking. Could we clear the room?”
He managed to shake his head and forced himself to focus because this was important. She was important.
He knew her.
“Veronica.” He managed to say her name. This was Veronica Croft. This was the woman who haunted his every dream.
God, he hoped he hadn’t hurt her.
“Hello, Steven.” She was looking at him like he was a bug and she couldn’t figure out whether to step on him or walk by.
He’d been happy with her. He’d taken her to bed and wrapped himself around her. For those hours she’d been his whole world and it was okay because he was almost done. He could get out and tell her the truth.
What the fuck was the truth? He screamed the question in his head because the answer slipped away.
“Tucker, calm down,” Rebecca admonished.
“What’s happening?” Stephanie Carter jogged into the room. She was The Garden’s resident doctor. Tucker had worked with her many times, offering his own weird medical skills to her solid ones.
He would be able to open a practice when he was done. He was only putting it off for a little while. Just until he found…
He screamed as his brain threatened to explode.
“What’s wrong with him?” Veronica asked.
He looked at her, needing to keep
her in sight even if it killed him. “Don’t be afraid.”
He didn’t want her to be afraid of him. Everyone else was. It was necessary, but he couldn’t stand the thought of her being afraid.
Tag had a hand on her arm, ready to guide her away. “McDonald trained his brain to punish him when he tries to remember. It’s bad and he’s making it worse. We should get out of here and let the docs get him calm again.”
If she left, he might not see her again.
He’d left. He’d walked out, but he’d meant to come back. He’d gone to meet…
A soft hand was suddenly against his cheek. “Hey, it’s all right. You don’t have to remember.” She was here. She was sitting on the bed, her eyes softer than they’d been before. “Steven…”
“Tucker,” he managed between clenched teeth because the pain was still ravaging him. “My name is Tucker. I’m not that fucker Reasor. Not anymore.”
She bit her bottom lip and seemed to come to a decision. “All right, Tucker. It’s okay. Let it go.”
“Need to remember.” If he could remember, he might get her back. He might figure out what he was supposed to do. It was always there, low-level anxiety in the back of his brain like a humming he couldn’t get rid of. He was supposed to do something. People were counting on him. Lives were at stake and he was lying in bed.
Her hand smoothed back his hair. “No, you don’t. Not now. It’s all right. Let it go. We can talk about something else. Lie back down and let it go.”
She was so beautiful. Her eyes were a golden hazel. Sometimes she wore glasses. Tortoise shell. They made her look like a sweet librarian. “Where are your glasses?”
Her eyes widened slightly. “I got contacts.”
“His heart rate is normal again.” Rebecca looked back at him from the machine she was monitoring. “Keep talking. I think you’re calming him down.”
Roni glanced her way. “This isn’t fair.”